It's a Wonderful Life...Albeit a Sleepless One

The top photo is of Dot, the next is our newest cat, Link, then there is the awesome photo of Griffin holding a goose that he picked up and as you can see it is perfectly calm and at peace in Griffin's arms. Griffin held it for about ten minutes not because it struggled but because it was time to go.

For the past two weeks I have had the worst bout of insomnia and it just will not go away. It is so damn frustrating to stay awake for 24 to 48 hours trying to stay busy feeling horrible most the time but sometimes I feel okay. But it is so boring because after being productive and trying everything to keep occupied it gets boring. I do meditate a lot to rest my body and mind that helps. After reading some comments from the Fibromyalgia page on Facebook many of the Fibro sufferers said that it is common to have insomnia with Fibro and after all these years of having it I had no idea, my doctor never told me that. My rheumatologist hardly talks to me anyhow so how could he educate me?

I have been up for over 24 hours and Griffin just got up as I finally start getting sleepy so how could I go to sleep now because he needs me to cook for him? Maybe I can doze a bit and tell him to wake me if he needs me. This is just terrible! My entire body hurts so bad.

If you are one of my Facebook friends don't be surprised if I unfriend you for non-participation as in...if you ignore me then there's no need to be in my life especially not as a voyeur, never cared for peeping Toms. My life is no longer an open book to those who don't bother to show me that they care once in awhile. I have no patience with bench warmers...stay in the game or get off the field! But big hugs out to those of you who care enough to chat with me and exchange personal messages with me as "friends" are supposed to do. To support one another. Isn't that what loved ones do?

Autism Night Before Christmas by Cindy Waeltermann

Autism Night Before Christmas
by Cindy Waeltermann
Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
But the holiday jitters
They always distract
The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When nightmares of terror
Ran through my OWN head
Did I get the right gift
The right color
And style
Would there be a tantrum
Or even, maybe, a smile?
Our relatives come
But they don’t understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from flapping his hands.
“He needs discipline,” they say
“Just a well-needed smack,
You must learn to parent…”
And on goes the attack
We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The argument is moot
Let them all take a side
We know what it’s like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles and triumphs
Achievements, regressions…
But what they don’t know
And what they don’t see
Is the joy that we feel
Over simplicity
He said “hello”
He ate something green!
He told his first lie!
He did not cause a scene!
He peed on the potty
Who cares if he’s ten,
He stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!
Others don’t realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope
But what they don’t see
Is the joy we can’t hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride
We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With jealousy, hatred
Or even distaste,
But what they don’t know
Nor sometimes do we
Is that children with autism
Bring simplicity.
We don’t get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings
Children with autism
Try hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.
They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky
So to those who don’t get it
Or can’t get a clue
Take a walk in my shoes
And I’ll assure you
That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You’ll look at me
With respect, even shock.
You will realize
What it is I go through
And the next time you judge
I can assure you
That you won’t say a thing
You’ll be quiet and learn,
Like the years that I did
When the tables were turned……

Finding Myself

I have been on a journey to self realization, of spiritual awareness, and to find out exactly who it is that I have longed to be my entire life and in order to become that person to live an authentic life I must take time away from distractions and negative influences. I am finally feeling my feelings and have come to the realization that they serve a purpose in the entire scheme of things.

Now I am able to actually sit in silence and allow my thoughts to wander and whether they be good or bad it is okay. They all teach me something about myself that I have been running from all my life, living in fear and not allowing genuine love in my life. To actually experience pure joy and appreciating each moment as it happens instead of being lost in thought as my life passes me by. I can sit and feel the pain from my past, from my childhood and not allow it to create fear but instead helping me grow and move past it. Through reading several books I have learned so much about myself and about the process of my journey, how I need to feel pain in order to grow in order to feel joy authentically.

My anxiety serves it purpose and as long as I don't ignore it by distracting myself with mundane tasks then it talks to me and the more I listen the more it subsides. I just breathe through it and stay in the moment being fully aware and mindful. I don't allow myself to be thinking of what I should be doing or what I should have done but to relish in the moment and just BE.

I have taken a break from talking on the phone and socializing is limited I have to do some for Griffin's sake but this is MY time, the time that I have never taken for myself. And I am not being selfish only nurturing to my spirit and body. The impetus for all this was that my health had gotten in really bad shape and my stress levels through the roof and I realized finally that I was the only one responsible for making the changes necessary to end the nonsense and stop putting up with other people's garbage. I like the saying, "When you realize how valuable you are then you will stop giving people discounts." And that is how I am living my life now and from now on. I deserve to have quintessential joy and peace in my life and to fully the life that I was meant to live with Griffin. To fully enjoy every precious moment with him and to not let it pass me by.

I truly believe that my purpose in life was to be a mother to Griffin and not just a mother but the best mother he could possibly have and in order to do that I have to be devoted and present...to not be consumed by negativity and distractions. I can't allow others to form opinions about my parenting and about my child in which influence me and my decisions. I am following my heart, my intuition, and pursuing that which fills me up both spiritually and emotionally helping me to be the compassionate mother that my child deserves to have. Not only am I living in compassion for him but also for myself because I have realized that I don't need compassion and validation from others because I can give it to myself. Besides, Griffin is the only person who truly loves me unconditionally and accepts me fully for who I am. And in return I shall give that to him and try to teach him as much as he has taught me on how to  live authentically.

I have lived my whole life up to this point trying to live up to others' expectations of me and trying to make them happy doing what I "should" do rather than being true to myself and my own feelings. I now know that I have the God given right to do what is best for ME. I don't "have to " do anything that doesn't feel right or that brings me peace and happy feelings. I am not obligated to make phone calls or send cards or have Griffin do something for someone else just because of what they might want. If I need time to take care of myself then I will not feel guilty for it. I have to live the way that I want to live and I will no longer have regrets for not being true to myself and making choices based on my intuition and best judgment. For those who had the chance to validate me when they had the chance it is okay because you are now free from that expectation that I had of you. My needs have changed and I am at peace with my choices.

Seasons Change and So Must I

As I have discovered that the more improvements and changes of the goals in my that I make the more the negative influences in my life have with coping with it. Frankly, I don't give a damn! I am finally standing up for myself and my son and will not tolerate anyone known to us or not known to us to treat either of us with disrespect and disregard furthermore if he is not accepted for who he is NOW and not expected to change in order to accommodate others and their criticisms/judgments loving him unconditionally then there is no space left for you. All we have had is love and acceptance and in return we do not get the same. If there is no space in  your heart for unconditional love then there is no space in your life for us.

