Gosh Darnit!!! Still Having *%***#$% Sleeping Issues!!!!!!!!

This is Griffin sleeping in the hallway where he goes after he eats early in the middle of the night, (I just make sure that he has a warm blanket and a pillow and leave him be), as in the above photo of the peanut and jelly sandwich with the milk that he finished off. LOL! I have no idea why he prefers to sleep in the hallway but I did things like that when I was a baby/child in order to find comfort when I climbed out of my crib especially once when I was 9 months old and broke my arm and my parents had no choice but to put a board over my crib in order to keep me in just in case there was a fire or something so that they could find me since I would go off and hide. If I could do it now I would hide in closets and sleep because they would be cozy and dark , they would feel safer than the wide open spaces of the apartment rooms. That's what weighted blankets are good for and I use it for Griffin but it doesn't work because he won't stay on the bed therefore I am looking into a weighted vest. I think that would help him at school as well with his frustration levels as well with his peers.

He has been having a difficult time with transitioning from going to school late these past few months because actually he prefers to go to school early and sleep in school but not his teachers. They prefer that he stay home and sleep it off then come in but his intensive in home worker says that the teachers can't say that so....I don't know? I will have to check into it. I don't know what is best for him. I really don't think that sleeping in school is a good idea, it doesn't send a good message yet going late doesn't either. But he goes back to the doctor Monday and I am going to recommend that he goes to have a sleep study because I think that he has sleep apnea.....I really think that is what is waking him up at night especially since he is a mouth breather. He has already had his tonsils and adenoids out but he still snores.

Since we reduced the Risperdal his behavior has become a bit more aggressive but not too bad, not as though it is intolerable. He just screams a lot....even at school and usually at the other autistic child. He just gets frustrated with his peers because they talk to him too much.I really get the strong feeling that one certain teacher doesn't care for him, doesn't try with him, and certainly has no clue about autism because for one thing she walked out on an IEP meeting saying that Griffin just didn't apply himself......AAARRGGG!!! She sent home homework that was far too difficult for him after I told her so, she ignored my requests for a parent/teacher conference etc..Now Griffin is saying that he is afraid to go to her classroom because she won't listen to him and that she doesn't understand him. When I ask about it, nobody wants to address the issue.

 Griffin and I don't like to talk very much or answer many questions, we like our space and quiet time. A lot of people take it personally but that is usually because they aren't autistic and just don't understand that way of thinking so we have to understand them and realize that they mean well ,most of the time even when they hurt our feelings.....we have to learn to not take it personally ourselves to maintain some dignity and self-esteem.

We have to be proud of our accomplishments and not expect others to give us kudos and atta-boys, for having done something that we are proud of because that should come from within...not even from a therapist or doctor or friend. Just a sense of accomplishment, joy, pride, and rejuvenation of the spirit that I've done something once again or something new that makes you feel alive, stimulates the intellect which makes me happier than all the money in the world (I know because I've had plenty of money before to do with what I pleased), Feeling talented and appreciated is like the highest compliment that anyone could pay me, then to tell me that I can write about any three subjects that I want to???? How flattering is that? I am so excited to write for Answers.com/Psychology  I don't have that article completed yet, not for a week or so but it will be very interesting I guarantee that it will be about something you have probably never heard of yet it is quite common...all around you. Later I will be writing about autism as well after I write some articles about psychology/mental disorders which really intrigue me. But of course autism is what I know the most about, have done the most research on, had the most experience with, and that is where my heart lies.

My last article was about anxiety and here is the link for it: Fight or Flight Response: Anxiety
I am going to have to write to the support staff because part of it is illegible so please bear with me, and read it anyhow because it is only a small part. I would really appreciate your feedback.

Everything Is Great and Everything Is Lake?

Griffin came up with the title of the post. Isn't it great?

Griffin and I are finally sleeping!!!! I told the doctor what was working as far as the medications go, and she finally agreed with me that he could tolerate them and if that is what worked to get him to sleep through the night and to get up on time for the bus then go for it. Now he is not sleeping in class either so that is wonderful.

Not much else is going on except that I have been writing a lot more, I submitted my second article on anxiety to Answers.com. It's at: : http://depression.answers.com/anxiety/fight-or-flight-response-anxiety if you just click on the link it should take you straight there. So far nobody has left any comments which is a bummer! Writers always want feedback on the opinions of their work, after all the work is being published for the public and for their information/education....why not let us know how we are doing?

Everything at home is copacetic because Griffin and I are getting along just great, there's no worries and I am as happy as a clam doing what I do at home alone only going out when I need to or desire to, I don't go out and do things just because someone recommended it and put pressure on me. I have Aspie friends now who understand me and talking to them for a short while is all I need for company......other than Griffin of course.

