Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

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Thursday, March 24, 2011


Griffin had a HELLacious meltdown last night and I didn't handle things very well because I slipped and had a cigarette. Yes I had one! It was only one and I was so stressed because his meltdown was horrid he was screaming and crying and no matter what I did I couldn't get him to stop and it was making me crazy! For those of you who don't know, I quit smoking about 8 months ago after smoking for about 25 years so it's a big deal that I slipped and had a cigarette. Griffin was upset because when we were sitting at the computer together and something popped up for an Adobe update so since we use Adobe I clicked on it not knowing what was about to ensue. So we sit there as it is downloading and I click on it again as it asks for permission again and if I agree to the rights and responsibilities so as I am clicking on that Griffin gets upset all of a sudden and burst out in tears to not download anything to the computer. By now it is too late because it is already downloading and I can't stop it and I explain that to him, that there was no way that I could have undone what I have done and that computers need things downloaded to them sometimes because it helps them to work better. But that did not help him at all.

I just didn't know what to do in this situation to help him because the download was already going on and by this time it had already disappeared from the computer completely so I go to the computer to show him that it is gone but it didn't help at all! He is screaming at the top of his lungs and crying and I am helpless. I use what his teacher tells him that if he has a meltdown that I am going to have a meltdown and that didn't help he didn't care by then. I tried giving him lots of hugs but to no avail he wouldn't have it. So if someone has the answer I would love to know what you would have done to make things better because I just don't know.

The meltdown ended eventually, I just waited it out and let him have his space and he calmed down on his own, sometimes that is what I have to do. We did some sensory stuff like rolling him out like a pancake with a big ball he really likes that and big hugs and snuggling. So the ending was good!

I am now taking Doxepin for sleep and it is working better than any of the others have YEAH!!!!! I slept so well last night and zonked out right after Griffin did as I never take my medicine while he is awake. I like this medicine because it works with my natural rhythm of sleep because it causes me to sleep when I am closest to being tired (as I don't generally get tired due to being more manic most the time than depressed) not just when I take the medicine and it doesn't make me sleep too hard so that I am able to sleep lightly enough to wake up if I need to for Griffin. I have the greatest doctor in the world and I am so grateful that he is so tuned in to what I need. My insomnia is really a major obstacle in my life and interferes with any kind of "normal" functioning so it is nice to be able to sleep every night and to wake in the morning feeling refreshed!


Anonymous said...

Trying to calm him after he is already escalating is not worth it. You know he has already met his level by then. I would just tell him you are leaving until he can calm down. And........well....... LEAVE. Go to a room where you know he knows where you are and stay there. Turn on the other tv or something and ignore him. This has worked for a friend of mine before. He will eventually see that you are NOT at all interested in what he is doing and will learn on his own that it doesn't get him anywhere. I know he has trouble adjusting and accepting, but if you will be CONSISTENT, he WILL See it and get it. But, that part is UP TO YOU! Love you lora. Good luck with this thing. :)

Heather said...

It's hard not to go back to our vices when things are tough! Throw those puppies away so you can't go to them in stressful times. I know, how hard it is being a former smoker myself.
You are such a great mother doing all those sensory things with him. You did everything you could do and maybe it was a release of stress that he needed to get out. I know it sucks either way! I'm glad you are sleeping better too!!! *hugs*

Lora said...

@Anon- THANK YOU so very much!!! You don't even know how much your support means to me because you understand what I am going through. I love you too and I wish that I knew who you are gosh darnit! My neighbor is here and I can't finish what I want to write....will finish later.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Meltdowns are HORRIBLE. I don't know anyone who find it easy to handle them calmly. You did fine x

Lora said...

@Heather- I borrowed one cigarette from my neighbor and didn't go out and buy a pack thank goodness! Today I am fine and don't want one. Thanks for your continued support as always!
@Blue Sky- You're a doll, thank you for your continued support through my really tough times...heaven knows I need it!
@Anon- I won't let it go...I've got to know who you are! Please send me an e-mail even if you remain anon. as if you don't know it already LOL!

DeeAnn said...

Our kids can be sooo stressful, but smoking is an evil addiction. I am willing to give you my cell phone number and you can text me whenever you find yourself struggling...especially with major meltdowns.

Email me if you want to take me up on my offer and get my phone number.

Chris P-M said...

Lora, there have been so many times I've thought that just saying "I need a cigarette" would take the edge off. Believe me, I've poured myself a drink or two to help calm the nerves. Dealing with meltdowns can drive a person crazy! I've gotten better at simply walking away and letting them run their course. It's tough though, when out in public.

Lora said...

@Chris-Yes, a drink or two does help doesn't it? LOL! But the cigarette will not happen again because I will not allow myself to get to that point again or so I think Ha Ha! I am going to do what I did yesterday and shut myself in the bedroom and let him work it out on his own and if we are out in public well I will have to figure it out.

MommyToTwoBoys said...

I can completely sympathize Lora. Sometimes I can see them coming and intercept, but sometimes they come out of nowhere and are unavoidable. They have definitely stopped happening as often, only twice a month or so now. But when he has them, they are so intense, like Griffin's. And there is no way to calm him. i usually have to just let him go for it. I make sure he is safe and then let him go until he is worn out. Sometimes it will be 45 minutes. Things get broken and it sucks, but such is Autism!

You are not alone Lora. And I get the cigarette thing. I am not a smoker, but totally get the need for that release. I don't blame you at all. BUT! Don't want to hear it happen too often! Keep us posted.