Life is a constant evolution of changes and seasons on and on therefore it is time that I move on and finally live in freedom from being judged as if I am a bad lazy parent who doesn't have any idea of what she is doing. As if I haven't been at this for almost 13 years, done my homework, been to all the therapies and doctors for his entire life. No more is he going to be judged for not living up to stranger's and relative's expectations. No more because my new life begins NOW and I am a mama bear and will not stand for it!

This mom has said it in her own words at: http://www.laurencasper.com/2014/11/20/the-hardest-part-of-autism-and-it-isnt-him/     as she describes that the hardest part of autism is not her son but other people and their judgments, their criticisms, their remarks , and advice. It is exhausting putting up with the daily BS from people and no one knows until they have walked a mile in our shoes.

I am not tolerating it from anyone anymore stranger or relative! The seasons are changing right now!

Griffin: My Wish for You

I wish for you, my love, to experience every emotion possible and to never allow anyone to tell you that your feelings are wrong or that you shouldn't feel or express them. It is only natural to experience all that God gave us in our hearts and to never be ashamed of who you are, how you behave, and how you express yourself. It is natural to feel good and bad and to not stifle any of them because if you do then that is when you have a life long problem of resisting and what you resist persists. Anger, hate, fear, embarrassment, jealousy, resentment, frustration, are all part of what makes you human and if you just feel it and let it pass then it will not persist and haunt you keeping you awake at night gnawing at your stomach making you sick.

Relish in all the good emotions and focus on them when you have them making them last as long as you can. But don't expect them to last forever because not every day is a happy one and we should cherish all that God has blessed us with which is a spectrum of emotions sometimes all within one day. This is perfectly natural. It has taken me 50 years to realize all this and I didn't learn it by just existing. I learned through reading and reading by taking an interest in being a better person so that I could be a better mom to you.

We have both grown and progressed a great deal during this past year. I have eliminated negative influences from my life and I am taking control of my environment by limiting my exposure to those who I have to have contact with but can be depressing and not supportive. I want you to feel empowered to feel in control of your life so that no one can ever take advantage of you and make you feel less than human. Griffin, you are a gift to the world especially to me and anyone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are is not deserving of your presence. I have gratitude and quintessential joy for having you in my life and the more I learn about you each day only brings me closer to you strengthening our bond that no one could ever break.

You have taught me more than I have taught you and I will let you know how much I love you by showing you through my assertive actions on your behalf until the day I pass from this earth. I will be your advocate as long as you need me and respect you as an individual with dignity and honor. Recognizing your talents , skills, and intelligence and at the same time appreciating that you have deficits and that you require help and support, understanding, and compassion. I will stop at nothing to stand up for you so that you can live a happy, natural, fulfilling, content way of life. Living life to the fullest! I love you buggly!

Griffin's First Climb

I was so proud of Griffin as he tried and tried for so long and finally here you can see that he had success in grasping the wall and holding himself up. I made the mistake of clapping for a couple of seconds and he went ballistic. He hates it when I praise him like that but in the moment I was so excited for him that I forgot, it was just automatic. I got him calmed down and he kept on trying but he wanted Nick to help him. Nick explained that he was only there to help him by telling him how to do it on his own that climbing is something that you have to do by yourself. Griffin is still working on his gross motor skills, on strengthening his core in OT and PT but has made a lot of progress.

I have been taking him swimming almost every day and it for three purposes, one because he loves it so much, two because it is excellent exercise, and last but not least...it is the only thing that I have found to motivate him to get him to do the work for homeschool and unschool during the day. Now everything is so much easier.

My health is much better as I am doing yoga every morning eating healthier and little by little my health benefits are showing up. Right after I exercise my blood sugar and blood pressure go down. Eventually the benefits will be greater and I will be able to do more each day.

Autumn Came to an Abrupt Close, Homeschooling is Going Great, and My Health is Questionable

Griffin and I had plans to go on the Blue Ridge Parkway and take lots of gorgeous photos of the brilliant colors of the deciduous trees in the mountains but alas...the snow came on this night and the cold completely killed any chance that anyone had of enjoying a visual delight coupled with occasional oohs and aahs that we partake in each autumn which happens to be my most favorite season all year long. Well I did get these few pics to share not the most picturesque mind you but nonetheless I captured the beauty of the colors.

 Due to the scrutiny that one comes under when one decides to homeschool because the very first thing that people remark is, "Oh but he won't get to socialize!" This is the most common misconception of homeschooling for so many reasons. In fact, children who are homeschooled socialize daily with all age groups even their own peers. Children who homeschool learn more living skills at an earlier age than traditional schoolers because we are so active and do more of a variety of things than those in school. We have exercise almost daily such as swimming, Occupational and physical therapy, exercise out of doors, we have math in daily skill building such as paying for things at the store, measuring in cooking, measuring our growth of our bodies and its parts, keeping track of days months and years etc...we read books at home and at the library, follow directions on boxes for cooking, etc..all these things and so much more than this is done on a daily basis that we didn't do when he was in school. He socializes with adults and kids alike in stores , we are planning on going to church which has a special needs Sunday school, we are going to go to autism groups several times a month, and homeschool groups have specific times and days in which they get together for activities, study, and play. People just don't stop to think that if homeschooling was so bad for kids then why would parents do it? To deprive their children of learning in life or to be lazy???? Pardon me but homeschooling parents are far from depriving their children because we do it because we want the BEST for our children and conventional schooling was either hurting our children or not giving them what they needed. Griffin was having such severe anxiety that for several years he wasn't sleeping at night because his anxiety about what was going on at school was keeping him awake then he would also get up in the middle of the night causing him to sleep half the day away missing most of school. Now he sleeps just fine with a few days now and then getting up super early because I put him to bed too early but he makes it through the day just fine. He now has zero anxiety and functions far better and has no meltdowns any longer. And homeschooling is far from a parent trying to be lazy! Quite the contrary! Homeschooling takes a lot of work and dedication. But we do it because we love our children and want the best for them not because we are avoiding anything. People who think this are just plain ignorant and do nothing to improve their minds or make an effort to broaden their minds. Frankly I have no patience for such ignorance!

Before I work myself into a frenzy, I must briefly add to a reader who has been interested in publishing an article on my blog through her site: Healthline, I have every intention in publishing it but my health has been quite poor and I just haven't sat down long enough at the computer to read the article then transferring it to my blog. Sorry but perhaps soon.

