The Field Trip to the Aquarium in Tenn.

We have been going to the lake and to the YMCA each weekend to spend time together and probably that is what we will be doing this summer too not only because it is his favorite but because it is cheap and close by not to mention.....lots of FUN!!!! I absolutely adore going to the lake and watching all the birds and water fowl, I am becoming a bird watcher myself trying to learn all the bird songs and how they appear. Griffin has shown quite a bit of interest in it as well as a matter of fact, he is the one who started it especially because of his love of penguins.

 This adorable little baby penguin came from the aquarium in Gatlingburg, TN where Griffin went with his 5th grade classroom and his sweet friend Emily bought it for him. I thought that was so wonderful, I wonder if she had arranged it with her mother beforehand because this toy was not cheap, by its size it looks as if it was at least $30.00 from a place like the gift shop at the aquarium. Griffin's classmates are all so nice to him, when I went to drop him off for the trip that morning they greeted him and gleefully reminded him of how he was going to get to see the penguins at the aquarium. When he returned from the trip he didn't have very much to say except that there were penguins, sharks, and a restaurant that he wanted to eat at....LOL!!!! That's my growin' boy, always eating!

April 14, 2013

 Griffin dressed as Snoopy's "The Flying Ace" he told me as he was on the computer playing the music and watching the video.

 Saturday we went to the next city over where there was a YMCA festival for the whole family celebrating fitness and health. Griffin actually got on this bungy (I don't know how to spell it) jumper and had a blast. He wanted to go again but the line was so very long and my feet were hurting so badly because we had been there so long already, it was all I could handle. I had hoped that he would interact with the children there but he wasn't interested. He did say that he had a lot of fun though.

This is Griffin's M&M's masterpiece on his scribble pad. He is so amazing that he can literally scribble out his creations in seconds and I know that if he took just a few more minutes of time that they would not look any different than those of professional commercial artist. I think that he just has a hard time focusing for longer than a few seconds and he gets bored easily.

This is Griffin's Godmother, Vicky, she is a beautiful soul and loves Griffin dearly. Her dear husband Wayne has kidney cancer and we were at a benefit at Etowah Volunteer Fire Station to help raise money to pay for his medical expenses 2 weeks ago. Griffin loves Vicky and always enjoys seeing her and being around her, he really responds well to her because she works with special needs individuals and she was just born with that special something that someone needs in their heart to communicate love and understanding to a special needs child/adult. We don't get to see her very often because she lives about 30 miles away and she has her own family to cope with and work but it just makes our time together that much more extraordinary. We are truly blessed to have her in our lives, I have no reservations that if something happened to me that Griffin would be in very safe and happy hands with her...she would see to it that he would thrive to the best of his ability.

Recovery and Healing

Since leaving Copestone Griffin and I have been getting along so much better, and I attribute that to the "Level System".  I have stuck to it and since that is what he learned in Copestone along with the methods for calming down it has proved to be a great combination. Now when he begins to get upset I ask him if he wishes to lose his rank in the level system and of course he does not because that would mean losing privileges and having consequences so he calms himself down immediately and moves on....and I am so proud of him. He shows much more control over himself now and much more maturity than ever before.

I do brag but he is not perfect as none of us are because he has slipped a few times and dropped from Level 2 down to Level 1 again but to him that is a big deal and he doesn't take it lightly anymore. He is beginning to learn what respect means even though it is an abstract term because it can have tangible outcomes. Also Griffin has learned that money has more value since getting out of Copestone and that food is more valuable and is not to be wasted, lessons that we have been working on with him with RHA for quite some time now not to mention lessons in life that I have been working on in life that I have tried for years.

He just seems so much happier and calmer....and I am working on it too. We just get along so much better! We snuggle and smile now instead of shout and worry about hitting. I just know that since he is on the new meds he has got to feel better at least if his behavior is any indicator he is. He seems to seek any opportunity to laugh and play now. We went swimming yesterday and he had a blast! I had a blast playing with him!

Tomorrow is his appointment with the psychiatrist Dr. Coopey 1st time. Then school starts back and I have an appointment with Jill for Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I can't wait!

Griffin Is In The Hospital/Copestone

My heart has truly broken this time because my son had to be hospitalized because his hitting and temper was beyond out of control. The intensive-in-home team and I have tried everything for months now and he has not made any improvement, in fact, he has gotten worse...he even tried to hit me in front of the nurse in the ER while we were waiting to get into Copestone (the child psychiatric unit at the hospital).

I don't know if the fact that Griffin had been seeing people was significant to his hitting me and acting out but it would seem so to me and they took it very seriously too. The intensive-in-home team from RHA believes that it is significant and that he is probably hearing voices too because with visual hallucinations audio hallucinations usually happen as well. As an individual with Bipolar Disorder I have had times when I have had side effects from my medications that caused psychosis with audio hallucinations and let me tell you that it is very scary!!!! I feel so bad for Griffin, he doesn't have the words to describe what he sees and how it makes him feel exactly, other than "bad", he just says that they are real and that they walk around and that they ignore him.

I went to visit him the first day and I was so excited to see him and I thought that he would be excited to see me but the poor guy was perseverating on the fact that he was going to miss school and I was sad because I wanted him to miss me instead. So now I know better that when I go to visit to not have expectations of him and to let him be himself and accept whatever it is he has to say with unconditional love and to not take it personally. I think that with school he misses the consistency of it and his friends and that he still can't help but to take me for granted, that is just how kids are with their moms......because they know that we'll always be around with a fountain of unconditional love and acceptance, that no matter what happens we'll be around to catch them when they fall.....unless it is something that like this when he needs to learn a lesson and mom has to break her own heart for awhile in order to do the right thing for her son's future. One day Griffin you will thank me for this one short week that you spent in the hospital to learn a hard lesson that will make an impression on you for the rest of your life.

Not only are they working with Griffin in therapy but they have changed his medications: They stopped the Melatonin and started Seroquel. Stopped Abilify and started Risperdal. They are both used for anxiety and to stabilize mood swings.

I went to see my psychiatrist today and he doubled my anti-depressant for reasons that I do not wish to disclose but for one really obvious reason....I am really depressed! I have been for quite some time and I hope this helps because he said that it could make me worse since I am Bipolar. I go back to see him in a week, he said that I should notice a difference in a couple of days. 

Jennifer Lingle M.Ed. / Griffin's Current Hallucinations & Health

How to Improve Social Interactions with Your Child in Three Simple Steps. 

I recently spoke to Jennifer and told her of how I have difficulty playing with Griffin, how we are in our own little worlds when are in at home, and it is as though she put together this article for me in particular because it really helped me . I am implementing the approach now and so far Griffin is really responding to it...thank you Jennifer, Griffin is slowly letting me play with him and allowing me in his room.

I have got to let all my readers know that Jennifer Lingle M. Ed. Director of AutismConsultingandTraining.com and also of AutismEducates.com  has been STELLAR in her field of autism training and and consulting as far as helping with the issues that I have had with Griffin. Jennifer can be reached at 828-505-0248. She also has a free e-book  Visual Tools for Homes and School. Some time ago I ordered her DVD and social skills workbook set, after hearing her speak at an Autism Society meeting and have been using it ever since. I started watching the DVDs right away and took notes but found myself needing to go back to watch them again for refreshers as I have learned something new each time I have watched them.

 The social skills book has been helpful over and over because Griffin completes it in a new way each time he does it and admittedly, with his patience he and understanding there are parts that he is yet to complete still. So I think that it will do us good for a year or two longer until he is a teenager and perhaps he is not playing with Big Bird, Calliou, Teletubbies, Spongebob, and Disney figurines anymore. I only pray that by middle school the kids are as kind to him as they are now, at least he has one more year at the school where he is now before he moves on. On a really positive note, we got a great report from his teachers in the IEP meeting, he is really showing a lot of desire to be around his peers and to have conversations with them. His speech teacher is teaching him how to take turns speaking and to share interests too, not just talk about what he is interested in. His peers are very interested in him and treat him like a little brother in fact, the teachers have to tell them to stop doing things for Griffin that he has to do things for himself. Even with this encouraging news, Griffin does spend time alone during P.E. and recess according to Griffin because the other kids don't play with him....or maybe it is just because they both don't know how to play together. It's too bad that there wasn't a coach there who could interact with them and help them.

