Mother's Day Weekend

Here is the beautiful card that Griffin made for me that I will always cherish. It has three "special coupons" that are for hugs and kisses, for making mommy breakfast (watch out!) and for finding flowers. The card itself says: I love you very much. I love lots of things about you. Love, you son Griffin. Isn't that just adorable? It sure did melt my heart and make me cry because I was so touched by something so precious that my child made just for me, my first Mother's Day card.

Griffin and I went to South Carolina to see my mom and dad for the weekend and it would have gone smoothly had I not forgotten the bag that held everything in it and I didn't find out until we had arrived and mom asked me where our bag was. I said "Oh Shit" I placed my hands on either side of my mom's face and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I forgot our bag, I left it in front of the apartment." I felt like such an idiot because it contained all of our medications and clothing that we needed. But it would be the medications that would be the real problem.

I had to call the on-call doctor to get him to call in to the 24 hour pharmacy for my meds because by this time it is past 10 p.m. and we get to the pharmacy around midnight. Once there I find out that my meds for 2 days and 2 nights is going to cost me about $143.00 just for 4 different meds and about 10 pills!!!! Is that not insane? I am glad that I have insurance and I don't have to pay for those meds on an everyday basis. It was all worth it for the time that Griffin got to spend with his Nana and Papa. I also enjoyed spending time with mom on Mother's Day and watching how happy Griffin is when he is around her/them and seeing my dad too. I can't say that I would do it over again but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

While we were there Griffin, Nana, and I ventured off towards the lake to go fishing because they live right on the lake but I am sad to say that it was unsuccessful. Griffin lost his patience after going through the woods and then waiting for the hook to be baited with corn (that's all we had) so by the time he got the rod in his hands he slung it through the air and slammed it down on the dock and lost the corn. We tried once more he got angry so we called it a day and left the scene. I guess that I know now that Griffin does not have the patience for fishing and there is no reason to invest in fishing equipment of any kind if he is going to get upset because he has to do some waiting while the fish hook is being baited or anything of that sort. Not only that but he is going to have to wait for the fish to bite and I don't know if that is going to upset him too. I think that maybe the novelty of fishing has worn off but we shall see.

Growing Up

Griffin came home the other day with a photo of a little girl that he had taken out of his back pack. I asked him who that was and he said it was Amanda a little girl who rides his bus, a friend of his and I thought that it was so darn cute! Griffin has a little girlfriend and I am not even sure that he even knows that he does but that's okay anyhow. My little guy is getting so big I can't believe it.

I have been going to the gym regularly and started free weights last week, I am so excited to become lean and ripped! Stopped being severely manic because of 1000 mg. of Depakene and now am just hypomanic but I am just getting 4 hours of sleep a night but when one is hypomanic one is able to function with such little amounts of sleep because of having so much extra energy. Don't know if my doc will prescribe more sleep meds since yet another has failed me or if he will let me function on 4 hours which I doubt.

Griffin wants to go fishing so badly but I don't know what to do, how to go about setting up everything. Our neighbor knows how to I think but I want it to be something that Griffin and I do alone. Maybe I will invite our neighbor to go the first trip to teach me how and then tell her that I want to do it alone with Griffin after that but then I will feel bad because Nikki wants to go fishing all the time and talks about how she wishes that she could go. I guess that she could come along sometimes and Griffin and I could do it alone sometimes that seems like the happy medium.

Rest & Relaxation

Griffin and I have been just taking it easy the past couple of days, since there's no school for me things have been so much better. Griffin had only a half day on Friday and yesterday we went to feed the ducks and to the park to play on the playground. He actually wanted to stay and socialize with the kids at the lake when feeding the ducks, talking to them about the kinds of ducks and geese, he observed a little boy and his father fishing asking them questions, and talked to a family about their dog. Oh yea and he meandered up to a picnic table peeking at their food, I guess that he was hungry and curious, and they offered him some cookies asking me first if it was okay. Once we were at the playground Griffin played mostly by himself as I had Abby with me, it was too hot to leave her in the car so we walked her and brought her along.