This is where I transition to my least favorite topic of my poor health. In July my blood pressure spiked way up and has not gone down since regardless of three medications one of which I take twice a day. I had been feeling really really sick for such a long time that I didn't take my health seriously because I was so focused on taking care of Griffin . Not only that but I attributed my extreme fatigue and other symptoms to my Fibromyalgia so I just suffered. To make this short I finally had my blood sugar checked and it was 384, got that under control with a new medicine yet my bp was still high so the doctor has ordered an ultrasound on my renal system because she thinks that I might have Renal Artery Stenosis. I don't know if that is it because I don't know if it causes pain or not but the big C word came to mind too. Not scared though just want to know what it is so that we can take care of it.

God is Good and We are Blessed!

Asperger's Teen Group Halloween Party

Griffin had a blast at the Halloween party Friday night so much so that he was completely comfortable singing and dancing in front of a crowd of kids and adults. I had so much fun watching him have fun. He didn't interact with any of the other kids but at the same time none of the other kids interacted with each other either. There were kids who were young but quite a few adults and teens on the spectrum. Griffin was dressed as a doctor but here he had already taken off most of his costume because he got hot. I talked to a girl who was about Griffin's age and she had brought some small characters whom she had made paper clothes for. She was so proud! I think that out of about 20 kids Griffin and this girl were the only ones who were completely comfortable being there. They were both being encouraged by us parents whereas the other kid's parents were just sitting there doing nothing.

I plan to take Griffin to future meetings of this teen Asperger's group because he had so much fun and it was great exposure for him. The guy who organized the whole event is so nice and inspiring as someone on the spectrum. I predict that great things are going to happen in our immediate and distant future.

October 2014

As much as I don't like to complain I must admit though that the past few months have been tough. However, things are looking up and I plan to focus on that not all that has gone awry. My health is tenuous because since July my blood pressure has been dangerously high and the doctor is not quite sure what has caused it. Griffin is definitely going through puberty as he is constantly testing me and sometimes it wears me thin but we always talk about things and get through it for the better. He is very intelligent and understands what I tell him it is easy to reason with him. You can see the map we have on the wall of Alaska in this picture.

My wonderful parents came to visit us the other day and we really enjoyed their company. My dad had a heart-to-heart with Griffin for quite a long while and had shared some wisdom with him. Griffin talked and talked being really exuberant in their conversation. When Griffin came out of the room he just hugged me and had a huge smile on his face. Dad said that he made it clear to Griffin that lying was very bad and Griffin promised him that he would be an honest person and since then he has tested me for sure but I call him on it and remind him about his promise. I enjoyed seeing both mom and dad having quality time with both of them. In this picture you can see how big Griffin has gotten as he towers over mom and dad. He is way bigger than I am probably around 5'8" tall and he is 176 lbs.

The date on this should be October 13, 2014. In fact, I wish that the date wasn't on it at all because it takes away from the beauty of it.

A Field Trip to the Farm

Griffin's OT and PT (occupational & physical therapists) told us about a farm that we could visit where there are farm animals, a corn maze, and a farm store where we could buy fresh picked apples, farm raised meats, fresh milk, homemade cider, and other fresh natural foods.

First of all it was a beautiful day for a visit to the farm and we were feeling great. The drive took about thirty minutes and it was so scenic, we passed many farms, equestrian centers, produce stands, the air was so clean and exhilarating making us filled with excitement. This trip was exactly what we needed for a field trip for our homeschool/unschooling agenda.

Immediately Griffin located the baby chicks and I must say that it was his absolute favorite part of the entire trip because time and time again he kept gravitating back to them each time attempting to pick up the nimble little buggers. He wasn't able to catch them so I wasn't concerned about him hurting them but he sure had fun trying. We also saw probably around a hundred young turkeys who ran to the fence because they thought that we were going to feed them. Griffin got spooked because the flexible fence moved while he had his hand in it to touch the turkeys and wanted to leave. But before leaving we had seen calves and goats who were climbing up in the rafters of the barn.

I think that by the time Griffin wanted to leave he had gotten tired from our hike up the hill, getting sweaty, and he was hungry and thirsty eager to go to the farm store below. I picked out two bags of apples, one of Rome (one of my all time favorites) and Cortland which is new to me but I was interested in trying them because they were described as sweet but mostly tart. I love tart! Then we went inside the store and I was so impressed. I had to look at everything.

I bought beef brisket from a grass-fed cow, two free-range chicken frames for homemade chicken noodle soup, one chocolate farm fresh milk for Griffin, and the apples which were sold by the bag instead of per pound. All in all the total was surprising considering how big the brisket was and how many apples we got.

We hurried to the car to rest on the way home while feasting on our wonderfully fresh, crisp, and juicy apples.

Griffin went to OT later and cooked with Meagan. They  made tortilla pizzas and she explained that perhaps Griffin lost interest in cooking/baking with me at home was because it was too complicated and/or it took to long to get the finished product.

We haven't officially started homeschool because I have documents to fax yet but we are working on some things out of books that his teachers had given to me in the years past that have been really good for review and to calculate where he is in math and other areas at least until I get some funding for a proper curriculum to follow. I called to find out about the annual test that he has to take and she said that it will be up to me to determine which grade level that he would test on.

I have found a great deal of resources on unschooling and attachment parenting that I will write more about in my following posts.

We are blessed!

I Just Can't Say it Enough, I am Grateful!

There is nothing more valuable and precious than the present moment. I have just recently learned to appreciate this to the fullest extent and this realization has made me the happiest person I know...other than Griffin who has me beat on smiles and laughter (but I am working on it).

To live in the past or to worry all the time about the future is just a waste of time not to mention worrying about how things Should be instead of what is really happening and accepting that as reality. We don't live in reality when stressed out about yesterday, what someone else is doing or has, what someone is saying about you/judging you, or expectations of how things should be in the moment rather than what really is and loving it for what it is. Because even the times that we think are the worst can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. If only we stay grateful for our blessings focusing on them rather than what we desire or think we need especially material items. Perhaps you have some kind of illness chronic or even terminal, there is no reason to disregard that but at the same time there is still plenty of positive things, people, and blessings in one's life.

I say all this because not once have I felt that Griffin's autism was anything but a blessing and that no matter what he does or how he behaves, he is my gift and I appreciate EVERYTHING about him! Even when he was hitting me, having huge meltdowns in public, and I especially appreciated him even before he was talking at age 5. It's those challenges that make all the milestones and accomplishments that much more beautiful and precious!

