Recovering from Surgery

Griffin is doing very well with the new schedule at home and at school. At home he has been behaving much better with less physical aggressiveness however Saturday he did punch me in the gut right where I had incisions from my surgery. I called one of the Intensive Home girls and she helped set some boundaries for Griffin. To Griffin's credit, he does have no problem with saying that he is sorry and giving out sweet loving hugs. I must add that I am grateful that the three women from Family Preservation are coming over and helping because I really do need the support from experts.

I had surgery last Friday to remove my gall bladder because I kept having attacks that were so severe that they felt like the labor pains I had with Griffin. Thankfully my parents came up from SC to help me because I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. I go to see the surgeon today to check my incisions and I think that I have ruptured one/some of my stitches around my belly button because it is pretty hard and it looks like it has fresh blood has leaked under the skin not to mention it hurts like hell, even when I take a pain killer.


I would like to share some books that I have read over the years that I have found helpful: I am going to read them again because I remember that they were a great read and informative.


"Parenting Toward Solutions" by Linda Metcalf, Ph.d

"Teaching Children with Autism an Related Spectrum Disorders" by Christy
 L. Magnusen

"TalkAbility, People Skills for Verbal Children on the Autism Spectrum--A Guide for Parents" by Fern Sussman

"Rewards for Kids!" Ready to use Charts & Activities for Positive Parenting" by Virginia M. Shiller,
PhD

"Raising Self-Reliant Children In A Self-Indulgent World, Seven Building Blocks For Developing Capable Young People" by H. Stephen Glenn Jane Nelsen, Ed.D

"Raising Sexually Healthy Children, A Loving Guide For Parents, Teachers, and Care-Givers" by:
Lynn Leight, R.N.

"Parenting Your Complex Child" Become A Powerful Advocate for the Autistic, Down Syndrome,
PDD, Bipolar, or Other Special-Needs Child. By: Peggy Lou Morgan (I highly recommend this book)

"Why do I have to?" A Book for Children Who Find Themselves Frustrated by Everyday Rules.
By: Laurie Leventhal-Belfer

"The Autism Sourcebook; Everything You Need to Know About Diagnosis, Treatment, Coping, and Healing" By: Karen Siff Exkorn

I even bought a couple of  books that are for Griffin's future that might help me understand the transition that he will be going through in a few years....

"Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults" By: Zosia Zaks with foreword by Temple Grandin

"Autistics Guide to Dating" A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Who Are In Love with Them. By: Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey

Despite reading all these books I just can't seem to find the perfection that I have worked so hard to find. It is said that there is no such thing as a perfect parent but if I were better at looking after Griffin and teaching/guiding him then there wouldn't be other people examining what's going on here, this is my perspective.

It's not that I mind the Intensive Home people coming over and going to Griffin's school to observe him, in fact I am glad they help us but, I don't feel that I am the pro-active mother that I used to be. After some thought about it and a realization soon after speaking to one of the girls who come over to help us, since taking Geodon my life has been very different. I have even blogged about it in the past since moving here to NC but I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I just knew that I wasn't myself and that I hated the way that I was feeling and behaving. I spoke to one of the three women who are in Intensive Home Care and she helped me to realize that things started changing in our lives since I was hospitalized about 3 years ago subsequently be prescribed Geodon.

I am still on (3 fewer) Geodon but I hope to get off of it because I think that it would make a great difference. Of course when my moods/behaviors are out of balance it effects Griffin and life is really tough for us. Sometimes I am not aware of my mood change because there is nobody around to let me know so it can go on too long. Fortunately my doctors help me recognize the signs of moods changing and change my medications accordingly.

Griffin is such a trooper who is so patient with me most the time but I do see him having more behaviors when I am not really stable. For those who have no idea what it is like to be Bipolar with PTSD please do not judge me, I am here to tell you that it can be extremely frustrating and pure hell while feeling totally helpless/vulnerable.