Do Vaccines Explain the Surge in Autism

To the parents of autistic children and to parents of children who have not been vaccinated:

I realize that this is still, to this day, a hot topic, but please open your mind a bit and take this information into consideration. My sister has not vaccinated her 5 year old child and it scares me to think of her being exposed to whooping cough or measles, which could potentially kill her. It is a very serious issue and to me, the evidence is clear that the rate of autism in the UK still rose even among the un-vaccinated children. Griffin is up-to-date on all his vaccines, even the H1N1, and he never gets sick...whereas my sister's child is always sick. I do not regret giving him all his vaccines, including the MMR because I think that mental illness (ie...his genes) has more to do with the autism than his environment. Please read this article written by Dr. Jeffrey P. Baker:





During office visits when its time for an immunization shot, parents frequently ask me whether vaccines cause autism.
It is a highly charged discussion, involving great emotion for many parents.
Jeffrey P. Baker, MD, PhD, director of Duke's History of Medicine Program and an associate clinical professor of pediatrics, discusses the evidence.
--Dennis Clements, MD, PhD

 
The annals of medicine are full of stories about scientists who stubbornly cling to a “great idea” despite evidence to the contrary. The history of autism provides a classic example.
From the 1940s through at least the 1960s, autism was widely viewed as a psychiatric condition, typically attributed to highly educated mothers lacking the capacity to provide warmth or affection for their infants. The so-called “refrigerator mother” theory turned out to be based on little reality beyond the imaginations of its originators. It survived as long as it did because it promised (falsely, as it turned out) the possibility of cure through psychotherapy.
Today, another hypothesis has captured the imagination of many parents in the autism community. It is the conviction that vaccines are responsible for the dramatic rise in the disorder’s visibility over the past 20 years. Despite the failure of 10 years of scientific study to provide support, this belief remains powerful among parents’ groups and the internet. Why?
Although the cause of autism remains unknown, the vast majority of researchers believe that genetics play a central role. Siblings of children with autism have a 2 to 7 percent chance of the disorder, at least 50 times the rate of the general population. The concordance rate is higher for fraternal (5-10 percent) and highest of all for identical twins (60-90 percent).
Other studies have found a higher family risk of problems in communication, social relations, and anxiety, suggesting that a broader form of the disorder may be inherited that presents as classical autism only in its most severe form. Collectively, this research underlines that genetics likely represents the most critical factor leading to autism. The question is whether an environmental trigger may play a secondary role in genetically-predisposed children.
If autism is largely genetic, why has it seemingly become “epidemic” in recent years?  There is no doubt that the disorder is diagnosed far more commonly (by a factor of at least 10) today than was the case 20 years ago. It is equally clear that its definition has been expanded tremendously, encompassing both higher functioning children (such as those with Asperger’s syndrome) and others who one would have been diagnosed with mental retardation.
At the same time, there has been a great push for physicians and schools to identify autism at earlier ages and with milder presentations. Many experts in the field believe that the rise of autism reflects the success of early intervention and school-based programs to heighten awareness of the disorder. Still, the possible role of an environmental exposure cannot be eliminated. And of the hundreds of agents to which pregnant women or infants are exposed, none are quite as visible as vaccines.
Activists in the last 10 years have promoted two particular theories linking immunizations and autism. One concerns the MMR vaccine against measles, mumps, and rubella. It became controversial in Great Britain following the publication in 1998 of a case report by Dr. Andrew Wakefield describing several children who developed signs of diarrhea and autistic regression following this vaccine. MMR immunization rates fell in the U.K., and outbreaks of measles followed.
The other hypothesis, originating in the U.S., concerns the preservative thimerosal, which was removed from infant vaccines between 1999 and 2001 as part of broader public health efforts to reduce infant exposure to environmental mercury.
These two theories are not easily reconciled. Parents blaming the MMR typically described infants who were normal prior to this particular vaccine; thimerosal/autism narratives told of infants who developed autism after any vaccine combination.
British parents often noted the correlation between the rise of autism and the use of the MMR, introduced in 1987 and the focus of national immunization drives in the early 1990s. The fact that MMR had been used widely in the U.S. since 1971, long before talk of an autism epidemic, was generally ignored.
Both hypotheses have been subjected an extraordinary amount of study in large populations. Comprehensive reviews by expert panels, most notably the U.S. Institute of Medicine, have concluded that the evidence simply does not support either vaccine/autism hypothesis.
In Britain, 10 of the 12 co-authors of Dr. Wakefield’s 1998 report have disavowed its conclusion regarding MMR. Wakefield himself is under investigation for serious professional misconduct for not having revealed his relationship to anti-MMR litigation groups when submitting his article to The Lancet. In the U.S., data published in 2008 from the state of California showed that the elimination of thimerosal from all routine infant vaccines in 2001 had no effect slowing down the rise of autism, despite many predictions to the contrary.
Among mainstream health researchers, the MMR and thimerosal autism hypotheses are in tatters. Yet like the hydra of ancient mythology that grew two heads whenever one was severed, the belief in a vaccine/autism connection continues to survive by taking new forms. Some activists are focusing on other vaccine additives, such as the aluminum salts used to boost the immune response.
Others are arguing that giving too many vaccines somehow overwhelms the child’s immune system. This was the question at the heart of the Federal Vaccine Court’s decision to award damages to Hannah Poling, a girl with a mitochondrial disease (a very uncommon disorder disrupting her ability to process nutrients) who regressed developmentally and developed signs of autism after receiving several vaccines at age 19 months.
Cases such as Hannah’s are tragic, but raise more questions than they answer. There are in fact rare children with silent metabolic disorders who may develop normally until suddenly regressing after the stress of a childhood infection. Whether vaccines are a risk has not been proven. Certainly, the infections that vaccines prevent do constitute a danger for these children. Even if we could identify at-risk children, it is far from clear that holding or splitting vaccines would do them a service.
Before accepting the “multiple vaccine” hypothesis, it is worth remembering that more vaccines does not mean more stress on the immune system. The 14 vaccines given to young children expose them to a total of about 150 immunological units, or antigens.  The MMR, for all the ballyhoo, contains only 24. In contrast, the old smallpox vaccine included 200 proteins, and the whole cell pertussis vaccine used before the 1990s contained 3,000.
In a nutshell, while more vaccines are being given to infants, these vaccines are far more targeted and purified than was the case twenty years ago. This is why giving vaccines separately makes so little sense to the scientific community. Splitting vaccines certainly makes the schedule even more complicated, and will likely lead to lower immunization rates. When these rates fall below a certain threshold in a community, outbreaks become possible. This has already happened with respect to whooping cough and measles in various locations in the United States.
It will always be possible to think of new mechanisms linking vaccines and autism as others are disproven. But after 10 years of extensive research on vaccines, it is time to entertain other ideas regarding environmental exposures. Vaccine opponents consistently disparage the positive benefits of vaccines, which the vast majority of physicians and public health leaders regard as one of our most powerful tools to protect the health of our children. Deferring or declining vaccines has consequences for our neighbors’ children as well as our own. It is important to learn about the diseases they prevent prior to questioning their benefits.
-- Jeffrey P. Baker, MD, PhD, is director of Duke's History of Medicine Program and an associate clinical professor of pediatrics.
-- Dennis Clements, MD, PhD, is the chief of primary care pediatrics at Duke Children's Hospital.

