Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons


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Monday, March 12, 2007

I Want To Change My Medication

I have shared so much about myself and my challenges with my Bipolar Disorder so much that I feel like I can write this and be honest and not have to worry about being thought of as "crazy", at least not by my blogger friends. I have been thinking a lot lately about how my life has been while taking this medication "Abilify" and it has not been a bed of roses that's for sure. It has been brought to my attention by those closest to me that I look and act like I am stoned/on drugs (like street drugs). I have realized that I have NO motivation for anything at all, not things that I used to enjoy like art, photography, exercise, and stuff as simple as watching movies/TV. I feel as though I am just existing and going through the motions of living. Before taking this medication I was full of life and sometimes anxiety too but nevertheless I was for the most part living a full life. Now I truly feel disabled, I mean , it is an effort for me just to take a shower or groom myself as I used to and to me that is really sad. I have made the decision that I am going to ask the doctor(psychiatrist) that I see on the 21st to change my meds for me. Hopefully he/she will cooperate with me and let me try something different. I am so tired of living this way and moving around like a three-toed sloth. It is disabling me not helping me to be more productive or to be an active member of society, I feel paralyzed. All I do all day is to sit down in front of the computer when Griffin is not in need of help with his schedule and do basically nothing of worth here. You'd think that I would be writing in the blog each day as much as I sit here but I do not because once again..........I simply do not have the motivation to do anything productive or meaningful in my life. I do miss my therapist and my ANP in Anchorage and I wish that I could get their opinion on my decision but alas, I cannot :( I will be at the mercy of this new doctor and I can only hope against all hope that he/she will be understanding and help me out. Maybe I shouldn't be so candid on this blog but it is my outlet, my journal of sorts and I feel that I will get support or at least some advice from my friends that will help me to do what is best for me. I just don't think that there is any quality of life present nor do I feel like I am being the best mother that I could be to Griffin. This where my candor ends and my journey begins. I will ask you to wish me luck with this new doctor and hopefully with new meds. Thanks ahead of time for all your support my friends, I certainly do need it.

10 comments:

Melissa H said...

Lora -

Sending prayers your way. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you and I admire how very strong you are in the midst of so many storms. You are an amazing woman. HUGS.

Anonymous said...

Lora-you are so honest and strong. dont ever give up on yourself. I have some thoughts on this- I will email you soon!

Amy

Mom to Mr. Handsome said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to find a med that works. That has to be so difficult to just find balance. Big {{{HUG}}} I am sending prayers your way :o) Our blogs are sometimes are best outlet. You have my support!


Kristin

Janice said...

I think u should try new meds hopefully Dr will too. Best wishes

K.C.'s Blog said...

My dear friend Lora. I can feel your pain jusy by reading your words and being Bipolar myself and having my ups and downs with K.C. recently has really sent me plummeting. I had to get my meds upped but I am slowly getting back to 'normal.' The Abilify is most likely sucking the life right out of you (emotions)You need new meds I am certain of it. The new doctor will have to cut you down slowly or maybe cut your dose. I want you to feel better hun, we all care about you and Griffin here and we are here for you. You are an awesome Mama Lora. It's not easy taking care of our special needs kids and having issues of our own makes it that much tougher. I just so feel it's the Abilify Lora. We are sending prayers your way as always we love you guys!
Tina and Boys

MileMasterSarah said...

Meds are a tough thing to get a handle on. I have my own history with psychiatric meds, but I have not been on them for around 3 years. I remember the difficulties, though, trying to get everything just right, and I hope that things never get to the point that I need meds again. I hope you find the right solution for you.

Sam I Am said...

More than luck, but blessings, prayers and hugs your way friend. I can't imagine how you are feeling. Wish it wasn't so. My sister was Bipolar, and meds were her biggest struggle. Just make sure your doc decreases first and then starts out dosing low with the new one. You are in our prayers!

Anonymous said...

Have you tried lithium? My brother is bi-polar and he swears by it.

Mom without a manual said...

Hang in there! You and the doc will get it worked out and you will get your zest for life back. You are a great mom! Life brings us challenges and you will continue to get through them!!! Sending lots of hugs!!!!

gretchen said...

Lora- I'm afraid when you switched blogger versions I lost you from my bloglines list! But now I've caught up with you!

My teenage daughter has recently started to take an anti-depressant. It seems like such a mystery- whether a certain medication will help a person or not, and what dosage... a lot of it seems like a guessing game! You are so smart to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling- you are the only one who can make that decision.

Let us know what happens and hang in there!