My Beautiful Child Griffin & Autism

2012-01-28T09:36:00.001-05:00

I am so ANGRY and frustrated with the Intensive Home Care team, I have caught them in lies and their collaboration with the staff has done Griffin nothing but harm. I had to call the school counselor to get the truth about the bullying, he told me that the kids were in fact laughing at Griffin when he got angry and that is exactly what Griffin kept reporting but nobody would listen to him.

I also found out through calling the autism specialist that things were fine with Griffin in class and he loved school until the teacher started making higher demands on him and then Griffin only showed frustration and anger. Interesting how the Intensive Home Care team never mentioned calling either of those experts in order to help Griffin out with his issues, just goes to show how the mother has to be her child's best advocate because if I relied on anyone else they wouldn't have his best interest in mind like I do.

I also had to call Griffin's pediatrician and asked him to communicate with Griffin's pediatric neurologist because Griffin had developed complex tics on top of the simple tics that he has already had and they were getting worse. Kudos to the staff and doctors for being on top of the matter in a day's time they truly care for Griffin and had his best interest and health in mind. However, when I called IHC team I wasn't allowed to talk to the doctor (psychiatrist) who needed to change his medications, or her assistant. One of the team members spoke to me and told me that the doctor said to only give Griffin half of the dose that he had been taking for his whole life and I quickly and adamantly protested because I knew that it wouldn't work. She mentioned that the doctor had to think of liability and I replied that apparently that is all that she had in mind because he had been on the .2 dose of Clonidine since he was 3 years old in Anchorage, Alaska. Every doctor that we have seen since then has agreed that that dosage was correct for him.

I was determined to do what was best for Griffin and found that there was one refill and so I called it in to the pharmacy right away. The team member said that I was going against the doctor's orders but I reminded her that she doesn't know Griffin because she has only seen him twice for about 20 minutes each time so how could she know better than his pediatrician and his neurologist?

All they have done is to make Griffin more insecure and caused him to think that it is okay to not be heard, to not be listened to by his teachers and those who are serving as role models. They have not listened to him when he kept crying out for help where the bullying was concerned and made it seem like it was all in his head. I cannot wait to have these people out of our home and to be able to have our privacy back and to stop being judged and talked about all the time behind my back. It is demeaning and they treat us both like we are idiots and I do nothing right and that all they do is perfect.

I must add that Griffin loves James but I do feel that after the first visit he had been fed judgment about us and started acting strangely the second visit. I do appreciate that he plays with Griffin instead of just focusing on his academics like the girls do. He does have really good ideas.

2012-01-25T08:25:00.000-05:00

Griffin is doing so well and showing so much progress with the Intensive Home work, there is a new worker who is a male and Griffin absolutely adores him. James played with Griffin outside playing the drums in the parking lot and then throwing the football which Griffin really enjoyed. When it was time for James to leave Griffin started crying and James took the time and had great patience with him to help him transition to the separation until next Monday.

I really appreciate that James took so much time with him helping Griffin to learn new coping skills for stress and anxiety for tantrums/meltdowns and helping him to take his time on his homework. Griffin has only a couple of male figures in his life but they are at school which is not necessarily good because he doesn't really like school. Griffin's IEP is coming up in February and I know exactly what I am going to say and demand for Griffin that has not been taken into consideration the whole year. I will report back and let you know what that is closer to that time because there are individuals from the school who read this from time to time. I don't want them to know ahead of time because I am getting advocates to come to help support me since I know how overwhelming it can be in an IEP with all those staff talking so fast and moving from topic to topic and getting the mom to sign here and there without really explaining what's going on.

The last IEP was a disaster for me because I didn't have anyone to help interpret what was being said and things moved so fast and then it was over and I had no idea what had just happened now Griffin has been in a class for a year that pressures him to keep up with his peers which has caused him to get two- F's in reading and low grades in others areas as well. His (mainstream) teacher complained that he has to take so much time with Griffin and do so much extra work to help him that it is not fair to the rest of the class. Well, then why is he in that class? Why is he not in a special needs class? If he needs extra help then isn't it fair to him that he gets that one on one without interfering with the needs of the rest of the class?

All the time I brag about how intelligent Griffin is and that he is but it does take him awhile to process and then he does have special needs in the area of sensory motor skills and still has communication skills difficulties and of course social skills. In fact, he has been having a marked issues with bullies and it has caused anxiety. He talks about it almost everyday and it is always on his mind, his teacher and special needs teacher I don't think are taking it seriously because they say that it is just Griffin's misinterpretation of what the other kids are doing. That may be part of it but that still needs to be addressed and he needs to learn skills to cope with that. He is suffering and I think that if he were in a special needs classroom then he would be where other kids experience the same things and the teacher would have more sensitivity to his needs.

I hope to be posting more often now so please check by often and I will spend more time visiting your blogs because I miss knowing what you all are doing, I do consider you to be my special blogger friends.

2011-12-28T09:57:00.002-05:00

Michelle L. in Alaska please get in touch with me because I have missed you and I can't send you a message on Facebook.

2011-12-27T17:10:00.000-05:00

As I sit here Griffin is playing with his "characters" and looking for more food. That is his favorite pastime lately probably because he is going through a growth spurt. He is 57" high and weighs 96.2 lbs. When he is in line with his peers he is considerably taller and appears to be less frail or slender than they are. I know that he is going to be a big guy because his dad being Samoan and a very hearty, tall, and big boned. Samoans are not to be bothered as even the women are large but they are so kind and gentle but unfortunately Griffin's father decided that he was not going to acknowledge his child and be a part of his life. Fortunately, Griffin has not asked about having a dad and when he asks I will just have to tell him the facts...that I do not know where he is.

We had a pleasant holiday because my parents came over for the better part of the day and so did my sister and here family. I cooked a turkey for the first time and the dark meat didn't get done all the way through and it was grizzly but the breast meat came out fine and was plenty to have leftovers. Mom and Griffin made gingerbread cookies that came out great and was a big treat for us because there is no sugar allowed in home since we are both prone to gain weight. When Griffin earns points for good behavior then he gets to buy whatever he wants and sometimes it is chips or something sweet.

I went to the foot and ankle doctor and he prescribed braces for both feet and ankles which I wear all the time except for sleeping and showering. No physical therapy because it just makes the pain worse and he told me that I should not expect to begin to feel better until at least the Springtime. He also prescribed Celebrex which helps the inflammation but not the pain. I do not take pain meds because even though I can take two of them and one is not enough I do not want to go down that slippery slope, it is too easy to become reliant on them thus leading to possible addiction and/or needing more and more to get the same effect. I stopped drinking and smoking over a year ago (which does not make me think that I am an angel) and have a history of self-medicating with alcohol when I was manic.

I hope that all of my blogging friends had a wonderful holiday and I say "holiday" because I don't want to offend anyone who is of other religions or beliefs other than Christians such as myself who does not celebrate religious holidays because I am Agnostic (not an atheist, mind you) I do respect those who are of religious beliefs.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-03T16:59:00.001-05:00

Griffin is growing and changing in so many ways it is so wonderful. He has learned to be more respectful of me and to be a better listener. The talk that he had from Papa made a big difference on Thanksgiving too. We are both more loving and affectionate with each other sharing lots more hugs.

My feet and ankles are worse than ever and it hurts just to sit in this chair, if my feet are not propped up then I have increased swelling and sharp stabbing pain coming from my bones. My PT said that it appears to be arthritis to him. I will know more after I see the foot and ankle specialist on Wednesday.

I hate that I have not been keeping this blog updated I must try to sit here earlier in the day when I have less pain.

Recovering from Surgery

2011-11-04T09:43:00.000-04:00

Griffin is doing very well with the new schedule at home and at school. At home he has been behaving much better with less physical aggressiveness however Saturday he did punch me in the gut right where I had incisions from my surgery. I called one of the Intensive Home girls and she helped set some boundaries for Griffin. To Griffin's credit, he does have no problem with saying that he is sorry and giving out sweet loving hugs. I must add that I am grateful that the three women from Family Preservation are coming over and helping because I really do need the support from experts.

I had surgery last Friday to remove my gall bladder because I kept having attacks that were so severe that they felt like the labor pains I had with Griffin. Thankfully my parents came up from SC to help me because I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. I go to see the surgeon today to check my incisions and I think that I have ruptured one/some of my stitches around my belly button because it is pretty hard and it looks like it has fresh blood has leaked under the skin not to mention it hurts like hell, even when I take a pain killer.

I would like to share some books that I have read over the years that I have found helpful: I am going to read them again because I remember that they were a great read and informative.

"Parenting Toward Solutions" by Linda Metcalf, Ph.d

"Teaching Children with Autism an Related Spectrum Disorders" by Christy
L. Magnusen

"TalkAbility, People Skills for Verbal Children on the Autism Spectrum--A Guide for Parents" by Fern Sussman

"Rewards for Kids!" Ready to use Charts & Activities for Positive Parenting" by Virginia M. Shiller,
PhD

"Raising Self-Reliant Children In A Self-Indulgent World, Seven Building Blocks For Developing Capable Young People" by H. Stephen Glenn Jane Nelsen, Ed.D

"Raising Sexually Healthy Children, A Loving Guide For Parents, Teachers, and Care-Givers" by:
Lynn Leight, R.N.

"Parenting Your Complex Child" Become A Powerful Advocate for the Autistic, Down Syndrome,
PDD, Bipolar, or Other Special-Needs Child. By: Peggy Lou Morgan (I highly recommend this book)

"Why do I have to?" A Book for Children Who Find Themselves Frustrated by Everyday Rules.
By: Laurie Leventhal-Belfer

"The Autism Sourcebook; Everything You Need to Know About Diagnosis, Treatment, Coping, and Healing" By: Karen Siff Exkorn

I even bought a couple of books that are for Griffin's future that might help me understand the transition that he will be going through in a few years....

"Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults" By: Zosia Zaks with foreword by Temple Grandin

"Autistics Guide to Dating" A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Who Are In Love with Them. By: Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey

Despite reading all these books I just can't seem to find the perfection that I have worked so hard to find. It is said that there is no such thing as a perfect parent but if I were better at looking after Griffin and teaching/guiding him then there wouldn't be other people examining what's going on here, this is my perspective.

It's not that I mind the Intensive Home people coming over and going to Griffin's school to observe him, in fact I am glad they help us but, I don't feel that I am the pro-active mother that I used to be. After some thought about it and a realization soon after speaking to one of the girls who come over to help us, since taking Geodon my life has been very different. I have even blogged about it in the past since moving here to NC but I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I just knew that I wasn't myself and that I hated the way that I was feeling and behaving. I spoke to one of the three women who are in Intensive Home Care and she helped me to realize that things started changing in our lives since I was hospitalized about 3 years ago subsequently be prescribed Geodon.

I am still on (3 fewer) Geodon but I hope to get off of it because I think that it would make a great difference. Of course when my moods/behaviors are out of balance it effects Griffin and life is really tough for us. Sometimes I am not aware of my mood change because there is nobody around to let me know so it can go on too long. Fortunately my doctors help me recognize the signs of moods changing and change my medications accordingly.

Griffin is such a trooper who is so patient with me most the time but I do see him having more behaviors when I am not really stable. For those who have no idea what it is like to be Bipolar with PTSD please do not judge me, I am here to tell you that it can be extremely frustrating and pure hell while feeling totally helpless/vulnerable.

Anxiety in Autistic Children by Ryan Rivera

2011-10-26T02:21:00.000-04:00

Ryan Rivera found my blog and the post I had written about Griffin's anxiety so he asked me if I could publish this article and I gladly agreed to do so. As far as my knowledge and experience goes with Griffin this article rings true but I cannot claim to guarantee all his methods. Do read on because I feel that it is very informative.

5 Modern Techniques to RelieveAnxiety and Improve Comfort in Autistic Children

Persistent anxiety is a common problemwith autistic children. Stress and anger often manifest themselvesinto serious anxiety issues, and without the right treatment, thisanxiety can take its toll on the quality of life of you and yourchild.

Traditionally, anxiety disorders aretreated by therapy. While cognitive behavioral therapy has shownbenefits for children living with anxiety disorders, thecommunication and interpersonal issues associated with autism maymake it less effective as a long term strategy. That is whyresearchers are developing new techniques to try to combat anxiety inchildren with autism spectrum disorders.

Causes of Anxiety in Those withAutism Spectrum Disorders

Children with autism tend to experiencegreater levels of anxiety than typically developing children. Thereare many potential causes of anxiety, and the more anxiety a childexperiences, the more they are at risk for persistent anxiety issuesin the future. Some potential causes of anxiety include:

Lack of Routine – Children with autism are much more comfortable when they have a regular routine. If something breaks that routine – either because of a move or a change in the household or because no routine has been successfully established – it can cause the child to experience considerable stress that may become persistent anxiety.
Frustration – Autistic children are often trying to communicate and can be frustrated when they are not understood or their needs are not being met. Frustration is a powerful emotion, and the energy they experience may manifest as anxiety.
Fear – Like frustration, fear and confusion can also be powerful emotions that may increase feelings of anxiety. Any type of strong negative emotion has the potential to become excess and misplaced energy that can cause your child to experience anxiety. Fear may also be caused by too much sensory information.
Socialization Difficulties – Children with autism often struggle with forming friendships. The act of socializing may cause its own frustrations and anxiety, but exacerbating the problem is the lack of perceived social support that some autistic children experience. Psychological studies emphasize the importance of social support with anxiety and other disorders.
Family Stress – If you are experiencing stress of frustration, your child may easily pick up on it. Autistic children may be easily affected by the family dynamic, and the more they are sensing stress for you or your partner, the more it may affect them.

Most children experience minor levelsof anxiety in these situations, and it does not develop into ananxiety disorder. But if the anxiety becomes more common andconsistent, your child may have developed a serious anxiety disorder,and treating that anxiety is an important part of creating a betterquality of life for your child, and for you.

Developments in Anxiety Treatmentsfor Children with Autism

Several organizations and researchershave been looking into effective ways to treat anxiety in childrenwith autism spectrum disorders. Like most activities, their successdepends largely on your child’s ability to work with the program.The most important thing is to find a program that your child willadjust to, because with autism there is no such thing as a guaranteedsolution. However, many of the following activities and therapies maybe useful for improving recovery.

Surf Camp

Surf camps are one of the mostinteresting new developments in anxiety reduction for autisticchildren. During the year, children attend a camp with trainedsurfers to learn to surf, both with others and one on one. The campshave shown success in improving self-esteem and providing childrenwith an outlet that may decrease their anxiety.

Parents are often allowed to attend,which may improve bonding and give parents a potential activity tocomplete with their children. Surf camps are meant to provide astress-free outlet that could have potential long lasting benefits.

Compression

Most parents of children with autismare familiar with compression. Children with autism often have aninteresting sensory processing system that differs from non-autisticchildren. It’s been found that compression (sometimes referred toas “deep touch” or “deep touch pressure”) has calming effectson many autistic children.

Placing pressure on the shoulders,elbows, feet, fingers, and other joints is able to improve the flowof sensory information to the central nervous system, which helpschildren focus and decreases their need to provide their own type ofstimulation.

Parents are easily able to performcompression techniques using their hands, but research is also beingconducted on machines that may be able to provide more beneficial andbalanced compression around the child’s body. A hug machinedeveloped by Dr. Temple Grandin in 1965 has been used in sometreatment programs, and modifications are still in development forsimilar devices that may help reduce anxiety in the future.

Body Brushing

Body brushing is similar tocompression. It was developed as a therapy technique for ADHD but hasshown benefits for children with autism. Using a special soft brush,you or a trained therapist will rub the brush firmly against thechild’s skin. Research has shown that body brushing for 5 minutes aday can have a lasting calming effect for as long as two or threehours depending on the child. Body brushing needs to be done severaltimes a day to have the maximum effect. Also, it’s important thatyou only brush the correct areas. The arms, legs, back, shoulders andfeet are the best areas for the body brush. Brushing other areas (theface, stomach, or the neck) may only cause discomfort.

Modified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Traditional cognitive behavioraltherapy has been effective for non-autistic children, so researchershave been developing similar techniques for children with autismspectrum disorders. Most strongly resemble their traditionalcounterparts, but are more likely to integrate relaxation techniquesand focus on social issues. It’s also been shown that effectivecognitive behavioral therapies may improve overall social functioningand initiation, and it especially useful for children with highfunctioning autism spectrum disorders. Families are also included inmost childhood CBT techniques.