We Found "Dot"!!!!!

I was in the bedroom getting dressed and heard a faint meow. We looked and looked everywhere in there.... I searched in the closet and felt a warm spot in a blanket there. Sure enough, there she was tangled up inside the blanket and couldn't get out. HA HA HA! Griffin smiled so big when he held her and he is still laughing about it. Boy, are we ever glad to have our beloved friend back!!!!!!

Our Dear and Precious Kitty, Dot is Gone

Last night Griffin opened the door for just a few seconds and I guess that is how Dot got out of the apartment. I didn't notice until this morning when we were getting ready to take Abby for a walk. It is the absolute worst time of the year for her to be out there...it was only 16 degrees this morning so of course I am worried about her. Griffin isn't upset, I guess that is just part of being autistic, just as when the hamster died he wasn't upset.  I thought that he had a strong bond with the cat but I guess not. She was a great kitty for us and even for Abby because they played together all the time. Now, I have to wait to get another one because getting one from the shelter is expensive and I won't do it any other way. Rescuing animals is the only way to go as far as I am concerned. You save their life and they are eternally grateful and one can always know that they did the right thing by saving a life.

It is supposed to be in the 40s today so I hope that she will be okay....maybe she found a new home, although she won't let people pick her up so I don't know how that will work. We love you KittyDot.com wherever you are!!!!!