The team from RHA is still doing a tremendous job with him at home, he is learning to trust them and go places with them and talk to them about his feelings. I believe this is a big step for him and for me too, for both of us to trust other people in our lives and to talk to them about what we do with each other but I do think that it will be awhile longer before we make headway into getting to the root of the problem other than just my lack of good parenting skills. Still waiting for the eval on Aspergers. 6 more weeks. She is sick and then I have to get on the wait list. For now I am getting the Tony Attwood book, "Aspergers, A Guide For Parents and Professionals".



Griffin has been having hallucinations, he let me know that he is seeing people after taking his medications (Abilify, Clonidine, Melatonin) at night and that his eyes "look funny".  I took this very seriously and called all the doctors I could and the prescribing nurse practitioner told me that as long as he is not scared then he had to wait for the appointment with the psychiatrist on April 1st, the first appointment that we could get with a psychiatrist on a waiting list no less! So Griffin is seeing things that he doesn't understand, I did explain to him that they weren't real and that they couldn't hurt him, but still....I would imagine that to a certain degree that some of it might be scary especially if he has blurry eyes or he might have vertigo. He is having a hard time describing what he is seeing to me. He was having sleep problems but I think that I might have that straightened out for now but his mood certainly isn't. The NP decreased his Abilify from 10 mg. daily for mood swings down to 7 1/2 daily at dinner in order to decrease his appetite.

It did decrease his appetite somewhat, somewhat mind you, he still eats plenty but his moods are more aggressive again. He had stopped hitting me and now he is doing it again. I also found out from his physical that because of his limited choice in foods ie...his restricted eating or some call it picky eater but it is more than that because I have tried everything under the sun to get this child to eat veggies! HE GAGS! He sees it, he gags! Sometimes he will touch it to his tongue barely one time but never again except he tried broccoli 3 times but still hates it. He will eat baby carrots, strawberries, apples, and bananas. We even tried with his occupational therapist but no luck, all she could get him to eat was snack foods. Now we are going to get him to go to a registered dietician for children. He has to go to a cardiologist too because his lipids and cholesterol was high not because he eats fried or junk foods but cheese and pasta. And because it runs on both sides of the family...probably his dad's side too because they were so large.

Aspergers and Me....Help Us Feel Part of The Real World

I sure hate that we don't have photos like we used to, I miss my camera so much one never realizes what a passion something is until it is totally gone. It should mean that I am writing more and more which is also my passion but there seems to be this void in my life that is a black hole absent of fulfillment and it has seemed that over the years no matter what I have done only the fact that I have a beautiful child has filled my days with contentment. I try to live as an example to enjoy doing things but there is this term that I discovered "anhedonia" which means one's inability to experience pleasure from activities once found enjoyable such as hobbies and personal interactions. This is usually due to depression which I do not currently have but I do feel numb and as if in a sensory/emotional vacuum. I think that I mostly feel lonely.

I do believe that when I thought that I was on the spectrum about a year or more ago and nobody believed me, so I just stopped pursuing it, I found myself becoming more introspective and that is when I began to have such a difficult time coping with Griffin's autism diagnosis all of a sudden. I became angry and confused and had no one to talk to about it who understood me, everyone was qualified to talk to Griffin but not to an adult...as far as I knew.

Now that someone has told me recently that he believes that I have Aspergers, and he is someone who has a daughter with Aspergers (a high functioning form of autism, more so than Griffin) he is also someone who is an autism therapist specialist. But he still wants me to go a woman named Laurie who is an expert psychologist who can do an evaluation and give me counseling especially since this has been such a struggle for me. Believe me....it is no piece of cake being on the spectrum as a single parent and raising a child on the spectrum with behavior issues.....not only that I am also Bipolar with PTSD and have Fibromyalgia/CFS, and severe arthritis in my feet. I hate to let any of that stop me but some days are so hard and the worst part is when people don't call me. I am hardly on the computer anymore because my Fibromyalgia has been so bad and I am so weak that it is hard to take care of my chores, errands, doctor's appointments, so then by the time I am home all I can do is rest as much as I can until I have to take care of Griffin and I fall asleep on the couch before bedtime.

Even if I do have Aspergers and like to be alone just like many autistic individuals it doesn't mean that I don't get lonely and wish that my friends would call me or write a letter or e-mail. I reach out to them but I guess that their busy lives just keep them from making frequent calls...I guess. It still hurts my feelings and I can't talk to Laurie until the 28th. Now I have an idea of what Griffin feels like when he wants to socialize but doesn't know how, when the other kids won't play with him. When he wants to say something but can't get the words out and the ideas and frustrations are trapped in his head/heart. That is why I am trying to talk more to Griffin and if he doesn't want to talk I just ask him if I can be in the room with him because I know what it is like to feel empty and to feel as if nobody is thinking of you. He relies on me to help him feel loved and wanted for his self-esteem and self worth, it is a huge responsibility and even when I feel weak and exhausted from my CFS I have still got to be there for him.

That is part of what we are working on with RHA. We are working on communication to make life easier for both of us but especially for Griffin so that he can let me know what he is thinking and feeling before he breaks something or hits me. I am so impressed with RHA, they have really brought us together, we are spending more quality time together drawing each other out of our isolation because we know how. That is something that my friends and Griffin's peers don't know how to do. They don't know that with autism we are in our own little world, in our comfort zone as much as possible but if you have the inclination and the love and the patience....you can draw us out of it and bring us joy beyond contentment and help us feel like we are part of the real world.

I Am So Proud Of My Young Man

Griffin had a first yesterday and I am so happy to brag about how proud I am of him and how much he has progressed and grown in just the past year alone...he is about to turn 11 on Thursday and he has certainly earned it! Yesterday he went into Subway to order his favorite sandwich, a 6" pizza sub on his favorite bread, with his favorite kind of orange cheese he likes to call it, a peanut butter cookie, a small drink, I handed him my wallet and he counted out the money himself change and all completely by himself....now if that doesn't make a mom proud of her son who is learning to be independent what does? I was careful to not say too much to him about it because he doesn't like too much verbal praise but I gave him as much as he would allow, telling him that his mom was proud of what a young man he has become and that he is so smart to be able to do something like that all by himself. Tessa, the RHA consultant or provider ( I really don't know the proper term to refer to them ), she told me that when she takes Griffin out that she likes to get him to do things independently too.

 Craig, also from RHA, told me that Griffin went into the pizza restaurant, the kind  where the customer can sit in the car and someone can run in and get the pizza in 5 minutes for $5.00. Craig sat in the car and Griffin 
said that he wanted to go in to get the pizza by himself because I was paying for it and he had the exact change, so he went in there totally unafraid and ordered the pizza and paid for it....he is growing up so fast!

I tried out an aqua movement class yesterday and it was nice, the people were very welcoming and non-judmental it seemed. They were all elderly and because it was a class for those of us suffering from chronic pain it was gentle movement and exercise/stretching. I hope to attend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It is a good way to get out of the house even though I am uncomfortable talking to them in a social manner maybe I can get through it and enjoy it anyhow.

Our Latest Progress

We have been working with the RHA team and I must say that they are wonderful, I am really impressed with them and how well they work with Griffin. He has come a long way since they started working with him about 3 weeks ago, Griffin is not hitting me everyday like he was and our home is much calmer and quieter. Neither of us feel the same frustration that we had before and hopefully the computer will last longer because I just moved it and posted the rules and plan to reinforce them. He knows that if he breaks the computer that he is not getting another one, I am hoping that I can get a laptop for me if this happens so that I can use it while he is in school.

I am just so grateful that we are on the right path...the path of peace of mind, of love and affection, and now that he is about to turn 11 years old I am hoping that he will grow closer to me instead of away from me. I know how teenagers can be.