Play Therapy

Play therapy has also had success as atreatment option for childhood anxiety. Play therapy involves simpleinteraction with a child, where the therapist plays with toys orblocks along with the child. The child then shares their problems(frustrations, stress, etc.) through the toys, interacting with thetherapist in a way that reveals some of the issues that are botheringthem. Once those problems are shared, the therapist then discussesthose issues with the child while the two continue playing.

There are several variations of playtherapy. Studies have shown that block therapy, most commonlyreferred to as LEGO Therapy, works very well with autistic children.While generally designed to improve communication and socialcompetence, LEGO therapy also appears to also reduce anxiety.

Addressing Anxiety in the Home

One of the main causes of anxiety inautistic youth is persistent anxiety in the home – especiallyanxiety with parents and other children. That is why family therapyand addressing your own stress and anxiety issues is one of the bestthings you can do for your child.

It’s also important that your childbe surrounding by a supportive and educated environment so that theirneeds are understood, both at the home and at school. Before you canhope to handle your child’s anxiety issues you must be able toaddress your own, and those of the people that surround your child ona regular basis.

The Importance of AddressingChildhood Anxiety in Autistic Children

Childhood anxiety is a serious problem– both in autistic and non-autistic children alike. In the past,anxiety has been treated like a temporary problem, especially intraditionally developing children. Children with anxiety are expectedto grow out of their anxious issues as they get older, and little isdone to address their needs with the expectation that these childrenwill learn how to cope with general fear and anxiety and live ahealthy life as an adult.

But studies have shown that even intraditionally developing children, the long term outlook for kidswith anxiety disorders is somewhat discouraging. While some dorecover, many also go on to developing more serious problems asadults, including depression. As a parent of someone with autism,it’s important to make sure that your son or daughter is treated asa child, because you do not want to introduce another potentialdifficulty in your child’s development.

Finding a Treatment That Works ForYour Child

Childhood anxiety is already a seriousproblem. When it affects a child with autism, it is important to seekout effective treatment options. Surf camp, compression, and othermethods of keeping your child calm are effective, and therapy has anexcellent long term outlook, but the key is finding something thatworks for your child, and paying attention to any new solutions forgeneral and social anxiety. Every day there is research designed tolocate new ways to help autistic child adjust and cope, and any oneof these methods may be an effective way to reduce your child’sanxiety.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera has spenthis life dedicating himself to research and treatment into anxietydisorders and recovery. To learn more, visit www.calmclinic.com’>www.calmclinic.com.

Working Towards Progress

2011-10-06T13:12:00.002-04:00

We are expecting some new changes next week when the Family Preservation team come to our home in order to help us learn how to co-operate to get Griffin on the bus without so much friction between us. Some days it is just impossible to get him out of bed, dressed, and out the door to the bus. It is time that I get some help other than just the Intuvin because he still has some aggressive outbursts and everything that I have tried just doesn't work.

I think that riding the bus is important for him because he can learn social skills with his peers, granted that it is not a mainstream bus it is still instrumental in helping him learn how to be more independent and to cope with situations that might arise while away from mommy. He is quite fond of the bus driver and assistant so he does look to them for support.

I had a meeting with Griffin's teacher and he explained to me how Griffin has been doing in class. He is on the borderline of being "at risk" but we are taking steps to make some changes to help him turn that around. Mr. Kirk has given Griffin a lot of support and I feel that he has gone that extra mile that none of his teachers has done since moving to the lower 48 from Alaska. Griffin had the ideal situation in Anchorage so I am grateful to finally be getting our heads above water now.

RIP Michael

2011-09-28T15:26:00.002-04:00

My precious and most beloved brother of only 41 years passed away in his sleep Sunday night, he left behind a very devoted wife and two kids. Michael has had a series of seizures of unknown cause and left him with considerable brain damage and it is my understanding that he had one in his sleep causing a fatal stroke.

Michael and I were best buddies growing up and would often gang up on my sister Lisa who was left to watch over us while both parents worked to make ends meet. We had a lot of fun together, there were many fond memories that I will never forget. Michael was the most kind and considerate man that I have ever known and was a great role model for his kids. he showed nothing but respect to his wife. I have always been proud to be his sister.

When I became a teenager and had interest in boys we kind of drifted apart subsequently I moved to Washington state on the other side of the country.Many years have passed and for the past 4 years I have lived back from whence I came to be closer to my family.

I don't think that so far Griffin has any concept of death and that he will never see his uncle Michael again or why so many people are sad and crying. I have attempted to find a way of helping him but he just doesn't seem interested. So I just let it go and will wait to see if he has any questions.

Waiting for Changes

2011-09-08T14:09:00.000-04:00

I have been in such a brain fog and in such pain and barely able to function so I have not been online at all, not even to check my e-mail. I don't know what has been going on but today I feel better after a month or so. I think that all that has been going on has been either my fibromyalgia or the meds that I have been taking and stopped, or something else but I believe that I will be here more now because I have missed the blogsphere and all my facebook friends too.

Griffin has been going through some changes and some of that he expresses by lashing out and I hate it for him because I think that a great deal of it has to do with the fact that he can't find the right words to use when dealing with emotions. I have started him on Intuniv again and he is now on the 2mg once a day so we haven't seen any difference yet. In the meantime I patiently await a transformation because using rewards doesn't work anymore and taking away privileges doesn't either.

Griffin has all male teachers this year and I think that he really likes that and responds well since he has no other male influences in his life now. My precious little guy has told me that he was bullied at school so I had a meeting with his teachers and the autism specialist for the district to get down to the root of the problem. Griffin let us know that the bully was from last year but he saw him in the hallway this year. It wasn't until later that day while at the psychologist that I found out that the bully's name is Clinton and he is in Griffin classroom but he could not articulate exactly what the other boy said to him.

Maybe what the boy said was not abusive to an NT (us) but is hurtful to Griffin because he doesn't understand or maybe the boy said something and laughed and embarrassed Griffin...funny that I find myself using that as an example because Griffin has told me quite firmly that he doesn't get embarrassed and I wonder if we are on the same page.

I try to not get too angry about the bully situation yet until I find out more from Griffin and how it is affecting him. He has been lashing out all summer so the hostility that he has is not directly related to the bullying exclusively if at all.

Home from Camp

2011-07-02T17:27:00.000-04:00

I was so happy to see my handsome little guy come through the door of the assembly hall of the camp. Last year he was reserved but gave me lots of big hugs asking the counselor if he could stay another day. But this year he was not only reserved by didn't really give me big hugs and seemed rather upset and wanted to leave right away. He didn't want to stay and wait for his turn in the talent show, but the counselors had reassured me that he was doing fine after the initial transition time Sunday - Tuesday then he warmed up and seemed to get over his homesickness. I think that social stories are the key to getting him through these situations so much more smoothly and it so simple.

Here is Griffin dancing to Party in the USA , it so awesome because he would not have done that this time last year. He has grown so much in such a short period of time.

I haven't read all the notes that the counselors wrote but will share some of them after I do. As soon as we left the entrance of the camp Griffin was like a vulture searching out for a little tidbit of meat but where could it be? KFC? No, Wendy's that's it! He ate and became so quiet I had to keep checking to see if he was still back there. I am just so grateful to have him home again and to be able to give him hugs.

Autism Camp 2nd year

2011-06-27T20:05:00.000-04:00

Griffin started his autism camp yesterday and it hasn't been easy for either one of us. He has had anxiety and a nervous stomach since before we even left home and the counselors are calling and talking to me about Griffin and his day telling me that he is participating in the activities but still has a stomach that hurts. They let Griffin talk to me for awhile and I have no idea if what I have said has helped him or not but I do try to remain positive. It is so hard for me to let go and to allow him to grow up it is true what they say that letting go takes much more strength than holding on.

I am trying to stay busy by cleaning the apartment and I plan to get back to reading my friends blogs again and maybe read all of those Discover magazines that I subscribed to and haven't had the time to read. I won't be exercising because I fractured my heel and strained several muscles in my left foot and I have no idea how I did it! I don't drink alcohol anymore so I wasn't drunk and if I had done it while sleepwalking it would seem that the pain would have awakened me. I have been wearing a walking cast for almost 3 weeks and have not noticed any improvement so I am going for a checkup on Wednesday.

Transition from School to Summer

2011-06-12T05:31:00.001-04:00

Maybe you have been wondering where I have been and I can kind of answer that question, time has just gotten away from me. I have been struggling with a bout of apathy where it doesn't matter to me if anything gets done....including this blog. I have taken care of the household duties and taken care of Griffin very well but outside of that everything that I used to enjoy is gone. I am working on it with my doctor.

Griffin is doing very well now that he is over that hump of a transition of school being out. Besides, it was only about 2 days worth of meltdowns and I think that today will be okay (crosses fingers & toes). I decided to not put him in the YMCA day camp because the ratio was so high, it was 20 children to 1 adult and that is way too high for Griffin. So for the summer he will have gymnastics on Tuesdays, OT on Wednesdays, pottery class on Thursdays, Speech on Fridays, Swimming on just about every day at the YMCA and Sundays the Unity Center.

It is time to go make breakfast for my handsome little prince. Hope that you all are having a smooth transition from school to summer. I plan to check out your blogs soon.

Mother's Day Weekend

2011-05-09T15:21:00.000-04:00

Here is the beautiful card that Griffin made for me that I will always cherish. It has three "special coupons" that are for hugs and kisses, for making mommy breakfast (watch out!) and for finding flowers. The card itself says: I love you very much. I love lots of things about you. Love, you son Griffin. Isn't that just adorable? It sure did melt my heart and make me cry because I was so touched by something so precious that my child made just for me, my first Mother's Day card.

Griffin and I went to South Carolina to see my mom and dad for the weekend and it would have gone smoothly had I not forgotten the bag that held everything in it and I didn't find out until we had arrived and mom asked me where our bag was. I said "Oh Shit" I placed my hands on either side of my mom's face and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I forgot our bag, I left it in front of the apartment." I felt like such an idiot because it contained all of our medications and clothing that we needed. But it would be the medications that would be the real problem.

I had to call the on-call doctor to get him to call in to the 24 hour pharmacy for my meds because by this time it is past 10 p.m. and we get to the pharmacy around midnight. Once there I find out that my meds for 2 days and 2 nights is going to cost me about $143.00 just for 4 different meds and about 10 pills!!!! Is that not insane? I am glad that I have insurance and I don't have to pay for those meds on an everyday basis. It was all worth it for the time that Griffin got to spend with his Nana and Papa. I also enjoyed spending time with mom on Mother's Day and watching how happy Griffin is when he is around her/them and seeing my dad too. I can't say that I would do it over again but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

While we were there Griffin, Nana, and I ventured off towards the lake to go fishing because they live right on the lake but I am sad to say that it was unsuccessful. Griffin lost his patience after going through the woods and then waiting for the hook to be baited with corn (that's all we had) so by the time he got the rod in his hands he slung it through the air and slammed it down on the dock and lost the corn. We tried once more he got angry so we called it a day and left the scene. I guess that I know now that Griffin does not have the patience for fishing and there is no reason to invest in fishing equipment of any kind if he is going to get upset because he has to do some waiting while the fish hook is being baited or anything of that sort. Not only that but he is going to have to wait for the fish to bite and I don't know if that is going to upset him too. I think that maybe the novelty of fishing has worn off but we shall see.

Growing Up

2011-04-30T20:33:00.000-04:00

Griffin came home the other day with a photo of a little girl that he had taken out of his back pack. I asked him who that was and he said it was Amanda a little girl who rides his bus, a friend of his and I thought that it was so darn cute! Griffin has a little girlfriend and I am not even sure that he even knows that he does but that's okay anyhow. My little guy is getting so big I can't believe it.

I have been going to the gym regularly and started free weights last week, I am so excited to become lean and ripped! Stopped being severely manic because of 1000 mg. of Depakene and now am just hypomanic but I am just getting 4 hours of sleep a night but when one is hypomanic one is able to function with such little amounts of sleep because of having so much extra energy. Don't know if my doc will prescribe more sleep meds since yet another has failed me or if he will let me function on 4 hours which I doubt.

Griffin wants to go fishing so badly but I don't know what to do, how to go about setting up everything. Our neighbor knows how to I think but I want it to be something that Griffin and I do alone. Maybe I will invite our neighbor to go the first trip to teach me how and then tell her that I want to do it alone with Griffin after that but then I will feel bad because Nikki wants to go fishing all the time and talks about how she wishes that she could go. I guess that she could come along sometimes and Griffin and I could do it alone sometimes that seems like the happy medium.

Rest & Relaxation

2011-04-24T15:29:00.000-04:00

Griffin and I have been just taking it easy the past couple of days, since there's no school for me things have been so much better. Griffin had only a half day on Friday and yesterday we went to feed the ducks and to the park to play on the playground. He actually wanted to stay and socialize with the kids at the lake when feeding the ducks, talking to them about the kinds of ducks and geese, he observed a little boy and his father fishing asking them questions, and talked to a family about their dog. Oh yea and he meandered up to a picnic table peeking at their food, I guess that he was hungry and curious, and they offered him some cookies asking me first if it was okay. Once we were at the playground Griffin played mostly by himself as I had Abby with me, it was too hot to leave her in the car so we walked her and brought her along.

Today we went to Unity Center, we were late but we made it and Griffin was patient for the most part sitting through the service with me. He got thirsty and needed a cookie which they happened to have nearby. We don't really have any other plans but it is gorgeous outside so we will be spending some time out there today on the playground playing with the neighborhood kids and walking Abby.

Time for Change

2011-04-22T13:20:00.001-04:00

I am officially quitting school and it is a big relief for me because all the stress of it was causing me to become overwhelmed and made my Fibtomyalgia flare up really bad, which is a sure sign that something is wrong. I know that I made the right decision because I feel 95% better today after having just made the decision yesterday. That's how the mind and body work. That is how stress works and I am not letting it effect me like that any longer!

It was just too much for me to try to manage a household, to give Griffin the attention he needs and deserves, to keep this place clean, to get to all the doctors appointments and therapy sessions, and to get my school work done and I know that people do it all the time even as single parents but that's okay but I just have a harder time than most people.

Now I will have more time to write in the blog again and to read all my friend's blogs YIPEE!

He Couldn't Hurt a Flea!

2011-04-08T22:49:00.000-04:00

How can anyone think that my child would ever hurt me? I mean like really hurt me as in harm me. That is what my neighbor thinks and says that she worries about me as Griffin gets older. She says that Griffin bullies me sometimes which maybe is what she is seeing is when he is having a meltdown and I know that IF he lashes out then I need to get it under control but he hasn't done that in a long time and she has never seen him do it either.

What she witnessed the other day was at the craft store when he had a meltdown and all he was doing was crying at first and then he hugged her kind of hard but he was attempting calm himself and apparently she was seeing him as being aggressive. He was upset initially because he said that I pushed him and I told him that I was sorry that I didn't remember pushing him that I didn't mean to but he kept saying that I pushed him but before the chaos started he had wanted some candy by the register and I told him no that it wasn't okay and that was when he lost it and told me that I had pushed him. So was he upset over the candy or the pushing? Was he having the meltdown because of how I handled the situation and because I said no or was it because he had felt that his space had been violated by me and he just couldn't handle that (not typical but possible)?

I would like to take this time to thank my dear friend Amy who has taken the time to help me and I just got off the phone with her and didn't even tell her how wonderful she is and how much she means to me...what a friend I am! I LOVE YOU Girl!!!

Griffin Wasn't Feeling Well

2011-04-06T00:29:00.000-04:00

This is kind of old news now but I was so busy tending to him and letting him use the computer while he was at home that I didn't get around to posting about it on the blog. But Griffin had to have an ultrasound two days ago and lab work done yesterday to see what was going on with this pain that he has been having in his abdomen.

It started out about a month ago as heartburn and I let it go about a week because I thought that he may have been just making it up trying to get out of school and homework but when I realized that he was not kidding then I took him to the doctor who prescribed Prevacid to be taken twice a day which helped his stomach pain but not the pain that he had in the lower part of his abdomen.

I took him again to the same clinic and a different doctor saw him and said that the pain seemed to be over his gall bladder and appendix so he ordered the ultrasound which turned out to be normal and lab work which we will know about tomorrow.

I have kept him out of school because he has been so very lethargic not wanting to do even his favorite activities and seemed to be in a lot of pain but tonight he was quite energetic, running around feeling great and since I am writing this at midnight I think that it is safe to say that I will be sending him to school tomorrow. I might wait until I get the lab results just to be sure and to give him some fun time out of school to go fly his kite but he will be going back tomorrow!