Griffin Plays in the Snow

For the very first time ever, Griffin played in the snow several times today when we took Abby for a walk. He lived in Alaska for 5 years and never wanted to play in it but now he loves it! He even played snowball fight with the other boys outside, which I am thrilled about. Over and over he kept lying down in the snow and just adored the feeling of the wet snow. We will go out a couple more times today to walk Abby but now that the temperature is dropping we won't be staying out there so long. Thank goodness I got his snow boots early this year, I already had some really good ones from Alaska for me. None of the kids had snow boots on and all of the adults out there walking had no boots either. Guess we are going to win the award for the most prepared in the neighborhood (hee hee).

The big difference between Alaska and here is that there is nice dry powdery snow in Alaska and here it is completely wet. So, one cannot play outside for long here and not get cold-to-the-bone. Abby doesn't seem to mind, she still keeps smelling around for something, she loves to sniff...she would have been an awesome drug dog. I am a nerd outside with the umbrella over my head. Hey, I am a creature of comfort and don't like getting all wet and cold...guess I am just an old lady.

Griffin has been really active indoors as well. He has been dancing around to the music he finds on the internet. He has found some really good music with videos of cartoons that are in foreign languages and he has the words memorized! I start dancing too and he tells me to stop, guess he is embarrassed that his mommy likes to dance too...that's just not cool I suppose. I have been sharing the computer with him and trying to work on this paper for my international relations class and I am finally making some headway. It is due on Sunday so it's a good thing I am getting somewhere.

Schedules, A Timer, and Lots of TLC

We went to the Behavioral Specialist and what a relief to know that there is an easy solution to "Homework Hell". He explained that the best way to deal with meltdowns is to avoid them...well, I kinda knew that...but the way to avoid it is easier than I had thought. He said to make a schedule that applies each and every day, put it on the wall and stick to it. Then for homework, to sit with Griffin and make a separate schedule that applies to that moment for example, to do five sentences and then take a 10 minute break....then do the math and take a break, and finally do the reading and talk about it. Then it is time to get on the computer and have some more down time. Oh, and I forgot to put first that he has an hour of down time as soon as he gets home from school but that doesn't include computer time. He has to wait for that as an incentive to finish up the homework first...then there is the reward. After all that there is time to eat, take Abby for a walk, take a bath, and at 8:00 it is bedtime. He has been going to bed with no problem even if he is not sleepy right away, he will lie there and do some imagining then nod off.

I went to the rheumatologist Monday and he ordered some labs because my feet have been hurting me for over a year now and I had thought that it was gout but he said it wasn't. Then he told me that it might be rheumatoid arthritis and I was not happy to hear that, especially after I got home and did some research on it. I am hoping that it is something minor although he prescribed Mobic and it is not helping at all. It does help my Fibromyalgia along with the Provigil that I take which gives me the energy to get through the day.

Today I went to see my psychiatrist who is still just as awesome as the first visit. I am taking Rozerum which is pure Melatonin, he told me, and if I take 16 mg. then I sleep very well so that is a huge relief. I am slowly weaning off of the Seroquel, which causes weight gain/retention, and I am excited about finally get off of it after many many years.

I am having a hard time with my political science international relations class and am struggling with a paper that is due by Sunday but I am doing great in my English 101 class which will be over on the 27th. I love writing papers/essays but not so much when I don't understand the topic very well. My paper is on liberalism and realism and I can't even figure out how to write a thesis statement on two topics, never done that before. I can ace papers written on one topic, in fact I finished my essay on the effects of global warming in one day. Hey, if anyone has any helpful advice I sure could use it!

"My Wish" Performed by Rascal Flatts. Dedicated to Griffin

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with a choice
and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you
find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world
the warmth of your smile
But more than anything,
more than anything

My wish for you
is that this life becomes all that
you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries
stay small
You never have to carry more
than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin'
where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you
never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you
never regret
And you help somebody every
chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace in
every mistake
And always give more than you take

This song has really touched me because since the first time that I heard it, I knew that it is exactly what I wish for Griffin as he gets older. One day I will reflect and still say, "Yeah, Griffin, this is what your mother wishes for you and may all your dreams come true. May you follow your path and always feel grateful for all of your blessings."

I once wrote poetry and was not too bad at it but ever since taking medication, it has zapped a great deal of my creativity. Thank goodness I am still good or even better at writing than I once was, prose....that is. Speaking of, I have got to get back to my work for my International Relations class. It is far more fascinating than I thought that it would be. I have learned a lot.