Lately I have been going through my own issues realizing that I have to cope with them in order to be a better mom to Griffin. I must love myself first and give to myself, and let go of fear in order to truly love anyone especially the most precious one of all.....Griffin Blaise. I've never been good at having relationships with anyone, I always seem to screw them up by saying all the wrong things or doing the wrong things if I do have Aspergers then it would be no surprise because I just cannot figure people out! I plan to get an evaluation soon because I think that it is important that I know and get help. I live in a shell hardly going out anywhere due to social phobias and it would be good to know the reason.

I signed Griffin up for swim classes and I am so excited for him, he is going to have so much fun because he loves the water. I have tried him in so many different sports but the only thing that he really likes is swimming. Got to go, Griffin is hungry yet again and Huge is about to come over for Intensive In Home.

Sensory Needs for Autistic Individuals

Isn't this a beautiful castle? Griffin made it in class last week by hand. It is so imaginative and creative, I am so proud of him he is such a talented artist! Look how much he has grown too! He weighs 115 lbs and is about 5 feet tall....unbelievable!


 It is always important to understand that simply loving your autistic child is not enough, one needs skills and tools to work with, an education to teach them how to cope with situations that arise that are challenging because they begin before you are ready for it and one day they may taper off but they will always be around. So be prepared! Give your child tender loving care, words of praise as often as you can, seek professional help and guidance, never stop having faith in what your child can achieve and his potential or how you can increase the love and compassion in your life through words and actions one small change at a time. Patience is the key, calm, breathing deeply, and living in the moment is something that we all forget about. Oh yes, and seek out support in your community.

Here is something that I found that is not comprehensive but somewhat covers sensory issues with autism and some things that can cause them, and some things that can be done about them. By no means is this professional information, it does not come from a doctor or an Occupational Therapist but it does fit with a lot of the information that I have learned over time with Griffin. 

I did have a post of meltdown vs. tantrum but took it down because after reviewing it again I found some issues with it that I disagreed with and found to be untrue, apparently I did not read it well enough the first time....not a good idea if I am going to post something and claim to be a writer.


Utililized information from www.autism.org.uk

This page covers some of the challenging behaviors that children with autism often display. It also gives possible reasons for these behaviors, and suggestions for different ways of dealing with them.
Coping with a child who has an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can be very difficult; particularly when they display challenging behaviour. It can be even more difficult to cope if your child is non-verbal. Challenging behaviour includes what would typically be considered physically aggressive behaviour, but can also include behaviours like pica (putting inedible items in the mouth) and hand flapping if they are having a negative impact on your child or your family. This information sheet focuses on coping with challenging behaviour and can be used alongside our information sheets on ‘Understanding behaviours’ and ‘Behaviour guidelines.’
It is important to bear in mind that behaviour has a function and that there could be a number of reasons for it. These may include difficulty in processing information, unstructured time, over-sensitivity (hyper) or under-sensitivity (hypo) to something, a change in routine or physical reasons like feeling unwell, tired or hungry. Not being able to communicate these difficulties can lead to anxiety, anger and frustration, and then to an outburst of challenging behaviour.

Dear diary…

Some parents have found it very useful to set up a diary to identify behaviour triggers and to see if a pattern emerges. This involves writing down what was happening before the behaviour, the behaviour itself and what happened immediately after it. It is important to note the environment around your child before, during and after the behaviour, including who was there, any change in the environment and how your child was feeling. That way, you will be able to find the cause or the function of the behaviour and try to prevent it from happening in future.
The next section looks at some typically challenging behaviour, the possible reasons for it and some suggested strategies for addressing it.

Pinching, kicking, slapping

Possible reasons:

• frustration at not being able to communicate
• difficulty waiting for something, because of difficulty with concept of time and abstract thinking
• an unfamiliar person
• a change in routine
• over-sensitivity to noise, crowds, smells, touch, sight (see our information sheet ‘The sensory world of the autism spectrum’)
• under-sensitivity – seeking out sensory input from pinching or slapping
• feeling unwell, tired, hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable
• not wanting to do something.

Suggested strategies:

• use the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) and/or visual supports to help with communication and show your child the sequence of events and routine for the day
• prepare for meeting unfamiliar people by showing photographs of them and introducing them in small stages. Tell your child when they will see them, using visual support
• prepare for any changes in routine
• use ear defenders to block out noise and sunglasses to reduce light, and reduce strong smells, replacing them with smells that your child prefers
• create opportunities for sensory stimulation, eg pinching play-dough, clapping hands, singing a clapping song/rhyme, kicking a football or punch bag
• reward your child for doing something they don’t want to do, straight after the desirable behaviour
• say in a calm, monotone voice, without showing emotion: “(Child’s name) hands down/feet down. No pinching, slapping, kicking” and then redirect them.

Smearing

Possible reasons:

• feeling unwell or in pain
• reluctant to wipe because toilet paper may be too harsh
• seeking out sensation from texture, smell or movement of arms during smearing action
• attention seeking/wanting a reaction
• not knowing where faeces needs to go
• fear of toilets.

Suggested strategies:

• provide an alternative with the same texture, eg papier-mâché, gelibaf, gloop (cornflour and water), finger painting, play-dough, etc
• make a structured timetable of the day, showing times when your child can do appropriate smearing activities
• take your child to the GP to make sure that there are no physical reasons involved, like being in pain
• if your child does not understand the wiping process, teach them ‘hand over hand’
• if the toilet paper is too harsh for your child’s sensitive skin, wet wipes could be a gentler alternative
• avoid asking your child to clear up after themselves, as they may interpret this as being a reward
• avoid paying too much attention or showing too much reaction
• do not tell them off, as this can be seen as reinforcement of the behaviour
• use minimal interaction and alternative cleaning-up methods, like baby wipes or a tepid shower
• set up a toileting routine (see our ‘Toilet training’ information sheet)
• use ‘all-in-one’ suits (available from the Abena website: www.abena.co.uk).

Spitting

Possible reasons:

• enjoys the reaction from an adult or another child around them
• is looking for attention/interaction
• has difficulty swallowing and/or may be producing too much saliva
• likes to play with the saliva and enjoys the way it feels
• uses the behaviour to avoid doing something.

Suggested strategies:

• take your child to the GP and/or dentist to rule out any medical reasons
• avoid making eye contact with your child
• play this behaviour down as much as possible
• limit verbal communication
• wipe away the saliva as soon as it happens
• do not give your child attention
• redirect them to a more appropriate activity
• provide alternative sensory activites, eg water play, finger painting, etc
• give your child lots of positive attention for doing a more appropriate activity
• give them a sweet or something to suck to keep their mouth busy
• make sure they understand what is expected and redirect them to a visual timetable.

Hair pulling

Possible reasons:

• seeking out a reaction from an adult
• looking for attention
• having difficulty meeting new and unfamiliar people
• seeking out or avoiding a sensory input, eg the smell of the person or the noises they make.

Suggested strategies:

• tie long hair back
• avoid giving your child a reaction
• do not talk to them
• do not make eye contact
• distract them by, eg, tickling them or giving positive reinforcement
• redirect them to a more appropriate activity
• prepare your child when introducing them to unfamiliar people
• give opportunities to satisfy the pulling sensation they may enjoy, eg ‘row your boat’ game, tug of war, climbing up a rope, etc.

Biting

Possible reasons:

• looking for attention
• seeking out sensory input to the mouth
• frustration at not being able to communicate something that is causing distress and to get it to stop, or struggling to get needs met
• reacting to something going on in the environment, eg too much noise
• pain in the mouth or teeth.

Suggested strategies:

• rule out any medical or dental reasons for the biting
• improve communication: “(Child’s name), no biting”
• use PECS and visual supports – use a ‘no biting’ symbol and a picture symbol showing what to do instead of biting
• increase structured activities
• reduce noise levels or other sensory stimuli that your child could find upsetting
• provide alternative things to bite, eg chewy tubes (see our ‘Biting’ information sheet)
• look at anger/emotions management and create opportunities for your child to relax
• redirect them to a more appropriate activity
• reward appropriate behaviour, eg “(Child’s name), that’s good sharing with your sister”, and give a reward as soon as you see appropriate behaviour, to encourage it to continue.