An Important Letter to the Teacher

2011-04-03T07:47:00.000-04:00

I need you, Anonymous, to help me out on this one! I do wish that I knew who you are because you are so wonderful, so kind, and so caring to us, but for now I will just settle for some helpful advice. You were right that I should have gone to observe Griffin in the classroom before signing the IEP because I just found out from Griffin that he does sometimes have meltdowns at school which means that they lied to me. The told me that he doesn't have them at school at all and I, being so trusting and wanting to believe them I suppose, believed them and signed the IEP.

Now I haven't sent the e-mail to the teacher being pissed off that I am but trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism even though I would love to let loose on her and give her a piece of my mind! Here is the e-mail that I have composed after she wrote to me and told me that I could observe Griffin for ONLY 30 minutes in the classroom during reading time:

Hi Mrs. W.

This date will work for me but 30 minutes will not suffice. I would like to observe him for at least an hour in the classroom setting and it doesn't matter what he is doing.

I need to observe his behavior in the classroom because Griffin has informed me that he does in fact have meltdowns in school sometimes which means that you have lied to me which means that I am very unhappy right now that I signed that IEP! I feel that I was tricked into signing it, that I was rushed through the meeting since I didn't have an advocate and now I will get a lawyer and have someone on my side to advocate for Griffin.

So, (Anon.) and everyone else I need to know how to change this letter because I haven't sent it yet and what should I add to it? I sure hope that you are reading this post soon so that I can send this letter to her soon. I want to get the point across but be cool about it at the same time especially since these letters may be used by lawyers later on if it ever gets to that point heaven forbid!

Hanging Out with Friends

2011-03-26T17:08:00.001-04:00

Here's a couple of pics of Griffin hanging out with his friend and neighbor Isiah who is showing him how to bat and catch the ball...how to play baseball basically without running the bases. He was so patient with him.

Here is a picture of Griffin flying his kite for the first time on Thursday when we went to his school. It was fun until it got caught up in a tree.

HEL*P!!!!

2011-03-24T08:01:00.000-04:00

Griffin had a HELLacious meltdown last night and I didn't handle things very well because I slipped and had a cigarette. Yes I had one! It was only one and I was so stressed because his meltdown was horrid he was screaming and crying and no matter what I did I couldn't get him to stop and it was making me crazy! For those of you who don't know, I quit smoking about 8 months ago after smoking for about 25 years so it's a big deal that I slipped and had a cigarette. Griffin was upset because when we were sitting at the computer together and something popped up for an Adobe update so since we use Adobe I clicked on it not knowing what was about to ensue. So we sit there as it is downloading and I click on it again as it asks for permission again and if I agree to the rights and responsibilities so as I am clicking on that Griffin gets upset all of a sudden and burst out in tears to not download anything to the computer. By now it is too late because it is already downloading and I can't stop it and I explain that to him, that there was no way that I could have undone what I have done and that computers need things downloaded to them sometimes because it helps them to work better. But that did not help him at all.

I just didn't know what to do in this situation to help him because the download was already going on and by this time it had already disappeared from the computer completely so I go to the computer to show him that it is gone but it didn't help at all! He is screaming at the top of his lungs and crying and I am helpless. I use what his teacher tells him that if he has a meltdown that I am going to have a meltdown and that didn't help he didn't care by then. I tried giving him lots of hugs but to no avail he wouldn't have it. So if someone has the answer I would love to know what you would have done to make things better because I just don't know.

The meltdown ended eventually, I just waited it out and let him have his space and he calmed down on his own, sometimes that is what I have to do. We did some sensory stuff like rolling him out like a pancake with a big ball he really likes that and big hugs and snuggling. So the ending was good!

I am now taking Doxepin for sleep and it is working better than any of the others have YEAH!!!!! I slept so well last night and zonked out right after Griffin did as I never take my medicine while he is awake. I like this medicine because it works with my natural rhythm of sleep because it causes me to sleep when I am closest to being tired (as I don't generally get tired due to being more manic most the time than depressed) not just when I take the medicine and it doesn't make me sleep too hard so that I am able to sleep lightly enough to wake up if I need to for Griffin. I have the greatest doctor in the world and I am so grateful that he is so tuned in to what I need. My insomnia is really a major obstacle in my life and interferes with any kind of "normal" functioning so it is nice to be able to sleep every night and to wake in the morning feeling refreshed!

Just a Quick Note

2011-03-19T21:00:00.001-04:00

I have a million other things that I need to be doing so I don't have much time to write but I did want to write a little bit for now and catch up later hopefully because I have school. The latest is that Griffin hasn't been back to gymnastics because he hurt his knee at school last week but the doctor said that it was just bruised and okay. I had the IEP (Individual Education Program) and it went well even though I didn't have an advocate there because she couldn't make it. I asked lots of questions and made sure to schedule an observation of Griffin in the classroom. I truly feel that his teachers this year have his best interest at heart and it has shown in Griffin's performance and interest in school. He is concerned about getting his homework completed and looks forward to getting on the bus in the morning and speaks nicely about his teachers when asked. So I don't think that they were trying to pull the wool over my eyes in the IEP and were very sincere. One of his teachers commented that she has really seen Griffin's personality this year and how she loved it because last year was so bad for him and it was because his teacher was miserably horrid! There were several things that I learned about Griffin that I didn't know but I can't write about it right now as Griffin just informed me that he is sleepy so I have to go. Oh and I am now taking Chloral Hydrate for sleep which if a regular person took, one without severe insomnia, well it's what they used to refer to when they said that they slipped someone a mickey.

2011-03-16T02:58:00.000-04:00

I love him so much and today was a good day as a mom, not every day is though, not every day I am proud of myself. But today was one of those bonding days where we took time together and talked and walked Abby and he wasn't on the computer all the time or watching TV because I restricted it and it was so worthwhile. That is definitely going to be the norm around here from now on and it's back to bed at 8:00 - 8:30 so we can talk and read so that we can have that quality time together like we need. I asked him if he liked many hugs or few hugs and he said few so I won't be giving him too many. He has been having stomach problems so I got him some ginger capsules per Dr. D's request and they seem to help and Griffin told me that he didn't tell Mrs. White, his teacher, that his stomach hurt today at lunch. I think that I am going to take the Prevacid capsules that Dr. P prescribed to the school nurse just for lunchtime so that he won't have a tummy ache during school because they won't give out herbs.

I am up all night literally because the prescription of Lunesta that the doctor gave me yesterday didn't work so I haven't been able to sleep all night and it is now 3:00 a.m. and I need to get Griffin up at 6:00.

Gymnastics

2011-03-11T17:55:00.001-05:00

Griffin had his first lesson at gymnastics yesterday and it went so well! His instructor/coach, Miss Vicky, was simply awesome! She gave Griffin all the necessary attention to give him the help that he needed in order for him to enjoy himself thoroughly and to participate in all the different areas. They worked out on the floor doing tumbling, the balance beam, the bars, the spring board, and the trampoline. Griffin was grinning from ear to ear the whole time and laughing throughout and needless-to-say mommy was thrilled. Griffin was a great listener paying attention to all of Miss Vicky's instruction and following the other kids. I decided when I signed him up that he would do best in a class that was younger than him and it ended up working out beautifully. The rest of the class was girls about 5-6 years old who didn't seem to mind that Griffin was older and the only boy, they were just interested in doing gymnastics.

Griffin tried gymnastics when he was about 5-6 years old but he was all over the place and it didn't work out so I am super thrilled that it is working out this time, it is a great outlet for him and good exercise in commitment and the discipline of following instruction in an activity.

Griffin has been in and out of meltdown mode since he got home from school so I am going to have to finish up and publish this post as is, otherwise heaven knows when I will get around to finishing it up. I haven't been very consistent lately as far as finding the time to write in the blog.

Sometimes the Autism Disappears: watch video

2011-03-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

I made a video of Griffin playing and interacting with his neighbor Sharon, you can't even tell that he has autism in this video. Please take a moment and watch it.

This is a great post about getting a break from autism: http://trydefyinggravity.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/take-it-easy/ as I am sure that we all can relate to needing to have just one day to get away from it all.

Griffin's EEG

2011-03-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

Griffin had his EEG last week (Friday) and it went fairly well he sat still for the better part of 6 hours watching only one DVD and as seen here playing on the cell phone on the Internet most the time. Beth Ann was the technician and she was a doll who made things so much easier for both of us. She had brought snacks and games for Griffin and she had the best personality ever! Griffin only got upset once about halfway through and made all the electrodes come off and Beth Ann had to put all them back on all over again which was a pain in the butt because Griffin said that it hurt when she had to scrub his skin to clean off the past with a Q-tip. We got out of there after 7 hours and had to go straight to speech where his therapist said that he was especially calm that day more so than usual. I guess that not having to hold it all together for school all day helped him to not be so stressed out afterwards like he usually is for speech.

I haven't been reading the blogs that I usually follow (and I apologize because I miss reading about my friends) because I just get so distracted and don't seem to have enough time in the day. I just started Strattera for my ADHD and I sure hope that it helps because I have a hell of a time getting organized and getting things done because I can't seem to finish anything. I start several tasks and go back and forth but completing them is so difficult. Maybe it is hard to imagine if you don't have it but believe me, it is a struggle! Just sitting still long enough to compose a post is a task in and of itself. I do well cleaning because I get to move around constantly even though I get distracted when I move into another room to drop something off and proceed to start something else and end up not getting back to the original task until much later. I better finish up this post before I get up to get something to drink otherwise I will forget it and it will end up being another week before I get back to it.

Friends Over For the First Time

2011-02-27T09:16:00.000-05:00

Griffin and I were outside yesterday and Griffin was following around the neighborhood kids and talking to them appropriately and listening when they were talking to him. One of the girls, Sharon, was telling us about how another of the girls, Shalom's, scooter was hidden away from her by her mom because Shalom would leave the scooter out in the yard at the apartment complex and Shalom didn't know about it. Shalom was very angry that she couldn't find her scooter but Sharon told Griffin that it was a big secret that Shalom couldn't find out that her mom had hidden the scooter and for Griffin not to tell her and Griffin continued to play with the kids and didn't tell Shalom about the big secret. I have mixed feelings about the secret thing...in one way I was proud of him for understanding that it was a big deal for Shalom to not know that her mom had hidden her scooter from her but in another way I don't want Griffin to keep secrets from me and I wonder if someone told him to keep a secret from me would he? We have had that discussion on numerous occasions and I stress how important it is that he tells me everything no matter what so here's hoping but for now we will be happy. I digress....

In the midst of playing Griffin pops up and asks Sharon if she wants to come over for hot chocolate, actually if I remember correctly he asked me first if it was okay. Then he asked Isiah, Mekelle., Tyler, and Shalom. They didn't want to answer him and tried to just pass off what he was saying but I insisted that they give him a definite answer. So they all basically said "no" except for Isiah who said he would be over later. So we left and went inside. Much later I heard a knock on the door and lo and behold it was all the kids plus Sharon's little 3 year old brother,Chris. I fumbled around in the kitchen trying to find 6 cups for hot chocolate and they were hungry so I popped all the popcorn that I had left which was 4 bags.

Griffin was happy and laughing out loud so that made me very happy and I was so proud of him for inviting the kids over! It goes to show that Griffin has it in him to socialize and enjoy it and what more could I ask for then that? It was a great day indeed!!!!

Let Me Tell You a Little About Celebrating Autism by Stuart Duncan

2011-02-24T00:40:00.000-05:00

When I tell the average person that my son has Autism, they feel really bad for me. The fact is that there is a lot to celebrate.

Milestones are an achievement, not just an item on a list
When you have a child with Autism, you learn to appreciate the milestones, both big and small. Some would say that we celebrate a little too much for such little accomplishments but I’d argue that we celebrate accordingly, it’s other parents who take them for granted.
First words, learning to walk, swimming, riding a bike, reading, writing… all these things that make parents proud are far more than just steps along the way when your child has Autism… they’re cause for celebration.

Take nothing for granted
Along the same lines, but very different from milestones, is taking nothing for granted. Unless you have a child with Autism (or another disability like it), you’ll probably never know what it’s like to be lucky enough to be hugged one time a year.
Does your child look you in the eye? If your child has Autism, maybe not. Does your child give you a hug or kiss sometimes? If your child has Autism, maybe not.

You will never ever realize just how much the tiniest little things can be so extremely important until they’re not there.

Patience, more than you ever thought possible
The biggest problem with milestones is that everyone knows what they are and when they should happen so when your child is missing them, everyone says something. It’s hard, it’s oh so very hard.

After a while though, you develop a thicker skin… not just the patience required to take their “advice” a little better but also to have the patience and self confidence in knowing that if you never give up on your children, the milestones will come.

The beauty that is around us
The world around us moves pretty fast and can be so filled with sights and sounds that it turns into a bit of a blurry mess. Our mind makes it that way to keep us from becoming overwhelmed, crazy and tired. We filter through a lot of everything that goes on in our daily lives without really realizing it.

Many people, especially the children, with Autism don’t have the same filtering capabilities and often times do get overwhelmed by it all. This often results in meltdowns or even violence.

You, as the parent, become increasingly aware of the world around you because you have to, because you need to know what you are getting your child into. Loud restaurants, carnivals, movie theaters… many many places can be far too difficult for your child to be able to process and you need to be aware of that before the fact.

As you develop this ability over time, it forces you to slow down and truly appreciate the sights and smells and sounds that surround us every single day.

You go outside and there isn’t a car in the neighborhood… it’s so very peaceful. Before you likely never would have noticed, much less enjoyed that feeling of peace, because your mind builds that filter in place before you ever go out and so you don’t notice if there are cars or not.

Your child is perfect because of who they are
It isn’t until others see your child as flawed, and worse, until you start to see your own child as flawed, that you can learn what is truly important… not a disability, not a disorder, not even a gift… a child is who they are inside and who they are inside is exactly who they are supposed to be… your child.

It’s ok if no one will ever look at your child the same way you do, they’re not supposed to. Our children are amazing human beings with unlimited potential.

The difference
Celebrate the differences, not just in your child, but in yourself. For better or worse, you’ve become a better person for it, you’ve become a better parent. Your child isn’t like other children… and that seems hard to take but honestly, before your child was born, and you saw how “other children” are on the news or in movies… is that really what you wished for when you imagined having a child? For them to be like all the others?

No, none of us want our children to have it harder than anyone else, and no we don’t want our children to suffer… but many of us recognize that we can have these thoughts and these feelings while still being able to recognize and celebrate the differences.
Your child is amazing. You are amazing. Celebrate it… you’ve earned it.

Courtesy of Stuart Duncan

I Got Some Answers

2011-02-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

I posted on my status about Griffin having meltdowns at home but not at school on Facebook and got some great answers and I would like to thank everyone who supported me and helped me through this difficult time: Sarah Jane: They are all like that -think Roisin has had 1 single meltdown in nearly 4 years (at montessori and school) yet has lots at home; it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.
April Fox: When Jeremy was in school, he'd hold it together all day and melt when he got home. I think it's simple: home is the safest place he knows. He can melt and be ok there.
I wrote: I thought that I was alone in this and that it was all me...at least I now know that it's not just me.
April Fox: No sweetie, we're ALL lucky enough to be our kids' safe place :) hang in there, it will get easier.
Margaret: same here Lora only at home.
Kathy Ryan: I tend to think (rightly or wrongly, I don't know) that Gia tries very hard to keep herself under control and to "behave" in school and it pure exhaustion when she gets out of school and she's had enough of trying to let's loose out of school even on the walk from school gates to car. Don't worry Lora you are never alone.
Paula O'Connor: No, it's not you I kind of think I'm the dog he kicks when he returns home.
I got over 20 comments that all said that their child comes home and has meltdowns but doesn't have them at school because that is a safe place for them. I would publish more of them but as you can tell my font is screwed up. So now I don't feel so bad and know that I am not alone and can rest assured that Griffin is just like any other autistic child who loves his mommy and feels secure enough to have meltdowns at home...lol

Quandary

2011-02-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

Well I had the meeting with the teachers and have a new issue at hand because Griffin is a little angel at school and doesn't have meltdowns, so now I need to figure out why he is only having them at home and at therapy. They said that Griffin doesn't have any gestural stereotypy at school and that when he does start to have a meltdown then he is easily redirected and seems to calm down just fine. And that thing that he does in reverse when he is successful, like when he wins at a game and then gets upset as he does in therapy, they said that he loves winning at school and that he loves it when the other kids praise him.

The speech pathologist was not present at the meeting this morning so I don't know about his stuttering so I guess that I will have to wait until the middle of March for the IEP to talk to her and if he is stuttering then I will request a FBA by a BCBA so that we can get down to the root of the matter.