Never Say That a Service Dog Cannot Enter

A couple of weeks ago Griffin, Abby, and I went into the dentist's office just as we all go into any other establishment or medical office, and the minute that we entered the receptionist loudly exclaimed, " You can't have that dog in here! There are children that are allergic to dogs!" THAT was the WRONG thing to say! Abby is allowed, as a service dog, to enter and remain anywhere and everywhere that Griffin goes. She immediately goes to tell the doctor and he comes out and ushers us back to a room with just chairs in it. Then he proceeds to tell us that he had the same problem before with a service dog and called the Dental Assoc. and they told him that the dog was not allowed back into the clinic area. BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there is NO way that the receptionist could know about whether a child is allergic to animals, not that it mattered anyhow, because I filled out the same paperwork which does not ask if the child is allergic to anything other than drugs!

For sure he was lying because it is clear all across the nation that service animals are allowed, as I stated, everywhere that the disabled person goes. Being Bipolar and one who gets anxiety very easily, I told him that he was wrong and that I would put Abby in the car but I was not going to let this situation go. As I expected, Griffin would not let them clean his teeth and he was clearly very upset and uncomfortable. So, all they did was brush his teeth with a frickin toothbrush!

When I got home I immediately called the Disability Law Center and made a report. She e-mailed me a flyer that I printed and took to the dentist's office the very next day with Abby in tow. The flyer states clearly that there are little to no exceptions to the rule of where a service animal can go. And if any of you would like a copy of that flyer then just let me know and I will gladly e-mail it to you. Or you can just go to their website and let them know that you would like one.

Anyhow, I made sure that everyone in the office could hear me when I exclaimed that the receptionist was WRONG and that the doctor was WRONG and that I expected to talk to him before the day was through. Needless-to-say, they were speechless and hopefully they were embarrassed as well. Because ignorance is no excuse just as with any other law in the United States!

The doctor called me and thanked me for letting him know but as soon as I told him that he would be hearing from the lawyers at the Disability Law Center he shut up and wanted to get off of the phone. Well, looks like maybe it sunk in a bit (?) Yesterday, the lawyer called me and asked me all of the details and I added that now Griffin thinks that Abby is not allowed anywhere that we go all because of what that doctor did...he nearly has a meltdown. She is sending me the papers that will allow her to speak to the doctor and whomever else that she needs to.

The Disability Law Center has come through for us before in Alaska when in the United States Post Office they wouldn't allow Abby and in a grocery store as well. They truly put the fear of the powers that be into these people and they straighten up very quickly. I am glad that in this state that the lawyers are obligated to look into each and every case that is reported. She also told me that it would be pursed as though we wanted to return to the office and I admitted that yes, we did. I do want to go back to that office because it is the only one within at least 30 miles that will allow the parent to go back with the child. So like it or not....they will see us again....with Abby right beside Griffin!!!!!

The Best Doctor in the Whole World!

For months, since July actually, I have been in search of a psychiatrist to manage my meds for me. It wasn't until yesterday that I had found one, and after I left his office I had this feeling of euphoria because of what he said/did in only an hour's time. I have never had a doctor be so thorough and sit there and go through all the psyche meds known to man just so that he could figure out what would work best for me.

I have not be quite as stable as I wish that I could be and having been on Seroquel for so many years has taken its toll on me.....causing me to gain weight and not being able to lose any. Seroquel is infamous for this and no other doctor cared enough or listened to me when I told them that I desperately wanted to lose weight.

So the doctor made a deal with me, that I was to do my part and eat regular healthy meals and exercise 30 minutes a day and that we would work together on this. I almost started to cry because it really felt like he genuinely cared about me. Ever since I was diagnosed in 2004, no doctor has shown much empathy for me. In fact, one doctor put me on Risperdol and it made me eat in my sleep.....everything except the paint off of the walls! And my weight ballooned significantly and he didn't care at all about it.

Before I was diagnosed and started on all kinds of drugs, I was lean and in excellent shape (130 lbs. solid muscle) but I would settle for about 150 lbs. The doctor said that that would be a good healthy weight for me. I am so excited because I just know that it is going to be so much better now that my meds are changing. And if this change doesn't help then in 2 weeks I will see him again and he will try something else. Most doctors won't see their patients again so soon, usually it is at least a month out or even two months. I am just so grateful for this doctor, and an added bonus is that he is quite handsome....hee hee!