Today we went to Unity Center, we were late but we made it and Griffin was patient for the most part sitting through the service with me. He got thirsty and needed a cookie which they happened to have nearby. We don't really have any other plans but it is gorgeous outside so we will be spending some time out there today on the playground playing with the neighborhood kids and walking Abby.

Time for Change

I am officially quitting school and it is a big relief for me because all the stress of it was causing me to become overwhelmed and made my Fibtomyalgia flare up really bad, which is a sure sign that something is wrong. I know that I made the right decision because I feel 95% better today after having just made the decision yesterday. That's how the mind and body work. That is how stress works and I am not letting it effect me like that any longer!

It was just too much for me to try to manage a household, to give Griffin the attention he needs and deserves, to keep this place clean, to get to all the doctors appointments and therapy sessions, and to get my school work done and I know that people do it all the time even as single parents but that's okay but I just have a harder time than most people.

Now I will have more time to write in the blog again and to read all my friend's blogs YIPEE!

He Couldn't Hurt a Flea!

How can anyone think that my child would ever hurt me? I mean like really hurt me as in harm me. That is what my neighbor thinks and says that she worries about me as Griffin gets older. She says that Griffin bullies me sometimes which maybe is what she is seeing is when he is having a meltdown and I know that IF he lashes out then I need to get it under control but he hasn't done that in a long time and she has never seen him do it either.

What she witnessed the other day was at the craft store when he had a meltdown and all he was doing was crying at first and then he hugged her kind of hard but he was attempting calm himself and apparently she was seeing him as being aggressive. He was upset initially because he said that I pushed him and I told him that I was sorry that I didn't remember pushing him that I didn't mean to but he kept saying that I pushed him but before the chaos started he had wanted some candy by the register and I told him no that it wasn't okay and that was when he lost it and told me that I had pushed him. So was he upset over the candy or the pushing? Was he having the meltdown because of how I handled the situation and because I said no or was it because he had felt that his space had been violated by me and he just couldn't handle that (not typical but possible)?

I would like to take this time to thank my dear friend Amy who has taken the time to help me and I just got off the phone with her and didn't even tell her how wonderful she is and how much she means to me...what a friend I am! I LOVE YOU Girl!!!

Griffin Wasn't Feeling Well

This is kind of old news now but I was so busy tending to him and letting him use the computer while he was at home that I didn't get around to posting about it on the blog. But Griffin had to have an ultrasound two days ago and lab work done yesterday to see what was going on with this pain that he has been having in his abdomen.

It started out about a month ago as heartburn and I let it go about a week because I thought that he may have been just making it up trying to get out of school and homework but when I realized that he was not kidding then I took him to the doctor who prescribed Prevacid to be taken twice a day which helped his stomach pain but not the pain that he had in the lower part of his abdomen.

I took him again to the same clinic and a different doctor saw him and said that the pain seemed to be over his gall bladder and appendix so he ordered the ultrasound which turned out to be normal and lab work which we will know about tomorrow.

I have kept him out of school because he has been so very lethargic not wanting to do even his favorite activities and seemed to be in a lot of pain but tonight he was quite energetic, running around feeling great and since I am writing this at midnight I think that it is safe to say that I will be sending him to school tomorrow. I might wait until I get the lab results just to be sure and to give him some fun time out of school to go fly his kite but he will be going back tomorrow!

An Important Letter to the Teacher

I need you, Anonymous, to help me out on this one! I do wish that I knew who you are because you are so wonderful, so kind, and so caring to us, but for now I will just settle for some helpful advice. You were right that I should have gone to observe Griffin in the classroom before signing the IEP because I just found out from Griffin that he does sometimes have meltdowns at school which means that they lied to me. The told me that he doesn't have them at school at all and I, being so trusting and wanting to believe them I suppose, believed them and signed the IEP.

