Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons


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Saturday, June 17, 2006

My Nightmare


I am the happiest and the most fortunate mommy on the face of this earth, no wait.....in the universe. I am so grateful for all that I have but most of all for this beautiful little creature named Griffin. He brings me so much joy and delight that I can hardly think of anything negitive to say. I guess you could say that I have a renewed perspective since my nightmare last night. I woke up terrified because I had a dream that Griffin died. The absolute worst nightmare that I could have possibly had because it not only happened and seemed much too real but it was also my fault. Apparently I had tried some sort of cure autism medication/medical proceedure and he ended up dying from it. It is all so vague now but I am left with the feeling that still chills me to the bone. So, today I am a new mommy and I appreciate my child more than ever that nightmare really hit me where it hurts and I shall swear before all of you on everything sacred to me that I will never take my child's life and well being for granted. Not that I did before last night but gosh darnit, I don't know how to make myself understood. Does any of this make sense to anybody else? Imagine a nightmare so horrid and how you might react and how you might feel after waking up in the morning. I definitely gave my guy extra hugs and kisses all day and lots of snuggles this evening. I am not telling you folks about this dream because I have something against people who want to try medications/medical proceedures in an attempt to cure autism because it's not my place to judge them. I am merely describing my nightmare and that's it. To end on a positive note: I love my special guy and he loves me and that's all I need to get me through the day and night. Regardless of some weird, off the wall, hellacious dream.

8 comments:

K.C.'sMommy said...

I have terrible nightmares from time to time as well. Mine is always the same, I am running and K.C. is just ahead of me and I just can't catch him and he's just within arms reach heading for a busy street. It seems so real!! Thank God they are only dreams. Still it shakes me up and I have become a safer Mommy from those horrible dreams. I hope those bad dreams are gone my friend and you can sleep well tonight. Griffin is a beautiful precious little guy. Our children are our world's:)

Hugs to you~

Melissa H said...

Those nightmares are the WORST. I always have the same horrible nightmare that I find Conor at the bottom of the pool, his big brown eyes staring up at me. One of the many reasons we are moving from this house (despite a pool fence).
Huge hugs to you. I hate those dreams too.

kyra said...

i've had nightmares about leaving fluffy alone in the house without realizing it until we are too far away to get back to him without terrible things getting in the way, cars not starting, trains being stopped, our bodies simply NOT OBEYING our brains. it's SO HORRIBLE! of course, i'm consumed with terror about what might be happening to him and about how terrified HE must be all alone and unable to find us. UGH! nightmares are so, well, NIGHTMARISH!!!!! the best feeling is waking up, yes? such sweet relief. and then, as you said, getting to hug and kiss them all day!!!

Loving Liam said...

I thought I was the only one that had these terrible dreams! I just told my sister about one I had and she said she had them too! I think it is from a fear that all moms have. They are so scary. I have had the pool dream too, Melissa. Awful. I always wake up and feel so relieved.

Sam I Am said...

So, so sorry for such a bad dream. Those dreams are not fun, especially when they seem real. May you have sweet dreams tonight. Don't eat sugar before bed, at least that is what my grandma always said (to prevent bad dreams). :)

Peggy Lou Morgan said...

Lora: I think we all have those nightmeres because we are forced to make so many decisions in order to help our children just have some kind of quality in their lives. The risks are hard to predict. The medication that caused my son's seizures (that changed him) did not even mention that as a risk at that time (it does now). As a matter of fact, in one of her books Temple Grandin stated she takes that same medication and it transformed her life. How is a parent to know. When we live with that worry we have those nightmeres.

Hope you both sleep better tonight.

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry you had that dream. I think we all have it from time to time. I hope you don't have another one.

Kiralea Powell said...

I am sorry to hear you had that awful dream that are like hell on earth when it affects our loved ones. Positive thoughts and thank goodness it is only a dream.

I know how much you love your special little guy and after reading so much about him, we all love him too. take care
hugs