I Just Can't Say it Enough, I am Grateful!

There is nothing more valuable and precious than the present moment. I have just recently learned to appreciate this to the fullest extent and this realization has made me the happiest person I know...other than Griffin who has me beat on smiles and laughter (but I am working on it).

To live in the past or to worry all the time about the future is just a waste of time not to mention worrying about how things Should be instead of what is really happening and accepting that as reality. We don't live in reality when stressed out about yesterday, what someone else is doing or has, what someone is saying about you/judging you, or expectations of how things should be in the moment rather than what really is and loving it for what it is. Because even the times that we think are the worst can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. If only we stay grateful for our blessings focusing on them rather than what we desire or think we need especially material items. Perhaps you have some kind of illness chronic or even terminal, there is no reason to disregard that but at the same time there is still plenty of positive things, people, and blessings in one's life.

I say all this because not once have I felt that Griffin's autism was anything but a blessing and that no matter what he does or how he behaves, he is my gift and I appreciate EVERYTHING about him! Even when he was hitting me, having huge meltdowns in public, and I especially appreciated him even before he was talking at age 5. It's those challenges that make all the milestones and accomplishments that much more beautiful and precious!

My Fibromyalgia is not a curse in my perspective, nor is the PTSD that I have had for most of my life, they are merely challenges that I need to overcome and I know that I will because I am going to persevere. What I like to say is that, "Everyone has challenges every single day and it's not how bad they are it is just how you play your cards with what you have been dealt".  I used to wallow in my sorrows making every attempt to drag down everyone with whom I came into contact down with me but gone are those days and I do nothing but to bring sunshine to each person whom I meet. And ever since I made that conscious decision, I have had so many compliments each day about how I make people whom I come into contact with on a regular basis, their days happy when they had sometimes otherwise been boring or bad. This just gives me the impetus to continue to smile and cause others to smile and think happy thoughts. I stopped complaining even if I feel bad because after all who wants to hear about all the bad stuff happening in your life?

I believe that deep down inside we all have the capacity to be happy because happiness is a CHOICE, it doesn't just plop down in your lap one day and say, "Here I am!" We choose to happy or miserable by the thoughts and words that we chose and whether we choose to live in the moment or not. So be mindfully aware of your body, your thoughts, and your surroundings at all times it takes some effort but the payoff is sooooooo worth it!

Having a Hard Time Getting into the Routine of Going to School

School has begun and Griffin adores his teachers Ms. Jay and Ms. Fore however he is still having sleep issues as far as getting up in the middle of the night then sleeping in late and waking up groggy having great difficulty getting motivated. It is a quandary indeed. I guess that we will just go with the flow and do our very best to make it to school as often and as early as possible without aggravation and frustration.

I am thrilled with his teachers as well and hope that Griffin has a great year regardless of his challenges. I am just glad that he is happy to go even though sometimes it is really hard to get going. As far as that goes it is difficult for me to get motivated too so we are quite a pair in the mornings around here. Regardless, we do our best to be positive and optimistic through it all.

My Fibromyalgia is kicking my butt and it is a struggle to make it through the day getting done all that needs to be done and to stay in a good mood is so really hard when I feel like crap...like I have the flu. My entire body hurts like it has been pummeled and I am so exhausted that it is as though someone has taken a gigantic syringe and sucked out every ounce of energy that I have from the moment I wake up progressively getting worse as the day goes on. It makes me want to crawl into a shell and hide from the world. But I know that that only leads to depression. So I do my best to muddle through with a smile on my face, sing songs whether I feel like it or not, and to make myself function and be productive at least a little here and there.

We Received a Blessing in the Mail

To Anonymous who commented on my last post, or rather about the comments that have been left, for Griffin's safety and mine I had rather not post our full names but if you would like to e-mail me please go to my profile and you can do so from there. It would be nice if I knew your name too by the way :) Cheers!

Griffin got me up at 2:30 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed he was but not me. It took me a long time to struggle to make coffee, quite watery the first try and by the second try I made a very strong cup of java. However it didn't help and at 5:00 I had to take a nap for an hour. Then at 7:45 we had to go to the doctor for him and he fell asleep on her table as she was examining him. Now it is 10:00 a.m. and he has been lying on the floor where he plopped an hour ago. I just gave him a blanket and let him be. Cutie pie.

Yesterday was quite a busy day indeed. We had to go to my foot/ankle doc at 10:30 a.m. because I got an infection in my ankle due to a small cut on my heel. I get infections so easily since I have type 2 diabetes he told me. I have to be more careful about giving myself a pedicure from now on. I had exfoliated the callus from my heel and inadvertently exposed the crack/cut on my heel making it susceptible to infection. And since I go barefoot at home well, let's just say that it just wasn't the smart thing to do.

I have been doing affirmations to fill my mind up with positive thoughts and drown out the intrusive thoughts of negativity and memories of my past traumas. It has been so fulfilling to actually see the manifestations of the efforts that I have put forth. The most recent being a significant amount of money via check that simply appeared out of the blue. I nearly just threw it away as it appeared to be fake when looking at it through the envelope window as so many gimmicks in advertising try to make them seem real so that the unsuspecting recipient falls for it. But low and behold when I called the phone number on the check it verified it as a federal tax refund but the real mystery was that I have not been required to file taxes for years now. I am calling child support division in Alaska to see if it was from Griffin's father's taxes to pay towards the enormous amount of back pay that he owes. Doesn't matter really because I am just grateful for the blessing no matter where it came from.