I don't know where to begin except that I know that if I don't do something soon then it is going to get out of hand. I don't know if he is just trying to manipulate me and his therapists or if there is truly something going on beneath that I am just not seeing. I do know that I am going to start redirecting him and saying what his teacher says to him, "Griffin if you have a meltdown then I just might have a meltdown too!" and apparently that makes his eyes big and he doesn't know what to think but it stops him in his tracks. Maybe I am not giving him enough positive reinforcement but he gets plenty of that in therapy and still acts out. We have an appointment with his doctor on the 2nd but I just don't think that it is a medication issue if he is fine at school so we are not going to change his meds.

I am going to discuss this with his psychologist on the 1st because he knows Griffin and can help me out with this I believe. In the meantime if any of you have suggestions on what you would do then I welcome your comments.

Meltdowns a Plenty

2011-02-21T19:11:00.000-05:00

Griffin's meltdowns are on the rise and the reason is not always clear but for sure he is out of sorts. I do know that part of the reason for some of them was the fact that I was so full of anxiety (but that has been nipped in the bud) and couldn't handle life myself but that leaves plenty unaccounted for and I am concerned. I have been giving him deep pressure hugs and doing the hand press with him when he gets upset but at times he just runs away and I cannot help him. I guess that I am not good with talking him through the meltdowns because I never seem to get far that way. So if anyone has any suggestions on what to say in those kind of situations then I am all ears!

He came home today off of the school bus crying because he said that he had a sore throat so I am going to call to make an appointment in the morning with the doctor, hopefully it is not too bad. At 7:15 I have the meeting with the teachers about Griffin's behavior, stuttering, anxiety, and the gestural stereotypy. Now that I am off of the Topomax then I think that I will be able to have a clearer mind and be able to focus better. I will report back tomorrow on how things went.

Overwhelmed

2011-02-18T14:36:00.000-05:00

I finally got a meeting scheduled with Griffin's teacher for Tuesday and I have my list of things that I want to cover: anxiety, gestural stereotypy, stuttering, communication, and observing Griffin in his classroom. I am going to also make sure that we schedule the next IEP meeting for March, the last one was on March 25th so it may be too soon.

I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and feeling overwhelmed by this Literature class and just by life in general which is not anything unusual for a bipolar person, it doesn't take much to overwhelm me and confuse me. Sometimes I feel like I have a lower IQ due to the medications that I take because life is such a struggle for me intellectually and with common sense. You would not believe how long it takes me to simply post in this blog and to feel comfortable with its content, and how many times I go back and edit it before I finally publish it.

Yesterday I lost my keys because apparently I left them in the door of the car and drove off. Now how freakin idiotic is that? I swear I have lost my memory and am on the way to Alzheimers or dementia or at least that is how I feel! Like this post, and many others, I will write it and then as soon as I am done I will remember what else I wanted to put in it or hours later I will remember. That is just ridiculous to me! Does anybody else do that or am I alone on this one? If I don't write things down right away then I will forget it for days and not remember things when I need to.

Anxiety, Stuttering, and IEP

2011-02-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

Griffin has school today because it is a make up snow day for the day he missed this week and he was surprisingly okay with it and didn't offer any resistance. It is only a half day anyhow so it's not a big deal.

I spoke with Griffin's speech pathologist yesterday while in Griffin's session, he was having a hard time focusing because he was sick so she let him play while we talked about his stuttering, his ritual behaviors, and his IEP. Griffin's teacher had written a note that she was concerned about his stuttering and its frequency and that we would address it at the IEP meeting. Griffin's speech pathologist told me that she thought that his stuttering was in direct correlation with his anxiety levels and that if they were seeing it more in school then she felt that something was going on there to stress him out. And I don't know what's going on because I don't get regular communication from his teacher, that makes me very upset and I have tried to let her know how important it is to me that she communicates to no avail. So I am going to bring it up again when we have the IEP meeting in March but I doubt that it is going to do much good because she is just going to tell me that she doesn't have the time or the opportunity to write to me during the day. I understand that she is busy and has a classroom full of kids to contend with but Griffin has special needs and they have got to be addressed!

The speech path. also said that his ritual behaviors were directly related to his anxiety levels as well which makes sense. He does this thing with his hands where he lays them out flat and touches the palms to the table then turns them over and touches the backside and keeps turning them over touching each side several times and then he is ready to proceed with whatever it is that he is supposed to be doing. I notice it no matter whether he is doing something that he enjoys or whether he is in a hurry to get something done. I need to know if he is doing this sort of thing at school or anything else because we need to figure out what his anxiety levels are. If he is having anxiety at school, and the speech path. is right about it, then I need to know so that we can figure out what to do about decreasing it if they are not doing anything about it already. It seemed to me that his team was And I asked for a parent teacher conference at least a month ago and they still haven't honored my request and that really pisses me off! I had greater confidence in his teacher this year than that because she had been so nice and co-operative in the past. I just called and left a message for her to call me about it.

I am going to talk to his psychologist about this too and see what he thinks about these ritual behaviors because I think that the speech path is right because it makes perfect sense to me that he is stemming or is it stimming? I have forgotten how to spell it because spell check is telling me that stimming is not a word. What a goof ball!!! I thought that it was "stimming" from the word stimulation. So which is it?

American Literature Since the Civil War

2011-02-08T17:33:00.002-05:00

Well, I started my class yesterday and it was a pretty easy start but....doesn't mean that it is going to remain so. I have read the syllabus and it is not going to be smooth sailing but on the advice of a few of my friends I am going to take it one day at a time and one week at a time because that is how the work is set up and do my best to not lose any sleep over the work. I know that I am going to enjoy doing the reading, as long as I can keep up, and writing essays will be a challenge but as long as my memory can sustain me then I won't be at a loss for words and will be able to recall all my vocabulary words. Thank goodness for the good ole Thesaurus! I am willing to put in the work necessary to get the highest grade possible instead of just passing because it is important to me to make an A. This is why I get so stressed out because I set the bar so high, maybe I should just focus on passing so that I don't worry so much...? It's like a wise man once told me that once he graduated from college his father asked him what they were going to call him when he did so regardless of his grades and the man answered...doctor!

Griffin was out of school today because somewhere in the county there was icy roads. We went to my therapist and to cruddy McDonald's...I swear I don't know why I agree to let him eat there because it is just plain nasty but he loves it. It is rare that we go so I guess that it isn't such a big deal I guess that I just really wish that he ate a healthier diet. If only he would magically start eating veggies and automatically hate sugar we would be in business but try as I might he ain't eatin' vegetables anytime soon. I swear that I am trying new foods with him if it's the last thing that I do one way or another I am getting new foods into that boy. I've got a Rachel Ray family cookbook that has some good stuff in it that he might try and I have a Weight Watchers cookbook that he was thumbing through looking at the pictures showing some interest in so I might try some of those because if he sees a picture first and is interested then he is more likely to try it once it is on the plate.

We went to Target with our neighbor Nikki who bought him two late birthday presents, a Cookie Monster who talks and a small Elmo. He giggled so hard when the Cookie Monster would talk, it's always fun to hear him laugh so much in fact, it's the most euphonious sound in the world!

Just a Little Behind

2011-02-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

I have had so much to do in the past few days and I just haven't had time to sit down and write in the blog. I took Griffin to see Dr. Sankey, the behavior specialist, and got his eval and there is nothing on it that is really big news, his verbal IQ is a 76 (well below average) and his non-verbal IQ is a 98 which is average. So that just goes to show that he has a great degree of difficulty with his communication. I have sent an e-mail to my friend at the Autism Society about my communication with Griffin...or the lack thereof...and asked how I can improve upon it, if there was a book out there that might help. I have "Talk Ability" which helps because it teaches one how to talk to the autistic individual but doesn't give me actual conversations/sentences that I could use for him. I am having a hard time keeping the conversations going with the words that he comes up with, which are few. Anyhow, she is going to forward the e-mail to the speech and language folks that she knows to see how they can help.

I am due to begin my English literature (online) class on Monday and am feeling kind of stressed about it because I don't know how I am going to handle the workload and juggle everything else but it's not as though I haven't done it before with other classes so I don't know what I am so worried about! It's just that I have a high propensity for anxiety due to my PTSD and so I get charged up more easily, and I guess just because it is something new and new things bother me. I almost didn't get my class on time and I am going to get my book one day late but I guess that shouldn't be too big of a problem.

Self-Regulation Techniques

2011-02-01T10:02:00.000-05:00

Here are some techniques that Griffin's occupational therapist gave to us for Griffin to use in order to calm down and to avoid meltdowns and I find them to be very helpful and quite effective. One of my fellow bloggers had posted about an emergency meltdown kit and I thought that this might be useful to include in one because it has helped us so much. The best part is that there is only one thing necessary, the techniques only require the use of your child's own body in order to relax and calm down with the exception of the vest and social stories so they are free and can be performed anywhere.

1. Isometric exercises: Any kind of isometrics offer a lot of proprioceptive (muscle) input. Some examples are:
*pushing hands together (use cues "hands together, elbows up, push push push, relax)
*hooking fingers together (one arm palm down, the other palm up) and have child pull fingers apart while hooked together.
*giving child a bear hug while he/she tries to pull your arms away
*chair push-ups
*deep breathing

2. Here are two suggestions
*A good weighted vest from somewhere like Southpaw Enterprises or pressure vest
*also, social stories or cartoon strips on preferred behavior in public places has worked well with Griffin

3. Blow out five candles to teach deep breathing. To teach this, hold up your hand with five fingers spread. Blow on each finger, one at a time, as if blowing out birthday candles, drop each finger as the child "blows it out" one at a time until they are all five blown out. When the child learns this concept, you can simply say, "Blow out candles" and hold up your hand.

4. This one is especially effective for Griffin: have the child interlace fingers and lay hands on top of head and press down on top of head while sitting or standing and all the while taking deep breaths in and out. The pressure on the neck and spine is very relaxing. I do it with him and find it to be effective for me too!

Books:

RELAXATION: A Comprehensive Manual for Adults, Children, and Children with Special Needs by Joseph R. Cautela and June Groden. It was recommended by a behavior special ist who works with children with autism.

The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, Matthew McKay, PhD, and Elizabeth Robbins. It's available through Amazon.com

Sensory Comfort is having a "going out of business" sale so check them out, they do have books and assorted other sensory items.

I hope that you find these techniques useful in your own life. If you have any questions feel free to ask me.

Happy 9th Birthday Griffin!

2011-01-31T10:08:00.000-05:00

Well after getting presents for a week now and celebrating at Fun Depot yesterday with my sister and her family it is finally the day!

Unfortunately Griffin vomited last night so he is home today and we are going to make the best of it. He is in good spirits and probably could go to school I didn't put him on the bus because he had no eaten yet and didn't know if he would be okay but what the heck it is his birthday. He has not wanted to eat yet so I don't know if he is going to hold food down or not and he wants to go to Burger King to see what kind of toys they have...I don't really think that that is a sound choice in trying to keep food down but maybe we will try something at home first and then Burger King.

Happy birthday my buddy, you mean the world to me and I am so proud of you and all the progress that you have made. You want to use the computer right now so I am going to have to make this short. I am so grateful for you my precious child and when you laugh and smile you make life shine and I am so glad that I am alive, you are the reason for living my son! I try to do what is right by you and to make you comfortable to the best of my ability to minimize your meltdowns so that you have a good quality of life and I hope that you are truly happy Griffin because that means everything to me!

In Reverse

2011-01-29T21:05:00.000-05:00

Why is it when Griffin has success and things work out for him to his advantage he gets upset to the point of having a meltdown? Does anyone else have that going on with their child? It is so damn frustrating because just when I think that I am going to be able to praise Griffin and celebrate with him he turns things around and gets upset sometimes screaming and crying. Just now he had gotten upset because the printer wouldn't work so we had to restart the computer then once it worked he ran through the apartment screaming and ranting that he had to restart the computer again, even though it spit out the paper that he wanted printed.

We had a problem in Speech yesterday, he won the game that he was playing with his Speech Pathologist and he got very upset so I talked to her about it and she said that she had seen it before in kids with autism. She said that it just seemed that their wires were crossed, that they did several different things in reverse like Griffin did. Griffin also gets upset when he finds that there is a connection between the two of them which is easier to understand than the other one.

I just don't get it and would love it if somebody would help me to understand what is going on with my child because I don't know how to react. All I do now is to calm him down and try to get him to focus on the task at hand and to understand that it is good not bad and to keep myself calm too having patience with him. I plan to ask the psychologist about it but that's not until the 9th but I would like to know if anyone has had any experience with that before then.

Britax Car Seat

2011-01-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

I want to sell this car seat, it has only been used a few times and it has just been sitting around the apartment so it is like brand new.I got it as a spare car seat when we lived with my parents. It was made by Britax which is a high quality car seat manufacturer (look them up) and it fits a child 40-100 lbs. so it is ideal for a special needs child since it has a five point harness. I bought it for $600.00 so if anyone is interested I am selling it for $350.00 . Of course there would be shipping costs but it is a great deal because Britax stopped making this style so you can't buy it any longer and the one that Griffin has been using that is exactly the same but a different color he has had since he was 5 years old and he is now 9 years old. So that just goes to show how much use you can get out of a car seat like this.

I got it for Griffin for two reasons: 1.Because research has shown that children are safer with the five point harness 2. As he got older and could use a booster seat he would undo the seat belt so the five point harness prevented him from easily undoing the seat belt. Now he is finally ready for a booster seat because he no longer will get out of the seat belt and even though I wish that he could remain in a five point harness I have to put him in a seat belt.

If you have any questions just e-mail me, go to my profile and there you can e-mail me.

Jumbo Elmo

2011-01-27T16:23:00.000-05:00

Griffin's other birthday present arrived today, his jumbo Elmo that I won on e-bay for $2.99.

Memetastic Award

2011-01-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

DeeAnn at http://www.snippetsnstuff.com/ thoughtfully passed this ostentatious award on to me. Giving credit where credit is due, it originated from Jill at http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com/. Both ladies are also mothers of incredible children that happen to have autism.

Here are Jill's rules for the award. Due to language that may be offensive to my younger followers and my mom who reads this blog, things have been edited things just a tad...

1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes. It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here.

2. You must list 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make stuff up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you.

3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.

4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things.

1. I sky dived nude on my last birthday
2. I love Guns N' Roses
3. I don't wear underwear
4. I own a Harley soft tail
5. Sleeping comes easily to me and I am lucky that way

Now that is out of the way I've got to pass along this little award to 5 bloggers and here we go:
Erin at I Should Be Studying
Arline at The Autism Princess
Jennifer C at Fingerprints of Autism
Casdok at Mother of Shrek
Jazzygal at Jazzygal

Check out their blogs!

Stylish Blogger Award

2011-01-24T15:23:00.002-05:00

Chris over at A Crazy Kind of Faith bestowed upon me so kindly the Stylish Blogger Award...thank you Chris..and I am supposed to list seven facts about myself that most people do not know about me.

The second requirement is that I pass the award on to several other recipients and here they are:
Heather at The Scenic Route
4timesblessed at Autism as a Whole
Kristi at Losing, Loving, and Living in Tx
Jean at Mommy to Two Boys
Kari at Dotcomkari
Kyra at This Mom
Lebelinoz at Life with two autistic kids

1.I broke my arm when I was 9 months old climbing out of my crib and learned to walk with the cast on.
2.I studied at the Aveda Institute in Minneapolis and subsequently worked as an aesthetician in an Aveda Day Spa in Anchorage, Alaska
3.I used to show horses when I was in elementary school and have dreamed of having my own horse since I could speak and I still don't have one :(
4.I have kept a journal for 25 years now and a daily journal for about 5 years. I just don't trust my memory and there's so many things that have happened to me that I want to commit to paper for posterity because the time passes and before you know it the memories fade and it's gone.
5.I take online classes from American Public University and am majoring in Child and Family Development
6.I was born in western North Carolina but have lived all over the United States including: Alaska, South Carolina, New Jersey, Georgia, Washington, and I lived in Hawaii when my second husband had cancer.
7.I love to write in this blog but not about myself necessarily because the blog is supposed to be about Griffin and autism so I am reluctant about including information about myself because I just don't think that people are interested in stuff about me anyhow.
The more interesting things about me, in case you didn't see them, including my stint as an exotic dancer, work with the FBI, and my 5 marriages are in this list that I published a couple of weeks ago. I tried to copy and paste the list but the font came out way too small for some reason.