Griffin and I went to see the PA for meds yesterday. She wasn't too keen on the idea of keeping Griffin on Remeron and Abilify but they work so well she couldn't contest it. She told me that they prescribe Clonidine instead and that if he were to wake up in the middle of the night then I would give him another dose. I can't do that! I am on sleep meds myself and have to sleep through the night and probably wouldn't even wake up if he did. He would quietly go to the computer and I wouldn't even know it. So I told her that he needs to stay on these meds so that he will sleep all night. She wants me to get some bloodwork done to check his sugar levels because of the Abilify.....boy is that ever going to be a fun time!

Later on yesterday, we went to see the behavioral psychologist and it was great because I had such good news to report. Everything that he had suggested to do has helped exponentially. We are using a timer for all activities and it works like a charm. I use a schedule for him and I let him know way ahead of time that it is bath night or homework is in an hour, or bedtime is in an hour etc... He does best when I let him know ahead of time and especially if something is going to change from the regular routine.

How Do You Let Go?

Please someone tell me that you are having the same quandary as I am. How do you let go? How do you encourage your child to be independent and cut the apron strings? Is it because it is just the two of us? It just breaks my heart when he lets go of me and it brings me to tears when I think about how fast he is growing up. He will be 8 years old next month!

Griffin is asking me again, after a long break, to snuggle with him and he still crawls into my bed and I don't discourage him............should I? Am I being to clingy with him? I don't want to screw up my child psychologically and set him up for relationship issues when he gets older.

He is just such an angel and so precious it is so hard and it seems to get harder each year, heck...each day for that matter. If anyone has some support or comments I welcome them because I am having a really difficult time.

Feel Free to Copy and Pass Along for an Autistic Individual During the Holidays

This was written for the purpose of it being sent to relatives, friends, and hosts of holiday gatherings that might need a crash course in what to expect from their guest on the autism spectrum. This letter is written as if the individual on the autism spectrum is writing it personally.


Dear Family and Friends:

I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, a hidden disability called autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), challenges me. Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopment disorder, which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Thanksgiving & Christmas is one of the roughest holidays for me. With large crowds and holiday shopping it can be very overwhelming, even a bit scary. When planning a party remember that with my over sensitive hearing and eye sight, Christmas trees and holiday smells can cause me mild to severe pain or discomfort. If the noises are impossible to control a personal stereo with headphones set to a safe level for children may help drown out background noise and ease my discomfort.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only that because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry, others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and
understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you-I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.
Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaving or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people--I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it's no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky-I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination is impaired. Don't be disappointed if Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows. It's because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things—just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside.

People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves
feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self regulation," or "stimming'. I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kind-a-like self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for a while, as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support.

Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person—an interesting person. I will find my place at this celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!

*Author, Viki Gayhardt

A Very Mellow Weekend

We had such a wonderful weekend. It was so mellow and quiet. Griffin spent most of his time making things out of legos, such as pictured here: the Simpsons. I think that he did a great job! I got lots of school work done, started my final exam for my history class. It will take a few days to complete but I think that if I am careful enough I can make a really good grade.

I was formaly invited to join the honour society of the university that I attend (online) because I have made straight A's so far and hope to continue along that path. I am certainly putting lots of hard work into my classes so I have my fingers crossed.

I must add that I am grateful for our health because just about everybody that I know is sick. I am very strict about both of us washing our hands as soon as we get into the apartment, I think that it helps prevent a lot of sickness. Griffin is pretty much over putting his fingers in his nose or in his mouth so that helps too. Since he was born, there are only a handful of times that he has actually gotten sick and each time did not last very long. And he has never taken antibiotics either, simply because he would always vomit as soon as he felt them in his mouth....and yes, even the liquid kind. So we have always been blessed with good health and boy does that make life a lot easier.

We have finally gotten an amazing case manager who is getting things done and is on the war path to get the darn IEP meeting that I have practically been begging for since the first day of school......uhm, since August!!!!! I have spoken to everyone that I need to but they keep coming up with excuses and blowing me off each time I bring it up. Tracie is our champion and she is definitely going to come through for us!

I am still searching for a psychiatrist who accepts medicare and/or medicaid but have had no luck in this area. So, I am looking further away into the next town....there's bound to be at least one somewhere. I've got to find one soon because I need help managing my meds and besides, I am about to run out of some of them. I do have a great therapist but the clinicians that they have there I am not happy with. For the most part I have been pretty stable but I have had to take an anxiety pill a few times to help me out.

Please pray for my dearest friend, Tina who has been very ill. We have known her and her family for a very long time and expect that she/they will be with us for many years to come. But please take time to think of them and send positive thoughts their way. Our lives are so much richer having them in it and I am very grateful for all these years that we have known one another.

