Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's Time to Vent....Finally!

For those of you who know me, know that I am not one to complain about my health and all that I tolerate from day to day. I keep it all to myself because I see no point in sharing it with anyone...what good would it do?

Well, it is time for me to vent and enlighten those of you who might even remotely care. For the past month and a half I have had anxiety that is as though it is eating me from the inside out and is totally relentless regardless of medication or stupid and useless relaxation techniques. I am constantly on the edge and everything irritates me to no end but I dare not show it or say a word. Griffin bounces off the walls having a blast and I cannot enjoy these times with him because I feel like shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My insomnia has been horrible and even with medication once again I have it regardless. I awake at least twice a night if not three times. Usually I awake with the same anxiety that I had when I went to sleep. So my days are not only full of anxiety but I am exhausted at the same time.....every single day! My doctor has tried every medication possible and none have worked so he just gave up. And maybe you are thinking that I should try the natural route but NO NO NO, I have tried those and it is a big waste of money and it is money that I cannot afford to throw away.

I cannot read and relax because Griffin has the TV going and usually the computer too and my mind cannot focus enough for the words to make sense. So, what am I left to do? I cannot have a social life thanks to my father who won't allow my mother to watch Griffin so that I can have a break and have a life of my own. So here I am stuck and I hate to use that word but that is how I feel. What am I to do? Go out and find a perfect stranger to care for my child while I TRY to have fun on a date? I think not.

So, this is my perdicament and whether you hear it from me or not doesn't mean that I am not going through it. Don't know how this is supposed to help me feel better but I just felt that I need to vent and that perhaps it would be cathartic for me.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Time to Celebrate!!!!

This morning I was hastily making all the phone calls that we couldn't make over the weekend about Abby. Alas, I had just called the veterinarian to make sure the contact info was correct and not even 10 minutes later she called me back to tell me that somebody has our baby!!!!!

Apparently Abby got inside of a pasture that had chicken wire, got in it but couldn't get out. So, this woman who just so happens to be a dog groomer and had the pasture adjacent to her home, saw Abby and it took her an hour but she lured Abby with her dog and Abby came right up to them. I am so very grateful that this woman did the right thing by calling the vet and reporting that she found this dog.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and sent out positive energy into the universe. We are so thrilled to be a family once again.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

We Miss Our Abby Girl and Feel Lost Without Her

It breaks my heart to even write this because to face the fact that we may never see Abby again is heart-wrenching. Yesterday, Griffin and I went to N.C. to visit our friends there and go to a baby shower. Well, we left Abby at our friend's house in the back yard while at the baby shower, thinking that she could not get out of the fence but little did we know that she could get out of the gate area with a lot of determination. And I feel horrible because she must have felt abandoned and thinking that we were not coming back for her so she took off looking for us. For hours there were 4 women and Griffin looking and calling everywhere but most places were closed because it was the weekend.

My stomach was doing flips and tied up in knots especially when Griffin kept asking where Abby was, it was all I could do to not cry. I am not giving up hope that we will find her safe and sound and either she is going to come back to the house in NC or she will make a long trip to our apartment in SC. Maybe someone has got her and has a heart big enough to let us know that they have her. I think that since she is a German Shepherd that most people will avoid her thinking that she will bite which is a good thing and a bad thing.

Please, dear friends, keep us in your prayers that Abby is safe and sound and that we will get her back. She is one of our family members and not just a "pet", she has served Griffin well as a service dog for 4 years and I am wishing that we will have her back for many more years. Life just isn't the same without her around because we miss her so very much. She has been loved so much and really bonded with us so I've just got to not give up on her and know that she loves us and will come back to us again soon.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Words of Wisdom

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."