Church

2011-01-23T16:06:00.004-05:00

We went to the Unity Center (a non-denominational church) today and Griffin sat with me the whole time in the service instead of going to the childcare, Mrs. Cameron's class which he doesn't like to go to without me. Griffin did talk a bit now and then but in a whisper and he had to get a snack ( they have food available at all times in the lobby area) but he did sing the songs and sat still for the most part. We took Abby, Griffin's service dog, with us and she got to meet a tiny Chihuahua named "Happy" who was 7 months old, she was in the lobby area with her owner. Abby loves other animals and gets excited every time she sees another one, in fact, her best friend is our cat "Dot" who she plays with and cuddles with all the time.

Early Birthday Presents

2011-01-21T13:01:00.001-05:00

Through all his searches online, Griffin found these talking Teletubbies on ebay which I won for only $4.00 but they are worth so much more because he absolutely adores them. Since Griffin's birthday is on the 31st I decided to go ahead and get them for him and give them to him because he is just one of those kids who doesn't like surprises. He was disappointed at Christmas when he unwrapped his presents because he said that he should have gotten them when he was with me not for Christmas, so I am not going to make him wait for his birthday presents.

As you may have noticed above the Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons badge I have a ticker that shows how much weight I have lost (56 lbs.) and how much I have to go to reach my target weight of 140 lbs. (29 lbs. to go). I will keep updating it and post a before and after photo once I reach my target weight. Just a wee bit more to go and I am so eager to reach my goal!!!

What is Abnormal?

2011-01-20T10:52:00.001-05:00

Do you think that a child with autism is abnormal? What is normal anyhow? It is a setting on the dryer that's what it is! There is no such thing as normal when it has to do with the human being regardless of what anyone has to say about it. I choose to use neuro-typical when referring to an individual who does not have autism.

I am not "normal" because I have bipolar disorder and PTSD and even if I didn't then I still wouldn't refer to myself as being so because I guess that you could say that I believe that we are all aberrant in some way or the other. I don't even think that it is a matter of being politically correct in using certain terms because there simply is not a normal human being! We all have our dysfunction and abnormalities and to think that you are "normal" is to say that you are perfect and without any flaws....in my humble opinion.

I am not referring to anyone whose blog that I read, it just so happens that the word "aberrant" came up in the book that I am reading and it brought to mind what it means to be the opposite. So, if you happen to use the word "normal" then I would just like for you to reconsider because to say that there are normal people that means that your child with autism is abnormal and to me that is insulting.

Talk Ability

2011-01-18T13:03:00.002-05:00

I found this book, "Talk Ability" online years ago and have been reading it again as of late because I need help with knowing how to talk to Griffin. I know that sounds weird but sometimes I just don't know how to keep the conversation going. Do any of you ever have that problem or is it just me? Maybe it is the medications that I take that effect me but oftentimes I just don't have the words to talk to him because Griffin will talk about things that are off-the-wall. So here are a few excerpts out of the book, not too detailed because I don't have much time to type it all out right now but if you have any questions feel free to ask and I would be happy to help out.

Some of the basics are using your "I" cues: Include your child's interests, ideas, and words. Interpret his message. Introduce your own ideas. and Insist on a change of topic...Help you take your turn

The Cues: Comment...and wait. Ask a question...and wait. Make it easier to answer your question...and wait. Hint...and wait. Make a suggestion...and wait. Tell your child what to say or do...and wait...Tell your child that it's his turn

Open questions: What happened? Wh questions + "thought" words. How? Why?
Closed Wh questions: What? Who? Where? When?

There are also the different stages of which your child falls under that it helps you to figure out so that you can more easily help your child carry on with conversation. Stage 1 = "want" words. Stage 2="think" words. Stage 3="see" words Stage 4="hidden feeling" words Stage 5= "false belief" words.

If you would like to buy the book just click on the highlighted area in the box to go to Amazon.com to either buy it new or used.

Also there is an online course for communication with your child with autism that is FREE! I have just signed up for it so I don't know how good it is but since it is free then why not try it out? Here's the link: http://www.thinkautism.info/

A Much Nicer Me

2011-01-16T14:40:00.002-05:00

I had a complete hysterectomy back in 2005 and have been out of balance ever since but one of my doctors told me that I didn't need hormones so I hadn't taken them but my present general practitioner told me that she would give me a script for them. So, yesterday I started taking estrogen to see if it would help my disposition since I had been being such an irritable, grumpy, and impatient ~~bitch~~ mommy and sure enough it worked! I now feel like a nicer and a much more compassionate human being. I know that it has only been a day and a half but the way I feel is so significantly improved compared to how I used to feel. If I could sing then I would just break out into song and dance around like a fool...maybe I will just dance around like a fool with Griffin even though he is going to wonder what the heck happened to mommy. I can tell the difference in Griffin, he is so much more mellow and had no meltdowns so far yesterday and today....YEAH!!!

Thanks to my sister for suggesting that I try hormones since they worked for her. She had mentioned that she had that GR-R-R-R feeling like when you are so pissed that you are just gritting your teeth all the time kind of feeling like what I had. So I am in debt to her for helping me out...thanks sis for your help I owe you a big one!

Insomnia and Halcion

2011-01-13T21:28:00.002-05:00

I went to my psychiatrist the other day and got a prescription of Halcion for chronic insomnia. I have insomnia because I am bipolar and require prescription strength medication since the typical remedies do not work for me. And yes, I have tried melatonin, even the prescription strength melatonin, Rozerum, that is pure therefore more effective but not for me. I have tried sleepytime tea, brandy, and all the OTC medications all of which do absolutely nothing for me.

I was taking Restoril which in the beginning worked wonderfully for me but apparently my body got used to it and it stopped working and I found myself staying up all night or finally getting to sleep only after eating a meal at 4:00 a.m. which is not an option for me since I do not want to gain all my weight back. I have lost 57 lbs. so far with only 20 lbs to go and there's no way that I am eating in the middle of the night only to find a bulging belly again.

What I remember from working undercover doing drug sting operations for the FBI is that individuals use Halcion recreationally/illegally quite frequently because it is a sedative/hypnotic drug so I was none too thrilled when my doc prescribed it for me. I didn't want to go on a trip or to "feel funny" I just wanted to sleep. I was desperate to sleep so I took half a dose at first to no avail and ended up taking a full dose. I went to sleep right away and slept like a rock...until NOON today!!! No, I didn't feel funny nor was it fun to take...I only felt sleepy as hell! Needless to say, I won't be taking a full dose again because Griffin was up before me and thank goodness that he spends the whole time on the computer if I oversleep. He didn't get into anything and he doesn't try to leave and couldn't because I have a chain on the door and he doesn't know how to undo it. I felt horrible that I overslept but couldn't help it.

I have to get up early in the morning because I have an ultrasound scheduled due to the fact that my liver enzymes were elevated and we need to find out if it is enlarged. Also I may have an ulcer or something going on with my stomach due to the fact that I have been having severe stomach pain lately. So, I have to get up early for that and I am going to need to sleep, especially since I cannot eat or drink anything after midnight. I don't know how that is going to happen, all I can do is to take the Restoril and hope for the best. Maybe tomorrow night I will try to take a lower dose of the Halcion and set the alarm so that I can get up before Griffin.

Being Productive and a Lot Nicer

2011-01-12T01:50:00.003-05:00

Will school ever begin again? Will the snow ever stop? It's a good thing that I have been keeping myself busy and getting a lot done around the apartment otherwise I would go bonkers. But I have had plenty of practice at staving off cabin fever when I lived in Alaska. Fortunately Griffin enjoys the snow more now than he did when we lived there and he doesn't mind getting dressed in all his layers like we also had to do there but he did not like it then. I put him in a pair of sweats and snow pants, a jacket liner, and a coat. He wears two pair of knitted gloves because he refuses to wear the waterproof kind and he wears snow boots of course. I kept my pair of $250.00 snow boots from Alaska and am I ever so glad that I did because they keep my feet toasty.

I got some much needed painting done, I was tired of the eggshell finish that we had because it showed every little mark and fingerprint and I couldn't get them off because the paint would come off. So I got some semi-gloss and it looks exceptionally well, it's as though we had just moved in. The apartment manager told me that they wouldn't paint my apt. until I had lived here for 3 years and that they wouldn't give me any paint either so I took it upon myself to do it on my own because I felt like I was living in a begrimed rundown abode, the place just never looked clean.

Griffin and I are getting along wonderfully even though we have been together 24/7 just like in the summertime but back in the summer things weren't so peachy and mommy found herself getting irritated much easier. I have grown since then and appreciate my time alone with Griffin and we play more now too. I had made a promise to Griffin that I was going to be nicer and not so grumpy all the time. Now I find myself smiling a lot more and not taking my time with Griffin for granted, because the time does fly and he will be a teenager before I know it and then he might not be so keen on playing games with mommy.

Griffin Plays Pretend

2011-01-10T14:46:00.000-05:00

Here is a video of Griffin playing pretend with his characters. And who said that autistic kiddos don't play make believe?

There is no school today due to a winter storm that passed through overnight and we have about 10" of snow on the ground. Griffin got to play on the sled with his neighbor Isaiha for a little while.

No EEG Today

2011-01-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

Griffin and I went outside to take Abby for a walk and Griffin played on the playground with his "characters" as he calls them. We didn't go for the EEG that was scheduled for this morning because I couldn't get him to go to sleep without his Clonidine last night. I knew that if he didn't get any sleep then they couldn't do the test because he would have been asleep. In order to conduct the test for absence seizures he has to be awake. He was supposed to get 6 hours of sleep but come 12:00 he wasn't going to sleep then by 2:00 a.m. I decided that I was going to give up and go ahead and give him the medicine so that we both could get some sleep. So by 3:00 he was finally asleep. I got to sleep around 4:00 a.m. after reading for awhile in order to relax before hitting the hay.

I didn't require Griffin to go to school because for 1. he didn't wake up until 10:00 after getting to sleep so late and 2. I had already told him that he wasn't going to school today and I wasn't going to go back on my word. School was on a 2 hour delay today due to bad weather in part of the county and was released early for the same reason so it wasn't as though he really missed much.

I guess that I will reschedule the EEG and try again to see if I can get him to sleep next time. It's just that he has chronic insomnia and that's why he takes the Clonidine and so going to sleep without it is nearly impossible but he has done it on one occasion so I was thinking that we could do it again but Noooo!

This is Griffin neighbor and good friend Isaiha (I think that is how he spells his name) who was talking to Griffin outside about his characters, he is 9 years old and is so understanding of Griffin and how Griffin is so different and doesn't play age appropriate games/activities.

If I Had a Life

2011-01-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

Griffin has to have his goggles on when he takes a shower or swims.

I frankly don't know what to write about today, maybe something will come up later on and I will be able to write something intelligent and worthwhile. Maybe if I had a life then I would have some content to work with.

A Few Things About Me

2011-01-03T16:52:00.002-05:00

Jen from The King and Eye is hosting the Blog Gems Air Your Archives blog hop this week and it is required of me to post a few things about myself so here it goes:

1. I was an exotic dancer for 6 years in Alaska. It was a love-hate relationship and I made tons of money, sometimes in excess of $1500.00 a night...no kidding! I also did a short stint in Las Vegas at the Palomino Club and Cheetahs where "Showgirls" was filmed. My blog, Mysterious, reveals some of what it was like if you happen to be interested or curious. Above is a photo of me in costume.
2. I used to work undercover for the FBI doing drug sting operations while traveling around Alaska.
3. I have been married 5 times for various reasons one of which was because I was nearly homeless and got married in order to work out a deal to get a place to live. One was for his green card but it didn't pan out and the one that I loved the most lasted 10 years and he ended up cheating on me but we made amends and he was there when Griffin was born (he was not the father).
4. I used to also be a ballroom dance instructor for Fred Astaire Dance Studio
5. I plan to write a book one day about all of my misadventures.
6. I have been on a road trip across the United States from Alaska to North Carolina and back, 11,000 miles and the last leg of the trip the temperatures were as low as 35 below zero, the gas and fluids kept freezing up and we barely made it home.
7. I have been to Greece twice because the husband that I loved the most was Greek and the food, people, and scenery was to die for!!!! I also taught myself Greek and used to speak it fluently.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-12-31T20:32:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year to you and yours from Griffin, Abby, Dot, and me!

Since I don't have a social life and nobody to do respite for me I will let Griffin stay up with me and we will watch Sesame St. New Year's Eve together like we always do. What the heck it is only one night a year and we get to sleep in in the morning....YEAH!

One of the most significant events that happened in 2010 was the week that Griffin left me for the first time to go to camp in June. I was a wreck! I never thought that my heart could ache so badly but I made it through and I am glad that he went because he loved it. He was homesick in the beginning but he made it through too. I learned a lesson from that, to pay more attention to what I want and need and not rely on Griffin to fill up the spaces in my life. Even though a friend visited me while he was a camp I didn't fully enjoy the time like I should have and the days that my friend wasn't here I was lost! If he goes again next summer then believe me, I am going to enjoy myself completely!

I hope that all of you have a wonderful new year, that it is filled with joy and that you are always surrounded by those you love. May you find peace and happiness not to mention winning the lottery too! Thank you for visiting my blog and for sharing your comments with me, it means a lot to me that we have stuff in common and that you care enough to take the time to share. I have enjoyed getting to know you, my fellow bloggers, some of you I have known awhile and some of you I just met but that friendship is meaningful nonetheless.

Big hugs to all of you from the two of us!

Finally Free

2010-12-30T15:42:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged for a few days because I have been reading this fascinating book by Desmond Morris called "Watching". He is a zoologist who has made great strides in the observation and documentation of animal and human behavior. By watching them he has made some major contributions to the study of mammals and other species. But his greatest contribution is that of humans through film and other mediums such as visual art. Desmond Morris a renowned artist and author of many books and he was the curator of the London Zoo for several years. He made an impression on the world of art with his chimpanzee "Congo" who painted some very sophisticated works of art. It is a 642 page book and I am on page 235 so I've a ways to go yet but making great headway.

Griffin and I have been out and about for a few days now and it has been such a huge relief to be able to leave the house. We have been playing cards and Legos now and then and lots of tickle time too! We will probably go swimming later on.

Cabin Fever

2010-12-27T19:30:00.000-05:00

After being snowed in since Christmas Griffin surely has a case of cabin fever as he has had several meltdowns today. He wanted to go to the store, probably just to get out of here for awhile, to get cookie dough even though we have homemade cookies here that the neighbor gave us. When I tried to explain to him that the roads are too icy for the car to go on he didn't understand and just kept telling me to go warm up the car.

I had been limiting his time on the computer which of course forced him to do other more constructive things like playing with his Legos or drawing, but I decided to let him spend more time on it since he was so out-of-sorts. We went outside to walk Abby but he didn't want to play in the snow of make a snowman so we weren't out that long. And it wasn't because we were cold because we know how to bundle up since having lived in Alaska for so long in fact, we were on the verge of being hot out there in 20 degree temps. which is a heat wave in the winter in Alaska.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T12:58:00.001-05:00

Griffin likes his new toys but got upset when he opened his Buzz Lightyear saying that I was supposed to get it at the store and not as a gift at Christmas. But he soon started playing with it and forgot about being upset. He was none too thrilled with the clothes that his secret Santa gave to him but he sure needs them.

We have snow today which is great for Griffin but not for me because I wanted to go to IHOP to eat a Christmas dinner (can't drive in the snow because of the hill at our complex, they don't treat the road or scrape it) since I am not cooking. I don't cook because it would only be for me since Griffin wouldn't eat any of it...what's the use? I am trying to lose more weight so it is just as well I suppose. I am not complaining since there are hungry and cold people without a home that is safe and warm. They don't have anything to eat or loved ones to share smiles with today. So I am grateful for all that I have, my home, the heat to warm my home, an abundance of food, and last but not least of all...Griffin my dear sweet child!

Isn't it true that young kids like the boxes as much as they do the gifts? At least it is for Griffin because he likes to use his imagination and hold "Dot" whenever he can, she is so tolerant of him because she doesn't like to be held.

Griffin wanted to make a YouTube video about his new toys that he got for Christmas so here it is: Big Woody & Buzz and little Woody & Buzz. I hope that you watch and enjoy his fine presentation!

He's Not Excited About Christmas

2010-12-24T00:36:00.000-05:00

When I asked Griffin if he was excited about Christmas he replied, "I am boring for Christmas." which means that he is bored with Christmas and that he is not excited about it. He seems to think that he is not going to get the toys that he wants and therefore he doesn't care if it comes or not. He wants a Buzz Lightyear, Jessie, and Rex but he is only going to get Buzz because that's all that I could afford so he might be a bit disappointed in what he finds. I don't expect him to be overjoyed because that is not how he reacts to things and he might just be pissed off that he didn't get all that he wanted, I know that he is going to be pissed that he is getting some clothes but that's okay. If I don't have expectations of him then I won't be disappointed in how he behaves. I don't know how other autistic children react to presents but my little guy is not one to get excited about gifts or anything for that matter. He will like his Buzz in the end and ultimately play with him plenty and that's all that matters.

