Friday, April 17, 2015
A couple of times a month or more if we can, Griffin goes to the library to read to one of the therapy dogs, this one is Salonge one of his favorites. Today he read to Molly who is a Bernese Mountain Dog absolutely gorgeous and as sweet as can be. When he is reading to them he does so with such inflection he really gets into it. They are truly therapeutic for him and I love watching him interact with them and get so much enjoyment out of it.
We started working on spending pretend money at home to learn how to purchase items in the store and not be taken advantage of. Griffin is doing a great job and his therapist has shared a website with me that will help me teach him in a more simplistic manner that probably will not frustrate him so much. It is a slow process but he is catching on and I am very proud of his enthusiasm.
Saturday, April 04, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I look up to Griffin as I am only 5'4" or less by now but he is slimming up a lot as he is growing taller more than he is out now. My waist is bigger than his and I weigh more. He is a gentle giant though and has learned to be more gentle with the cats and with the water fowl that he picks up to snuggle when we go to the lake. He is just so affectionate and can't help himself. I am so blessed and give thanks every single day for having the opportunity to share my life with him and do not take one minute for granted that I spend with him.
We finally got our car back and we are enjoying our freedom. Freedom and independence is certainly not anything that I take for granted, I am very very grateful for them. His psychiatrist noticed today that he is so much more mellow and well mannered than a month ago when we were stranded.
I am feeling so good that I am writing again but this time I am not waiting to use the computer to do it, I am doing it the old fashioned way with pen and paper. Writing is so cathartic for me and it surprises me how much of my past that I can recall when I sit in the silence in reverie soaking up the delight of most the memories while having the ability to distance myself from emotional attachment to the more tragic and traumatic recollections of specific events that changed my life. Watching foreign films again and loving it. I watched them when I was much younger and now I once again appreciate the intellectual stimulation that I get from watching them. I love being able to be more active again though my sleep is still pretty messed up as I can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning about 4:00, 5:00, even 6:00 a.m. then I can't wake up until at least 11:00 when Griffin wakes me to make him breakfast usually I fall back to sleep for a couple more hours. Frustrating! But I have faith that I will get back in sync one day in the meantime I enjoy having time to myself in the peace and quiet while Griffin is asleep.
He has shown me more interest in learning as of the past few days especially since I have discovered a way to speak to him in order to get him to respond immediately rather than saying that I am bossing him around. I merely say to him that " I would like for you to...." and then he does that task right away with no complaints. I am so proud of him as he has shown a great deal of maturity in the past couple of months. He even responds when I tell him that it is time to read and do some learning. We even discussed starting vocabulary and spelling tomorrow. I am so excited.
Saturday, March 07, 2015
He was weighed and measured the other day at the doctor's and he now weighs 186 lbs and is 5'10"!!!! It is apparent that he is half Samoan because both the men and women are very tall and large people much like many of the different races of the South Pacific. He is a gentle giant who loves animals and is exceptionally artistic.
We have been without a; car for almost 3 months and after having it for only two days find out that it is still not fixed and have to take it back to the garage. But still we are blessed regardless of our challenges there is always plenty to be grateful for no matter what is happening to you. If all you do is complain about your life then for sure that is all you will have....misery. A self-fulfilling prophecy.
Monday, January 26, 2015
- She has to learn how to ask for help when she needs it.
- She has to learn about personal hygiene
- She had to learn how to take control of her environment when she can and make adjustments when she can't.
- She has to learn how to do laundry.
Disclaimer: Although I approved this article for submission it does not necessarily reflect my views however if I did not think it appropriate then I would not have published it. This is Dawn's experience and therefore it should be read and understood as such. Lora
Saturday, January 17, 2015
|These are the ducks at the lake and as you can see they adore Griffin and know that he is always generous with the cracked corn ( their favorite)|
|This is the awesome puppet (muppet) that Griffin made almost all by himself, I just helped a little bit. I am so proud of him. He worked so hard on it. It is the Wilkin's coffee mascot from the 50's|
|Griffin and Link, he is still learning how to pick them up but once he is holding them they calm down and do not try to scratch or bite him.|
|This is Dot or Kitty Dot Com as Griffin had named her. She looks young because she is so petite but we have had her for many years. She sleeps with Griffin.|
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Thursday, January 01, 2015
The other photos are from the lake and I don't know if that bird perched is an egret or a whooping crane but it was beautiful and large nonetheless.
