Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

city map


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I Can't Make Up My Mind

It seems that all the time I am switching back and forth between,"He is autistic and he can't do that by himself" and,"He should be able to do that by himself he is 8 years old for Pete's sake!" Does anyone else have that dilemma? I just can't seem to make up my mind whether or not my child can do things for himself or not, maybe it is the autism and my lack of ability to determine whether or not Griffin is capable of executing a task on his own without my assistance. For the most part I let him try to do things on his own but I have to be careful because I don't want him to become frustrated if it doesn't work out right and then have a meltdown.
I have trouble with communication with Griffin and it creates a problem when it comes to diffusing a potential meltdown so I am careful to avoid them as much as possible.

Sometimes I wonder about myself and worry that I am not as good of a parent than I would like to be and I know that I am hard on myself because people have told me that but I aspire to be the best that I can be because it is my child who I am shaping here not a dog or a cat. I have an above average IQ so it's not that I am not intelligent enough to do what I set out to do and I just can't help but to think that having autism has a lot to do with how I go about making the choices that I do when it comes to raising Griffin and oftentimes it is an obstacle  challenge for me. Frequently I feel overwhelmed and I start to shut down and sometimes I make rash decisions because I am so confused at the moment. Then I wonder if I made the right decision and doubt myself sometimes changing my mind again. It is a quandary and I don't suppose that things will ever change because it is all part of my DNA.


Heather said...

I too struggle with what my son is able to do himself and trying to avoid potential meltdowns. I also go back and wonder if there was a better way I could have done things throughout any given day. We all just try to be the best parent we can. Hang in there! You provide Griffin with a lot of love and support!

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Same feelings over here! You are NOT alone. In fact, if it weren't for my husband my son would be spoiled rotten. I do everything for him and even play into his brattyness and OCD. And my husband doesn't and my son adapts just fine. It is really hard to know what is Autism and what isn't. I have so much trouble distinguishing between my son being a brat or just wanting things a certain way and his disability.

@jencull (jen) said...

If it helps any I have the same issues with my 8 yo and both he and I are supposedly NT (I wonder about us both sometimes). The main thing is that you do the best you can and you do, without a doubt you do. Big hugs Jen

dluvscoke said...

My autistic son is 29 and I have three more children as well. I have learned the hard way to trust my gut instinct/ mother's intuition or whatever else it may be called. I am usually spot on. Follow your heart. Don't look back with regrets but push forward.