OBAMA WON !!!!!!!!! and What About That "Regular" Kid?

Just as Griffin predicted and I had prayed for. Now I can feel more comforted that we will keep our Social Security checks and our Medicare and Medicaid especially since we live on such low income. I have to be concerned about Griffin's services, his present and his future as a disabled individual and I feel that Obama is the one who is going to look out for his needs....he is the man who cares about human rights. He cares about my rights as a woman too and I appreciate that.

It is funny though because the reason I say that Griffin predicted Obama is that one night we were snuggling and we were talking about election night and he said that Obama was going to win and I was so surprised because I had not directly discussed it with  him but he must have picked it up from me as I was watching TV and cheering him on or said something in passing I don't know. But it made me laugh because he said it with such conviction.

I saw Paul, Griffin's LCSW, yesterday and we discussed my feelings of  lamenting the loss of the child that I never had and the fact that it is 10 years late. Usually people do it when they get the diagnosis but for some reason I am doing it now and I don't know what the trigger is. I have been slack with Griffin because I have been having feelings of guilt because even though consciously I know I didn't cause his autism I still feel it and I blame myself so I have been trying to be extra nice to him and as Paul said that it will only do damage to Griffin because he needs structure and consistency and rules. I know that and I have known that but my feelings have gotten in the way. I love Griffin for who he is, I believe that he is perfect the way that he is but for those of you who don't know me he is my universe and I would never change him and I have accepted his diagnosis from the get go and that is the problem.....I never mourned for the "regular" kid that could have been like most families do, it is normal to do that, it is natural to go through that process. I never cried for that child now I cry at everything for the first time in my life.

It is so tough being a single mom more than anybody knows especially to an autistic son now I have this to cope with................guess I will keep my psychologist busy for awhile. Good thing that I have this computer to write with so that I can write in my book and blog that helps a lot too.