Now I haven't sent the e-mail to the teacher being pissed off that I am but trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism even though I would love to let loose on her and give her a piece of my mind! Here is the e-mail that I have composed after she wrote to me and told me that I could observe Griffin for ONLY 30 minutes in the classroom during reading time:
 
Hi Mrs.   W.

This date will work for me but 30 minutes will not suffice. I would like to observe him for at least an hour in the classroom setting and it doesn't matter what he is doing. 

I need to observe his behavior in the classroom because Griffin has informed me that he does in fact have meltdowns in school sometimes which means that you have lied to me which means that I am very unhappy right now that I signed that IEP! I feel that I was tricked into signing it, that I was rushed through the meeting since I didn't have an advocate and now I will get a lawyer and have someone on my side to advocate for Griffin.

So, (Anon.) and everyone else I need to know how to change this letter because I haven't sent it yet and what should I add to it? I sure hope that you are reading this post soon so that I can send this letter to her soon. I want to get the point across but be cool about it at the same time especially since these letters may be used by lawyers later on if it ever gets to that point heaven forbid!

Hanging Out with Friends

Here's a couple of pics of Griffin hanging out with his friend and neighbor Isiah who is showing him how to bat and catch the ball...how to play baseball basically without running the bases. He was so patient with him.

Here is a picture of Griffin flying his kite for the first time on Thursday when we went to his school. It was fun until it got caught up in a tree.

H*E*L*P!!!!

Griffin had a HELLacious meltdown last night and I didn't handle things very well because I slipped and had a cigarette. Yes I had one! It was only one and I was so stressed because his meltdown was horrid he was screaming and crying and no matter what I did I couldn't get him to stop and it was making me crazy! For those of you who don't know, I quit smoking about 8 months ago after smoking for about 25 years so it's a big deal that I slipped and had a cigarette. Griffin was upset because when we were sitting at the computer together and something popped up for an Adobe update so since we use Adobe I clicked on it not knowing what was about to ensue. So we sit there as it is downloading and I click on it again as it asks for permission again and if I agree to the rights and responsibilities so as I am clicking on that Griffin gets upset all of a sudden and burst out in tears to not download anything to the computer. By now it is too late because it is already downloading and I can't stop it and I explain that to him, that there was no way that I could have undone what I have done and that computers need things downloaded to them sometimes because it helps them to work better. But that did not help him at all.

I just didn't know what to do in this situation to help him because the download was already going on and by this time it had already disappeared from the computer completely so I go to the computer to show him that it is gone but it didn't help at all! He is screaming at the top of his lungs and crying and I am helpless. I use what his teacher tells him that if he has a meltdown that I am going to have a meltdown and that didn't help he didn't care by then. I tried giving him lots of hugs but to no avail he wouldn't have it. So if someone has the answer I would love to know what you would have done to make things better because I just don't know.

The meltdown ended eventually, I just waited it out and let him have his space and he calmed down on his own, sometimes that is what I have to do. We did some sensory stuff like rolling him out like a pancake with a big ball he really likes that and big hugs and snuggling. So the ending was good!

I am now taking Doxepin for sleep and it is working better than any of the others have YEAH!!!!! I slept so well last night and zonked out right after Griffin did as I never take my medicine while he is awake. I like this medicine because it works with my natural rhythm of sleep because it causes me to sleep when I am closest to being tired (as I don't generally get tired due to being more manic most the time than depressed) not just when I take the medicine and it doesn't make me sleep too hard so that I am able to sleep lightly enough to wake up if I need to for Griffin. I have the greatest doctor in the world and I am so grateful that he is so tuned in to what I need. My insomnia is really a major obstacle in my life and interferes with any kind of "normal" functioning so it is nice to be able to sleep every night and to wake in the morning feeling refreshed!