For New Year's Eve we stayed home nice and cozy. My sleep is still messed up due to my Fibromyalgia I believe because on New Year's day I felt horrible even though I had gotten over 8 hours of sleep. It was as though I just couldn't wake up all day long. Now that it is late evening I am wide awake of course. We did go out and about today because no matter how bad I feel I push myself so that Griffin can have a life and not stay home all the time.
Griffin is growing and developing so rapidly and making progress all on his own. In just a few months of working with him on taking a shower on his own without me reminding him, he has done so and now will get in and I only have to ask him once if he is going to and he offers no resistance. His OT and PT are lately bragging on how wonderfully he has been using his words to communicate his needs and identifying and labeling his feelings. This is a big deal for someone on the spectrum and I believe that he has done so well because it has been a team effort between his therapists and myself. I treat all his needs and wishes as a big deal . Some may seem small to me but they are a big deal to him and need to be validated. If I listen to everything he has to share now then later on when I really need to know how things are going with him he will be more willing to share with me then...as he gets into his teens he requires his privacy but at the same time I hope that he will feel safe and trusting enough to share those things that bother him and are important to him. To me, this is far more important than anything else in the whole scheme of things because it is the essence of his communication and will serve him well as an adult. To be so aware of his feelings and how to cope with them and how to cope with and understand the feelings of others.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
For the past two weeks I have had the worst bout of insomnia and it just will not go away. It is so damn frustrating to stay awake for 24 to 48 hours trying to stay busy feeling horrible most the time but sometimes I feel okay. But it is so boring because after being productive and trying everything to keep occupied it gets boring. I do meditate a lot to rest my body and mind that helps. After reading some comments from the Fibromyalgia page on Facebook many of the Fibro sufferers said that it is common to have insomnia with Fibro and after all these years of having it I had no idea, my doctor never told me that. My rheumatologist hardly talks to me anyhow so how could he educate me?
I have been up for over 24 hours and Griffin just got up as I finally start getting sleepy so how could I go to sleep now because he needs me to cook for him? Maybe I can doze a bit and tell him to wake me if he needs me. This is just terrible! My entire body hurts so bad.
If you are one of my Facebook friends don't be surprised if I unfriend you for non-participation as in...if you ignore me then there's no need to be in my life especially not as a voyeur, never cared for peeping Toms. My life is no longer an open book to those who don't bother to show me that they care once in awhile. I have no patience with bench warmers...stay in the game or get off the field! But big hugs out to those of you who care enough to chat with me and exchange personal messages with me as "friends" are supposed to do. To support one another. Isn't that what loved ones do?
Thursday, December 11, 2014
by Cindy Waeltermann
Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse
And gave a hot bath
But the holiday jitters
They always distract
The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When nightmares of terror
Ran through my OWN head
Did I get the right gift
The right color
Would there be a tantrum
Or even, maybe, a smile?
Our relatives come
But they don’t understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from flapping his hands.
“He needs discipline,” they say
“Just a well-needed smack,
You must learn to parent…”
And on goes the attack
We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The argument is moot
Let them all take a side
We know what it’s like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles and triumphs
But what they don’t know
And what they don’t see
Is the joy that we feel
He said “hello”
He ate something green!
He told his first lie!
He did not cause a scene!
He peed on the potty
Who cares if he’s ten,
He stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!
Others don’t realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope
But what they don’t see
Is the joy we can’t hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride
We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With jealousy, hatred
Or even distaste,
But what they don’t know
Nor sometimes do we
Is that children with autism
We don’t get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings
Children with autism
Try hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.
They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky
So to those who don’t get it
Or can’t get a clue
Take a walk in my shoes
And I’ll assure you
That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You’ll look at me
With respect, even shock.