A Stressful Day

Here Griffin is in the pool at the YMCA and notice that it shows "5 feet". No one bothered to ask me or to inform the volunteers that Griffin couldn't swim and where the hell did they put him? They expected him to hold on to the side of the pool the entire time and the the idiot of a volunteer was taking the kids from the edge to swim on their own back to the edge. Damn good thing I went there because I had to scream at the guy, over the voices of 60 children, to NOT do that with him because he cannot swim!!!!! This is some guy who was stuck there with about 15 children and thank goodness the male lifeguard was right there too because sure enough Griffin let go of the edge of the pool and almost drowned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Words cannot even begin to describe the panic and fear that I felt in a split second. The lifeguard reached over and got him out of the pool and I promptly took him away from the pool for the rest of the time. Griffin wasn't scared but I was scared enough by myself. Needless to say, I was very angry and swore that he would not participate for the rest of the week.

I spoke to the woman who was in charge of the program and let her know that I thought that the whole thing was a bad idea because there were not near enough volunteers there and that they had no right to put my child in the deep water without even knowing if he could swim or not. They just assumed that all the kids could save their own lives I guess. Griffin was not the only one to nearly drown, a little girl who went unnoticed a lot longer was truly scared to death and they kept trying to get her back into the pool after that.......such idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Griffin had such a great time I hate for him to not go back because he just wouldn't understand why he couldn't. So I insisted that he have a life vest tomorrow or he will not participate. I took him to the doctor this evening because I wanted to be sure that he didn't aspirate any water. He is okay. While we were there he got his flu shot and his H1N1 vaccine.

I can't really go all week because I am a full-time student and need that time for my work but be sure that I will be there tomorrow to make sure that they follow through. If I am not satisfied then he unfortunately will not go back and I will just have to find a way to help him understand. I want him to be able to participate with his class/friends for socialization but this was just too much.

Got to go to bed.

Once in awhile I have this tsunami-sized wave of loneliness hit me and last night was a doozy. I was missing my ex-husband with whom I had been with for 10 years, found out that he had been cheating on me for years and it devastated me for a very long time. But of course when I feel lonely I forget about all that pain and only remember all the good times that we had. I do wish that I knew how he was and communicate with him once in awhile but he is in Greece and has been since right after Griffin was born.

I miss my dear friend Glenn who is in Alaska with whom I would hang out with every weekend watching movies, talking, and eating pizza with pepperoni and jalepenos. We had such a great time together but I had to leave to go to the lower 48....so here I am. Tried dating but it is just a pain in the butt, trying to get to know someone is not something I find entertaining.

I feel better today, the daytime is good that is unless I hear a song on the radio that makes me tear up and feel blue again. Nighttime is the hardest part especially since my friends here do not answer their phones or return my calls. Guess they do have a life of their own. I'll be okay.

Griffin is doing so well! He has been so happy and mellow lately....we have had such a good time laughing, playing, dancing, and singing (he doesn't like my singing, don't blame him). He has been doing his homework with such ease and he sits there as long as it takes to get it done because he does not want to get a zero. I am so proud of him, he is such a big boy!

The weather is awesome today and the weekend is going to be in the 70's, hope we can get outside and do something. Griffin doesn't really like to do things outside....that is unless the computer was out there LOL.

I am a bit disappointed with the school because they still have not organized an IEP yet, guess they'll get it by the end of school. Don't know exactly what goals they have for him if they do not have one to go by. The one from his previous school is lame. It shows that he needs to have special help with reading when he is the top speller in his class and is reading at least 2 grades higher than his peers. At least he does have a very nice teacher, I do like her a lot.

Griffin is going swimming all next week for 2 hours a day at the YMCA which should be fun. I am definitely going to watch to make sure that he is okay because he really needs one on one supervision and they will not be providing that. Besides I want to see him have lots of fun.

My OH My How He Has Grown!

Here is a picture of Griffin and his service dog Abby, who has been with us for over 4 years...maybe it has actually been more like 5 years. The time goes by so fast and Griffin is progressing in leaps and bounds. He has been doing so much better since I requested the increase of Abilify up to 10 mg., not so moody and much more stable emotionally and mentally he is able to focus and attend to his tasks.

