Saturday, June 20, 2009
It's Time to Vent....Finally!
For those of you who know me, know that I am not one to complain about my health and all that I tolerate from day to day. I keep it all to myself because I see no point in sharing it with anyone...what good would it do?
Well, it is time for me to vent and enlighten those of you who might even remotely care. For the past month and a half I have had anxiety that is as though it is eating me from the inside out and is totally relentless regardless of medication or stupid and useless relaxation techniques. I am constantly on the edge and everything irritates me to no end but I dare not show it or say a word. Griffin bounces off the walls having a blast and I cannot enjoy these times with him because I feel like shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My insomnia has been horrible and even with medication once again I have it regardless. I awake at least twice a night if not three times. Usually I awake with the same anxiety that I had when I went to sleep. So my days are not only full of anxiety but I am exhausted at the same time.....every single day! My doctor has tried every medication possible and none have worked so he just gave up. And maybe you are thinking that I should try the natural route but NO NO NO, I have tried those and it is a big waste of money and it is money that I cannot afford to throw away.
I cannot read and relax because Griffin has the TV going and usually the computer too and my mind cannot focus enough for the words to make sense. So, what am I left to do? I cannot have a social life thanks to my father who won't allow my mother to watch Griffin so that I can have a break and have a life of my own. So here I am stuck and I hate to use that word but that is how I feel. What am I to do? Go out and find a perfect stranger to care for my child while I TRY to have fun on a date? I think not.
So, this is my perdicament and whether you hear it from me or not doesn't mean that I am not going through it. Don't know how this is supposed to help me feel better but I just felt that I need to vent and that perhaps it would be cathartic for me.