What Does a Mother Do with ALL These Fears?

When I can't sleep at night, I lie awake thinking of all the things that scare me so much and what I could possibly do to avoid them or to remedy them should anything ever occur. The one that bothers me the most is that something happens to me in some manner and I am not able to care or look out for Griffin; for example, if I fell and got knocked out for a long period of time or if my meds caused me to not wake up or something. Who would know? How would Griffin understand that something is wrong with mommy? There is nobody nearby who checks on us daily or even weekly for that matter and if I should happen to not answer a call or two they would be none the wiser.

All I can think of is my precious child trying to find ways to feed himself and how he would be without his medication and probably would be running around here manic as hell and feeling quite helpless and perhaps even scared. I ponder the thought of teaching him to use 911 but would he understand when it is truly appropriate? I am going to teach him to use the directory on the land line and to call my sister or his godmother if mommy doesn't wake up. I can only hope that this would work and that he would know when to call and how to get their attention that something is wrong.

How does one overcome these fears and sleep at night, especially when we are all alone and the neighbors don't even pay attention to whether we leave the apartment or even whether Griffin gets on the bus for a day or more. For sure they wouldn't come knocking at my door. The manager has an older autistic son and I am going to ask her what she might suggest since she does live upstairs from us but she cannot be "friends" with us due to her obligations as a manager.

I am desperate for answers and welcome any and all input on the matters above. I just wish that there was someone to rely on to help us who was nearby. Guess that I should try to get to sleep, I look forward to hearing from my fellow bloggers and friends. PLEASE HELP!!!!

No More Snuggles

Griffin is really growing up and one of the biggest indicators is that he no longer wants to snuggle. It is bittersweet indeed, I am glad that he is becoming so independent but at the same time he is just doing it so fast and it kinda brings tears to my eyes.

We increased the Abilify to 10 mg. and it seems to be helping a lot=fewer meltdowns. Today I sent him to school without the Focalin XR so we shall see how that works, it would be great if I could take him off of it.

On the weekends he is on the computer most of the time searching for videos of funny commercials such as Geico, M&Ms, Aflac, and his favorite shows like Sesame Street, Teletubbies, and Wishbone. I am always in the same room with him just in case he stumbles across one accidentally that is a homemade video which may have a bad word in it. He is quick to change it as soon as he hears it or I let him know that it is not okay. He sure does get a lot of joy out of watching them and dancing around when he hears songs. The only thing that is not really so great is that he now has ecolalia and can recite them verbatim...over and over again. Oh well, it could be worse.

School is going great and I am working on a research paper about Alexander the Great, the man he was and the relationships that he had. Mostly information about him that most people never hear or read about. I am loving it and think that it is wonderful to have the opportunity to research something that is so intriguing.

The weather is so perfect this time of year, my favorite season...especially here in the mountains. It is my first fall in many many years back here in my homeland and I am loving every moment. Griffin thinks that it is pretty neat too. Haven't even turned on the heat yet but soon.

Loves to Dance, Especially Disco

My handsome big boy has always loved to dance and the older he gets the more into it he is. I was recently told that there is a dance class for special needs kiddos nearby and I am going to hop on that one right away. I sure do wish that the video was longer so that you could get a big belly laugh and thoroughly enjoy how much he is enjoying it.

He loves disco so I am going to find a compilation cd that has old disco hits on it so he can dance his little heart out as much and as often as he likes. I think that it is a great release for him and helps him cope with stress. Not to mention, it is great exercise which he doesn't get enough of. Actually it may be even more enjoyable for me to get a DVD of those old hits so he can watch them dance and pick up some new moves just like he did with YMCA.

He usually doesn't like it when I dance with him so I just stand back and take videos and snap pics of him and he loves that.

His unacceptable behaviors have increased so I am going to talk to his doctor about increasing the Abilify as he is having more mood swings lately. Some days it is impossible to get him to do homework and I refuse to give him the Focalin just for that because then he has no appetite and will not eat dinner. Since he won't eat lunch at school, because of the Focalin XR, he has to get some food in him in the evening.

Life is tough some days but I still love it and refuse to complain about him. He is still the joy in my life and I love him beyond compare!

A New Perspective on Autism

Please go to the link above and check out this woman's perspective on autism. I think that it is beautiful, enlightening, and the truth for me and our situation. Griffin is truly the epitome of unconditional love, this is what he has taught me since the day he was born. It is a sad world that we live in that so many conditions are placed on one another when we say that we love one another.

By the way, Griffin is the TOP speller in his class and is reading at 4th grade level and perhaps even higher. He needs to be re-evaluated to see where he is academically. He loves riding the bus and he loves going to school. He often talks about his classmates and especially how much they love his show & tell each Tuesday.

Autism Research/Changing My Direction

I have happily decided to change my major to child and family development so that I can eventually get my master's in autism research. I am so thrilled with my decision and cannot wait to get my general education classes finished so that I can move on to my core requirements.

I know that there is now a new statistic that every one in 91, that's 1% of children are diagnosed with autism and I feel that it will continue to increase. Therefore, the need for more research will be necessary not only now but in the future. It will be an exciting field to be in and I want to be part of it.

I just read online/in the news that Obama approved 60 million dollars towards autism research which is very encouraging. There is so little known about it and in so many different aspects of it that it will be an ongoing effort in order to solve the puzzle and to get what these children (and adults) what they need the most. It is especially important that the adults get what they need because so many do not even have an advocate to help them along in life. It is a shame that they need to go to group homes or assisted living which, I believe, compromises their need to be more independent.

I shall get off my soapbox for now but I must make you aware that I will be writing more and more about this as time goes on.

Griffin's Godmother

Things are going just fine now that I do not have the sources of stress that I did have. I have caught a member of my family in two and most likely three lies and there will never be trust again. Then she tried to manipulate me into making her the sole guardian of Griffin after I had chosen someone else whom I trust implicitly and love dearly. But that's not going to happen, I am keeping the same person as Griffin's Godmother and nobody is going to change my mind....Period!

Griffin adores her and balls his eyes out when we have to leave her house, I love the interaction between them, the love is obviously mutual. I feel good about it and have no doubt in my mind that it is a sound choice. I don't care what anyone else thinks or feels about it and they can be as judgmental as they want to be but it makes no difference to me. When he is with her he just beams and runs around with glee.

If and when I leave this body then I will feel safe that my child is in the best hands that he possibly can be and that he will continue to have an advocate and a lot of love and patience in his life.