Still no I.E.P meeting and that bugs me, I have practically been begging for one since the first day of school! All of the staff and his teacher are all wonderful and seem to have his best interest in mind but I am concerned that since he does have autism and that they are not so familiar with it is why it is taking so long for them to get all his testing done and to have a meeting for goal setting. One thing is for sure is that since living in Anchorage, Alaska, this has been the best school so far. Nothing will ever compare to Kathleen and all that she had done for Griffin and for me too for that matter. I still miss her terribly and wish that we could have her here with us.

I weaned myself off of the Lamictal and the Effexor that had been prescribed when I was in the hospital because they made me feel so manic and my head felt as though I was always just getting off of an elevator or just got off of a boat. I am still searching for a psychiatrist who knows what the heck is the right thing to do for me and to know which meds are going to be most effective. I am still having to take 2 Attivan to help me sleep on top of the Rozerum which used to work on its own but not anymore. I wake up in the middle of the night bumping into walls with my forehead and when I get up in the morning I feel like I am drunk, slurring my speech and can barely hold my eyes open. Once I take my morning meds. which includes Provigil, I am just fine for the rest of the day.

Went to a pulmonary doc who wants me to do another sleep study and to cut back on my Provigil and Attivan. I do agree that I am probably over-medicated but I need something that works put it their place. If by chance in the middle of the night I take my CPAP mask off then I don't get adequate sleep and feel horrible in the morning, as if I had not gotten any sleep at all. I do not know why I take it off other than I feel like I am suffocating, this is why we need a new sleep study to see if there is enough pressure or too much for that matter.

Griffin spent the night over at my sister's and her family. Griffin and his cousin had a great time together and didn't even squabble the whole time! Which is rare. My sister said that he was very well behaved and was a great little guy the whole time. I think that it is good for both of us to be apart sometimes in order to fully appreciate one another and to "miss" each other so that we are less likely to take our time together for granted. I think that may be the case for any two people who spend all of their time together. It is a healthy thing to do.

Well, I have a research paper due and I have been putting it off for some reason, I love working on it but cannot seem to motivate myself to finish it, which is highly unusual for me. I must add that I have had a plethora of appointments since the assignment and I have not had a very big window of time to spend on it, only bits of time here and there which I find very frustrating. Just as I get my creative juices flowing I am interrupted and have to stop.

The weather is gorgeous and I adore the autumn, my favorite time of year. The air is so crisp and clean, the temperature is perfect, especially if it is sunny and with perhaps a little breeze. I love getting out my sweaters and putting on my boots. If only it could stay this way for a few more months it would be so great!

Prayers and Positive Vibes for My Brother

My brother almost left this earth 3 times on Tuesday evening as his heart stopped and he had to be resuscitated. I went to see him in the hospital today and he is not in the clear yet although some of the major concerns such as his liver enzymes and a very low blood pressure have improved. There is a concern that he is going into a very deep sleep and it is very difficult to wake him. The nurse was concerned but of course had no answers.

It breaks my heart that my dear brother is lying so helplessly in that hospital bed. He has been having seizures for quite some time now and nobody has any clue as to why. I want to go to see him everyday but I don't know how his wife and the medical staff feel about that. I don't want to be a bother but I love him dearly and want him to know that I care enough to come to visit him and to see his wife, have a short conversation with her and to let her know that she is thought of as well.

That is all for tonight. Not feeling very cheerful but in a few days I will post again and let you know how he is and how we are doing otherwise.

What Does a Mother Do with ALL These Fears?

When I can't sleep at night, I lie awake thinking of all the things that scare me so much and what I could possibly do to avoid them or to remedy them should anything ever occur. The one that bothers me the most is that something happens to me in some manner and I am not able to care or look out for Griffin; for example, if I fell and got knocked out for a long period of time or if my meds caused me to not wake up or something. Who would know? How would Griffin understand that something is wrong with mommy? There is nobody nearby who checks on us daily or even weekly for that matter and if I should happen to not answer a call or two they would be none the wiser.

All I can think of is my precious child trying to find ways to feed himself and how he would be without his medication and probably would be running around here manic as hell and feeling quite helpless and perhaps even scared. I ponder the thought of teaching him to use 911 but would he understand when it is truly appropriate? I am going to teach him to use the directory on the land line and to call my sister or his godmother if mommy doesn't wake up. I can only hope that this would work and that he would know when to call and how to get their attention that something is wrong.

How does one overcome these fears and sleep at night, especially when we are all alone and the neighbors don't even pay attention to whether we leave the apartment or even whether Griffin gets on the bus for a day or more. For sure they wouldn't come knocking at my door. The manager has an older autistic son and I am going to ask her what she might suggest since she does live upstairs from us but she cannot be "friends" with us due to her obligations as a manager.

