Tuesday, January 30, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRIFFIN!!!!!
January 31st Griffin will be 5 years old!!! Happy Happy Birthday to my big boy, I love you so very much!!!! As I reflect I think of how he has grown and developed over these years and it seems like such a long long time ago that he was being diagnosed at age 15 months with autism but at the same time it seems like just yesterday that he was being such a goofy little baby and making me laugh just as he still does. I have read about how parents mourn for the child who once was NT before being diagnosed but I don't feel that way and never have. I just see that little guy as being the same one that I have right now. It's just that he has progressed and digressed in certain areas just as a NT child would but in different ways. There are ups and downs in our lives/his life just as in any family. I don't believe that I am looking at the world through rose colored glasses either, I think that I am just loving life and living in the moment, and accepting Griffin for who he is and throwing all the expectations out the window. Griffin brings so much joy to my life and to those who are near him, he truly touches their hearts with his infectious laugh and brilliant smile. Every day I am grateful for all that he is, I have the whole package.....autism and all so why not be grateful for him because it's not gonna change (or is it?) and if it does then I will love and accept that Griffin also. Sure there are times when I just want to throw my hands up in the air and curse his autism but often times it isn't the autism that is to blame, it's just Griffin being a child. There are times when it is the autism and I can blame it but at the same time it's never an excuse for trying to separate "IT" from him....they are one and the same and I must accept that. My beautiful child has autism and I celebrate who he is and love him unconditionally autism and all. For some of you it may be a different story but isn't that what life is all about anyhow? Even for parents, children, families who are considered NT? We all have our own challenges/struggles to deal with from day to day and isn't it our PERSPECTIVE that makes all the difference in the world? Some of you may HATE autism but how can you hate what is part of your child? Because the two cannot be separated. Perhaps I need to be enlightened by you in order to understand how you feel. I want to understand because I know that you love your children too, just as much as I love my child. My point is that we are all living different life experiences no matter what type of child we have, it is all a great big puzzle and at the same time it is a lovely mess. Life is a mystery to me and I'm not sure that I want all the answers especially if there's no solution (That statement no doubt has ruffled some feathers). I am an optimist but sometimes to a fault but I have have been inspired by my child's joyful disposition and I believe that if I follow his lead then he will take me places that I had only dreamed of finding. For in the end, it is he who is the teacher. He has been put upon this earth to show me the meaning of life and what love is all about. I gave birth to a brilliant and loving soul who has heart is bigger than anyone I have ever known and I cannot wait to see which way he leads me and all the precious moments that I am so privileged to share with him. We have one more blessed year and many an obstacle that we have overcome and for a child with autism who isn't supposed to like change.........he certainly has shown me that change is good and at times it is destined to be. With all my love and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you Griffin for all that you have shown me and taught me along the way!!!!!!!!!