Pica

Possible reasons:

• not understanding which items are edible and inedible
• seeking out sensory input – the texture or the taste of the item
• relieving anxiety or stress
• seeking attention
• getting out of doing something.

Suggested strategies:

• replace the inappropriate item with an appropriate alternative of a similar texture, eg a crunchy carrot stick if your child chews on things like stones or sticks
• provide other forms of stimulation for the mouth, eg chewy tubes, popcorn, chewing gum, etc
• set up a sorting activity for your child to sort edible and inedible items
• take your child to the GP to rule out any medical problems or pain in the mouth 
• consider any vitamin or mineral deficiencies
• reward your child for putting edible items in their mouth
• use PECS to encourage your child to put appropriate items in their mouth and reward them
• increase the amount of structured activities your child does and distract and divert their attention.

These are just a few examples of behaviours that can be challenging. You can find more examples in our list of frequently asked questions about behaviour.

Consistency

Although these kinds of behaviours can be extremely challenging, it is really important to try and keep as calm as possible so that your child is unable to ‘feed’ off your reaction. It is also important to be consistent in your approach and for the other adults around to use the same consistent approach, so that your child does not get mixed messages and can be really clear about what is expected.

Language

By reducing language, your child is less likely to feel overloaded by information and more likely to be able to process what you say. Children with an ASD are often strong visual learners and can have difficulties with short-term memory. It can be very effective to back up what you are saying to your child with visual supports, which consolidate what you say and to help your child really understand the information.

Rewards

Using rewards and motivators can help to persuade your child finish a task that they do not want to do, or to encourage a particular behaviour. Even if the behaviour or task is very short, eg one minute, if it is followed by lots of praise and a reward, the child learns what behaviour is acceptable. But if the undesirable behaviour is met with a lack of attention and redirection, it is likely to stop.

Relaxation

It can be helpful to build in opportunities for children (and parents!) to relax each day. You can do this by, for example, looking at bubble lamps, smelling essential oils, listening to music, massages, swinging on a swing or whatever you can find that seems to help your child relax. Challenging behaviour can often be diffused by an activity that releases energy or pent-up anger or anxiety. This might be punching a punch bag, bouncing on a trampoline or running around the garden, which you can make into a chase game.

Support in the USA through the Autism Society  there you can ask questions and find out more about the causes, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatments of autism.








Many people with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have difficulty processing everyday sensory information such as sounds, sights and smells. This is usually called having sensory integration difficulties, or sensory sensitivity. It can have a profound effect on a person's life.
Here, we look at:

• how our senses work
• the seven senses in detail
• sensory difficulties that people with an ASD may experience
• ways of dealing with sensory difficulties
• professionals and resources that can help.

How our senses work

Our central nervous system (brain) processes all the sensory information we receive and helps us to organise, prioritise and understand the information. We then respond through thoughts, feelings, motor responses (behaviour) or a combination of these.
We have receptors all over our bodies that pick up sensory information, or 'stimuli'. Our hands and feet contain the most receptors. Most of the time, we process sensory information automatically, without needing to think about it much.
People with sensory integration difficulties - including many people with an ASD - have difficulty processing everyday sensory information.
People who struggle to deal with all this information are likely to become stressed or anxious, and possibly feel physical pain. This can result in challenging behaviour.

If I get sensory overload then I just shut down; you get what's known as fragmentation...it's weird, like being tuned into 40 TV channels.

Our seven senses

We have seven senses: 

• sight
• sound
• touch
• taste
• smell
• balance ('vestibular')
• body awareness ('proprioception').

People with an ASD can be over- or under-sensitive in any or all of these areas. You may hear this referred to as being 'hypersensitive' or 'hyposensitive'.

Sensory sensitivities

Sight

Situated in the retina of the eye and activated by light, our sight helps us to define objects, people, colours, contrast and spatial boundaries. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo (under-sensitive)

• Objects appear quite dark, or lose some of their features.
• Central vision is blurred but peripheral vision quite sharp.
• A central object is magnified but things on the periphery are blurred.
• Poor depth perception – problems with throwing and catching; clumsiness.

Hyper (over-sensitive)

• Distorted vision: objects and bright lights can appear to jump around.
• Images may fragment.
• Easier and more pleasurable to focus on a detail rather than the whole object.

She was Mrs Marek, a face upon which light danced maniacally, turning her into more of a cartoon than a human being. Welcome to Toon town…I'd like you to enter this torture chamber I call my kitchen and meet my wife who is a 3D cartoon. Gillingham, G. (1995), page 51

Sound

This is the most commonly recognised form of sensory impairment. Hearing impairments can affect someone's ability to communicate and possibly also their balance. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• May only hear sounds in one ear, the other ear having only partial hearing or none at all.
• May not acknowledge particular sounds.
• Might enjoy crowded, noisy places or bang doors and objects.

Hyper

• Noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled.
• Particularly sensitive to sound and can, for example hear conversations in the distance.
• Inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, which often leads to difficulties concentrating.

Do you hear noise in your head? It pounds and screeches. Like a train rumbling through your ears. Powell, J. (in Gillingham, G. 1995), page 41

Touch

Touch is important for social development. It helps us to assess the environment we are in (is an object hot or cold?) and react accordingly. It also allows us to feel pain. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• Holds others tightly - needs to do so before there is a sensation of having applied any pressure.
• Has a high pain threshold.
• May self-harm.
• Enjoys heavy objects (eg, weighted blankets) on top of them.

Hyper

• Touch can be painful and uncomfortable; people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others.
• Dislikes having anything on hands or feet.
• Difficulties brushing and washing hair because head is sensitive.
• Only likes certain types of clothing or textures.

Every time I am touched it hurts; it feels like fire running through my body.  Gillingham, G. (1995), page 3

Taste

Chemical receptors in the tongue tell us about different tastes - sweet, sour, spicy and so on. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• Likes very spicy foods.
• Eats everything - soil, grass, Play-dough. This is known as pica.

Hyper

• Finds some flavours and foods too strong and overpowering because of very sensitive taste buds. Has a restricted diet.
• Certain textures cause discomfort; some children will only eat smooth foods like mashed potatoes or ice-cream.

Smell

Chemical receptors in the nose tell us about smells in our immediate environment. Smell is the first sense we rely upon. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• Some people have no sense of smell and fail to notice extreme odours (this can include their own body odour).
• Some people may lick things to get a better sense of what they are.

Hyper

• Smells can be intense and overpowering. This can cause toileting problems.
• Dislikes people with distinctive perfumes, shampoos, etc.

Smells like dogs, cats, deodorant and aftershave lotion are so strong to me I can't stand it, and perfume drives me nuts. Gillingham, G. (1995), page 60

Balance (vestibular)

Situated in the inner ear, our vestibular system helps us maintain our balance and posture, and understand where and how fast our bodies are moving. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• A need to rock, swing or spin to get some sensory input.

Hyper

• Difficulties with activities like sport, where we need to control our movements. 
• Difficulties stopping quickly or during an activity.
• Car sickness.
• Difficulties with activities where the head is not upright or feet are off the ground.

Body awareness (proprioception)

Situated in the muscles and joints, our body awareness system tells us where our bodies are in space, and how different body parts are moving. People with an ASD may experience the following differences.
Hypo

• Stands too close to others, because they cannot measure their proximity to other people and judge personal space.
• Hard to navigate rooms and avoid obstructions.
• May bump into people.

Hyper

• Difficulties with fine motor skills: manipulating small objects like buttons or shoe laces.
• Moves whole body to look at something.

Synaesthesia

Synaesthesia is a rare condition which some people with an ASD experience. A sensory experience goes in through one system and out through another. So a person might hear a sound but experience it as a colour. In other words, they will 'hear' the colour blue.

Ways to help

Here are some ways you may be able to help a person with sensory sensitivity. Often, small changes to the environment can make a difference.
Three points to remember are:

• be aware: look at the environment to see if it is creating difficulties for people with an ASD. Can you change anything?
• be creative: think of some positive sensory experiences
• be prepared: tell people with an ASD about possible sensory stimuli they may experience in different environments.