My Fibromyalgia is not a curse in my perspective, nor is the PTSD that I have had for most of my life, they are merely challenges that I need to overcome and I know that I will because I am going to persevere. What I like to say is that, "Everyone has challenges every single day and it's not how bad they are it is just how you play your cards with what you have been dealt".  I used to wallow in my sorrows making every attempt to drag down everyone with whom I came into contact down with me but gone are those days and I do nothing but to bring sunshine to each person whom I meet. And ever since I made that conscious decision, I have had so many compliments each day about how I make people whom I come into contact with on a regular basis, their days happy when they had sometimes otherwise been boring or bad. This just gives me the impetus to continue to smile and cause others to smile and think happy thoughts. I stopped complaining even if I feel bad because after all who wants to hear about all the bad stuff happening in your life?

I believe that deep down inside we all have the capacity to be happy because happiness is a CHOICE, it doesn't just plop down in your lap one day and say, "Here I am!" We choose to happy or miserable by the thoughts and words that we chose and whether we choose to live in the moment or not. So be mindfully aware of your body, your thoughts, and your surroundings at all times it takes some effort but the payoff is sooooooo worth it!

Having a Hard Time Getting into the Routine of Going to School

School has begun and Griffin adores his teachers Ms. Jay and Ms. Fore however he is still having sleep issues as far as getting up in the middle of the night then sleeping in late and waking up groggy having great difficulty getting motivated. It is a quandary indeed. I guess that we will just go with the flow and do our very best to make it to school as often and as early as possible without aggravation and frustration.

I am thrilled with his teachers as well and hope that Griffin has a great year regardless of his challenges. I am just glad that he is happy to go even though sometimes it is really hard to get going. As far as that goes it is difficult for me to get motivated too so we are quite a pair in the mornings around here. Regardless, we do our best to be positive and optimistic through it all.

My Fibromyalgia is kicking my butt and it is a struggle to make it through the day getting done all that needs to be done and to stay in a good mood is so really hard when I feel like crap...like I have the flu. My entire body hurts like it has been pummeled and I am so exhausted that it is as though someone has taken a gigantic syringe and sucked out every ounce of energy that I have from the moment I wake up progressively getting worse as the day goes on. It makes me want to crawl into a shell and hide from the world. But I know that that only leads to depression. So I do my best to muddle through with a smile on my face, sing songs whether I feel like it or not, and to make myself function and be productive at least a little here and there.

We Received a Blessing in the Mail

To Anonymous who commented on my last post, or rather about the comments that have been left, for Griffin's safety and mine I had rather not post our full names but if you would like to e-mail me please go to my profile and you can do so from there. It would be nice if I knew your name too by the way :) Cheers!

Griffin got me up at 2:30 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed he was but not me. It took me a long time to struggle to make coffee, quite watery the first try and by the second try I made a very strong cup of java. However it didn't help and at 5:00 I had to take a nap for an hour. Then at 7:45 we had to go to the doctor for him and he fell asleep on her table as she was examining him. Now it is 10:00 a.m. and he has been lying on the floor where he plopped an hour ago. I just gave him a blanket and let him be. Cutie pie.

Yesterday was quite a busy day indeed. We had to go to my foot/ankle doc at 10:30 a.m. because I got an infection in my ankle due to a small cut on my heel. I get infections so easily since I have type 2 diabetes he told me. I have to be more careful about giving myself a pedicure from now on. I had exfoliated the callus from my heel and inadvertently exposed the crack/cut on my heel making it susceptible to infection. And since I go barefoot at home well, let's just say that it just wasn't the smart thing to do.

I have been doing affirmations to fill my mind up with positive thoughts and drown out the intrusive thoughts of negativity and memories of my past traumas. It has been so fulfilling to actually see the manifestations of the efforts that I have put forth. The most recent being a significant amount of money via check that simply appeared out of the blue. I nearly just threw it away as it appeared to be fake when looking at it through the envelope window as so many gimmicks in advertising try to make them seem real so that the unsuspecting recipient falls for it. But low and behold when I called the phone number on the check it verified it as a federal tax refund but the real mystery was that I have not been required to file taxes for years now. I am calling child support division in Alaska to see if it was from Griffin's father's taxes to pay towards the enormous amount of back pay that he owes. Doesn't matter really because I am just grateful for the blessing no matter where it came from.

LIFE IS GOOD AND WE ARE BLESSED!!!!!

We Laughed and Had a Pillow Fight

Griffin and I spontaneously had a pillow fight that I initiated and we had so much fun laughing so hard, the best part was that he told me in the end with a big hug, "Mom, you're the best!" Wow , I felt so good after that no words other than him telling me..I love you in Greek would ever fill my heart with so much joy. The euphonious sound of his laughter is the most beautiful sound in the world! I am blessed to be able to contribute to that and hear it every day.

My "Schmookie" as I call him got me up at 2:30 a.m. and it took me quite awhile to wake up but once I did we had a lot of quality time together all day long. I helped him do his exercises that his PT taught me to increase his flexibility because his core is weak causing a chain reaction throughout his entire body especially with low muscle tone and very tight muscles. She said that if he were to become more flexible then it would not only increase his endurance but in turn strengthen his entire body increasing overall health. So we are doing them together because I can use it too.

I have not only been writing more in my book but I have decided to write a few articles that specific audiences might find interesting and submitting them to publishers of specific magazines. I am so excited because I have been doing affirmations on success and prosperity and already I can tell the difference in my motivation to succeed and be better off financially. Affirmations are just short sayings that focus on your intent and it has to be specific and concise. Such as, "I am successful in my writing endeavors that give me financial prosperity." or "I am healthy in body and mind in every moment of each day."  It doesn't work if you use negative words such as, "I have no pain". Because your mind will focus on the word pain and then you will find that you actually have more. That is why when people complain it actually makes their illness and suffering worse. One reason that I have little tolerance for those who complain or talk about how sick they  are because it is self defeating, negative, miserable, and I know that it can be helped. Everybody has something or more to be grateful for and we need to focus on that saying those words out loud each day in order for abundance to continue.

We attract what we speak and think...words and thoughts are very powerful, don't underestimate the power that you possess. Those words and thoughts can easily sabotage your very happiness that you desire and strive for. Or are you stuck in your story in misery? It much easier to have fun and enjoy this existence rather than having hell on earth.              

One of My Wonderful Readers Asked...

...How do I prepare myself and know what to write when I write in my blog?

Well, writing just comes easily to me. Once I sit at the computer or have a pen in hand it just flows because I have so many thoughts that I need to convey and have for my "immortality" in memoirs, that I can hardly keep up once I get started. Usually I constrain myself when writing on my blog as to not give away all the tales since I am writing a book and need to save all the best for those interested in our life story in paperback or online.