Some people still won't believe that I have Asperger's and still believe that I am bipolar but that is not my problem. If I am to be judged by a neurotypical who doesn't even try to understand me then it is their loss not mine. I am going to live my life as I see fit without unsolicited advice on how to raise my child in which they do not understand either and Griffin and I will live happily ever after.

I don't appreciate being lied to and treated as though I am a child, I am a very intelligent individual who has always taken care of myself no matter how tough the situation.....more than you care to admit. I know what is going on with your lies and deceit but I play dumb just to be a mimic as I have lived my whole life for your sake not mine. It will not last this way because I will not have my intelligence insulted.....JUST STOP IT and leave me alone. I am so tired of playing your games, it is not genuine to me and if you don't believe in me and my son then there is no place for you in our lives. I AM NOT DEPRESSED OR BIPOLAR, I HAVE AUTISM!!!!Why can't you admit that?

You know who you are!

My Newly Published Article in Answers.com: Depression and Its Many Faces

Depression and Its Many Faces  is the link to the article that I wrote on the website Answers.com. It is about the different types of depression and a bit about the signs and symptoms. I will go into more detail about those in a subsequent article coming up soon. I have lived depression off and on for many years of my life sometimes destitute and sometimes with a spouse in my life. Both ways are just as lonely and dark, hopeless, and bleak. All I know is that what it takes to get someone out of depression depends on the individual but it usually means a great deal of patience, putting up with things that you shouldn't take personally such as harsh words and the person pushing you away, and perhaps the individuals alcohol or drug abuse. I hope you leave comments and let me know what you thought of it.

The latest news on the home front is that we went to see Griffin's psychiatrist yesterday and it was quite productive, we made some medication changes but after last night I found out that it wasn't going to work. The doctor took away the Clonidine because I needed to add Tenex in the afternoon for his ADHD because his behaviors were getting out of hand. She said that the drugs were so similar that it wasn't necessary to have them both on board. Well.....I tried just the Tenex in the afternoon and it worked but come bedtime it was just melatonin, Risperdal .5mg, Depakote 500 mg and that was all hence NO SLEEP! He was hyper. I fed him protein and had him lie down in the dark quietly to no avail. So I had no choice but to try one Clonidine....45 minutes later still awake so it was 10:00 and I thought this is ridiculous, I am giving him the other Clonidine and within 15 minutes he was fast asleep.

He went to school today for the first time in awhile, he had told me in confidence that he was scared of going back to school because he was afraid of doing science. He said that his science teacher Mrs. Boggs, who I think takes no interest in him, doesn't understand him and that she won't listen to him. Griffin said that the work was too hard and the math too. These are his regular education classes (inclusion classes with his peers). He obviously does not feel comfortable in there but in the IEP meeting the staff did not mention a thing about Griffin having any problems in his classes and I am not aware because the (bleeping) teachers won't communicate with me on a daily basis and let me know what is going on with him. I don't know if he is sleeping, eating or hungry, acting out or having calm behavior, he doesn't bring home school work so I don't know what kind of work he does in school or even his art work....NO REPORTS.  So they say that they are going to put it on the IEP when we were in the meeting but LOW and BEHOLD .....there was no such written words as: we are going to communicate to mother on a daily basis through e-mail.....on the IEP..!

So now we are going to have to have yet another IEP because that document follows him to his next school next year and I want to know what is going on with him during his day for many reasons not just about his medications and behaviors but for his emotional well being, his educational needs. I need to know if his needs are being met because if the school is not doing it then I have to consider other options.

Today I have to call the doctor and ask her if it is okay to go ahead and give the two Clonidine since those two were the magic bullets. I finally got sleep because he didn't wake up in the middle of the night so I think that I got about 7 hours since I was able to take my medications for sleep. If I don't then I only sleep about 4 hours.

Please leave comments here and/or at Answers.com and let me know how I am doing. Thanks for dropping by and reading for the first time or for following me....you are greatly appreciated!

Griffin Has Been Drawing A Great Deal

 Instead of spending all of his time on the computer, the cell phone browsing the Internet, or watching TV, Griffin has devoted his time to his artistry and animation and I am so very proud of his accomplishments and dedication. He wants to be an animator when he grows up, to make cartoons and animated movies. I believe that is a great aspiration for him. Whether he will have the emotional maturity to manage a job is another thing...that may take a few years down the road but I have high hopes for him. I keep telling him that he can accomplish anything that he wants to because he is perfect, the way that he is meant to be regardless of what anybody says to him.

 I believe that Griffin is gifted and talented with his artistic ability, the only deficits that he has is that he does not understand how the world works and his mother has a hard time helping him with that because she doesn't either. Griffin's mother sees the world through the eyes as a child, naive and easily taken advantage of. In fact, Griffin just told me the other day that he wished that his mother wasn't like a child. What can I do? That hurt! I am his friend yet his mother but he sees straight through me as someone who has autism. He sees that I am emotionally sensitive, often taking things personally because my self esteem is so low. I don't want Griffin to be this way so I am always giving him kudos, building him up with words of praise and encouragement, while at the same time setting boundaries to show him that when you love someone you have to say "NO!" sometimes in order to prove that you care.

