December 2005 - Severe Depression & Hospitalization

Four years ago our lives were so different and even though I was grateful for all that was in my life, namely Griffin, I was in severe depression. I ended up having to go to the hospital because I needed my meds changed and it was the first time I was separated from Griffin. It hurt so bad, I thought that I was going to die from heartache. We were apart for a week and all I did was cry. I talked to him on the phone and here you can see that he fell asleep listening to me tell him "I love you" over and over again.

Strangely enough, this year was my second hospitalization (September) but it was for severe mania instead. It was still very painful and this time was different for Griffin. This time he knew more about what was going on and it bothered him tremendously. He had a delayed reaction of about a week or two and cried almost uncontrollably. It took him a few times to try to explain what he was feeling but it came out..."Mommy, I missed you when you were in the hospital". I explained to him that mommy was sick and had to be there but that mommy missed him too and didn't like being away from him. He accepted that answer and seemed to understand.

We have come a very long way and I love him more and more with each passing day. I am now stable on my bipolar meds but will be changing them again soon. I just hope that I continue to remain stable to ensure our quality of life.