It had been gnawing away at me the fact that I couldn't play with my own child and I just didn't know why. I didn't know if it was the way that I had raised him or if it was the autism. So I called the psychologist's office to see if I could get an appointment right away and they had an appointment that day, Wednesday. I was so anxious to talk to him because this was something that really bothered me and I felt guilty about it, a bad mom because I couldn't play with him.
The doctor was so understanding and helped me feel so much more at ease because first of all he re-assured me that mostly the issue was that Griffin didn't play with me because of the autism not because of how I had raised him. But he did show me how to play beside him with Legos, narrating what Griffin was doing as he was playing. He made sure to let me know that it was crucial that I did not tell him what to do or instruct him in any way or else it would cease all play......nip it in the bud. Tears welled up in my eyes and as I fought back the tears I thought to myself, how wonderful it was that I had found someone who understood me and was helping us after all these years. After all these years, sure Griffin had people working with him who showed him how to play but nobody ever showed me how to play with him and I felt really stupid. It may seem really simple to you but it hasn't been for me, maybe it is just my nature but I didn't know to sit and narrate and not tell him what to do.....did you? It is easily done now and it is what I am going to do, the only obstacle is going to be the computer and the fact that it is a distraction. We'll just have to be creative and figure out how to make Legos more fun than the computer.
From now on we are playing together.....well at least we are playing side by side.
Life is not without its challenges but also full of blessings. When I hear my son's laughter all those challenges temporarily fade away: and when I think of the unconditional love that we share, I realize what a precious gift that has been bestowed upon me in this lifetime in which I had never imagined would be so magnificent. The one thing that I am sure to tell him every day is that I love him and that he is exactly the way he was meant to be created..He is PERFECT!
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