It is my hope that I will have the courage to complete my book and I have all the good intentions but must first face my demons from my past in order to put them down on paper and not have worse PTSD symptoms than I already do,( I am working with my new therapist doing EMDR for that very purpose). This is why I dedicated my blog to my wonderful son and in attempts, some more successful than others, to keep track of milestones and memories of his progress and happy times (a few challenging ones too I might add).

I guess that the best answer is, for my reader, to have a quiet time without any distractions so that you can clear your head of the noise of other thoughts bombarding you. And if you feel blocked and nothing is coming to you then probably you are still thinking too much actually. Trying too hard perhaps. Just stare at the paper or computer screen and simply focus on the topic(s) that you want to write about and the ideas/words will flow.

Since starting meditation I have found that if I meditate on just two short words SO on the breath IN and OHM on the breath OUT...but only think them do not say them aloud. All one has to do is to pay attention to the breath even when thinking the two simple words. As it is done for only about ten minutes a calm and relaxed, even a feeling of being refreshed, will come over the entire body and the mind causing a more mindful sense of the moment/present. I have found that I can even meditate while walking and doing other things because all it takes is being mindful, focusing on the breathing IN and OUT slowly and clearing the mind except for a mantra of the two sounds/words. Just staying in the moment not letting oneself become distracted by thoughts of the past, future, or needless worry. It is so incredible and so easy to do!

Thank you for your question and please anyone else who wants to comment or has a question then please do feel free to let me know. If you don't want to make it public then you can contact me via e-mail if you go to my profile.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

I Changed the Comment Settings

For some reason my comment settings were set only for members of this blog to comment...sorry. I meant to set it so that anyone can comment, now it is fine and anyone can comment.

I look forward to getting comments again because it really brightens my day to see that there are still people interested in the blog.

I plan to spend more time reading all the blogs that I follow of my dear friends because I have really missed you all.

Griffin and I laid in the grass yesterday watching the clouds go by and figuring out the shapes and it was so much fun, he really enjoyed it. I gently told him that it is important that we spend less time with technology and more time doing the free and really important things in life such as being outdoors and enjoying nature. That it is essential that we spend more time playing together using our imagination and laughing together. And sure enough he has complied without any complaints. Now we snuggle together more and laugh so hard and he doesn't even miss the TV, computer, or not having a smart phone anymore.

Life is so good and we are so blessed!

Griffin Is Having So Much Fun at Swim Lessons

It really bugs me that I no longer have a way to take photos of Griffin anymore since I don't have a smart phone or camera anymore because I would like for you to see his gorgeous smiling face when he takes swim lessons. He is having such a great time and learning so much. Unfortunately the best teacher there at the Y is gone for awhile since her mom has breast cancer and she went to be with her. I feel bad for her and we will miss her because she specializes in autism and has such a great personality.

I can't believe that summer is almost over and school will start soon. I sure will all the fun that we have had over the summer, I am kind of glad that Griffin didn't go to camp ...that is my selfish self since we have laughed and played so much.

My meditation is still continuing and it has helped me transform into a much nicer and much more compassion/understanding person. I guess that you could say that I am proud of the happy positive person that I have become.

Our Summer of 2014

The first pic is a collage that Griffin put together on the computer for his blog, "The Character Blog" and the second is a fairly recent photo of him.

He is now 5 ft. 9 inches and about 180 lbs. I am teaching him the Greek language as I used to speak it fluently because I taught myself since I was married to a man, fresh from Greece, for 10 years while living in Alaska.. I also taught myself to read and write Greek therefore I will teach him the alphabet and numbers and later to read and write it which is pretty tricky yet easier than English. I have heard, when I went to Europe several times, that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn/speak.

Griffin and I are having a fantastic summer. We have been staying quite busy indeed going to our appointments almost daily then fitting in swimming and going to the lake to feed the geese and ducks. Griffin just adores the little ducklings and goslings. It is all than he can do to resist picking them up. It boggles my mind how parents do not respect animals enough to supervise their children to respect wildlife and not pick them up because they are so fragile and their tiny wings can be damaged. Just because they are adorable does not make them pet-like and cuddly like a puppy or kitten. They are wild animals and should be treated as such they are not domesticated.

Speaking of domestication...I have read  The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz and I highly recommend them both. They have changed my life completely! I am a new totally positive individual who resists and avoids negativity as much as possible. If someone is negative around me then I do my best to turn it around. Don Miguel writes about how we as a society are domesticated into believing lies that the media and other people tell us on a daily basis. We have learned to live by a certain set of rules that our parents programmed into us as well as our society as a whole and in the interim we forget our innocence as a child and grow up. Forgetting how to play and have fun in a wholesome way. Oftentimes our idea of fun is to go out and drink alcohol and lose ourselves in other people ideals of what we should be while always stressing out by trying to live up to their standards.

I have decided that I am going to get in touch with myself through meditation not medication and to live in the moment appreciating all that I am blessed with and to forget my worries about the future and past. It is not easy to forget my domestication and all the restrictions that have been placed on me but by golly...it sure is worth it in the whole scheme of things! I have a brand new appreciation and respect as an Aspie for Griffin and all that he goes through as someone with classic autism. I have realized that we have more in common than I had ever thought before. We both have sensory issues, auditory/verbal processing issues, and we both think out loud in order to process our information. 

Since I have started my transformation and meditation, Griffin and I have been getting along so much better. So much so that we interact much more rather than sitting in the same room in our own little boxes doing our own insignificant things. Now he doesn't have meltdowns anymore and no longer yells at me and I am a better mom as well. I am continuing on with reading books that encourage my transformation and if I watch TV I do not watch commercials that tell me that I should be or look a certain way in order to be accepted or to love myself nor do I watch regular news that only focus on the negative and not the real news of what is going on. I watch the PBS or BBC news that is strictly news and not human interest stories because PBS and BBC do not have a limited world view.

I am going to get back into reading my friend's blogs and leaving comments to let them know that I am thinking of them and care about what is going on in their lives.

My Photo Collage of Special Memories

I just put this together, I need to make a more current one but have yet to print out the pics.

Hopefully you can see the details in this. Sadly the only thing missing is a pic of my mom which I couldn't locate but I will be sure that she is in the next one. I will be doing it soon.

This one has my dad, Abby, our kitty Pisgah from when we lived in Alaska, my brother (God rest his soul), and my parent's dog Jade ( God rest her soul). A couple of me and one of the ex husband, Spiro's (the love of my life who was present when Griffin was born). He and I lost touch..he is in Greece now.

Griffin spilled milk on my/this brand new phone and nearly ruined it. I got upset because I cannot afford to replace it and caused him anxiety which he gets so very easily these days....so I am taking him swimming so he/we can decompress.