 I finished my article for Answers.com but I don't have the link yet. I suppose that you could just go there and look up Lora Aspiotis and find my article on Depression and Its Many Faces. I don't know exactly when it is going to be published. I have an ongoing article about depression at least until I branch out to something else.

 Still having sleep issues, Griffin is getting up in the middle of the night to eat and waking me up to be with him for several hours, then going back to sleep. Then he cannot wake up for the bus or to go to school, he wakes up around 1:00 p.m. then it is pretty much useless to go to school. Sometimes I make him go anyhow. But it is a horrible meltdown if I do because of the messed up schedule. His meds are still messed up, we still do not have them right. I am keeping a chart of his behaviors, meds, sleep patterns, and teacher's messages. I am hoping that with this it will be useful to the doctor when taking into consideration the medications used and which dosage used for each one, also we can figure out what time of the night is best for his bedtime in order to keep him from waking up in the middle of the night. He will soon be on a lower dose of Risperdal then nearly off of it subsequently he will stop eating so much.....thank goodness.

The Intensive In Home team is wonderful and are helping Griffin a great deal as always, they know him well by now. Last time they worked with him for 6 months before they got him to the point of becoming stable....and that is after having to go to the hospital (in patient care). Now Griffin knows that he never wants to ever go back to the hospital so he minds his P's and Q's most all the time and hasn't done any hitting. What's happening now he has absolutely no control over, it's all meds.

Do you recognize these cereal characters? They are from the past, Griffin loves retro-advertising icons. He just loves anything adverting or commercials. Sometimes it is charming and sometimes it is unnerving but I love him for it anyhow......he's my buddy!

Griffin Is In A Deep Slumber And I Am Finding My Way Home

Griffin and I are having intensive in home care along with a new psychiatrist whom I like very much. They are very attentive to Griffin's needs and to mine as well because after all, "If mom ain't happy ain't nobody happy!" Just an ole hillbilly saying that I do not use but I have often heard used when growing up here in the mountains of Western North Carolina.

This is all after an incident of Griffin actually hitting a doctor who subsequently refused him treatment saying that he was too unstable and that if he didn't go to the hospital immediately that he wouldn't treat him until he became stable. Well, Griffin had been waiting 2 hours patiently with little to do, in fact I was proud of him for not having a meltdown sooner but finally after the PA expected him to sit quietly for too long.......he began to pace then he ran across the office building straight towards the doctor who shusshed him and told him "NO!" (Big mistake!) that was his trigger and Griffin made a bee line and hit him right in the arm. I can't say that the doctor deserved it but he certainly should have known better as an autism expert not to trigger a child with autism who is having a meltdown and make things worse. Then he had no compassion for him and refused treatment when if he truly cared he would have seen that it is children like Griffin who are the ones who need the most help right away. I was so frustrated, we just left and I called the intensive in home team for support.

Now Griffin is stable as far as his behavior goes but we just cannot seem to create a balance between his waking time....which is very short and his sleeping time which is taking over his life. We are weaning him off the Risperdal (thank goodness) his appetite is finally normal again. He is on Geodon now which is for his psychosis and to help him get to sleep which is a big problem, he is on melatonin as well but the problem is he cannot GET to sleep at night then he wakes in the morning eats, stays up awhile then goes back to sleep until about 1:00 p.m. or even later and there is no waking him.

It is truly a conundrum! I am in a fog about it and frankly I believe that everyone is as well. I have insomnia really bad and have to take medication for it or I will stay up for days and my dad has it too. I know that in Aspies it is pretty common to have insomnia or rather should I say in auties too (autism individuals).

[THIS IS ONE OF GRIFFIN'S MASTERPIECES THAT HE DREW ON THE COMPUTER FOR HIS BLOG "THE CHARACTER BLOG" . IT IS ELMO AND TINKY WINKY.]

I wanted to add that I am starting a new Facebook page that just has Aspies and Auties on it and things connected to it such as support groups, links, and pages etc...in order to reduce the anxiety in my life and to find the support and help that I need and desire from those who care about my sensitivities, those who understand that I have feelings too and who treat me with respect as an adult who is a responsible single mom of an autistic child giving me credit for that as well. I have already found that in these people, they listen to me instead of me being the one to always be the one who listens. I find great comfort in someone showing interest in what interests me, perhaps something that we may have in common or even if she just takes a moment to be genuine and honest. This is what I appreciate in Aspies, honesty and being straightforward. I am starting a new life and endeavor to embark on new beginnings, a new journey.....and it is exasperating!