Just a Quick Note

I have a million other things that I need to be doing so I don't have much time to write but I did want to write a little bit for now and catch up later hopefully because I have school. The latest is that Griffin hasn't been back to gymnastics because he hurt his knee at school last week but the doctor said that it was just bruised and okay. I had the IEP (Individual Education Program) and it went well even though I didn't have an advocate there because she couldn't make it. I asked lots of questions and made sure to schedule an observation of Griffin in the classroom. I truly feel that his teachers this year have his best interest at heart and it has shown in Griffin's performance and interest in school. He is concerned about getting his homework completed and looks forward to getting on the bus in the morning and speaks nicely about his teachers when asked. So I don't think that they were trying to pull the wool over my eyes in the IEP and were very sincere. One of his teachers commented that she has really seen Griffin's personality this year and how she loved it because last year was so bad for him and it was because his teacher was miserably horrid! There were several things that I learned about Griffin that I didn't know but I can't write about it right now as Griffin just informed me that he is sleepy so I have to go. Oh and I am now taking Chloral Hydrate for sleep which if a regular person took, one without severe insomnia, well it's what they used to refer to when they said that they slipped someone a mickey.

I love him so much and today was a good day as a mom, not every day is though, not every day I am proud of myself. But today was one of those bonding days where we took time together and talked and walked Abby and he wasn't on the computer all the time or watching TV because I restricted it and it was so worthwhile. That is definitely going to be the norm around here from now on and it's back to bed at 8:00 - 8:30 so we can talk and read so that we can have that quality time together like we need. I asked him if he liked many hugs or few hugs and he said few so I won't be giving him too many. He has been having stomach problems so I got him some ginger capsules per Dr. D's request and they seem to help and Griffin told me that he didn't tell Mrs. White, his teacher, that his stomach hurt today at lunch. I think that I am going to take the Prevacid capsules that Dr. P prescribed to the school nurse just for lunchtime so that he won't have a tummy ache during school because they won't give out herbs.


I am up all night literally because the prescription of Lunesta that the doctor gave me yesterday didn't work so I haven't been able to sleep all night and it is now 3:00 a.m. and I need to get Griffin up at 6:00.

Gymnastics

Griffin had his first lesson at gymnastics yesterday and it went so well! His instructor/coach, Miss Vicky, was simply awesome! She gave Griffin all the necessary attention to give him the help that he needed in order for him to enjoy himself thoroughly and to participate in all the different areas. They worked out on the floor doing tumbling, the balance beam, the bars, the spring board, and the trampoline. Griffin was grinning from ear to ear the whole time and laughing throughout and needless-to-say mommy was thrilled. Griffin was a great listener paying attention to all of Miss Vicky's instruction and following the other kids. I decided when I signed him up that he would do best in a class that was younger than him and it ended up working out beautifully. The rest of the class was girls about 5-6 years old who didn't seem to mind that Griffin was older and the only boy, they were just interested in doing gymnastics.

Griffin tried gymnastics when he was about 5-6 years old but he was all over the place and it didn't work out so I am super thrilled that it is working out this time, it is a great outlet for him and good exercise in commitment and the discipline of following instruction in an activity.

Griffin has been in and out of meltdown mode since he got home from school so I am going to have to finish up and publish this post as is, otherwise heaven knows when I will get around to finishing it up. I haven't been very consistent lately as far as finding the time to write in the blog.

Sometimes the Autism Disappears: watch video

I made a video of Griffin playing and interacting with his neighbor Sharon, you can't even tell that he has autism in this video. Please take a moment and watch it.

This is a great post about getting a break from autism: http://trydefyinggravity.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/take-it-easy/ as I am sure that we all can relate to needing to have just one day to get away from it all.