Ways to help: sight

Hypo (under-sensitive)

• Increase the use of visual supports. (See www.autism.org.uk/visualsupports for more information about using visual supports.)

Hyper (over-sensitive)

• Reduce fluorescent lighting - use deep-coloured light bulbs instead.
• Wear sunglasses.
• Create a workstation in the classroom: a space or desk with high walls or divides on both sides to block out visual distractions.
• Use blackout curtains.

Ways to help: sound

Hypo

• Use visual supports to back up verbal information.

Hyper

• Shut doors and windows to reduce external sounds.
• Prepare a person before going to noisy or crowded places.
• Wear ear plugs.
• Listen to music.
• Create a workstation.

Ways to help: touch

Hypo

• Use weighted blankets or sleeping bags.

Hyper

• Warn a person if you are about to touch him or her; always approach him or her from the front.
• Remember that a hug may be painful rather than comforting.
• Gradually introduce different textures - have a box of materials available.
• Allow a person to complete activities themselves (eg, hair brushing and washing) so that they can do what is comfortable for them.

Ways to help: taste

Some people with an ASD are hyper- or hyposensitive to taste, and may limit themselves to bland foods or crave very strong-tasting food. We have not included any ways to help because as long as someone eats a bit of a varied diet, this isn't necessarily a problem. For more information about ASD and restricted diets however, visit www.autism.org.uk/restricteddiet

Ways to help: smell

Hypo

• Use strong-smelling products as rewards and to distract people from inappropriate strong-smelling stimuli (like faeces).

Hyper

• Use unscented detergents or shampoos, avoid wearing perfume, make the environment as fragrance-free as possible.

Ways to help: balance

Hypo

• Encourage activities that help to develop the vestibular system. For children this could include using rocking horses, swings, roundabouts and seesaws. For adults, try games like catching a ball or practise walking smoothly up steps or curbs.

Hyper

• Break down activities into small, more easily manageable steps; use visual cues such as a finish line.

Ways to help: body awareness

Hypo

• Position furniture around the edge of a room to make navigation easier.
• Put coloured tape on the floor to indicate boundaries.
• Use the 'arm's-length rule' to judge personal space. This means standing an arm's length away from other people.

Hyper

• Do 'fine motor' activities like lacing boards (available to buy online).

How sensory sensitivity affects behaviour

Sometimes, a person with an ASD may behave in a way that you wouldn't immediately link to sensory sensitivities - but they may be the underlying cause. Here are some examples of how a person’s behaviour may result from sensory sensitivities, and how you can help.
Problem: picky eater

• Possible reasons: sensitive to taste or texture, or unable to feel food around the mouth.
• Possible solutions: change the texture of food, for example purée it. Slowly introduce different textures around the person's mouth, such as a flannel, a toothbrush and some different foods. Encourage activities that involve the mouth, such as whistles or bubble wands.

Problem: chews on everything, including clothing and objects

• Possible reasons: may find this relaxing, or enjoy the sensation of chewing on the item.
• Possible solutions: offer latex-free tubes, straws or hard sweets (chill in the fridge).

Problem: smearing

• Possible reasons: may like the texture of feces or not be very sensitive to smells.
• Possible solutions: try and introduce things like jelly, or cornflour and water to handle instead; introduce alternative strong-smelling items.

Problem: refuses to wear certain clothes

• Possible reasons: may dislike the texture or pressure of clothes on their skin.
• Possible solutions: turn clothes inside out so there is no seam, remove any tags or labels, allow the person to wear clothes they're comfortable in.

Problem: difficulties getting to sleep

• Possible reasons: may have difficulty shutting down their senses, in particular sight and hearing.
• Possible solutions: use blackout curtains or weighted blankets; listen to music to cut out external sounds.

Problem: finds it difficult to concentrate in the classroom

• Possible reasons: too many distractions like noise (talking, bells, chairs scraping the floor) or visual stimuli (people, pictures on the wall). May also find holding a pencil uncomfortable (it may feel hard or cold).
• Possible solutions: position child away from doors and windows so there are fewer distractions. If possible use an individual workstation with some screens around it; or use classroom furniture to create a distraction-free area for the child. Try different textures to make the pencil more comfortable.

Professionals who can help

Occupational therapists design programmes and often make changes to the environment so that people with sensory difficulties can live as independently as possible.
Speech and language therapists often use sensory stimuli to encourage and support the development of language and interaction.
Music therapists use instruments and sounds to develop people's sensory systems, usually their auditory (hearing) systems.

Sensory rooms

Sensory rooms can help to stimulate, develop or balance people's sensory systems. Some specialist schools, local services and hospitals have them, as well as some nurseries. You may also come across sensory gardens. Some families create a sensory room in their house (or adapt a corner of a room, perhaps screening it off with a curtain).
Sensory rooms might include:

• soothing music
• vibrating cushions
• fibre optics
• mirror balls
• bubble tubes
• water beds
• tactile walls
• disco lights
• projectors
• equipment that is activated by switches, movement, sound or pressure so that people learn about cause and effect.

The reported benefits of sensory rooms come mainly from personal experiences and observations, as there is only a limited amount of research.

It is always best to consult a professional Occupational Therapist for help in these areas for advice and ongoing skills to use daily, there are great catalogs out there with equipment that is useful for sensory issues.
Griffin mostly uses the yoga ball for both calming and energizing himself in different positions and he jumps on the mini trampoline that my parents got for him years ago that he has really worn out, he loves to swim and dance when no one is looking. LOL!

30 Blogs With Tips For Homework Help

http://www.nannypro.com/blog/30-blogs-with-tips-for-homework-help/

I do not endorse nor support the website Nannypro because I have not had personal experience using its services but this link was sent to me by Sara Dawkins which I appreciate because I can pass this great information on to my readers.

This is a fantastic link to a site where you can find 30 blogs to help with homework from math to science to reading and English to organizational skills and even how to succeed with less frustration.

5 Books That Explain Cancer To Kids and I Am Feeling Better

http://www.becomeananny.org/blog/5-books-that-explain-cancer-to-kids/

I have to say that I am not familiar with Become A Nanny and do no endorse their services since I have no experience with them but since Martina Keyhell sent me this link I had to share it with you.


This is a wonderful resource for books about cancer and cancer happens to be all too familiar to me because my Aunt Patty has stage 4 lung cancer right now and I am praying for her but she is doing much better since several chemo treatments. We are optimistic. Please pray for her through her journey as it is still a long one.

Anyhow, I think that after reading this page about the books you will find at least one, if not two, books that will be helpful in your journey through cancer and all its struggles. Sometimes there is even joy to be found in all the pain behind all the clouds.


My anti-depressant is working well and I am feeling much better but still dealing with the 7 steps of coping with my child's autism and I know it sounds weird to everyone because Griffin is almost 11 years old and why didn't I do this when he was diagnosed? But I think that I didn't because I didn't feel safe enough, I didn't have a support system I just went straight to being his advocate and skipped all the other steps and didn't deal with all the other emotional stuff......I didn't know how to. I was afraid to and frankly I still am but I know that I have to. It is really hard going through this as a single parent and if only I would make myself go to Autism Society meetings and Family Support Network meetings I would probably feel better but I tend to isolate myself and make excuses. But maybe now that I am feeling better I will go and participate. I have got to start putting the oxygen mask on myself before I put it on Griffin, so to speak, by taking care of myself and doing things for myself so that I can take care of him. Everything has been all about Griffin for 11 years and nothing has ever been about Lora, and it is nobody's fault but my own. I was just noticing that I need a pedicure and I have the time to do it but I am not used to caring for myself like that. I need to pamper myself and when Griffin goes with his respite provider I need to do something special for myself and it doesn't even have to cost money.

