Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

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Friday, July 06, 2007

What Griffin Needs

Griffin is doing great but is in desperate need of some structure in his life, I must say that I am not the world's best at routine and structure in any given day. My dear child needs what I am not able to give him right now and I just hate it. He has a mommy right now who is full of anxiety and does well to take care of herself much less provide a stringent routine for Griffin to follow.

I don't know exactly what is causing my anxiety nor can I tell what the triggers are but all I do know is that it is ruling my life and my doctor will not prescribe anything for it so I must deal with it on my own somehow. Because of this stuff that I am going through I haven't felt like sitting down at the computer much therefore I haven't been writing in the blog or reading blogs and I hate that also but feel kind of helpless right now to do anything about it. I am not a nervous mess but it's just this feeling that I have that I can't seem to shake. I know that it has to do with my P.T.S.D. and my therapist is doing her best to help me out.

In the meantime, Griffin has speech, O.T., his Early Interventionist, and swimming each week and outside of that he seems to still be learning and playing just fine but I just wish that I could provide more for him and give him what he needs.


Melissa H said...

Ohhhh Lora. :-( Please know that you are not alone in all of those feelings. I know that the PTSD and bipolar add to the stress, but I've been ready to jump out of my skin lately from anxiety. In fact, I recently posted that I've switched to half caff (and Gretchen, another ASD mom blogger said that she has too) because I've been ready to leap through the roof lately. I know that this doesn't alleviate your anxiety, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. Dealing with the needs of our children is EXTREMELY stressful. In light of everything that you have to overcome, I think you are doing an AWESOME job for both of you. I am so proud of what an amazing mom you are. I hope that you, too, will be able to soon see what we ALL see in you.

Lots of love and hugs,

KC's Blog said...

(((Hugs))) to you honey. I am so sorry you are feeling so out of sorts and full of anxiety. I wish we were closer so we could help each other out.
We are in this together, know that your friends are with you :) It's really hard cause I know that I get in a total rut that's hard to get out of. It's almost like not having anything at all to look forward too, you keep looking for a source of strength but its hard to find. I hate those feelings. Please feel better soon my friend.

JodiTucker said...

I will pray for you, Lora. I can't even imagine PTSD, bi-polar and and son with this like a feeling that you have no hope?
Again, the best I can do is pray for you right now.

kristi said...

Lora, I will be saying a prayer for you. You are such an awesome Mom and friend. Just know that we all feel like this from time to time!

A Bishops wife said...

(Prayers going up for you)

You are not alone, as you know.
I go through the same thing. Without really saying so in my posts, it is easy to tell when I am having anxiety. It is difficult and will keep you in my prayers.

gretchen said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling anxious Lora, but I know you will feel better/calmer again soon!

And I can relate to your feelings about needing structure for Griffin. I have the week off next week and have been debating keeping Henry home from his Easter Seals "summer camp". I would like to have him home with me, but think he really would miss the structure of his day there.

Henry has been asking me a lot of questions like "after (current activity), then what?" He always wants to know what is coming next these days.

Big HUGS to you and your beautiful son!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lora-
been thinking about you and wondering how you were. So sorry to hear that you are so stressed-that just sucks. You do not have it easy you know-but you are an inspiration. Maybe you should try something "natural" with your anxiety. Stay safe and take some time for yourself-