LIFE IS GOOD AND WE ARE BLESSED!!!!!

We Laughed and Had a Pillow Fight

Griffin and I spontaneously had a pillow fight that I initiated and we had so much fun laughing so hard, the best part was that he told me in the end with a big hug, "Mom, you're the best!" Wow , I felt so good after that no words other than him telling me..I love you in Greek would ever fill my heart with so much joy. The euphonious sound of his laughter is the most beautiful sound in the world! I am blessed to be able to contribute to that and hear it every day.

My "Schmookie" as I call him got me up at 2:30 a.m. and it took me quite awhile to wake up but once I did we had a lot of quality time together all day long. I helped him do his exercises that his PT taught me to increase his flexibility because his core is weak causing a chain reaction throughout his entire body especially with low muscle tone and very tight muscles. She said that if he were to become more flexible then it would not only increase his endurance but in turn strengthen his entire body increasing overall health. So we are doing them together because I can use it too.

I have not only been writing more in my book but I have decided to write a few articles that specific audiences might find interesting and submitting them to publishers of specific magazines. I am so excited because I have been doing affirmations on success and prosperity and already I can tell the difference in my motivation to succeed and be better off financially. Affirmations are just short sayings that focus on your intent and it has to be specific and concise. Such as, "I am successful in my writing endeavors that give me financial prosperity." or "I am healthy in body and mind in every moment of each day."  It doesn't work if you use negative words such as, "I have no pain". Because your mind will focus on the word pain and then you will find that you actually have more. That is why when people complain it actually makes their illness and suffering worse. One reason that I have little tolerance for those who complain or talk about how sick they  are because it is self defeating, negative, miserable, and I know that it can be helped. Everybody has something or more to be grateful for and we need to focus on that saying those words out loud each day in order for abundance to continue.

We attract what we speak and think...words and thoughts are very powerful, don't underestimate the power that you possess. Those words and thoughts can easily sabotage your very happiness that you desire and strive for. Or are you stuck in your story in misery? It much easier to have fun and enjoy this existence rather than having hell on earth.              

One of My Wonderful Readers Asked...

...How do I prepare myself and know what to write when I write in my blog?

Well, writing just comes easily to me. Once I sit at the computer or have a pen in hand it just flows because I have so many thoughts that I need to convey and have for my "immortality" in memoirs, that I can hardly keep up once I get started. Usually I constrain myself when writing on my blog as to not give away all the tales since I am writing a book and need to save all the best for those interested in our life story in paperback or online.

It is my hope that I will have the courage to complete my book and I have all the good intentions but must first face my demons from my past in order to put them down on paper and not have worse PTSD symptoms than I already do,( I am working with my new therapist doing EMDR for that very purpose). This is why I dedicated my blog to my wonderful son and in attempts, some more successful than others, to keep track of milestones and memories of his progress and happy times (a few challenging ones too I might add).

I guess that the best answer is, for my reader, to have a quiet time without any distractions so that you can clear your head of the noise of other thoughts bombarding you. And if you feel blocked and nothing is coming to you then probably you are still thinking too much actually. Trying too hard perhaps. Just stare at the paper or computer screen and simply focus on the topic(s) that you want to write about and the ideas/words will flow.

Since starting meditation I have found that if I meditate on just two short words SO on the breath IN and OHM on the breath OUT...but only think them do not say them aloud. All one has to do is to pay attention to the breath even when thinking the two simple words. As it is done for only about ten minutes a calm and relaxed, even a feeling of being refreshed, will come over the entire body and the mind causing a more mindful sense of the moment/present. I have found that I can even meditate while walking and doing other things because all it takes is being mindful, focusing on the breathing IN and OUT slowly and clearing the mind except for a mantra of the two sounds/words. Just staying in the moment not letting oneself become distracted by thoughts of the past, future, or needless worry. It is so incredible and so easy to do!

Thank you for your question and please anyone else who wants to comment or has a question then please do feel free to let me know. If you don't want to make it public then you can contact me via e-mail if you go to my profile.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

I Changed the Comment Settings

For some reason my comment settings were set only for members of this blog to comment...sorry. I meant to set it so that anyone can comment, now it is fine and anyone can comment.

I look forward to getting comments again because it really brightens my day to see that there are still people interested in the blog.

I plan to spend more time reading all the blogs that I follow of my dear friends because I have really missed you all.

Griffin and I laid in the grass yesterday watching the clouds go by and figuring out the shapes and it was so much fun, he really enjoyed it. I gently told him that it is important that we spend less time with technology and more time doing the free and really important things in life such as being outdoors and enjoying nature. That it is essential that we spend more time playing together using our imagination and laughing together. And sure enough he has complied without any complaints. Now we snuggle together more and laugh so hard and he doesn't even miss the TV, computer, or not having a smart phone anymore.

Life is so good and we are so blessed!