You will realize
What it is I go through
And the next time you judge
I can assure you
That you won’t say a thing
You’ll be quiet and learn,
Like the years that I did
When the tables were turned……
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Now I am able to actually sit in silence and allow my thoughts to wander and whether they be good or bad it is okay. They all teach me something about myself that I have been running from all my life, living in fear and not allowing genuine love in my life. To actually experience pure joy and appreciating each moment as it happens instead of being lost in thought as my life passes me by. I can sit and feel the pain from my past, from my childhood and not allow it to create fear but instead helping me grow and move past it. Through reading several books I have learned so much about myself and about the process of my journey, how I need to feel pain in order to grow in order to feel joy authentically.
My anxiety serves it purpose and as long as I don't ignore it by distracting myself with mundane tasks then it talks to me and the more I listen the more it subsides. I just breathe through it and stay in the moment being fully aware and mindful. I don't allow myself to be thinking of what I should be doing or what I should have done but to relish in the moment and just BE.
I have taken a break from talking on the phone and socializing is limited I have to do some for Griffin's sake but this is MY time, the time that I have never taken for myself. And I am not being selfish only nurturing to my spirit and body. The impetus for all this was that my health had gotten in really bad shape and my stress levels through the roof and I realized finally that I was the only one responsible for making the changes necessary to end the nonsense and stop putting up with other people's garbage. I like the saying, "When you realize how valuable you are then you will stop giving people discounts." And that is how I am living my life now and from now on. I deserve to have quintessential joy and peace in my life and to fully the life that I was meant to live with Griffin. To fully enjoy every precious moment with him and to not let it pass me by.
I truly believe that my purpose in life was to be a mother to Griffin and not just a mother but the best mother he could possibly have and in order to do that I have to be devoted and present...to not be consumed by negativity and distractions. I can't allow others to form opinions about my parenting and about my child in which influence me and my decisions. I am following my heart, my intuition, and pursuing that which fills me up both spiritually and emotionally helping me to be the compassionate mother that my child deserves to have. Not only am I living in compassion for him but also for myself because I have realized that I don't need compassion and validation from others because I can give it to myself. Besides, Griffin is the only person who truly loves me unconditionally and accepts me fully for who I am. And in return I shall give that to him and try to teach him as much as he has taught me on how to live authentically.
I have lived my whole life up to this point trying to live up to others' expectations of me and trying to make them happy doing what I "should" do rather than being true to myself and my own feelings. I now know that I have the God given right to do what is best for ME. I don't "have to " do anything that doesn't feel right or that brings me peace and happy feelings. I am not obligated to make phone calls or send cards or have Griffin do something for someone else just because of what they might want. If I need time to take care of myself then I will not feel guilty for it. I have to live the way that I want to live and I will no longer have regrets for not being true to myself and making choices based on my intuition and best judgment. For those who had the chance to validate me when they had the chance it is okay because you are now free from that expectation that I had of you. My needs have changed and I am at peace with my choices.
Saturday, December 06, 2014
Life is a constant evolution of changes and seasons on and on therefore it is time that I move on and finally live in freedom from being judged as if I am a bad lazy parent who doesn't have any idea of what she is doing. As if I haven't been at this for almost 13 years, done my homework, been to all the therapies and doctors for his entire life. No more is he going to be judged for not living up to stranger's and relative's expectations. No more because my new life begins NOW and I am a mama bear and will not stand for it!
This mom has said it in her own words at: http://www.laurencasper.com/2014/11/20/the-hardest-part-of-autism-and-it-isnt-him/ as she describes that the hardest part of autism is not her son but other people and their judgments, their criticisms, their remarks , and advice. It is exhausting putting up with the daily BS from people and no one knows until they have walked a mile in our shoes.
I am not tolerating it from anyone anymore stranger or relative! The seasons are changing right now!
Tuesday, December 02, 2014
Relish in all the good emotions and focus on them when you have them making them last as long as you can. But don't expect them to last forever because not every day is a happy one and we should cherish all that God has blessed us with which is a spectrum of emotions sometimes all within one day. This is perfectly natural. It has taken me 50 years to realize all this and I didn't learn it by just existing. I learned through reading and reading by taking an interest in being a better person so that I could be a better mom to you.