We are both looking forward to summer break. Busy schedule ahead.

Cane Creek

We Miss Our Abby Girl!

Yesterday I finally found the courage to take Abby our retired service dog to the shelter to be euthanized because she has been in a lot of pain for quite some time. She had hip dysplasia or arthritis in her hips because it was difficult for her to walk and to get up and down,  especially in the car.

I cried all day but when I told Griffin he took it very well saying, "I knew today was the day that Abby died!" I didn't tell him that I had her put to sleep only that she died.....I guess that when he is older I will explain it to him because eventually he will read this blog and besides, he deserves to know the truth.


Abby was about 2 years old when we adopted her around 10 years ago, Griffin was only 2 years old himself. 
I got her because I had noticed that when my friend 
Nina`s dog was around that he didn`t have self injurous behaviors like banging his head so then I went to the shelter in 
Anchorage and discovered our angel. She was named 
Valentine but I wanted a name that was easier for 
Griffin to pronounce. Since then, for 9 years, 
Abby had litterally gone everywhere with us....on trains, buses, in the cabin of the airplanes, cars, and always accompianed us in the stores. She was so loved and a big part of our family bit 
I just couldn`t let her suffer anymore. I felt so selfish keeping her alive. 
Her suffering has ended,  she lives on in a better place, and forever in our hearts and memories with great fondness.

We also got a new cat from the shelter named" Link". He is a 5year old orange tabby and very affectionate.  Griffin loved him immediately! I don't know how to add a second photo since I am doing this from my phone but will add one in the next post.

Dot is tolerating Link and Link is really cool about Dot, I think they will be buddies eventually.

We Are Doing Great!

Griffin is growing like a sprout.........more like the Jolly Green Giant actually! He is now 178 lbs. and 5 ft. 7 inches. He towers above me and gives great hugs! With each passing day he is more and more affectionate and we get along just splendidly! If we happen to have a disagreement or he isn't listening to me and I get impatient with him, it is really brief and we make up right away.

`I couldn't get this picture rotated because it was sent like this and couldn't be changed.
But here is Griffin next to one of his all time favorite mascots.

Griffin's favorite pastime is collecting advertising icons and mascots, photos, characters, and drawing them. I encourage him to create his own but so far he is just into imitating other established ones. But boy is he ever really good at it. I will take a picture of them and post them. He has his own blog "The Character Blog" that he writes in once in awhile.

I adore him so much and am so very grateful for every single moment in this life that he is alive, each moment that I can share with him. Blessed Be!

Griffin as Colonel Sanders of KFC

Griffin wanted to dress up as the late Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken because one of his most favorite things to do is to draw, search for online, and collect advertising icons from days past.

So last night he thought that he would take it one step further and look like the real thing by putting white paint in his hair.

We are still doing intensive in home bit we don't really need it anymore because things are going so well. His behavior is stellar and he is sleeping much better as long as I don't put him to bed too early. He still goes to school late but the teachers and I have that all worked out.

Griffin at the Sleep Study

Last weekend Griffin had a sleep study conducted and it was miserable!  He patiently allowed the technician to place all the electrodes all over his head and body but he was so uncomfortable that he couldn't sleep all night. On top of that he was scared because he was in a strange place and they wouldn't allow me to sleep next to him.

By the time we got to sleep in the wee hours of the morning the tech came and woke us up at 5:00 a.m. Griffin took a shower to get the goop off then went back to sleep, I wasn't able. I got him up at 10:00 for breakfast he fell asleep on the way home then once home, we both fell asleep until 2:00 in the afternoon.

Not only was that night miserable but it took us several days to catch up on our sleep.

Griffin and Hugh

This is Griffin with one of his Intensive in Home workers.

Griffin Is So Affectionate

When we go to feed the ducks and geese, Griffin just can't resist picking up a duck because he wants to snuggle with everything he loves so much.

It Is My Goal As Griffin's Only Parent In His Life To Teach HIm To Love HImself For Exactly Who He Is.

Griffin enjoys spending time outside our home, going out and seeing people, mostly adults because he simply doesn't understand his peers and his peers don't seem to understand him even though they are friendly and will greet him that is as far as it goes. The teachers at school say that the kids are nice to him but he reports to me that all he does at recess and P.E. is stand around by himself. This greatly concerns me because he not only asked me why it is important to have friends (at school) but I just I am also concerned that he is just relying on me as his sole relationship where he gets all his attention and friendship from. However, he does see his Intensive In Home team three times a week and his respite provider once a week he just does't have any interest in interacting with his peers. When the neighborhood kids are outside playing and making noise he gets very upset by this and yells out the window or runs out the front door to tell them to be quiet in a very angry and frustrated tone. 

Maybe I shouldn't care so much, after all I do have friends who homeschool their children and tell me that they do not have social groups for their autistic kids. I do not know that it is a great idea to not help them learn how to socialize with individuals their own age because I do want him to have a fun childhood where he experience the joys of being carefree and playing while developing friendships with kids who could be there for him as support throughout his school years. I also think that it fosters strong self-esteem and self worth especially now that he is in puberty and he doesn't seem to understand the dynamics of the importance of knowing someone who has things in common with oneself so that he can learn more about how the world works not only as an autistic individual but learn how neurotypical kids differ yet could be a buddy to him as well. The neighborhood kids have tried playing with him but Griffin can't participate with them in the way that they want him to. He is not at the same level emotionally, physically, or developmentally so there is a gap there and I don't know how to bridge that gap and help them to find a way to get along. So they end up ignoring him and walking away when he comes near or if they stay they don't try to talk to him but I can't blame them completely because Griffin doesn't know how to communicate with them either.

After all it is a hallmark of autism that the individual only likes to talk about himself and the things that he is interested in and has difficulty talking or showing interest in what the other person wants to talk about or do. This is a big problem when trying to socialize because in order to get an autistic individual to come into your world and out of his is to make an effort in showing interest in him and what gets him excited such as with Griffin he is interested in commercials and advertising icons especially the vintage ones. He has all of the icons and mascots memorized and loves to look them up on YouTube and to draw them for hours. He collects the plush toys too (has way too many as a matter of fact but he takes great care of them). And because Griffin is so emotionally/mentally young for age 12 his peers are not interested in playing with the same kinds of things that he does. He does a lot of imaginary play with his toys. His therapist said that it is harmless and that it shouldn't be discouraged, that he will grow and develop at his own rate and time.