Griffin's EEG

Griffin had his EEG last week (Friday) and it went fairly well he sat still for the better part of 6 hours watching only one DVD and as seen here playing on the cell phone on the Internet most the time. Beth Ann was the technician and she was a doll who made things so much easier for both of us. She had brought snacks and games for Griffin and she had the best personality ever! Griffin only got upset once about halfway through and made all the electrodes come off and Beth Ann had to put all them back on all over again which was a pain in the butt because Griffin said that it hurt when she had to scrub his skin to clean off the past with a Q-tip. We got out of there after 7 hours and had to go straight to speech where his therapist said that he was especially calm that day more so than usual. I guess that not having to hold it all together for school all day helped him to not be so stressed out afterwards like he usually is for speech.

I haven't been reading the blogs that I usually follow (and I apologize because I miss reading about my friends) because I just get so distracted and don't seem to have enough time in the day. I just started Strattera for my ADHD and I sure hope that it helps because I have a hell of a time getting organized and getting things done because I can't seem to finish anything. I start several tasks and go back and forth but completing them is so difficult. Maybe it is hard to imagine if you don't have it but believe me, it is a struggle! Just sitting still long enough to compose a post is a task in and of itself. I do well cleaning because I get to move around constantly even though I get distracted when I move into another room to drop something off and proceed to start something else and end up not getting back to the original task until much later. I better finish up this post before I get up to get something to drink otherwise I will forget it and it will end up being another week before I get back to it.

Friends Over For the First Time

Griffin and I were outside yesterday and Griffin was following around the neighborhood kids and talking to them appropriately and listening when they were talking to him. One of the girls, Sharon, was telling us about how another of the girls, Shalom's, scooter was hidden away from her by her mom because Shalom would leave the scooter out in the yard at the apartment complex and Shalom didn't know about it. Shalom was very angry that she couldn't find her scooter but Sharon told Griffin that it was a big secret that Shalom couldn't find out that her mom had hidden the scooter and for Griffin not to tell her and Griffin continued to play with the kids and didn't tell Shalom about the big secret. I have mixed feelings about the secret thing...in one way I was proud of him for understanding that it was a big deal for Shalom to not know that her mom had hidden her scooter from her but in another way I don't want Griffin to keep secrets from me and I wonder if someone told him to keep a secret from me would he? We have had that discussion on numerous occasions and I stress how important it is that he tells me everything no matter what so here's hoping but for now we will be happy. I digress....

In the midst of playing Griffin pops up and asks Sharon if she wants to come over for hot chocolate, actually if I remember correctly he asked me first if it was okay. Then he asked Isiah, Mekelle., Tyler, and Shalom. They didn't want to answer him and tried to just pass off what he was saying but I insisted that they give him a definite answer. So they all basically said "no" except for Isiah who said he would be over later. So we left and went inside. Much later I heard a knock on the door and lo and behold it was all the kids plus Sharon's little 3 year old brother,Chris. I fumbled around in the kitchen trying to find 6 cups for hot chocolate and they were hungry so I popped all the popcorn that I had left which was 4 bags.

Griffin was happy and laughing out loud so that made me very happy and I was so proud of him for inviting the kids over! It goes to show that Griffin has it in him to socialize and enjoy it and what more could I ask for then that? It was a great day indeed!!!!

Let Me Tell You a Little About Celebrating Autism by Stuart Duncan

When I tell the average person that my son has Autism, they feel really bad for me. The fact is that there is a lot to celebrate.

Milestones are an achievement, not just an item on a list
When you have a child with Autism, you learn to appreciate the milestones, both big and small. Some would say that we celebrate a little too much for such little accomplishments but I’d argue that we celebrate accordingly, it’s other parents who take them for granted.
First words, learning to walk, swimming, riding a bike, reading, writing… all these things that make parents proud are far more than just steps along the way when your child has Autism… they’re cause for celebration.