Griffin and I were treated to a visit from his Nana (my mom) and his cousin Hayley! It didn't even occur to me to take a photo of them...damnit! It would have been nice to get a photo of them with Griffin for posterity but I guess that I was too eager to see them and to sit and talk to them. Griffin visited and goofed off with my mom and she got in some good tickle time in which he loved. I hadn't seen Hayley in quite some time so it was nice to talk with her, she is really getting to be quite the young lady (14 yrs. old).

Meltdown in the Church

2010-12-20T17:10:00.000-05:00

At one of the local churches they have a night once a month where children who are disabled can come and have dinner and a special service. It was our first visit and it turned out to be an interesting experience. It didn't start out too well because as we were waiting for the minister to say the blessing Griffin wanted something to eat so he grabbed a piece of chicken and then wanted some chocolate milk. Well the women kept telling him that he had to wait for the prayer which he didn't understand. I had the idea that it would be okay for him to wait because he has to wait at school for his meal but it wasn't okay and he proceeded to have a meltdown. So then I got him the milk after I got him calmed down and explained to him about how we sometimes have to wait for things when we don't want to. He seemed to understand but I think that next time I will just go ahead and get him the milk because it really wasn't a big deal for him to have it and not worth a meltdown and certainly they will understand next time and not insist that he has to wait. It was after all a special dinner for the disabled and they've got to get used to the idea that sometimes autistic children have difficulty with the concept of waiting for a blessing. It is abstract not concrete so I can understand why he didn't get it.

I think that sometimes it is good to teach Griffin under certain circumstances to wait because as he gets older he will have to have an understanding of patience and a tolerance for sitting and waiting or doing something else in the meantime. I think that maybe he was just hungry too which fueled the fire.

Hugs

2010-12-18T22:39:00.001-05:00

This is small things Saturday blog hop and I would like to write about something that seems small but is actually a big deal, hugs. Griffin started about 3 months ago hitting at me sometimes for no apparent reason but almost always when he got angry with me. I spoke to his OT who said to do hand presses and that he would learn to do that instead but then he would just press my hands (straight out in front of my body) so hard that it nearly knocked me over, he is a strong 8 year old! But just in the past couple of weeks he has been hugging me instead of hitting me and the hitting seized completely, imagine how thrilled I have been! Now we hug literally ALL the time and it helps keep us from getting so angry with one another especially since mommy is such a grouch/disciplinarian.

What I Want for Christmas

2010-12-16T14:49:00.002-05:00

What I want for Christmas is for Griffin to enjoy himself and understand the concept of the holiday more than ever before and I want for us to be healthy, safe, and happy year round. And for me personally? There's nothing that I want for myself except for maybe some respite and a social life, guess Santa can't really bring that to me can he? I would just like to have some time to myself to be around other people and to have a life outside of being a mom all the time.

I miss the days when we lived in South Carolina near my parents and had the luxury of them watching Griffin for me while I did things for myself. But the schools down there were horrible and I had to get Griffin to North Carolina where he could have the attention and services that he so deserved. I guess that most everything comes at a cost and I had to sacrifice to get him what he needed and I am glad that I did.

I am just thankful that we are able to celebrate Christmas and that I am able to give Griffin gifts at all because there are others who don't even have food and shelter this winter. We have all we need really but it is going to be so nice to see Griffin's face when he gets his Toy Story figures for Christmas! I hope that my fellow blogging friends have a very happy holiday and that you get all that your heart desires.

This is my first time doing the Blog Hop so I hope that I did it right, I know that I enjoy reading Jean's blog, The Scenic Route, and look forward to reading the other blogs too!

Gingerbread House

2010-12-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

I helped Griffin make this lovely gingerbread house, he did most of it by himself though, isn't it great?

Finding words has been very difficult for me since taking a drug, Topomax, for weight loss. It worked like a charm in helping me lose weight but not without a price. The drug is really an anti-seizure medication with the side effect of weight loss but my doctor said that it was safe to take to lose weight. So I had been taking it for 5 months losing nearly 50 lbs. but my memory has suffered and I struggle to find the words to write when commenting on other blogs and to write in this blog. The real problem is when trying to do my school work especially when writing papers or having to do a lot of description. I used to have an extensive vocabulary but it is gone! Now that I have stopped taking the drug I hope that there will be an improvement so far there hasn't been but I haven't been off of it for that long.

First Snow

2010-12-13T10:04:00.001-05:00

We got our first snow and it was about 5 inches but it wasn't that cold fortunately so we got to play outside for an extended period of time. I say that it wasn't that cold but for most it was, but since we used to live in Alaska it really wasn't that cold at all comparatively. The key is to wear layers, good snow boots, the right kind of hat and gloves then there's no problem staying warm. Of course I got snow pants for Griffin so that he could really roll around and play in the snow.

When we went to Wal-Mart to get gloves for Griffin he refused to wear the good kind of gloves, you know the waterproof vinyl kind because his fingers couldn't move freely. So now he wears two pair of knitted gloves and it works out pretty good.

Since we've been stuck inside most the time and not going anywhere there is that element of the urge to eat for both of us so I made sure to have lots of healthy foods on hand. I must confess though that I did buy ice cream and chips for Griffin so that the little guy would have something "fun" to eat other than what was just good for him. As for me, I have lost nearly 50 lbs. over the past 5 months and I am not about to sabotage my progress because I still have 20 lbs. to go. So it is healthy foods for me only!

Family Fun Day

2010-12-11T16:44:00.000-05:00

Today we went to the Family Fun Day and Griffin was only moderately interested. In the beginning he just kind of wandered around aimlessly, or at least it seemed so maybe there was a method to what he was doing. After we ate he sat down and had his face painted and hair spray painted, then he went to see Santa.

Update on "Look of Surprise"

2010-12-11T11:21:00.002-05:00

Griffin told me last night that the video of Santa scared him and that he doesn't want to see it again. I am totally confused now!

Also here is a link to an Autism Society page that has 12 helpful hints for the holidays for the families with autism individuals: http://www.theautismnewswire.com/NewsITems.aspx?newsID=220

A Look of Surprise

2010-12-10T19:38:00.000-05:00

Heather from the Scenic Route posted about the Portable North Pole where you can fill in all the information and a video is generated from Santa himself that is custom made for your child. This is the look on Griffin's face while watching it. Santa told Griffin that he needed to stop throwing those silly temper tantrums and he stated that Griffin had asked for a certain figurine (Toy Story toys).

Griffin said afterwards that Santa didn't show Rudolph (but he did show a different reindeer). When I asked him if he believes in Santa now he said "Yes". He is watching a special on TV about Santa Claus which is unusual I think that he has a new interest in him.

Griffin went to Speech today and I sat in on the session as usual and this time he didn't want to go but I had talked him into it which I regret now. He ended up hitting and kicking the Speech Path. not in a tantrum but just lashing out at her when he was frustrated. She talked to me about it afterwards and said that from her experience with kids like that they usually do this in cycles and that if you try to stop it then it comes out in other ways. She told me that he didn't want to be this way, that he was obviously uncomfortable with himself so I needed to find ways to get him to calm himself. I told her that he is pretty calm at home although he has been hitting and kicking me when he gets angry or frustrated. I've got to discuss it with his psychologist and see what we can come up with for a good solution to this problem.

Have any of you had this problem? If so, what did you do?

Santa Claus

2010-12-09T16:58:00.000-05:00

My dear friend Melissa sent me an e-mail with a phone number of this place where a group of high school students were doing a project answering the phone as Mrs. Claus and Santa for the kids. Before we called I told Griffin that I had Santa's phone number and asked if he would like to call and he replied that he didn't know if Santa was real. I told him that it was up to him to decide that but that I think that we should call.

Griffin first spoke with Mrs. Claus and he asked her if Santa was real and she said, "Yes, of course he is real he is my husband Mr. Claus. I am going to pass you on to him right now." So Santa got on the phone and Griffin still wasn't sure and asked him if he was real and he said, "Why yes I am real I am talking to you now aren't I?" Griffin smiled. "What would you like for Christmas?" Santa asked. Griffin said something that I couldn't understand which is not unusual (since he had his tonsils out a few years ago) and Santa couldn't understand him either. I think that he was talking about how Santa was going to come to his house on Christmas because I did understand him saying that he would decide if Santa was real when he came to his house on Christmas. Hee Hee Hee! My friend Beverly said what a great scientist he was going to be (since he needed proof to believe something).

If I can afford it he will be getting a gift from Santa and I will not tell him that Santa is not real. If he wants to believe in Santa then that is up to him he is old enough to decide on his own. But there is still room in his precious heart for a little bit of magic if he is willing to let it in.

Out of School

2010-12-07T14:05:00.003-05:00

Griffin is out of school today and was out yesterday as well due to black ice and snow in certain areas of the county and there is little to do. Maybe I am not creative enough or something but I have few ideas of what we can do in this cold weather that doesn't cost money. There's no snow to play in but Griffin and I did bundle up for awhile so that he could go out and ride his scooter. I tried to play cards with him but he got frustrated and threw the cards everywhere and I couldn't get him interested in playing again...so much for that!

It has warmed up to 23 degrees at 1:40 p.m. and I think that I am going to take him outside to the swings just to break up the monotony of being indoors. Griffin actually does well being inside, he plays Legos, draws, plays on the computer, and watches his DVDs or Zoboomafoo on TV. Right now he is sifting through his "printers" which are characters that he has printed out on the computer, cut out, and saved.

I think that I am the one who gets bored even though there is housework that could be done but instead I find myself on Facebook or reading about rewards for Griffin in a book that is set up for charts and activities for positive parenting. At least part of what I am doing is productive, I will eventually get around to doing my chores.

Just got a call from the church and she told me that I could pick up Griffin's gifts on the 21st or 22nd. I am so glad that someone took his name and that they did a good deed because he needs those clothes so badly. I think that there is going to be a winter coat, shirts, pants, socks, and a gift card for a toy. I am so grateful for their generosity!

My friend Jen over at The King and Eye has a post of Blog Gems Air Your Archives #4 where you post one of your old posts, that makes you happy, and then add your url and link. Then you read and comment on the two blogs before you. It really a lot of fun! You should try it!

A Visit With Nana and Papa

2010-12-04T16:07:00.002-05:00

Griffin and I got to visit with my mom and dad for a little while Thursday because they came up here to go to a meeting where we also visited my aunt who is in a rest home because she had a major stroke. Griffin loves seeing his Nana and Papa especially because he doesn't get to see them very often since they live in South Carolina which is about an hour and a half from here. I am always happy to see them too and can't wait to see them around Christmas time when they come back up to visit again. I am hoping that we will be able to afford to go visit them while Griffin is out of school for the holidays.

Self-Esteem

2010-12-01T08:24:00.001-05:00

I went to see Griffin's psychologist yesterday and I brought up something that my sister and I had discussed on Thanksgiving...Griffin's self esteem. I had mentioned to her that Griffin generally doesn't like to be praised and she said that she thinks that it is because he has low self-esteem. I hadn't thought of it that way, I just thought that maybe it was the autism but I still praised him anyhow. He tells me to stop when I tell him "good job" or "way to go" so I just don't make a big deal out of it. So at the psychologist's office I tell him that I think that he may have low self-esteem and the doctor told me that if he does then all I can do is to make sure that I brag on him when he is around those he cares about so that it will sink in and that self-esteem had to come from inside Griffin. He said that if I wanted to get a second opinion from another doctor about it that I was welcome because there are so many different points of view on the subject.

What do you think? Do you think that it could be the autism or does he really have low self-esteem in your opinion? I worry that I am doing something wrong with him that is causing this and I don't know what to do.

Eating Issues

2010-11-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

Griffin and I went over to my sister's house for Thanksgiving and had a great time. It was good to see her, my two nieces, Marty and Marvin too. Pictured here are Griffin and myself of course and my sister with my youngest niece Emma who is 5 years old. She and Griffin played the Wii game, Griffin had never played before. The ones that he was able to play were fishing and bowling but he got frustrated with the bowling and had to be encouraged to continue on or else he would have just given up before really trying it. I don't think that it would be worthwhile to get him one even if I could afford it because he is just not that interested in playing.

We had a lovely meal that my sister prepared but Griffin did not try anything except the turkey and declared that he liked the skin but that was all. So he ate the pizza that I had brought for him and I know that he has got me trained because he is so picky but as my friend Amy put it, that food is the one thing in his life that is comfort for him that he can count on being the same all the time. And if he has other challenges in his life then it is best that he keep his diet as it is and not be expected to try new foods all the time. I am not completely convinced of this but for now it works for me and since I don't cook big meals for me, because I eat so little, it works out that he eats what he does. Griffin just refuses to try new foods each time that I buy something new for him to try it ends up as just another obstacle that we have yet to overcome.

I have a menu for him and he chooses from it what he wants to eat for each meal and I prepare it for him. I told the doctor about how he eats and she said that as long as he has a good multi-vitamin then he should be all right. Mostly Griffin eats carbs with some protein with fruits and hardly any veggies. I have talked to his OT about working on getting him to try new foods and it is part of his goals but is in the future as she is focusing on fine motor skills. Perhaps one day we will get to the point of eating more veggies and getting more nutrition into his body but for now he is healthy and I am so grateful for that alone.

I Am Thankful

2010-11-24T16:45:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for having the most precious child that I could have ever imagined having who gives me unconditional love each and everyday. I am grateful for the time that we have had and the time that we have now and I cherish each moment. Everyday that I awaken I appreciate the fact that I have one more day on this earth and I get to spend it with Griffin. The joy that he brings me is beyond comparison and I am in awe of how much love I feel in my heart for this gentle and loving little guy. Oftentimes I can't believe that we have made it this far, over 8 years and still going strong all on our own!

I have my parents to thank and who I am grateful for because they have given me so much support through the years. I talk to them on the phone everyday but wish that we still lived close together. We miss seeing them everyday and sharing good times together. I am grateful for my Facebook friends and for my friends who I have here on the blog because without your support I would be in a bad way because you are all I have as my social network and that is what gets me through the day. I do get lonely because I don't really have any friends here and don't go out and do things socially but all in all I am grateful for what I have and count my blessings everyday. I don't complain because there's nothing to complain about only blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

OT and Sensory Issues

2010-11-20T23:37:00.000-05:00

I was rubbing Griffin's back tonight and gave him a quick massage and asked him if he liked it and he quickly said "no" and then he told me to stop rubbing and patting him. I found this hard to do since it is second nature for me to do this as he is going to sleep when we snuggle but I stopped of course. He soon went to sleep but it made me wonder if he has ever tolerated me rubbing or patting his back because it is mommy's way of showing affection. I guess that I will just have to ask him tomorrow if he has always disliked it or if he just disliked it last night. Does an autistic child tolerate sensory difficulties just to get through the day or do they automatically have behavior issues if they are having sensory issues? I guess it depends on the individual and that is why it is a spectrum disorder but I hate the thought of Griffin tolerating things that have bothered him and he hasn't spoken up, I just hope that's not the case.

He has been hitting quite often lately but not hard just enough to get the point across and one of the Occupational Therapists showed me this trick called the hand press where you press both hands together with the child's hands when they are hitting and it gives them that sensory input that they need. Griffin has been bored at OT lately, I say this because I observe him and he has been having behaviors which he doesn't have during Speech and Speech is very challenging for him. I am hoping that she changes things a bit in order to challenge him in OT in order to curb these behaviors like screaming, kicking, and throwing things.

6 Hour EEG/Constipation Issues

2010-11-18T15:13:00.000-05:00

Griffin saw the neurologist today and after talking to me and conducting his physical exam he decided to go ahead and order the 6 hour EEG for absence seizures. He said that the spells of him staring out into space could be behavioral or from the medication but after talking to me about how he responds after the spells he said that it makes him more suspicious of the seizures. I told him that after the spells he is disoriented and forgets where he was when he had stopped talking to me in mid sentence. The doctor said that if we didn't do the EEG and he is having the seizures that he is at risk for grand mal seizures. We don't know if Griffin will in fact tolerate the 6 hour EEG being connected to all those wires and not able to move around the room, having to sit in one spot for so very long but we've got to try.