I want Griffin to be happy but to have a rich experience as a child before he becomes a teenager and doesn't want to do things that a child does and becomes interested in things that are perhaps more dark and violent such as video games or something along those lines that teenagers get into. He may not though because he is a furry and furries are forever. They grow up into adult furries who dress up in costumes and have an exclusive group who go to conventions and have online chat rooms where they can communicate with each other so that they can be understood and feel accepted. Possibly even finding someone who loves them for who they are and does not judge them as being weird or inappropriate, Griffin does know how to love unconditionally and accept others for who they are without judgment, he is such a sweet boy that I worry about him. He will find love but I just hope that no one takes advantage of his kindness and naivete. 

I know what it is like because people have taken advantage of me my whole life and treated me like I am stupid. I used to be referred to as a dumb blonde, now it is as if I am invisible now that I am not the attractive blonde anymore but just a plain Jane who refuses to conform to society's  pressures to look and act a certain way in order to fit in. I refuse to put that kind of pressure on myself as I used to and to have that level of anxiety and to be a practicing alcoholic who self-medicates in order to try to fit in. I don't ever want Griffin to feel that pressure, I want him to feel that he is perfect exactly the way that he is and to be proud of being autistic. If he wants to wear pink and play with toys then others will just have to deal with it. I am teaching him to be himself and to nurture the person he is as being different and that if others do not accept him then that is their problem not his. They have a narrow mind and don't know how to love others for who they are which means that they do not love themselves because they project hate and disapproval due to society's norms.

I hope that all parents teach their children to love themselves for who they genuinely are and to not try to fit in socially just because that is what the media and the religions, and the schools and government teach us.....to conform. If it means that he doesn't play with others who do not accept him then so be it! He prefers to play alone anyhow and I know that one day someone, even if it is only one person, someone will accept him and love him as the person who he is and will show interest in his interests and talk to him for hours.

Gosh Darnit!!! Still Having *%***#$% Sleeping Issues!!!!!!!!

This is Griffin sleeping in the hallway where he goes after he eats early in the middle of the night, (I just make sure that he has a warm blanket and a pillow and leave him be), as in the above photo of the peanut and jelly sandwich with the milk that he finished off. LOL! I have no idea why he prefers to sleep in the hallway but I did things like that when I was a baby/child in order to find comfort when I climbed out of my crib especially once when I was 9 months old and broke my arm and my parents had no choice but to put a board over my crib in order to keep me in just in case there was a fire or something so that they could find me since I would go off and hide. If I could do it now I would hide in closets and sleep because they would be cozy and dark , they would feel safer than the wide open spaces of the apartment rooms. That's what weighted blankets are good for and I use it for Griffin but it doesn't work because he won't stay on the bed therefore I am looking into a weighted vest. I think that would help him at school as well with his frustration levels as well with his peers.

He has been having a difficult time with transitioning from going to school late these past few months because actually he prefers to go to school early and sleep in school but not his teachers. They prefer that he stay home and sleep it off then come in but his intensive in home worker says that the teachers can't say that so....I don't know? I will have to check into it. I don't know what is best for him. I really don't think that sleeping in school is a good idea, it doesn't send a good message yet going late doesn't either. But he goes back to the doctor Monday and I am going to recommend that he goes to have a sleep study because I think that he has sleep apnea.....I really think that is what is waking him up at night especially since he is a mouth breather. He has already had his tonsils and adenoids out but he still snores.

Since we reduced the Risperdal his behavior has become a bit more aggressive but not too bad, not as though it is intolerable. He just screams a lot....even at school and usually at the other autistic child. He just gets frustrated with his peers because they talk to him too much.I really get the strong feeling that one certain teacher doesn't care for him, doesn't try with him, and certainly has no clue about autism because for one thing she walked out on an IEP meeting saying that Griffin just didn't apply himself......AAARRGGG!!! She sent home homework that was far too difficult for him after I told her so, she ignored my requests for a parent/teacher conference etc..Now Griffin is saying that he is afraid to go to her classroom because she won't listen to him and that she doesn't understand him. When I ask about it, nobody wants to address the issue.

 Griffin and I don't like to talk very much or answer many questions, we like our space and quiet time. A lot of people take it personally but that is usually because they aren't autistic and just don't understand that way of thinking so we have to understand them and realize that they mean well ,most of the time even when they hurt our feelings.....we have to learn to not take it personally ourselves to maintain some dignity and self-esteem.

We have to be proud of our accomplishments and not expect others to give us kudos and atta-boys, for having done something that we are proud of because that should come from within...not even from a therapist or doctor or friend. Just a sense of accomplishment, joy, pride, and rejuvenation of the spirit that I've done something once again or something new that makes you feel alive, stimulates the intellect which makes me happier than all the money in the world (I know because I've had plenty of money before to do with what I pleased), Feeling talented and appreciated is like the highest compliment that anyone could pay me, then to tell me that I can write about any three subjects that I want to???? How flattering is that? I am so excited to write for Answers.com/Psychology  I don't have that article completed yet, not for a week or so but it will be very interesting I guarantee that it will be about something you have probably never heard of yet it is quite common...all around you. Later I will be writing about autism as well after I write some articles about psychology/mental disorders which really intrigue me. But of course autism is what I know the most about, have done the most research on, had the most experience with, and that is where my heart lies.

My last article was about anxiety and here is the link for it: Fight or Flight Response: Anxiety
I am going to have to write to the support staff because part of it is illegible so please bear with me, and read it anyhow because it is only a small part. I would really appreciate your feedback.

Everything Is Great and Everything Is Lake?

Griffin came up with the title of the post. Isn't it great?

Griffin and I are finally sleeping!!!! I told the doctor what was working as far as the medications go, and she finally agreed with me that he could tolerate them and if that is what worked to get him to sleep through the night and to get up on time for the bus then go for it. Now he is not sleeping in class either so that is wonderful.

Not much else is going on except that I have been writing a lot more, I submitted my second article on anxiety to Answers.com. It's at: : http://depression.answers.com/anxiety/fight-or-flight-response-anxiety if you just click on the link it should take you straight there. So far nobody has left any comments which is a bummer! Writers always want feedback on the opinions of their work, after all the work is being published for the public and for their information/education....why not let us know how we are doing?

Everything at home is copacetic because Griffin and I are getting along just great, there's no worries and I am as happy as a clam doing what I do at home alone only going out when I need to or desire to, I don't go out and do things just because someone recommended it and put pressure on me. I have Aspie friends now who understand me and talking to them for a short while is all I need for company......other than Griffin of course.

Some people still won't believe that I have Asperger's and still believe that I am bipolar but that is not my problem. If I am to be judged by a neurotypical who doesn't even try to understand me then it is their loss not mine. I am going to live my life as I see fit without unsolicited advice on how to raise my child in which they do not understand either and Griffin and I will live happily ever after.