Take nothing for granted
Along the same lines, but very different from milestones, is taking nothing for granted. Unless you have a child with Autism (or another disability like it), you’ll probably never know what it’s like to be lucky enough to be hugged one time a year.
Does your child look you in the eye? If your child has Autism, maybe not. Does your child give you a hug or kiss sometimes? If your child has Autism, maybe not.

You will never ever realize just how much the tiniest little things can be so extremely important until they’re not there.

Patience, more than you ever thought possible
The biggest problem with milestones is that everyone knows what they are and when they should happen so when your child is missing them, everyone says something. It’s hard, it’s oh so very hard.

After a while though, you develop a thicker skin… not just the patience required to take their “advice” a little better but also to have the patience and self confidence in knowing that if you never give up on your children, the milestones will come.

The beauty that is around us
The world around us moves pretty fast and can be so filled with sights and sounds that it turns into a bit of a blurry mess. Our mind makes it that way to keep us from becoming overwhelmed, crazy and tired. We filter through a lot of everything that goes on in our daily lives without really realizing it.

Many people, especially the children, with Autism don’t have the same filtering capabilities and often times do get overwhelmed by it all. This often results in meltdowns or even violence.

You, as the parent, become increasingly aware of the world around you because you have to, because you need to know what you are getting your child into. Loud restaurants, carnivals, movie theaters… many many places can be far too difficult for your child to be able to process and you need to be aware of that before the fact.

As you develop this ability over time, it forces you to slow down and truly appreciate the sights and smells and sounds that surround us every single day.

You go outside and there isn’t a car in the neighborhood… it’s so very peaceful. Before you likely never would have noticed, much less enjoyed that feeling of peace, because your mind builds that filter in place before you ever go out and so you don’t notice if there are cars or not.

Your child is perfect because of who they are
It isn’t until others see your child as flawed, and worse, until you start to see your own child as flawed, that you can learn what is truly important… not a disability, not a disorder, not even a gift… a child is who they are inside and who they are inside is exactly who they are supposed to be… your child.

It’s ok if no one will ever look at your child the same way you do, they’re not supposed to. Our children are amazing human beings with unlimited potential.

The difference
Celebrate the differences, not just in your child, but in yourself. For better or worse, you’ve become a better person for it, you’ve become a better parent. Your child isn’t like other children… and that seems hard to take but honestly, before your child was born, and you saw how “other children” are on the news or in movies… is that really what you wished for when you imagined having a child? For them to be like all the others?

No, none of us want our children to have it harder than anyone else, and no we don’t want our children to suffer… but many of us recognize that we can have these thoughts and these feelings while still being able to recognize and celebrate the differences.
Your child is amazing. You are amazing. Celebrate it… you’ve earned it.

Courtesy of Stuart Duncan

Read more: http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/let-me-tell-you-little-about-celebrating-autism-33899232#ixzz1EqsOmNAT

I Got Some Answers

I posted on my status about Griffin having meltdowns at home but not at school on Facebook and got some great answers and I would like to thank everyone who supported me and helped me through this difficult time: Sarah Jane: They are all like that -think Roisin has had 1 single meltdown in nearly 4 years (at montessori and school) yet has lots at home; it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.
April Fox: When Jeremy was in school, he'd hold it together all day and melt when he got home. I think it's simple: home is the safest place he knows. He can melt and be ok there.
I wrote: I thought that I was alone in this and that it was all me...at least I now know that it's not just me.
April Fox: No sweetie, we're ALL lucky enough to be our kids' safe place :) hang in there, it will get easier.
Margaret: same here Lora only at home.
Kathy Ryan: I tend to think (rightly or wrongly, I don't know) that Gia tries very hard to keep herself under control and to "behave" in school and it pure exhaustion when she gets out of school and she's had enough of trying to let's loose out of school even on the walk from school gates to car. Don't worry Lora you are never alone.
Paula O'Connor: No, it's not you I kind of think I'm the dog he kicks when he returns home.
I got over 20 comments that all said that their child comes home and has meltdowns but doesn't have them at school because that is a safe place for them. I would publish more of them but as you can tell my font is screwed up. So now I don't feel so bad and know that I am not alone and can rest assured that Griffin is just like any other autistic child who loves his mommy and feels secure enough to have meltdowns at home...lol

