Thursday, October 29, 2009
What Does a Mother Do with ALL These Fears?
When I can't sleep at night, I lie awake thinking of all the things that scare me so much and what I could possibly do to avoid them or to remedy them should anything ever occur. The one that bothers me the most is that something happens to me in some manner and I am not able to care or look out for Griffin; for example, if I fell and got knocked out for a long period of time or if my meds caused me to not wake up or something. Who would know? How would Griffin understand that something is wrong with mommy? There is nobody nearby who checks on us daily or even weekly for that matter and if I should happen to not answer a call or two they would be none the wiser.
All I can think of is my precious child trying to find ways to feed himself and how he would be without his medication and probably would be running around here manic as hell and feeling quite helpless and perhaps even scared. I ponder the thought of teaching him to use 911 but would he understand when it is truly appropriate? I am going to teach him to use the directory on the land line and to call my sister or his godmother if mommy doesn't wake up. I can only hope that this would work and that he would know when to call and how to get their attention that something is wrong.
How does one overcome these fears and sleep at night, especially when we are all alone and the neighbors don't even pay attention to whether we leave the apartment or even whether Griffin gets on the bus for a day or more. For sure they wouldn't come knocking at my door. The manager has an older autistic son and I am going to ask her what she might suggest since she does live upstairs from us but she cannot be "friends" with us due to her obligations as a manager.
I am desperate for answers and welcome any and all input on the matters above. I just wish that there was someone to rely on to help us who was nearby. Guess that I should try to get to sleep, I look forward to hearing from my fellow bloggers and friends. PLEASE HELP!!!!