10 Storage Ideas For Saving Some of Your Child's Homework and Our Thanksgiving Day 2012

 I received this link to the article 10 Storage Ideas For Saving Some of Your Child's Homework from Maria Wells from her blog Housekeeping.org which seems to me to be an excellent blog indeed. I checked it out and is a great resource of useful information for all your housekeeping needs. I highly recommend that you read this article with the 10 ideas for storing the homework because now I am excited about getting the clutter taken care of that has haunted me for all these years. Step number one is to get rid of the clutter and to let go of some of it that is the hard part especially the artwork. But she does have other great ideas like putting it under the bed in a container and in a three ring binder but I will let you read the rest.......

http://www.housekeeping.org/blog/10-storage-ideas-for-saving-some-of-your-childs-homework/

Griffin has been sick with a bad cough over this Thanksgiving break, I have been giving him Musinex faithfully every 3 1/2 hours because if I give it every 4 like it says then his cough comes back with a vengeance. He won't stay still, he just keeps running around as if nothing is the matter so one might guess that he is not that sick but by the way that he is sleeping so much he seems sick.

We went to the church for Thanksgiving dinner and it went well, my friend Nina called me to wish me Happy Thanksgiving while I was standing in line and Griffin was walking around checking out the food table to see if there was anything that he could eat and he didn't find anything. As we were going to sit down he discovered the dessert table and I allowed him to have some since he had already eaten before we got there, I figured there would be no food there he would eat. He calmly sat there while I ate my food getting up from the table only once to get something to drink. I did have to go get him but he was socializing really well I was proud of him I think he did really well the entire time. We had to go home and he had to eat a real meal again always

hungry.

I guess that I could have taken the time to get him to try new foods while at the church, it would have been a great opportunity but I thought that since he was sick and in an atmosphere that made him restless already I didn't think that he would have the patience to sit down long enough, even with coercion, and partly because he was sick too. I think that because there are always so many people there it is a sensory overload for him and that is why he always goes into the corner with his Doodle Pro and hides during the service. But I digress...... He made it through and I didn't make him try any new foods which made for a more pleasant experience.

Wednesday, his OT, Sarah, did however get him to try some foods but most of them he had already had before and I knew that he liked but she didn't know that when she got them. But he did try raw broccoli and liked it so that was good so now we have a new veggie that he will eat other than carrots....Bravo!

10 Things I Wish You Knew (A note from a special kid to special Parents) by Sally Brown

10 Things I Wish You Knew
(A note from a special kid to special Parents)  by Sally Brown


1.     You are the perfect parents for me. I know that you did not sign up for a kid like me- I also know that you sometimes think you cannot face what it takes to raise me.  I want you to know that this is not true.  I believe that I chose you.  Whatever you need to learn, you will learn.  The strength you think you need will come from somewhere.  The people you need to meet will show up when you need them.

2.  This is the perfect life for me. My life is a very special one.  I believe that I will impact the world in a unique and wonderful way.  Remember this when your heart is breaking because you want a path for me that is so much easier than this one.

3.     I need you to find your own spiritual path. The road we are on is not an easy one- to make it successfully, you will need all the spiritual strength you can muster for the tough days- You will need to help me when my spiritual strength is out the window- Often, you will see signs of my determination and be amazed by it.  That is not enough- You will have to find your own answers- I am depending on you for it.

4.     However you feel about me is OK. Sometimes you will feel tired and helpless and like you cannot care for me one more day.  Sometimes you will be mad because there seems to be no escaping me.  That is OK- There is no way you could take care of me without having those days.
Sometimes you may watch people look at me and be a bit embarrassed that I am not doing better- that does not make you a bad parent… it just means you are human.
Know that when you have lots of these days in a row, it is time for you to get somebody else to take care of me, just long enough for you to regenerate yourself.  It is always important that you let people help you.  I am depending on you to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

5.     However I feel about my disability is OK. Some days you will be amazed at what a happy contented person I am and you will wonder how in the world I do it.  Treasure those days.  Some days I will be discouraged, some days I will be mad, some days I will even feel really sorry for myself.  Don’t panic, I will come back around again.  If you let me express these unattractive feelings, they have much less power.  Even typical folks feel sorry for themselves sometimes.

6.     Let me try things I want to try, even if you are sure I will fail. I know that you want to protect me- that is your job, I am your child.  But I need you to understand that my survival is always going to depend on my determination.  Part of my own process is to figure out what my limitations really are.  Sometimes I may want to try to do things that seem impossible to you. Please encourage me anyway.  It is the willingness to try that is important- success is a bonus.  Know that if I fail, I will get over it.  If you make me scared to try, I am really doomed.

7.     Don’t worry about my whole life today. Sometimes you will drive yourself crazy worrying about how my life will turn out.  You will lose hours of sleep trying to figure out how I will survive in the world after you are gone.  This is not helpful to me.  Just help me stay in today.  The more you can focus on whatever we have to face today, the more you will be helping me develop the skills I will need when it is time for me to get along without you.

8.     Sometimes people will be mean to me or scared of me.  I expect you to stick up for me, but, I do not expect you to change the world.There are lots of really wonderful people in the world.  You and I will meet many of them.  There are also some real jerks who will be afraid of me or not treat me fairly.  They will assume things about me that are not true.  They may even assume things about you that are not true.  You may want to blow their brains out.  I may want to do the same.  I expect you to speak up for me when you can.  But I also need for you to be able to let it go.  It will not help me if you are mad and defensive all the time.  If you are, there are people who may not want to help me just because it is too hard for them to deal with you.

9.     Finding good doctors and professionals is important but, you know me better than they do- I expect you to trust your own instincts about what is good for me. The doctors and therapists that work with me are going to be very important in the quality of my life.  Some of them will be amazing and some of them will be pretty crazy.  Often, it will be up to you to decide which is which.  Listen to them, and know that what they say is important but, also remember that you know me best.  If something they suggest does not feel right to you, listen to that small voice and speak up.

10.   I really hope we can laugh. I believe that laughing was probably God’s best idea- It will be the one thing that can bring joy to our lives the quickest-  If I get stuck in a mud puddle, it is probably funny.  If you are lifting me and we both fall on the floor in a heap, that is probably funny too.  A good joke is worth taking the time to laugh at- Help me not get so caught up in the serious problems we face every day to forget about laughing.

Depression Again

I am having a hard time right now....so depressed that all I do is basically lie on the couch and either read or watch TV. I do get the house work done, barely, but it does happen. I do feed Griffin but oftentimes he bugs me to feed him more often than I want to because it seems that all he wants to do is eat sometimes I think it is out of boredom. I know that I should take him out of the apartment more but my depression has such a grip on me that I just can't motivate myself to get out and take him to the park. Sometimes on the weekend we go to the lake or on Fridays after I pick him up from school I take him to the lake or to the park and we walk Abby. My camera is ruined now, it got wet so I can no longer go out and take great photos which was something that I truly enjoyed, so I am no longer motivated to go out and do that because I have no idea how long it will be before I can afford to go out and buy a new good camera again since I won't settle for a lousy one...if I did I might as well use the cell phone.

 This in not the kind of depression that I can just shake off, I am Bipolar and this is clinical depression the kind that is inside and out, I have been on medication for years for my mental illness. I am a rapid cycler which means that I can have mood swings more often than by most even by Bipolar standards so my doctor has his work cut out for him to keep me stable but he does very well. I have had this one for several years and he has kept me stable and treated me in the hospital with great compassion more than any other doctor I have ever had. I am so happy that I moved here and found him, what a blessing it has been to be here because Griffin has great teachers too.

I am trying to not sleep too much because I know that it contributes to depression so even though I am on the couch mostly I stay alert, I try to move back and forth to the computer too and write in the blog, on Facebook, and in the book. Then I have my daily journal and I also read my Discover magazine and I have a book from the library that I am reading called, "Beyond Religion Ethics for a Whole World" by His Holiness The Dalai Lama. I am excited about it because I think that it will take my mind off of what is going on yet help me focus on my spirituality which in turn could help me find an additional path to better get through this angst and abhorrence which it seems there is no end in sight. I have faith in my doctor, completely and implicitly but the way it feels is different because the anxiety is overwhelming and I am so hard on myself.

I need a lot of love from my friends and family but mostly from myself that matters the most. I need understanding and support in order to pull up out of this depression because just medication is not going to help me the doctor said as I wish it would...guess I have a lot of work ahead of me. It is going to take a lot of time to get through this.I am seeing my psychologist on a regular basis and also my psychiatrist.

