Griffin and I are walking into Wal-Mart with Abby Griffin's service dog and the idiot at the door yelled at me and asked me if the dog was a service dog. I guess the bright blue vest with the vivid white patch that said "Service Dog" on it wasn't proof enough. So I yelled back at him and asked him if she had a vest on or not!
Then we go to the aisle where there is cereal and Griffin wants Frosted Flakes and I reminded him that he is not allowed to have sugar and that there is sugar in that cereal so he proceeds to have a meltdown. I noticed three females staring and I keep talking to Griffin telling him that he could have the "reduced sugar" Frosted Flakes but he just got worse. So one of the girls was making a face and watching Griffin and I glare at her with as evil a look as I could, which wasn't hard since I was exasperated anyhow, and looked her straight in the eye and said, " he's autistic"! She turned away and looked embarrassed and then I was glad!
Finally Griffin calmed down and we got the cereal that I told him he could get. So then the ignorance did not stop there.....I was buying some wine, and god knows that I deserved it, so the checkout woman asks me for my driver's license and I gladly give it to her. THEN......she asks me if I was driving tonight, it gets really good now....so I say "Not after I get home" wondering why the hell she was asking. Then the idiot tells me that she thought that Abby was a seeing-eye dog and she was wondering how I could drive. LMAO!!!!!! (Laugh My Ass Off)!!!!
So we walk out the same door and the first idiot tells me to have a good evening and I was so over it that I didn't even glance at him. I cannot believe that in the time frame of about 15 minutes I met 3, count them, THREE idiots all in the same vicinity!!! So I go home sit on the couch and have my glass of wine that tasted like heaven considering what I had just gone through. I had kept my composure the entire time and by god I was going to do something for me!
Yesterday Griffin was having a meltdown in the grocery store as he was insisting on getting some candy. I calmly reminded him that it wasn't allowed and told him that if he was truly hungry that he would choose something else, even chips was okay at that point. But he just got worse with every passing minute...no...every passing second. Then he runs to the next aisle in meltdown mode and I told him that if he didn't come back that we were leaving. We were actually on the way to his speech therapy before all this. He then comes back but proceeds to walk swiftly to the ice cream cooler and once again I remind him that it is not an option to have sugar. He is in full meltdown mode at this point screaming his head off as it reverberates through the store. I had noticed a woman that was nearby through all this but I was so wrapped up in what he was doing I didn't notice that she was watching.
Finally, I take Griffin by the hand and calmly lead him out of the store mumbling under my breath. I let him get in the car screaming and walk around the back of the car as this woman who had been watching approaches me and tells me that my son is so lucky to have a mother like me and that he could easily be a victim of abuse but that I handled things so well and that she was so proud of me and then she gave me a big hug. I was near tears at this point and all I could say was that I was trying so hard because he wasn't being a good listener. She told me again what a great mother I was and I got in the car and tried to breathe.
It didn't hit me and it still hasn't because I don't feel like a great mother. I feel like if I was maybe my son wouldn't have so many meltdowns lately. Maybe I would have this magic up my sleeve that would make everything all better. I am so exhausted...........going to go sit down and veg out in front of the TV again and try to go to sleep soon. I just wish that there was some miracle that would help him cope with me and the world better. I don't wish the autism away because that is who he is but I sure wish that the behavioral issues were under control.
4 comments:
i am sure being his mom is a major challenge - and i do so enjoy your sharing all this with us - but, if i am on a diet i do not go to a bakery - couldnt't the store have waited till he was in school on monday so he did not have to be tempted with so many things that he could not have?
((hugs))to you from us!
I was wondering something, I don't know what you've taught Abby to do when he has meltdowns, but what we did at Wilderwood, is have the dog either touch the child with a nose or a paw, or lay on the child to help them calm down, or we'd also use the dog instead of lets say trying to talk them out of something, we'd use the dog to "Bring him" and that way its takes the conflict out of moving on..do you know what I mean? The child doesn't have a choice but to just come.
But like I said I don't know exactly how you guys are set up but just throwing that out there!
Thank you for writing it helps many of us who are in these circumstances who do not write. Also, I can hear in your words what a good mother you are. Please take it to heart that we know your job is tough, and know too that you are awesome!
Oh I know how you feel when they have a meltdown in the supermarket. I have had moments when I've received dirty looks from little elderly ladies when my son has been standing there screaming all the obscenities under the sun.
It's people like that, that make you doubt yourself as a mother because they look at you like your a bad mother.
I believe special children like this were given to special, good mothers like yourself for a reason. You are a good mother and keep remembering that. I know it isn't always easy and I doubt myself quite often, but it's not an easy job and you are doing a great job at it.
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