I am desperate for answers and welcome any and all input on the matters above. I just wish that there was someone to rely on to help us who was nearby. Guess that I should try to get to sleep, I look forward to hearing from my fellow bloggers and friends. PLEASE HELP!!!!

No More Snuggles

Griffin is really growing up and one of the biggest indicators is that he no longer wants to snuggle. It is bittersweet indeed, I am glad that he is becoming so independent but at the same time he is just doing it so fast and it kinda brings tears to my eyes.

We increased the Abilify to 10 mg. and it seems to be helping a lot=fewer meltdowns. Today I sent him to school without the Focalin XR so we shall see how that works, it would be great if I could take him off of it.

On the weekends he is on the computer most of the time searching for videos of funny commercials such as Geico, M&Ms, Aflac, and his favorite shows like Sesame Street, Teletubbies, and Wishbone. I am always in the same room with him just in case he stumbles across one accidentally that is a homemade video which may have a bad word in it. He is quick to change it as soon as he hears it or I let him know that it is not okay. He sure does get a lot of joy out of watching them and dancing around when he hears songs. The only thing that is not really so great is that he now has ecolalia and can recite them verbatim...over and over again. Oh well, it could be worse.

School is going great and I am working on a research paper about Alexander the Great, the man he was and the relationships that he had. Mostly information about him that most people never hear or read about. I am loving it and think that it is wonderful to have the opportunity to research something that is so intriguing.

The weather is so perfect this time of year, my favorite season...especially here in the mountains. It is my first fall in many many years back here in my homeland and I am loving every moment. Griffin thinks that it is pretty neat too. Haven't even turned on the heat yet but soon.

Loves to Dance, Especially Disco

My handsome big boy has always loved to dance and the older he gets the more into it he is. I was recently told that there is a dance class for special needs kiddos nearby and I am going to hop on that one right away. I sure do wish that the video was longer so that you could get a big belly laugh and thoroughly enjoy how much he is enjoying it.

He loves disco so I am going to find a compilation cd that has old disco hits on it so he can dance his little heart out as much and as often as he likes. I think that it is a great release for him and helps him cope with stress. Not to mention, it is great exercise which he doesn't get enough of. Actually it may be even more enjoyable for me to get a DVD of those old hits so he can watch them dance and pick up some new moves just like he did with YMCA.

He usually doesn't like it when I dance with him so I just stand back and take videos and snap pics of him and he loves that.

His unacceptable behaviors have increased so I am going to talk to his doctor about increasing the Abilify as he is having more mood swings lately. Some days it is impossible to get him to do homework and I refuse to give him the Focalin just for that because then he has no appetite and will not eat dinner. Since he won't eat lunch at school, because of the Focalin XR, he has to get some food in him in the evening.

Life is tough some days but I still love it and refuse to complain about him. He is still the joy in my life and I love him beyond compare!

A New Perspective on Autism

Please go to the link above and check out this woman's perspective on autism. I think that it is beautiful, enlightening, and the truth for me and our situation. Griffin is truly the epitome of unconditional love, this is what he has taught me since the day he was born. It is a sad world that we live in that so many conditions are placed on one another when we say that we love one another.

By the way, Griffin is the TOP speller in his class and is reading at 4th grade level and perhaps even higher. He needs to be re-evaluated to see where he is academically. He loves riding the bus and he loves going to school. He often talks about his classmates and especially how much they love his show & tell each Tuesday.

Autism Research/Changing My Direction

I have happily decided to change my major to child and family development so that I can eventually get my master's in autism research. I am so thrilled with my decision and cannot wait to get my general education classes finished so that I can move on to my core requirements.

I know that there is now a new statistic that every one in 91, that's 1% of children are diagnosed with autism and I feel that it will continue to increase. Therefore, the need for more research will be necessary not only now but in the future. It will be an exciting field to be in and I want to be part of it.

I just read online/in the news that Obama approved 60 million dollars towards autism research which is very encouraging. There is so little known about it and in so many different aspects of it that it will be an ongoing effort in order to solve the puzzle and to get what these children (and adults) what they need the most. It is especially important that the adults get what they need because so many do not even have an advocate to help them along in life. It is a shame that they need to go to group homes or assisted living which, I believe, compromises their need to be more independent.

I shall get off my soapbox for now but I must make you aware that I will be writing more and more about this as time goes on.