Griffin's Progress Report 11/15/12

I had a meeting with Griffin's teachers this morning and it went very well, I really like them and think that they are doing a fantastic job with him. He has made a lot of progress since school began back in August in fact, they said that he was doing no work then and now he is doing his work without having meltdowns. Of course they have a system in place that is organized which used to drive him crazy to the brink of overload but now he is handling it and working with it just fine. Griffin is showing much more initiative than the beginning of the year in completing his tasks.

They said that I am doing my part by having a system at home of PECS for the morning that he uses to organize himself and take responsibility of getting himself ready independently and then in the afternoon we have a written schedule checklist that organizes activities not by time per se but by a list that shows that there's only so much time in the day for each activity and that he has to move on and transition to get through the day. They even mentioned how flexible Griffin is and how impressed they were by that because most autistic individuals aren't, he merely asks why something has changed and lets you know that there will or will not be enough time for an activity during the day.

I had been concerned that Griffin's activity level was too high because at home he is bouncing off the walls and cannot sit still no matter what he is doing, in fact, I had made an appointment with his doctor to look into starting his ADHD meds again but according to his teachers his is the exact opposite at school. He is so unresponsive, low energy, low activity, and unaware that it concerns them as far as Occupational Therapy goes. He is completely unresponsive at home such as when I call out to him he does not respond several times, he is unaware of his surroundings most the time I have noticed such as being zoned out and in his own world but to me that would be a typical autistic tendency.

 Griffin's speech teacher was present and we discussed his speech, which is really difficult to understand because he is lazy with his mouth/lips. He does not move them when he talks nor does he speak very loudly. He needs to be prompted all the time and she said that we must say that we do not understand him and that he needs to speak up, and to move his lips. Also she added that I need not let it go to keep at it with him because he will give up and become complacent and get into the habit of not using good speech. I need to let Paul, his LCSW, know and his OT, Sarah, know and everyone else who works with him to keep at it so that he will learn. Part of the problem that he has with his peers is that they don't understand him when he speaks so it alienates him. Heck, I don't even understand him myself....I have to get him to repeat himself several times and even then I give up sometimes because I just don't understand what he is saying and then I wonder if I miss out on important information that he has tried to share with me.

I asked how he was doing with his peers and they told me that he is blending well especially on field trips, they just had two, one to the symphony and one to The Health Adventure. Griffin was even pretending to be the weather man and being quite extroverted one teacher told me which thrilled me to no end. She told me that there is one girl in particular who is really gifted who has taken to Griffin and on the field trip she had sort of taken him under her wing and watched out for him. Apparently the symphony was really a lot of fun for them and it was just for the kids so they had a lot of fun activities.

Another problem that Griffin has been having is with math at home. His teacher has been giving him more because she said that she thought that he could handle more as the year has gone on but this has not been true, it has been too overwhelming for him. Last night he had a meltdown over it, I tried to get him to take a break and come back to it but I was unsuccessful. He kept telling me that he had done the problems before and he was already finished so I tried several times and finally gave up. I thought that maybe she had maybe made a mistake and copied the same problems on another sheet, he does have an incredible memory after all. So they told me that the point is for him to complete the task and if he needs to take a break in between then to try that first and give him a chance to work through his frustration, to calm down and then finish. If he can't finish it by then to write a note to his teacher and then he will have consequences at school for not finishing his work. They did add that if he is having a hard day or if I have errands to run or a doctor's appointment and it is going to be a short afternoon then to only highlight a few problems so as to not overwhelm him and expect too much from him. This is the recipe for success.

I was happy with the meeting and impressed with the teachers as I had mentioned and feel that Griffin is in good hands, more so than he has been in many years as a matter of fact I haven't felt this comfortable since he was in Anchorage in Kathleen's autism classroom way back in 2005. Thanks to the many teachers out there who take great care of our kids and make a great difference in their lives.

This is a photo of Griffin and his Godmother Vicky taken at the Shriner's circus last month which Griffin sat in for an hour and then he had enough.....that was a long time for him especially considering it was a boring circus.

A Letter To Griffin

 Griffin was born January 31st 2002 so I wrote this a few months after he was born but before I knew he was autistic. I still believe in him that he can have virtues, in fact he has virtues in a deeper natural way than most people, he doesn't have to work at it. He is kind and loving and considerate of others. I still have high hopes for him as the day I wrote this letter.


My Dearest Griffin,  (Written Wednesday May 15th, 2002)

You are, beyond compare,, the most beautiful, fantastic, joyful, quintessential essence  of life....worth living. Each moment of every day I cherish, each breath you take fills my heart with joy. Your smile is more beautiful than the sun and far brighter.

My life thus far, full of experience for which I am glad; it has enriched my perspective, opened my heart and mind taught me patience, awareness, & understanding....all of which has made me the person that I am. With this wealth of knowledge & experience I have learned that time is sacred and not to be taken for granted. I look forward to all that you will teach me by helping me to see through your eyes and understand that being young is not easy, to remember that growing up is a daunting challenge full of obstacles and tough decisions for both of us. I wish for us to enjoy our time together on this earth and to fare adversity holding hands facing the wind with the sun behind us standing strong. To laugh through the hard time and remain strong holding tightly to your convictions and being and individual despite what others may press upon you.

Remember always to be kind to yourself so that you may be kind to others, be generous and give to yourself patience, forgiveness, and understanding. In order to share these virtues you must feel them first. Be virtuous Griffin and you will have dignity and strength that will get you through anything and set you apart from others.

As I nurish you and you reach out to me to embrace with your tiny arms, tears fill my eyes, and neither words nor feelings can come near what I am experiencing . It is a joy beyond description, beyond any other sensation. Thank you my sweet Griffin for coming into my existence and making it "LIFE"!
I love you my Precious "Sonshine"

Your Loving Mother

Griffin's First Time On a Bike

Jim, Griffin's respite provider, helped him learn how to ride a bike yesterday however Griffin didn't like it very much the first time around. He tried it on the grass first just in case he fell off as I had asked him to but the darn seat was too small and hard for him and it hurt his bottom so then they moved to the sidewalk where he didn't complain and went much further. Jim is not going to be here for the next two Saturdays so in the meantime I will have the old bicycle seat from my bike put on Griffin's bike, which I should have done already anyhow but of course hindsight is 20/20 I didn't know that it would have hurt him so much, but then again I don't know if the weather will be nice enough by the time he returns to ride the bike nor do I know if Griffin will want to do it. But I will have the seat put on just in case, it will be worth the cost, I think that I am still a member at REI so maybe it won't even cost me to have it done.

I had Griffin fingerprinted on Friday at the police station by a police officer who was so very nice and Griffin really liked him. I have a Kidz ID sheet that has fingerprinting, photo, and dental records to have on hand just in case he goes missing.....God forbid!!!! But he does run off in the store and scare the hell out of me all the time, he goes out of sight and I have to call out to him loudly and sometimes he doesn't answer me. I am so afraid that he is going to be lured in by someone because he is so trusting of strangers. But I have already written about that I don't need to go there again. You get the picture.

Griffin is supposed to go on a field trip to the symphony on the 14th, I hope that it goes well and that he enjoys it, I hope that he sits still for it or that if he feels like dancing he does so quietly in the aisles without disturbing anyone else. I don't know if this is going to be just for the kids or if the symphony is playing for a full audience but the teachers have their work cut out for them with Griffin I think......hopefully I am wrong.

My friend Vicky, who is also Griffin's Godmother, talked to me about what I am going through emotionally and she was so supportive of me and so understanding like nobody else other than my friend Nina who was there for me too when I reached out to her. Vicky used the analogy that I walk in high heels no matter where I go, no matter what terrain...ice, snow, mud, rocks, and nobody has walked in those high heels like I have nobody has felt the pain of walking in those high heels every day. She said that even though I feel shame for the feelings I have that I should not because I am a good mother and even though I do not hear it enough that it doesn't mean that I am not. Nina told me that even though she doesn't have children now that when she does she wants to be a mother just like me.....that made me feel so good inside! I have known her since Griffin was born and we have been through a lot together so she knows me well.