We have both grown and progressed a great deal during this past year. I have eliminated negative influences from my life and I am taking control of my environment by limiting my exposure to those who I have to have contact with but can be depressing and not supportive. I want you to feel empowered to feel in control of your life so that no one can ever take advantage of you and make you feel less than human. Griffin, you are a gift to the world especially to me and anyone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are is not deserving of your presence. I have gratitude and quintessential joy for having you in my life and the more I learn about you each day only brings me closer to you strengthening our bond that no one could ever break.
You have taught me more than I have taught you and I will let you know how much I love you by showing you through my assertive actions on your behalf until the day I pass from this earth. I will be your advocate as long as you need me and respect you as an individual with dignity and honor. Recognizing your talents , skills, and intelligence and at the same time appreciating that you have deficits and that you require help and support, understanding, and compassion. I will stop at nothing to stand up for you so that you can live a happy, natural, fulfilling, content way of life. Living life to the fullest! I love you buggly!
Friday, November 14, 2014
I have been taking him swimming almost every day and it for three purposes, one because he loves it so much, two because it is excellent exercise, and last but not least...it is the only thing that I have found to motivate him to get him to do the work for homeschool and unschool during the day. Now everything is so much easier.
My health is much better as I am doing yoga every morning eating healthier and little by little my health benefits are showing up. Right after I exercise my blood sugar and blood pressure go down. Eventually the benefits will be greater and I will be able to do more each day.
Tuesday, November 04, 2014
Due to the scrutiny that one comes under when one decides to homeschool because the very first thing that people remark is, "Oh but he won't get to socialize!" This is the most common misconception of homeschooling for so many reasons. In fact, children who are homeschooled socialize daily with all age groups even their own peers. Children who homeschool learn more living skills at an earlier age than traditional schoolers because we are so active and do more of a variety of things than those in school. We have exercise almost daily such as swimming, Occupational and physical therapy, exercise out of doors, we have math in daily skill building such as paying for things at the store, measuring in cooking, measuring our growth of our bodies and its parts, keeping track of days months and years etc...we read books at home and at the library, follow directions on boxes for cooking, etc..all these things and so much more than this is done on a daily basis that we didn't do when he was in school. He socializes with adults and kids alike in stores , we are planning on going to church which has a special needs Sunday school, we are going to go to autism groups several times a month, and homeschool groups have specific times and days in which they get together for activities, study, and play. People just don't stop to think that if homeschooling was so bad for kids then why would parents do it? To deprive their children of learning in life or to be lazy???? Pardon me but homeschooling parents are far from depriving their children because we do it because we want the BEST for our children and conventional schooling was either hurting our children or not giving them what they needed. Griffin was having such severe anxiety that for several years he wasn't sleeping at night because his anxiety about what was going on at school was keeping him awake then he would also get up in the middle of the night causing him to sleep half the day away missing most of school. Now he sleeps just fine with a few days now and then getting up super early because I put him to bed too early but he makes it through the day just fine. He now has zero anxiety and functions far better and has no meltdowns any longer. And homeschooling is far from a parent trying to be lazy! Quite the contrary! Homeschooling takes a lot of work and dedication. But we do it because we love our children and want the best for them not because we are avoiding anything. People who think this are just plain ignorant and do nothing to improve their minds or make an effort to broaden their minds. Frankly I have no patience for such ignorance!
Before I work myself into a frenzy, I must briefly add to a reader who has been interested in publishing an article on my blog through her site: Healthline, I have every intention in publishing it but my health has been quite poor and I just haven't sat down long enough at the computer to read the article then transferring it to my blog. Sorry but perhaps soon.