As far as Griffin's constipation goes I told him today that he does not get computer time until he goes and does not hold it in. If I catch him holding it from now on and not going then he automatically gets his computer time taken away so he is to sit on the toilet each afternoon after school and try to go and if he does then he will be rewarded with computer time. Just like Jazzygal said I have to take this seriously and I have got to teach him now that holding it in is not healthy and it is totally unacceptable. And if he comes home and tells me that he went at school then I will believe him because Griffin is not a liar, he does not understand the concept, and he will justly be rewarded for going at school since that would be a very big deal. I sit here and chuckle to myself because he is in the bathroom right now trying to go because he wants to get on this computer so badly. I may have struck gold on this one and found the magic pill to make it all work out nicely.

I Can't Make Up My Mind

2010-11-17T12:32:00.000-05:00

It seems that all the time I am switching back and forth between,"He is autistic and he can't do that by himself" and,"He should be able to do that by himself he is 8 years old for Pete's sake!" Does anyone else have that dilemma? I just can't seem to make up my mind whether or not my child can do things for himself or not, maybe it is the autism and my lack of ability to determine whether or not Griffin is capable of executing a task on his own without my assistance. For the most part I let him try to do things on his own but I have to be careful because I don't want him to become frustrated if it doesn't work out right and then have a meltdown.
I have trouble with communication with Griffin and it creates a problem when it comes to diffusing a potential meltdown so I am careful to avoid them as much as possible.

Sometimes I wonder about myself and worry that I am not as good of a parent than I would like to be and I know that I am hard on myself because people have told me that but I aspire to be the best that I can be because it is my child who I am shaping here not a dog or a cat. I have an above average IQ so it's not that I am not intelligent enough to do what I set out to do and I just can't help but to think that having autism has a lot to do with how I go about making the choices that I do when it comes to raising Griffin and oftentimes it is an ~~obstacle~~ challenge for me. Frequently I feel overwhelmed and I start to shut down and sometimes I make rash decisions because I am so confused at the moment. Then I wonder if I made the right decision and doubt myself sometimes changing my mind again. It is a quandary and I don't suppose that things will ever change because it is all part of my DNA.

Making Alphabet Cookies

2010-11-14T18:05:00.000-05:00

I didn't take a picture but now I wish that I had because it was such hard work making those alphabet cookies. The dough got warm by the time I got all the letters onto the cookie sheet and they began to melt, as it were, and it was impossible to get them out in one piece. Anyhow, we got to the letter M and I told Griffin that was it...he was having fun rolling out the dough and pressing out the letters but mommy was doing the hard part and the time consuming part but it was well worth it and I am glad that we did it. I had to go to the craft store to get the cookie cutters which I felt was a bargain because there was 101 cutters of different shapes plus the alphabet and all the numbers for only $14.99. He can use them with his play doh and make more cookies after the dough gets cold and mommy has built up some more patience.

Griffin has been constipated because he holds it in when he has to go and he won't go at school so he goes days before having a BM. This time it was 5 days before he finally went (yesterday) and the only reason that he did finally go is because I kept giving him Mirilax. In fact he went 4 times today because of the Mirilax but better that then being all stopped up. I just don't know how to get him to stop holding it in when he needs to go. The Mirilax helps him have the urge to go but if he holds it in then he creates the problem. If anyone has any ideas I am open to them. Any suggestions?

My Little Artist

2010-11-08T09:42:00.001-05:00

Griffin does not watch Family Guy but he likes the main character Peter Griffin and he wanted to learn how to draw him properly so he looked up the YouTube video of the actual cartoonist drawing the character. And this is the final copy of Griffin's artwork where he did exactly what the artist drew. I am so proud of him because he did such an amazing job with this and not only that but I think that he was a little genius to look up the video in the first place. I never would have even thought of doing that but I shouldn't be surprised because if Griffin wants something he finds it on the Internet no matter what it is.

Repetition

2010-11-01T20:07:00.000-04:00

The weather has been so perfect for going out and feeding the ducks and geese, I couldn't ask for weather more beautiful. We spent nearly 2 hours at the lake because we were having such a good time and it was so relaxing.

Griffin has been playing the same program over and over again for weeks now and it wouldn't be so bad except that it is just obnoxious! I guess that anything over and over again is obnoxious but this guy's voice in the show is so irritating but alas......he loves it and it brings him joy so what else should I do but to let him watch it. Besides, if I didn't let him watch it I would risk a meltdown and it isn't worth that, I couldn't explain to him that it is getting on mommy's last nerve and she just can't take it anymore. To his credit, he does watch other shows now and then thank goodness and I am grateful for it!

Speaking of meltdowns, Griffin doesn't have that many so much anymore, I really think that he is outgrowing them. He has learned to adjust to his environment and to change so well that he just doesn't breakdown and lose it anymore for the most part. Granted there are some now and then but they are short lived and minor compared to what they used to be. I am so proud of him because he is really growing up and learning more and more about the world around him and adjusting to it.

A Great Way to Spend the Day

2010-10-24T15:01:00.002-04:00

We went to Griffin's school to play on the playground because it was the perfect day to do so. Griffin has been fighting off a cold the past few days so I think that being outside does him good, getting fresh air and not being in the house all the time on the computer is always good. Right now he has two TVs going one in his room and one in the living room and if he had his way then he would be complete by being on the computer all at the same time. I don't allow him to have the TV on and be at the computer at the same time because for one thing it drives me crazy! To listen to two things going at the same time and heaven forbid that he tries to talk to me too! So if he wants the TV on while he is at the computer then he has to mute it. At least he has two educational shows going as he always does, I never have to worry about the content of what he watches on the TV, DVD, or on the computer because it is always educational or innocuous cartoons (usually preschool level shows).There is a lot of comfort in that and I do continue to listen and check on what he looks at on the Internet just in case one day his taste changes and he catches me by surprise.........the day may come.

Autumn is My Favorite Season

2010-10-23T10:35:00.001-04:00

Griffin had to go a couple of days without the computer because it had to go to the repair shop and he faired quite well, much better than I thought that he would. He kept himself busy with Legos, drawing, books, and TV. I had to go out and get a 50 ft. ethernet cord in order to get Internet access because I had forgotten what my wireless username was at least according to the provider I didn't have the right one. So I had to spend $30.00 on the cord but it was well worth it because there was no way I was going to have a computer sitting here and have to try to find a way to explain to Griffin why we couldn't use it and expect him to understand.

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous here, it is why autumn is my favorite season and of course the beautiful fall colors too. The scent that is in the air is like no other and it arouses the senses to a state that is simply euphoric.

Griffin and I went to feed the ducks and geese today and I could tell that he was having a sensory feast! He was rolling on the ground and feeling the leaves on him and watching the ducks as he was feeding them. I could see that he was enjoying himself because usually when the ducks stop eating he wants to go right away but that was not the case today. I have never seen him get on the ground like that and roll around so I was thrilled to see him having so much fun. When he got up he told me that he was sleeping with the ducks (because he was lying beside them). And I asked him if he had a good time and he answered, "Yes!". We also went to PetSmart and he got the chance to pet two of the kitty cats there that were up for adoption. When I let the woman know that Griffin has autism and that petting cats was very therapeutic for him she was happy to let him have the opportunity to spend time petting them. Usually they are not available for petting unless you are going to adopt them so it was nice that Griffin got to pet them because he really enjoyed it!

A Day With Nature

2010-10-09T19:47:00.001-04:00

We spent the morning at the nature center and the weather couldn't have been more perfect.We got there at just the right time, 30 minutes after it opened because there was no traffic and we got a parking space right by the front door and by the time we left the traffic was backed up for miles in both directions.While there we got to see black bear, gray wolves and red ones which are indigenous to our area, otters, the petting zoo and this cute tiny owl (which I forget what kind it is) but Griffin really liked it because he has an afffinity for owls.

Here he is giving one of the goats a hug in the petting zoo. He seemed not too bothered as far as his sensory needs go with the odors of the animals and the feeling of their fur although he wasn't excited about it either. All in all it was a successful venture to the nature center.

Bad Dreams Solved

2010-10-08T13:04:00.000-04:00

I took Griffin to the psychologist Monday and we figured out why he was having his bad dreams and what they were all about. His dreams were about people being made into food like chickens he said. It's no wonder he was wetting the bed because that is a scary dream! Reminds me of Soyient Green......how about you? Frankly if that movie was a dream it would be a nightmare so I can see why Griffin was scared. So the doctor talked to Griffin about it and told him that it isn't true, that people are not made out of food like chickens. And he asked him if it bothered him that animals were made into food and he didn't seem to mind, not saying anything. So he hasn't had any bad dreams or wet the bed since then.......YEAH!

I Can't Make Him Have Fun

2010-10-07T07:41:00.003-04:00

Just as the doctor told me, "You can take Griffin to interesting places but you can't make him have fun." And his hippotherapy is a great example of that because this week he told me that he didn't have a good time. I saw him smiling while he was trotting but maybe that was just a reaction. I just don't know....how can I tell? The only way that I can tell is to ask him. Sometimes he doesn't even smile and it makes me wonder if he is even having fun but the doctor (psychologist) tells me that it is the autism and that I shouldn't blame myself . He said that Griffin doesn't understand the social aspect of what is going on when people are having fun in social situations. He needs me to explain to him that he needs to smile during certain activities and eventually he will learn to do so but in an intellectual way, it will never come naturally.

In the photo he is petting the horse that he rides "Danny" and he seemed to enjoy petting the horses before he got to ride because they were mouthing his hands and he thought that was funny.

At Occupational Therapy, Griffin brought his pillow with him from the sensory room because he was still seeking that deep pressure that he got when his therapist made a sandwich out of him with a whole bunch of bean bags and a weighed blanket. Eventually she talked him out of the pillow and they made a picture with rice and glitter glue.

Blessed with Perfect Days

2010-10-04T12:19:00.001-04:00

Saturday we started out our day at the Unity Center where Griffin and I went to play games but ended up not playing them because he didn't want to so we just played on the playground with Cameron the director of the Montessori school there. Griffin was a real trooper when it came to trying the hula hoop, he kept trying it over and over again until about 5 minutes later he gave up. That's a good long while I think.

We went to the neighboring town to see the festival there but it ended up just being all arts and crafts which was boring for Griffin so thankfully there was the toy store where he found this great penguin that was almost as big as he was. That put a big smile on his face!

Then we went to the Hands On place where we played with puppets and painted. There was much more to do but Griffin was most interested in the puppets so that is where we stayed most of the time. He got a big kick out of playing with them and when I talked funny while pretending to be a parrot and a horse he really liked that. He seemed to loosen up a lot while we were playing and laugh a little bit which is always nice to see. Just as the doctor said, it is important that Griffin see me as someone to have fun with so it was good that we got to laugh together and truly have fun. Sometimes it is hard to be the one who has to be the disciplinarian all the time and then to try to switch back and forth to one who is fun and laughing. But I have to find that balance and make sure that my son sees me as a fun mom too.

Sunday we went in the morning to feed the ducks with our neighbor Nikki. There weren't many ducks out there and all the geese were gone, they had already flown south for the winter. So we didn't stay very long. The weather was nice though, it was nippy but beautiful/

Later we went to Unity Center and I stayed in the childcare with Griffin instead of going to the service because he cannot go to the childcare alone, we already tried that route. So they are going to give me a copy of the service on a cd since I need to stay with Griffin. Anyhow, I don't mind because we had a good time together in there. We had circle time, made a craft, and then Griffin didn't want to go to the playground so we went for a hike instead.

Then we went swimming at the YMCA for awhile to top the day off. Griffin just kinda plays around because he still cannot swim due to his low muscle tone in his body, but he still has a great time. We both get bored after about 30 minutes so it doesn't last that long but it is still worth the trip.

So I was blessed with a perfect weekend and I am grateful for every day that I have with Griffin not just the weekends. Even if we have tough days they are all the way that they are meant to be and as long as he is in my life that is what I call a perfect day!

Bad Dreams

2010-10-01T20:37:00.000-04:00

Griffin wet the bed the other night and told me it was because he had a bad dream and I felt helpless as to what to tell him. I wanted to give him some helpful advice about what to do about his bad dreams or to console him somehow but the best that I could do was to hug him and tell him that it was all going to be okay that they weren't real. I just didn't know what else to tell him. I would love to know what other parents tell their kids that you have found to be helpful and that have given your child some comfort. All I know is to ask the doctor (psychologist) on Monday when we go and see if maybe he can help Griffin understand about bad dreams.

2010-09-26T23:02:00.000-04:00

Griffin had a performance at school Thursday where he played the bongos and sang but most of all he danced and entertained the parents unexpectedly. And he played his air guitar too when all the other kids were standing oh so still and proper. The parent who had been sitting next to me had come up to Griffin later in the cafeteria as we sat and ate pizza and told Griffin that he was a great guitar player. She didn't know that he was autistic but I appreciated the playful tone in her voice as she complimented Griffin. We had also gone to the book fair and got a great book : National Geographic Animal Atlas. Just down his alley.

Today we went to the recreational station that is huge and we had a blast especially on the bumper cars. I am especially proud of Griffin because he rode the bumper car all on his own and I rode my own. He laughed so hard that he could hardly control the thing. I sure wish that I could have caught it on camera but I was having too much fun bumping into him making him laugh some more. I wouldn't have been on the sidelines for anything, so glad that I didn't miss this activity with him. He did go on the soft play as pictured here but as you can tell he wasn't thrilled with it and didn't stay on it long. So it was a fantastic day and it isn't even over yet!

Griffin has an EEG scheduled for tomorrow (I think, and his teachers think that he has been having absence seizures) so we have to stay up late and get up early, only 6 hours of sleep allowed, so we are trying to stay busy. It isn't even midnight yet and surprisingly he wants to go to sleep! I better get up from here and go occupy him and help him stay up for another hour.

My Child Is Blessed By Autism

2010-09-18T19:35:00.000-04:00

We started out the day early in the afternoon by going to the creek to take a dip while the gettin' was good and the temperatures are still hot before summer is over. Griffin is venturing farther out each time we go in the water and I am on shore. It is a good thing that the water is shallow because I get paranoid since there is no way of getting to him in a hurry with all the stones that are in the floor of the creek bed. All the same I do tell him to stay close by even though he was not a good listener so I had to roll up my pants and go in myself to monitor him and to get him to come in closer. The water was just deep enough that if he had fallen and couldn't get up that he could potentially drown so I wasn't taking any chances. I have to admit that the water felt really good and I am glad that I got in because it was so refreshing.

I didn't know that my niece's birthday party that we were supposed to go to later in the day was going to be a pool party but it was a pleasant surprise and Griffin loved it! It was hot out and a perfect afternoon for being in the pool, I wish that I had had my swimsuit because I was under an umbrella and was still quite hot. Griffin was in the pool alone most of the time but he didn't care and that is one of the nice things about autism is that our children can entertain themselves without needing other children around. Yes, there were other kids, girls, but Griffin wasn't interested and even if he were a typical child he wouldn't have been interested because they were all girls and then he would have felt lonely but he didn't because he is blessed! Yes, I do tend to see it that way. I do tend to see it as being blessed because he is not cursed.......there are far more ways that he is blessed by autism than he is not.

I choose to see the positive side of autism and that my child is blessed by it! Controversial? Perhaps.

He Is Special After All

2010-09-16T13:08:00.000-04:00

After going to the psychologist office Griffin told us what it is that he meant when he said that he wasn't special. He said that when he was treated special that he went "crazy" and made some gestures with his head and hands as if to go coo coo. So the doctor said to Griffin that he thinks that the days of going crazy are gone and that he doesn't have to worry about that anymore. That he can do special things with mommy like playing together and that he can feel special without feeling crazy.That is all that it took for Griffin to agree to play with mommy and to feel okay with feeling special. I just wish that Griffin has disclosed that information to me when he had told me that he didn't feel special and saved me a lot of grief. But at least it came out with a third party and we now know what it is all about finally.

We had an I.E.P. meeting for Griffin on Monday to help him in his mainstream classroom because he has been struggling. Griffin is in third grade and has no problem doing third grade work but has been having a problem with keeping up with the faster pace of the classroom. Between the autism specialists, the speech pathologist, the resource teacher, and the teacher, we decided that the resource teacher would visit Griffin in the classroom for 30 minutes three times a week to help him out. This was the alternative to sending Griffin into the resource room for an extended period of time, which none of the experts seemed to think was a good idea.