I don't appreciate being lied to and treated as though I am a child, I am a very intelligent individual who has always taken care of myself no matter how tough the situation.....more than you care to admit. I know what is going on with your lies and deceit but I play dumb just to be a mimic as I have lived my whole life for your sake not mine. It will not last this way because I will not have my intelligence insulted.....JUST STOP IT and leave me alone. I am so tired of playing your games, it is not genuine to me and if you don't believe in me and my son then there is no place for you in our lives. I AM NOT DEPRESSED OR BIPOLAR, I HAVE AUTISM!!!!Why can't you admit that?

You know who you are!

My Newly Published Article in Answers.com: Depression and Its Many Faces

Depression and Its Many Faces  is the link to the article that I wrote on the website Answers.com. It is about the different types of depression and a bit about the signs and symptoms. I will go into more detail about those in a subsequent article coming up soon. I have lived depression off and on for many years of my life sometimes destitute and sometimes with a spouse in my life. Both ways are just as lonely and dark, hopeless, and bleak. All I know is that what it takes to get someone out of depression depends on the individual but it usually means a great deal of patience, putting up with things that you shouldn't take personally such as harsh words and the person pushing you away, and perhaps the individuals alcohol or drug abuse. I hope you leave comments and let me know what you thought of it.

The latest news on the home front is that we went to see Griffin's psychiatrist yesterday and it was quite productive, we made some medication changes but after last night I found out that it wasn't going to work. The doctor took away the Clonidine because I needed to add Tenex in the afternoon for his ADHD because his behaviors were getting out of hand. She said that the drugs were so similar that it wasn't necessary to have them both on board. Well.....I tried just the Tenex in the afternoon and it worked but come bedtime it was just melatonin, Risperdal .5mg, Depakote 500 mg and that was all hence NO SLEEP! He was hyper. I fed him protein and had him lie down in the dark quietly to no avail. So I had no choice but to try one Clonidine....45 minutes later still awake so it was 10:00 and I thought this is ridiculous, I am giving him the other Clonidine and within 15 minutes he was fast asleep.

He went to school today for the first time in awhile, he had told me in confidence that he was scared of going back to school because he was afraid of doing science. He said that his science teacher Mrs. Boggs, who I think takes no interest in him, doesn't understand him and that she won't listen to him. Griffin said that the work was too hard and the math too. These are his regular education classes (inclusion classes with his peers). He obviously does not feel comfortable in there but in the IEP meeting the staff did not mention a thing about Griffin having any problems in his classes and I am not aware because the (bleeping) teachers won't communicate with me on a daily basis and let me know what is going on with him. I don't know if he is sleeping, eating or hungry, acting out or having calm behavior, he doesn't bring home school work so I don't know what kind of work he does in school or even his art work....NO REPORTS.  So they say that they are going to put it on the IEP when we were in the meeting but LOW and BEHOLD .....there was no such written words as: we are going to communicate to mother on a daily basis through e-mail.....on the IEP..!

So now we are going to have to have yet another IEP because that document follows him to his next school next year and I want to know what is going on with him during his day for many reasons not just about his medications and behaviors but for his emotional well being, his educational needs. I need to know if his needs are being met because if the school is not doing it then I have to consider other options.

Today I have to call the doctor and ask her if it is okay to go ahead and give the two Clonidine since those two were the magic bullets. I finally got sleep because he didn't wake up in the middle of the night so I think that I got about 7 hours since I was able to take my medications for sleep. If I don't then I only sleep about 4 hours.

Please leave comments here and/or at Answers.com and let me know how I am doing. Thanks for dropping by and reading for the first time or for following me....you are greatly appreciated!

Griffin Has Been Drawing A Great Deal

 Instead of spending all of his time on the computer, the cell phone browsing the Internet, or watching TV, Griffin has devoted his time to his artistry and animation and I am so very proud of his accomplishments and dedication. He wants to be an animator when he grows up, to make cartoons and animated movies. I believe that is a great aspiration for him. Whether he will have the emotional maturity to manage a job is another thing...that may take a few years down the road but I have high hopes for him. I keep telling him that he can accomplish anything that he wants to because he is perfect, the way that he is meant to be regardless of what anybody says to him.

 I believe that Griffin is gifted and talented with his artistic ability, the only deficits that he has is that he does not understand how the world works and his mother has a hard time helping him with that because she doesn't either. Griffin's mother sees the world through the eyes as a child, naive and easily taken advantage of. In fact, Griffin just told me the other day that he wished that his mother wasn't like a child. What can I do? That hurt! I am his friend yet his mother but he sees straight through me as someone who has autism. He sees that I am emotionally sensitive, often taking things personally because my self esteem is so low. I don't want Griffin to be this way so I am always giving him kudos, building him up with words of praise and encouragement, while at the same time setting boundaries to show him that when you love someone you have to say "NO!" sometimes in order to prove that you care.

 I finished my article for Answers.com but I don't have the link yet. I suppose that you could just go there and look up Lora Aspiotis and find my article on Depression and Its Many Faces. I don't know exactly when it is going to be published. I have an ongoing article about depression at least until I branch out to something else.

 Still having sleep issues, Griffin is getting up in the middle of the night to eat and waking me up to be with him for several hours, then going back to sleep. Then he cannot wake up for the bus or to go to school, he wakes up around 1:00 p.m. then it is pretty much useless to go to school. Sometimes I make him go anyhow. But it is a horrible meltdown if I do because of the messed up schedule. His meds are still messed up, we still do not have them right. I am keeping a chart of his behaviors, meds, sleep patterns, and teacher's messages. I am hoping that with this it will be useful to the doctor when taking into consideration the medications used and which dosage used for each one, also we can figure out what time of the night is best for his bedtime in order to keep him from waking up in the middle of the night. He will soon be on a lower dose of Risperdal then nearly off of it subsequently he will stop eating so much.....thank goodness.

The Intensive In Home team is wonderful and are helping Griffin a great deal as always, they know him well by now. Last time they worked with him for 6 months before they got him to the point of becoming stable....and that is after having to go to the hospital (in patient care). Now Griffin knows that he never wants to ever go back to the hospital so he minds his P's and Q's most all the time and hasn't done any hitting. What's happening now he has absolutely no control over, it's all meds.

Do you recognize these cereal characters? They are from the past, Griffin loves retro-advertising icons. He just loves anything adverting or commercials. Sometimes it is charming and sometimes it is unnerving but I love him for it anyhow......he's my buddy!