This is where I transition to my least favorite topic of my poor health. In July my blood pressure spiked way up and has not gone down since regardless of three medications one of which I take twice a day. I had been feeling really really sick for such a long time that I didn't take my health seriously because I was so focused on taking care of Griffin . Not only that but I attributed my extreme fatigue and other symptoms to my Fibromyalgia so I just suffered. To make this short I finally had my blood sugar checked and it was 384, got that under control with a new medicine yet my bp was still high so the doctor has ordered an ultrasound on my renal system because she thinks that I might have Renal Artery Stenosis. I don't know if that is it because I don't know if it causes pain or not but the big C word came to mind too. Not scared though just want to know what it is so that we can take care of it.
God is Good and We are Blessed!
Monday, October 27, 2014
I plan to take Griffin to future meetings of this teen Asperger's group because he had so much fun and it was great exposure for him. The guy who organized the whole event is so nice and inspiring as someone on the spectrum. I predict that great things are going to happen in our immediate and distant future.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
First of all it was a beautiful day for a visit to the farm and we were feeling great. The drive took about thirty minutes and it was so scenic, we passed many farms, equestrian centers, produce stands, the air was so clean and exhilarating making us filled with excitement. This trip was exactly what we needed for a field trip for our homeschool/unschooling agenda.
Immediately Griffin located the baby chicks and I must say that it was his absolute favorite part of the entire trip because time and time again he kept gravitating back to them each time attempting to pick up the nimble little buggers. He wasn't able to catch them so I wasn't concerned about him hurting them but he sure had fun trying. We also saw probably around a hundred young turkeys who ran to the fence because they thought that we were going to feed them. Griffin got spooked because the flexible fence moved while he had his hand in it to touch the turkeys and wanted to leave. But before leaving we had seen calves and goats who were climbing up in the rafters of the barn.
I think that by the time Griffin wanted to leave he had gotten tired from our hike up the hill, getting sweaty, and he was hungry and thirsty eager to go to the farm store below. I picked out two bags of apples, one of Rome (one of my all time favorites) and Cortland which is new to me but I was interested in trying them because they were described as sweet but mostly tart. I love tart! Then we went inside the store and I was so impressed. I had to look at everything.
I bought beef brisket from a grass-fed cow, two free-range chicken frames for homemade chicken noodle soup, one chocolate farm fresh milk for Griffin, and the apples which were sold by the bag instead of per pound. All in all the total was surprising considering how big the brisket was and how many apples we got.
We hurried to the car to rest on the way home while feasting on our wonderfully fresh, crisp, and juicy apples.
Griffin went to OT later and cooked with Meagan. They made tortilla pizzas and she explained that perhaps Griffin lost interest in cooking/baking with me at home was because it was too complicated and/or it took to long to get the finished product.
We haven't officially started homeschool because I have documents to fax yet but we are working on some things out of books that his teachers had given to me in the years past that have been really good for review and to calculate where he is in math and other areas at least until I get some funding for a proper curriculum to follow. I called to find out about the annual test that he has to take and she said that it will be up to me to determine which grade level that he would test on.
I have found a great deal of resources on unschooling and attachment parenting that I will write more about in my following posts.
We are blessed!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
To live in the past or to worry all the time about the future is just a waste of time not to mention worrying about how things Should be instead of what is really happening and accepting that as reality. We don't live in reality when stressed out about yesterday, what someone else is doing or has, what someone is saying about you/judging you, or expectations of how things should be in the moment rather than what really is and loving it for what it is. Because even the times that we think are the worst can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. If only we stay grateful for our blessings focusing on them rather than what we desire or think we need especially material items. Perhaps you have some kind of illness chronic or even terminal, there is no reason to disregard that but at the same time there is still plenty of positive things, people, and blessings in one's life.
I say all this because not once have I felt that Griffin's autism was anything but a blessing and that no matter what he does or how he behaves, he is my gift and I appreciate EVERYTHING about him! Even when he was hitting me, having huge meltdowns in public, and I especially appreciated him even before he was talking at age 5. It's those challenges that make all the milestones and accomplishments that much more beautiful and precious!