I don't have but a few friends  and I don't talk to them often because I prefer to be alone but my friends are good people and I believe that they would do anything for me even though they don't call me very often. They don't read my blog but I guess they are just busy and it is not of interest to them but I understand and I do not judge them for it I love them all the same. Sometimes I feel lonely when they do not return my calls and do not seem to have time for me but I try to not take it personally.  I KNOW I AM WEIRD!

OBAMA WON !!!!!!!!! and What About That "Regular" Kid?

Just as Griffin predicted and I had prayed for. Now I can feel more comforted that we will keep our Social Security checks and our Medicare and Medicaid especially since we live on such low income. I have to be concerned about Griffin's services, his present and his future as a disabled individual and I feel that Obama is the one who is going to look out for his needs....he is the man who cares about human rights. He cares about my rights as a woman too and I appreciate that.

It is funny though because the reason I say that Griffin predicted Obama is that one night we were snuggling and we were talking about election night and he said that Obama was going to win and I was so surprised because I had not directly discussed it with  him but he must have picked it up from me as I was watching TV and cheering him on or said something in passing I don't know. But it made me laugh because he said it with such conviction.

I saw Paul, Griffin's LCSW, yesterday and we discussed my feelings of  lamenting the loss of the child that I never had and the fact that it is 10 years late. Usually people do it when they get the diagnosis but for some reason I am doing it now and I don't know what the trigger is. I have been slack with Griffin because I have been having feelings of guilt because even though consciously I know I didn't cause his autism I still feel it and I blame myself so I have been trying to be extra nice to him and as Paul said that it will only do damage to Griffin because he needs structure and consistency and rules. I know that and I have known that but my feelings have gotten in the way. I love Griffin for who he is, I believe that he is perfect the way that he is but for those of you who don't know me he is my universe and I would never change him and I have accepted his diagnosis from the get go and that is the problem.....I never mourned for the "regular" kid that could have been like most families do, it is normal to do that, it is natural to go through that process. I never cried for that child now I cry at everything for the first time in my life.

It is so tough being a single mom more than anybody knows especially to an autistic son now I have this to cope with................guess I will keep my psychologist busy for awhile. Good thing that I have this computer to write with so that I can write in my book and blog that helps a lot too. 

Griffin's Field Trip and Teaching Your Child About Peer Pressure

Griffin went on a field trip yesterday with his class, the first one this year, and his teacher sent home a not that he did a great job! That he was even the newscaster.....I am so thrilled with that because to me that sounds like a social event. I must e-mail her and ask her for details! Griffin and I were snuggling last night and talking about his trip and he told me about Bill the Science Guy Show and how they talked about solids, liquids, and gases. Then I asked him, "What was water?", he told me, "liquid", then I asked him,"What was the wall?", he told me, " solid", then I asked him," What was the air?" and he told me, "gas". I applauded for hm I told him how proud I was of him that he was a smart cookie and he said that I meant that he was a tough cookie. I said that he was that too! LOL!

We went trick or treating to two churches, it was pretty chilly outside so they held them inside thank goodness. Griffin didn't seem comfortable, he just wanted to get the candy and go I think there were too many people around for him.

http://www.gonannies.com/blog/2012/teaching-your-child-about-peer-pressure/

Disclaimer: I do not endorse this company because I am not familiar with them. I have only been sent the article and have decided that I like it and agree that it is good material so I am publishing it. I hope that you find it helpful and worthwhile.

This is a really good article especially for parents of pre-teens and teenagers I believe because it is about how the parents support the kids and the kids learn self-esteem. Also it outlines how parents can help kids handle their friends when faced with issues such as watching R rated films and curfew problems.

It is an interesting article with food for thought.

Serene Photo of the Lake...One of My Favorites

Puberty

Griffin had a class the other day on puberty but I am not too sure how much he picked up on it because he didn't want to discuss it with me. I am hoping that when we go to see Paul his LCSW on the 6th that he will open up about it and express some of what he has learned and feeling about it. Maybe he will feel more comfortable discussing it with a man I don't know.

I do know that I am feeling a bit anxious about it even though he has shown no signs of it so far I know that it is coming soon and I have to be ready for it like it or not. I have noticed that my attitude towards him has been changing and that I have been expecting him to do more for himself and I expect him to be more independent. I am guilty of not spending as much time with him as I feel that I should but then again when I try he tells me that he wants space so I am left to wonder why I even beat myself up over it in the first place. He is autistic and I can only bond with him so much, I have tried over the years and we have grown close because we are both so affectionate and snuggle at night but sometimes I think that there has to be a line drawn and I have to realize that this disorder keeps us at a distance to a certain degree.

There is no small talk, there is no play time, and when we are in the same room together we do our separate activities and I have to live with that without guilt......IT'S NOT MY FAULT! This is something that I have had to tell myself since the day he was diagnosed and isn't it strange that I am still saying that? It is ironic because I have the page on Facebook Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons and I support moms all the time and tell them how they are strong and how I admire what they are doing for their sons that what they are doing is the greatest feat in all the universe, and how their son is worth every moment and every effort...to just hang in there and disregard the negativity of others. But I don't find those words for myself because of the guilt that I have that autism often brings.

I know that autism is not my fault because I am an intelligent human being and even that gnawing guilt will not get the best of me that has been there since the diagnosis....you all know it whether you still have it or not. I never went through the denial phase when Griffin had autism signs and symptoms, I went right away to get help and got Early Intervention at 15 months but did that alive me of the guilt portion of the picture? I think that all autism parents go through it but at different times and I think that I am just now going through mine....as a delayed reaction if you will....some nine years later. It is not as though I have a broken heart and/or that I am disappointed that I have an autistic child all of a sudden, it's just that I am having a hard time coping with the weight of the situation and handling the responsibilities that come with it but of course I have to. This is why I anxiety levels have risen and that is something else I have to cope with.  


I just hope that no matter what Griffin and I will continue to grow close through puberty, that we will snuggle and be affectionate and bond regardless of his raging hormones and mood swings. I adore Griffin, he is my universe and even when we are not talking or playing I feel my love for him and hope that he still connects with me.

10 Things to Keep in Mind When Teaching Your Kids About Stranger Danger

http://www.nannynewsnetwork.com/blog/10-things-to-keep-in-mind-when-teaching-your-kids-about-stranger-danger/

Disclaimer: I do not endorse this company because I have no experience with them but I have agreed to publish their article because I am impressed with it.

This is a subject that comes close to home for me because Griffin has NO fear of strangers and no matter how many times I have the conversation with him he cannot seem to grasp the concept of stranger danger. I have found this article helpful even though some of the concepts I think may be that Griffin wouldn't get......I am certainly going to give it my best shot though and I will not give up! I think if I keep on being persistent maybe one day he will catch onto it.

I do recommend that you read this article because it is very helpful and I believe that every parent needs a little bit of help in this area because it is such a scary subject and sometimes we just don't know how to approach it on our own....please don't feel insulted by that statement. I just know that as a single parent I do need help and I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a strong mother but even strong women have moments when they need support. This is what makes us so strong is that we are able to seek out support and resources to help us along our path that leads us to nurture our children to the best of our abilities in the end.

 

The 5 Stages of Behavior (Where Hitting is Against the Law)

We went to see Paul, Griffin's new LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), who specializes in autism and I must say has me very impressed. By the second visit Griffin had warmed up to him and was really responding to him in a positive manner. I had told Paul that my main concern was that Griffin had been hitting me on a regular basis and no matter what I had tried I could not get him to stop so this is what he asked me to try and how he explained it to Griffin:

Stage 1: Happy, everything is fine and everybody is getting along
Stage 2: Worried, getting a bit tense and thinking about things that make you upset
Stage 3: Upset, time to get out the "Take a Break" card and go to your room and calm down
Stage 4: Mad, too late, you are in trouble
Stage 5: Hitting is AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!

This has made a deep impression on him because it has been almost two weeks and he has not even tried to hit me and when he gets upset and I tell him to take a break he goes to his room willingly. So....kudos to Paul! I am so proud of Griffin for his progress he has really shown restraint and maturity.