We also discussed: Griffin reading in monotone and possibly helping him with that by reading aloud to him and demonstrating inflection, his lack of confidence in giving answers because he is so afraid of getting the wrong answer and his lack of confidence in making transitions, he has peer buddies in resource who help him out some who are older, and his entire classroom has lunch buddies everyday for Griffin's benefit but they don't know that and apparently it is working out great for him because there is a new lunch buddy each day. And it gives him the chance to get to know each child and for that child to get to know him on a more personal level, and a great chance for socialization. Also the speech pathologist is playing games with Griffin and the classroom for better socialization for him on Wednesdays at recess (that is above and beyond her call of duty I think). I think that everyone is working as a great team this time around and I am very happy about it!

I'm Not Special

2010-09-15T14:41:00.001-04:00

Just imagine how you would feel if you heard your child say those words, "I'm not special". That's exactly what Griffin told me last night when I was talking to him and told him that I wanted to start playing play-doh with him. He told me that he did not think that I should play with him because he was not special. Tears began to well up in my eyes and my heart started breaking because I knew that I had failed. I had failed my child because I had not taught him that he was special even though I had told him so, it wasn't enough. I had not made him feel special.

Where had I gone wrong? What had I not done right to make him not feel like he was special? Not knowing the answer to this is perplexing and definitely a good question for the psychologist who we are seeing today. I think that I know the answer but I want to present it to the doctor first before I put it up on the blog. It would be incriminating but I feel that I am guilty of this and that it is all my fault that he feels this way. I just don't know what else it could be if not for me. We will see what the good ol' doctor has to say because I trust him and his opinion.

Horseback Riding Therapy (Hippotherapy)

2010-09-10T09:14:00.003-04:00

Griffin started his horseback riding therapy at local organization that works with children with disabilities and they have the greatest group of volunteers that are so well trained. They all have such a heart of gold and really do it all for the love of the children and for the love of the horses, it is really apparent.

Griffin rode the horse, Danny, and he was a handsome and spirited horse but not too much so that he couldn't ride him. But you could just tell that Danny was full of life and that he wasn't just some old farm horse that was about to be put out to pasture. Griffin did the exercises that he was supposed to do, as he was instructed to do, but he kept getting upset a bit about the flies and the gnats in his face and kept shooing them away with his hands in the air. I really wish that I could put a longer video on here so that the video of Griffin on the horse trotting could be viewed. He laughed so hard when the horse trotted, it was so adorable that one could not help but to laugh as well. He had everyone else there laughing right along with him.

I had spoken to the psychologist about how to better help Griffin with his communication/vocabulary and he told me to describe things that I saw him do and attach an emotion to it for example: I saw the horse talking to you and when he did you looked surprised. And I was to give three examples of things I saw him do in order to give him enough information to give me an answer when I asked him the question: What did you like the most today about your horseback riding? I gave two more examples: I saw you trotting on the horse and you were laughing and looked very happy. I saw you shooing the flies away and you looked angry.

So, when it came time to ask Griffin what he liked best about his horseback riding he had more information to work with since I had just given him some examples of what he session had been like. A bit of a reminder of what he had done so he had more to work with in his vocabulary. He answered me with, " I like trotting the best, I had fun trotting on the horse." What a success that was just for him to answer me was huge! For Griffin to reach inside and find the words to work with like that and for me to have helped him find the words is fantastic.........what a gigantic success that was I just can't stress that enough!

Griffin just has significant delays in communication and to know him is to know that Griffin struggles on a daily basis with being understood when he speaks and he gets frustrated because he has to repeat what he says so many times because even his own mother often finds it hard to understand him. But with the speech therapy coming along nicely I really think that it is helping him to annunciate his words much better little by little. I am so glad that we found this new group at P.T.S. because if not for them then Griffin would be still sitting in speech coloring pictures and just repeating sentences over and over not getting anywhere as he was at his old therapy group. I think that with the new speech pathologist's help and the help of the psychologist, not to mention a lot of help from mommy....Griffin will come a long way in his communication but we will just have to take it little by little and not have great expectations in the beginning, we must do it slowly and gently.

Jubilee

2010-09-05T12:36:00.002-04:00

We went to Jubilee this morning with my sister, her daughter, and her partner for the first time and I think that we had a good time together. Jubilee is a non-denominational spiritual meeting of sorts not quite church but something a bit more unique. Anyhow, there is reading from different scriptures and singing and even some dancing for those who care to do so. I even saw a man with his dog so it is just really relaxed and special. Griffin didn't want to stay in the childcare area so my sister explained to him that he needed to be on his best behavior if he was going to stay with us in the service so he agreed and he certainly did! Griffin was a perfect little gentleman the entire time and even danced around a little bit and clapped his hands. Griffin adores my sister so it was good to spend time with her.

Griffin and I have been playing Legos and it has worked out nicely. There are distractions of course and sometimes our playtime doesn't last that long but at least we are playing. Oftentimes, he wants to watch TV and play so it is kind of like not playing together but I will take what I can get..........autism and all!

Learning How to Play With My Child

2010-09-04T07:40:00.002-04:00

It had been gnawing away at me the fact that I couldn't play with my own child and I just didn't know why. I didn't know if it was the way that I had raised him or if it was the autism. So I called the psychologist's office to see if I could get an appointment right away and they had an appointment that day, Wednesday. I was so anxious to talk to him because this was something that really bothered me and I felt guilty about it, a bad mom because I couldn't play with him.

The doctor was so understanding and helped me feel so much more at ease because first of all he re-assured me that mostly the issue was that Griffin didn't play with me because of the autism not because of how I had raised him. But he did show me how to play beside him with Legos, narrating what Griffin was doing as he was playing. He made sure to let me know that it was crucial that I did not tell him what to do or instruct him in any way or else it would cease all play......nip it in the bud. Tears welled up in my eyes and as I fought back the tears I thought to myself, how wonderful it was that I had found someone who understood me and was helping us after all these years. After all these years, sure Griffin had people working with him who showed him how to play but nobody ever showed me how to play with him and I felt really stupid. It may seem really simple to you but it hasn't been for me, maybe it is just my nature but I didn't know to sit and narrate and not tell him what to do.....did you? It is easily done now and it is what I am going to do, the only obstacle is going to be the computer and the fact that it is a distraction. We'll just have to be creative and figure out how to make Legos more fun than the computer.

From now on we are playing together.....well at least we are playing side by side.

What to Do About a Tantrum

2010-08-27T10:59:00.001-04:00

I spoke with Griffin's psychologist yesterday and he told me that maybe it would get worse before it gets better....the tantrums that is. Griffin has learned that tantrums work because mommy gets embarrassed in the store and gives into them and yes I know that that is the absolute worse thing that I can do but hey people.....I am alone here without any support and it is hard! I know that that is no excuse for not being a hard nose and for not being consistent with him but when he has a tantrum and puts his whole body into it there is little that I can do other than make a huge scene and try to physically restrain his 80 lb body on the floor where he ends up flailing! By the time that I am restraining him I am sure that someone is calling the cops or social services for child abuse.....this is what I imagine happening because he would be screaming that I was hurting him as he always does and there's just no way that it would end up on a good note.

So instead this is what we are going to do: I am going to set the two of us up for success by giving Griffin the rules in the car before we go in. For example: No walking away from mommy, no picking up items and putting them in the cart, and no tantrums. Then if he follows the rules after a practice run of about 7 minutes he will get a reward of an ice cream cone at Dairy Queen or Mc Donald's or something special and cheap. We will do about 3 practice runs this week to see how it goes and report back to the doctor next week. The practice runs are only 7 minutes long to make sure that there is success and I imagine that we will increase the amount of time as we go along. So maybe they won't get worse before they get better after all.....maybe this is the recipe for success and things are going to run smoothly. I will let you know soon because we are going to go on our first practice run today. I have got my fingers crossed!

Have a New Kid by Friday is an excellent book if you are looking for some way to get your child to listen to you and to pay attention to you. I just started it but so far it has had a profound effect on me as far as my perspective on how I approach Griffin and how I talk to him. It is a book on how to change your child's attitude, behavior, and character in 5 days and having read what I have I believe that it is possible! Just click on the highlighted blue links to purchase the book either new or used.

30 Most Famous Thinkers Believed to Be Autistic

2010-08-26T07:21:00.000-04:00

The Online Graduate Programs Blog has posted the 30 most famous thinkers believed to be autistic and the list is fantastic! Among my favorites are Charles Darwin, James Joyce, Temple Grandin ( I adore her) and Socrates. Oh and I must not forget Albert Einstein ! It is a list that you must see with descriptions of the individuals and their autistic tendencies. It is really quite fascinating to read and I believe that these individuals were probably autistic by these descriptions and by what I know of their history, of course I am not familiar with all of them but the ones I do know I firmly believe were autistic.

Griffin has been wetting his pants lately and it is something that is not unfamiliar to us. He did it quite a bit last year and I think that it is because he doesn't go to the bathroom during the scheduled bathroom breaks. And he won't ask his teacher to go to the bathroom when he needs to go so there in lies the problem. I don't know how to get it across to him to understand that he must ask the teacher to go to the bathroom when he needs to go. When I tell him he just gives me no response, he simply ignores me and I can't get him to answer. When he goes to his psychologist next I am going to get him to bring it up and explain it to Griffin and maybe he can get it across to him in some different fashion that he will understand. Otherwise, I just don't have an answer to what to do unless someone else might have a suggestion I would greatly appreciate any input you might have. I don't want Griffin embarrassed by what is happening or teased or worse yet.....bullied by some of the kids because after all he is 8 years old and it is a bit old for him to wet his pants. So far his teacher has not reported any of this happening or that the kids are laughing at him so maybe it's okay for now but something has got to be done to help stop it.

He's Come a Long Way

2010-08-22T09:51:00.001-04:00

Here's Griffin around 16-18 months right after he had begun his early intervention and if he is 18 months then it is after he has been officially diagnosed with autism. But anyhow he has his pressure vest on, which helped keep him calm, and has lined up his little chess pieces over at his early interventionist's house, Sheila, who is still to this day a very dear friend. Griffin didn't line up things much after this photo, he was never really into that much like lots of other autistic kiddos are. He did however like his spoons and went everywhere with them usually one in each hand but always at least one.

Now he is in third grade and is in a mainstream classroom and is doing an excellent job I might add! I spoke with his resource teacher and she bragged on him saying that he is participating in class very well and asking questions raising his hand appropriately which is wonderful! She said that she is working on finding the balance between helping him and figuring out when to pull back and letting him do his own work but that so far he has shown her that he can keep up with the class quite well with little prompting.

He has come a long way since lining up those chess pieces and I am so very proud of him, he does still have his share of meltdowns but they are short lived and not as intense as they used to be....thank goodness. Griffin has really grown up and matured and become quite an independent young man and it is so bittersweet for me that he is growing up so fast. I love that he is becoming his own person and doing things on his own but at the same time it breaks my heart that my little boy is growing before my eyes and I know that one day those kisses and hugs might not be so plentiful but for now they are and I am so very grateful!

We tried the Intuniv yesterday and it had the opposite effect on him. It was supposed to make him sleepy by the end of the day and by the end of the day he was revved up and couldn't sleep despite the medication (Phenegran and Melatonin) that I tried. I finally had to call the doctor on call and ended up giving him an entire dose of Attivan to get him to sleep after trying a half dose which didn't work! That is, the same dose that I would take....that is how revved up he was! So out with the Intuniv no hope there.

I am Glad to Introduce a Guest Blogger Edward D. Iannielli III. This Will Touch Your Soul

2010-08-18T07:16:00.000-04:00

A dream, A hope, A wish, A prayer, A life and Autism

It is very important in our lives to dream as young children and to always be encouraged by our parents to reach for the stars in all that we do. When we are kids we are constantly evolving and growing and we are always learning and developing throughout our youth. The time in the life of a young child is very special and it should be filled with hope, optimism, encouragement, enthusiasm, wishful thinking and prayers to God for our child's good health, happiness and a life filled with promise, hope, dreams, vision and self confidence.

It is every parent's hope that their child is healthy and able to develop naturally and adapt to the typical changes that children encounter as they grow. We all are grateful for being blessed with a child in our life and we always want the best for them. If a child is born with autism or some form of disability it means that child will have some challenges ahead in their life but they should have the same dreams and hopes that every child needs to have in their life. My son is autistic and he has challenges that we are trying to help him deal with. At times it seems he will have his share of difficulties and periods of isolation. I only wish that he could realize when he struggles that he has the love and support of his mom and dad and he has many in his corner working to help him.

For many people Autism is not really understood and from outward appearance for the typical person raised in a typical community very difficult to assess. There are many autistic children who from first impression seem normal in ways so when they seem to react out in an inappropriate way to the dismay of others it seems they are defiant and unruly. This for most autistic kids is the furthest from the truth and it seems the parents are thought of as not being able to discipline their children. The reality is that the parents will do anything to help their autistic child and they put so much time, effort and compassion into raising their special child so they can hopefully fit in and have lesser outbursts and meltdowns. It is not easy raising an autistic child and for most families it tests their very limits of patience and endurance and adds a great deal of stress and financial pressure on the family. It is very important to accept the situation and work together with family and all in the support network to help that autistic child find their way in the world.

To an autistic child the world can be a very scary and intimidating place and they would rather live in their little place that is safe and free from confrontation. Autistic children tend to have social difficulties and feel that they can not fit in unfortunately. It takes very committed family and professionals to help address these children with their thoughts and insecurities and help them through these social obstacles.

It is our dreams, hopes, wishes and prayers that help us through these challenging times and give us the insight and knowledge that will help us find the dedication we need to get our autistic child on the right path in their life so they can have the same chances and opportunities that all children deserve in their life.

The one thing I have learned about raising an autistic child is that my sense of life and purpose evolves around my son and everything I do or plan to do is for helping him become better and more self confident. Autistic children do tend to suffer from anxiety and have many challenges and it sometimes can be emotionally very trying in their life and the parent's as well. As a parent I strongly urge you to never give up on your child and to always show compassion and hold on to hope and provide love, support and encouragement. There is nothing like seeing an autistic child blossom and come into their own after realizing the struggles they encounter.

To see an autistic child smile and hear them acknowledge that they feel loved and accepted and to truly help them find something that challenges them and gives them self confidence is the best gift we can ever experience in our life as parents.

The many ups and downs we will encounter as parents raising our children is all worth it if we can set the standard for them so they will benefit and grow and become happy, well balanced, confident and caring young adults ready to take on life's challenges and have dreams, hopes, wishes and vision. I pray everyday for my son to have a wonderful life with Autism.

Dedicated to my son who inspires me everyday.

Edward D. Iannielli III

First Day of School

2010-08-17T14:08:00.000-04:00

It was smooth sailing this morning as Griffin woke up on time and popped out of bed like he was truly interested in going to school. He got up early enough to have some computer time and a little bit of time to watch TV while eating his apple. I told him to go ahead and eat breakfast at school as he is used to doing so that he won't be starving before lunch. Besides he prefers eating breakfast at school than at home and since he takes the bus he has time to do that.

Positive Student Profile

2010-08-16T11:20:00.000-04:00

My new friend April gave me this Positive Student Profile for Griffin and I am so grateful for it because it is going to help Griffin's new teacher understand him so much better from the get go. Here it is:

Who is Griffin:

loves animals/wildlife

favorite color is red

loves his cat named Dot and his service dog named Abby

loves to draw

favorite TV show is Sesame St.

Griffin's strengths:

loves to laugh

cleans up and is helpful

has good manners

understands what is being said

has a great sense of humor

Griffin's challenges:

inability to effectively communicate which leads to high level of frustration.

dislikes unexpected change

difficulty completing an assignment with re-direction

difficulty with math

reluctant to do things on demand

What supports are needed for Griffin?

to observe and learn from “typical” children

to have a circle of friends for support

to have a routine that is structured yet flexible to allow for increased tolerance to change

a curriculum which can be modified where and when needed

communication between parent and teacher for support as a team

Other helpful information:

When Griffin gets upset and begins to have a meltdown it is best to talk to him and try to figure out what he is upset about to try and diffuse the situation first. Usually you can figure out what is wrong and help him to make the necessary changes in order to help him to calm down. Sometimes the reason that he is getting upset is that something changed out of the set routine. If the redirection doesn't work then it is worthwhile to get him to take deep breaths and calm down by talking to him and explaining the situation to him because he does understand logic and reason, this is how his mind operates. Griffin is a gentle child and does not lash out so he does not need to be restrained.

Update on Scheduling

2010-08-16T07:51:00.000-04:00

7:46 a.m. Griffin got up on time this morning after going to bed at 7:00 p.m. last night and even after getting up in the middle of the night! So I told him to get up out of bed to practice getting ready to catch the bus and he popped out of bed like a champ! It is looking good so far and I think that we are ready for tomorrow morning. We even walked Abby before it was time for the "bus" to come which would be 6:50. We're doing great folks!