My Fibromyalgia is not a curse in my perspective, nor is the PTSD that I have had for most of my life, they are merely challenges that I need to overcome and I know that I will because I am going to persevere. What I like to say is that, "Everyone has challenges every single day and it's not how bad they are it is just how you play your cards with what you have been dealt". I used to wallow in my sorrows making every attempt to drag down everyone with whom I came into contact down with me but gone are those days and I do nothing but to bring sunshine to each person whom I meet. And ever since I made that conscious decision, I have had so many compliments each day about how I make people whom I come into contact with on a regular basis, their days happy when they had sometimes otherwise been boring or bad. This just gives me the impetus to continue to smile and cause others to smile and think happy thoughts. I stopped complaining even if I feel bad because after all who wants to hear about all the bad stuff happening in your life?
I believe that deep down inside we all have the capacity to be happy because happiness is a CHOICE, it doesn't just plop down in your lap one day and say, "Here I am!" We choose to happy or miserable by the thoughts and words that we chose and whether we choose to live in the moment or not. So be mindfully aware of your body, your thoughts, and your surroundings at all times it takes some effort but the payoff is sooooooo worth it!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
To Anonymous who commented on my last post, or rather about the comments that have been left, for Griffin's safety and mine I had rather not post our full names but if you would like to e-mail me please go to my profile and you can do so from there. It would be nice if I knew your name too by the way :) Cheers!
Griffin got me up at 2:30 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed he was but not me. It took me a long time to struggle to make coffee, quite watery the first try and by the second try I made a very strong cup of java. However it didn't help and at 5:00 I had to take a nap for an hour. Then at 7:45 we had to go to the doctor for him and he fell asleep on her table as she was examining him. Now it is 10:00 a.m. and he has been lying on the floor where he plopped an hour ago. I just gave him a blanket and let him be. Cutie pie.
Yesterday was quite a busy day indeed. We had to go to my foot/ankle doc at 10:30 a.m. because I got an infection in my ankle due to a small cut on my heel. I get infections so easily since I have type 2 diabetes he told me. I have to be more careful about giving myself a pedicure from now on. I had exfoliated the callus from my heel and inadvertently exposed the crack/cut on my heel making it susceptible to infection. And since I go barefoot at home well, let's just say that it just wasn't the smart thing to do.
I have been doing affirmations to fill my mind up with positive thoughts and drown out the intrusive thoughts of negativity and memories of my past traumas. It has been so fulfilling to actually see the manifestations of the efforts that I have put forth. The most recent being a significant amount of money via check that simply appeared out of the blue. I nearly just threw it away as it appeared to be fake when looking at it through the envelope window as so many gimmicks in advertising try to make them seem real so that the unsuspecting recipient falls for it. But low and behold when I called the phone number on the check it verified it as a federal tax refund but the real mystery was that I have not been required to file taxes for years now. I am calling child support division in Alaska to see if it was from Griffin's father's taxes to pay towards the enormous amount of back pay that he owes. Doesn't matter really because I am just grateful for the blessing no matter where it came from.
LIFE IS GOOD AND WE ARE BLESSED!!!!!
Friday, August 08, 2014
My "Schmookie" as I call him got me up at 2:30 a.m. and it took me quite awhile to wake up but once I did we had a lot of quality time together all day long. I helped him do his exercises that his PT taught me to increase his flexibility because his core is weak causing a chain reaction throughout his entire body especially with low muscle tone and very tight muscles. She said that if he were to become more flexible then it would not only increase his endurance but in turn strengthen his entire body increasing overall health. So we are doing them together because I can use it too.
I have not only been writing more in my book but I have decided to write a few articles that specific audiences might find interesting and submitting them to publishers of specific magazines. I am so excited because I have been doing affirmations on success and prosperity and already I can tell the difference in my motivation to succeed and be better off financially. Affirmations are just short sayings that focus on your intent and it has to be specific and concise. Such as, "I am successful in my writing endeavors that give me financial prosperity." or "I am healthy in body and mind in every moment of each day." It doesn't work if you use negative words such as, "I have no pain". Because your mind will focus on the word pain and then you will find that you actually have more. That is why when people complain it actually makes their illness and suffering worse. One reason that I have little tolerance for those who complain or talk about how sick they are because it is self defeating, negative, miserable, and I know that it can be helped. Everybody has something or more to be grateful for and we need to focus on that saying those words out loud each day in order for abundance to continue.
