Saturday, June 17, 2006
I am the happiest and the most fortunate mommy on the face of this earth, no wait.....in the universe. I am so grateful for all that I have but most of all for this beautiful little creature named Griffin. He brings me so much joy and delight that I can hardly think of anything negitive to say. I guess you could say that I have a renewed perspective since my nightmare last night. I woke up terrified because I had a dream that Griffin died. The absolute worst nightmare that I could have possibly had because it not only happened and seemed much too real but it was also my fault. Apparently I had tried some sort of cure autism medication/medical proceedure and he ended up dying from it. It is all so vague now but I am left with the feeling that still chills me to the bone. So, today I am a new mommy and I appreciate my child more than ever that nightmare really hit me where it hurts and I shall swear before all of you on everything sacred to me that I will never take my child's life and well being for granted. Not that I did before last night but gosh darnit, I don't know how to make myself understood. Does any of this make sense to anybody else? Imagine a nightmare so horrid and how you might react and how you might feel after waking up in the morning. I definitely gave my guy extra hugs and kisses all day and lots of snuggles this evening. I am not telling you folks about this dream because I have something against people who want to try medications/medical proceedures in an attempt to cure autism because it's not my place to judge them. I am merely describing my nightmare and that's it. To end on a positive note: I love my special guy and he loves me and that's all I need to get me through the day and night. Regardless of some weird, off the wall, hellacious dream.