Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons


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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Why He Means The World to Me

As I sit and watch my DVD of "Monty Python's Holy Grail" I recall my years before I was a mother hanging out with my friends laughing uncontrollably and having no cares in the world. Well, I thought that I had no cares in the world but indeed there were issues in my life that I had not dealt with and were causing me constant pain. There were the good times when I would party and have fun with my friends but underneath I was "damaged". Without going into details I can just say that there have been incidents in my life that were far more traumatic than the average person experiences within one's lifetime. The point that I am attempting to make is that before I became a mother I had been through some pretty rough stuff and after working undercover for the FBI doing drug sting operations. Having been brutally attacked a man was put in prison for what he had done to me. I thought that it was the end of the road for me and that I would never recover no matter what happened. I didn't realize that I had become pregnant and once I found out I was scared . When I found out that I was pregnant long before my attack I was elated. The healing began immediately and I was becoming an expectant mother rather than just a survivor. I told the father of my child and he seemed to be happy but that didn't last for long as he made promises and then disappeared forever. Little did I know that this child would be the most beautiful, incredible, and precious thing to ever happen to me. This beautiful child was and is my precious Griffin Blaise and I will forever treasure him as my own gift from the universe. Regardless of how my life was before he came into this world and all the adversity that I have lived through and the fact that his father will never be seen again, I am the happiest mommy in the world. When I hear his laughter, see him smile, or just listen to him breathe at night there are no more issues that I have to deal with, at least not while I am living in that moment. This time when I laugh it is from the heart not like the movie made me laugh. I now know what it is to experience the purest form of laughter/joy and I will never be happier than when Griffin is with me. The movie reminds me of a time when I didn't seem to have a care in the world but now I do have plenty of "cares" and I am grateful for them. Each day I have my own personal challenges in dealing with my past but with every morning that I awaken is a blessing especially when I go to wake up Griffin and he greets me with a big smile, a kiss, and "Hi mommy". I hope that perhaps you have an understanding of me as a person and as a mommy and when I say that I love my child it means that I truly, deeply, and madly love him from the bottom of my heart!!!!

7 comments:

Kiralea Powell said...

Hi Lora

I recieved your card tonight.
thankyou and it brought tears to my eyes.

I have sent Griffin a little gift for his acomplishments and hope you will get this soon as promised.

Lora You are truly a ispiration and i am looking forward to visiting Alaska in a couple of years because it was not only my dream but knowing you has made it all come true as well.

kyra said...

so beautiful, lora! i love that you have this darling child in your life, this gift, and that he has you too. you are both truly blessed.

Mom to Mr. Handsome said...

He is a gift and so are you to him :o)

Kristin

Kristen said...

This is great lora.beautiful...

KCsMom said...

Hi Lora and Sir Griffin,

I love this post, it is absolutely beautiful.
You special two, are such great friends.

Ann said...

These feelings you have for Griffin are very normal for a special son and his mom, but when you have three children you can not remember all of the special things they each did but you can remember that they are all special in your heart and soul. It is odd that you remember one special thing that each one of them did and you can always bring it up to them later and then the fun comes right back when they say mom!!!.

Alison said...

I love reading your blog regarding your wonderful Son. I too have a Son with Autism who is 3 yrs. I feel that I can relate with you because my Son seems alot like your Son. You are doing a wonderful job! You inspire me. Keep up the good work! Alison