We attract what we speak and think...words and thoughts are very powerful, don't underestimate the power that you possess. Those words and thoughts can easily sabotage your very happiness that you desire and strive for. Or are you stuck in your story in misery? It much easier to have fun and enjoy this existence rather than having hell on earth.
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
Well, writing just comes easily to me. Once I sit at the computer or have a pen in hand it just flows because I have so many thoughts that I need to convey and have for my "immortality" in memoirs, that I can hardly keep up once I get started. Usually I constrain myself when writing on my blog as to not give away all the tales since I am writing a book and need to save all the best for those interested in our life story in paperback or online.
It is my hope that I will have the courage to complete my book and I have all the good intentions but must first face my demons from my past in order to put them down on paper and not have worse PTSD symptoms than I already do,( I am working with my new therapist doing EMDR for that very purpose). This is why I dedicated my blog to my wonderful son and in attempts, some more successful than others, to keep track of milestones and memories of his progress and happy times (a few challenging ones too I might add).
I guess that the best answer is, for my reader, to have a quiet time without any distractions so that you can clear your head of the noise of other thoughts bombarding you. And if you feel blocked and nothing is coming to you then probably you are still thinking too much actually. Trying too hard perhaps. Just stare at the paper or computer screen and simply focus on the topic(s) that you want to write about and the ideas/words will flow.
Since starting meditation I have found that if I meditate on just two short words SO on the breath IN and OHM on the breath OUT...but only think them do not say them aloud. All one has to do is to pay attention to the breath even when thinking the two simple words. As it is done for only about ten minutes a calm and relaxed, even a feeling of being refreshed, will come over the entire body and the mind causing a more mindful sense of the moment/present. I have found that I can even meditate while walking and doing other things because all it takes is being mindful, focusing on the breathing IN and OUT slowly and clearing the mind except for a mantra of the two sounds/words. Just staying in the moment not letting oneself become distracted by thoughts of the past, future, or needless worry. It is so incredible and so easy to do!
Thank you for your question and please anyone else who wants to comment or has a question then please do feel free to let me know. If you don't want to make it public then you can contact me via e-mail if you go to my profile.
Have a wonderful day everyone!
Saturday, August 02, 2014
I look forward to getting comments again because it really brightens my day to see that there are still people interested in the blog.
I plan to spend more time reading all the blogs that I follow of my dear friends because I have really missed you all.
Griffin and I laid in the grass yesterday watching the clouds go by and figuring out the shapes and it was so much fun, he really enjoyed it. I gently told him that it is important that we spend less time with technology and more time doing the free and really important things in life such as being outdoors and enjoying nature. That it is essential that we spend more time playing together using our imagination and laughing together. And sure enough he has complied without any complaints. Now we snuggle together more and laugh so hard and he doesn't even miss the TV, computer, or not having a smart phone anymore.
Life is so good and we are so blessed!
Monday, July 28, 2014
I can't believe that summer is almost over and school will start soon. I sure will all the fun that we have had over the summer, I am kind of glad that Griffin didn't go to camp ...that is my selfish self since we have laughed and played so much.
My meditation is still continuing and it has helped me transform into a much nicer and much more compassion/understanding person. I guess that you could say that I am proud of the happy positive person that I have become.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Saturday, June 07, 2014
I just put this together, I need to make a more current one but have yet to print out the pics.
Hopefully you can see the details in this. Sadly the only thing missing is a pic of my mom which I couldn't locate but I will be sure that she is in the next one. I will be doing it soon.
This one has my dad, Abby, our kitty Pisgah from when we lived in Alaska, my brother (God rest his soul), and my parent's dog Jade ( God rest her soul). A couple of me and one of the ex husband, Spiro's (the love of my life who was present when Griffin was born). He and I lost touch..he is in Greece now.
Griffin spilled milk on my/this brand new phone and nearly ruined it. I got upset because I cannot afford to replace it and caused him anxiety which he gets so very easily these days....so I am taking him swimming so he/we can decompress.
We are both looking forward to summer break. Busy schedule ahead.