Quandary

Well I had the meeting with the teachers and have a new issue at hand because Griffin is a little angel at school and doesn't have meltdowns, so now I need to figure out why he is only having them at home and at therapy. They said that Griffin doesn't have any gestural stereotypy at school and that when he does start to have a meltdown then he is easily redirected and seems to calm down just fine. And that thing that he does in reverse when he is successful, like when he wins at a game and then gets upset as he does in therapy, they said that he loves winning at school and that he loves it when the other kids praise him.

The speech pathologist was not present at the meeting this morning so I don't know about his stuttering so I guess that I will have to wait until the middle of March for the IEP to talk to her and if he is stuttering then I will request a FBA by a BCBA so that we can get down to the root of the matter.

I don't know where to begin except that I know that if I don't do something soon then it is going to get out of hand. I don't know if he is just trying to manipulate me and his therapists or if there is truly something going on beneath that I am just not seeing. I do know that I am going to start redirecting him and saying what his teacher says to him, "Griffin if you have a meltdown then I just might have a meltdown too!" and apparently that makes his eyes big and he doesn't know what to think but it stops him in his tracks. Maybe I am not giving him enough positive reinforcement but he gets plenty of that in therapy and still acts out. We have an appointment with his doctor on the 2nd but I just don't think that it is a medication issue if he is fine at school so we are not going to change his meds.

I am going to discuss this with his psychologist on the 1st because he knows Griffin and can help me out with this I believe. In the meantime if any of you have suggestions on what you would do then I welcome your comments.

Meltdowns a Plenty

Griffin's meltdowns are on the rise and the reason is not always clear but for sure he is out of sorts. I do know that part of the reason for some of them was the fact that I was so full of anxiety (but that has been nipped in the bud) and couldn't handle life myself but that leaves plenty unaccounted for and I am concerned. I have been giving him deep pressure hugs and doing the hand press with him when he gets upset but at times he just runs away and I cannot help him. I guess that I am not good with talking him through the meltdowns because I never seem to get far that way. So if anyone has any suggestions on what to say in those kind of situations then I am all ears!

He came home today off of the school bus crying because he said that he had a sore throat so I am going to call to make an appointment in the morning with the doctor, hopefully it is not too bad. At 7:15 I have the meeting with the teachers about Griffin's behavior, stuttering, anxiety, and the gestural stereotypy. Now that I am off of the Topomax then I think that I will be able to have a clearer mind and be able to focus better. I will report back tomorrow on how things went.

Overwhelmed

I finally got a meeting scheduled with Griffin's teacher for Tuesday and I have my list of things that I want to cover: anxiety, gestural stereotypy, stuttering, communication, and observing Griffin in his classroom. I am going to also make sure that we schedule the next IEP meeting for March, the last one was on March 25th so it may be too soon.

I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and feeling overwhelmed by this Literature class and just by life in general which is not anything unusual for a bipolar person, it doesn't take much to overwhelm me and confuse me. Sometimes I feel like I have a lower IQ due to the medications that I take because life is such a struggle for me intellectually and with common sense. You would not believe how long it takes me to simply post in this blog and to feel comfortable with its content, and how many times I go back and edit it before I finally publish it.

Yesterday I lost my keys because apparently I left them in the door of the car and drove off. Now how freakin idiotic is that? I swear I have lost my memory and am on the way to Alzheimers or dementia or at least that is how I feel! Like this post, and many others, I will write it and then as soon as I am done I will remember what else I wanted to put in it or hours later I will remember. That is just ridiculous to me! Does anybody else do that or am I alone on this one? If I don't write things down right away then I will forget it for days and not remember things when I need to.