Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

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Monday, December 05, 2005

My Gift Has a Message

As I watched my sweet angel sleep I wondered about many things in the peaceful stillness of the night. I wondered if I was doing everything "right" for him , was he as happy as he seemed to be, did he know how much I loved him ?

Then there's the future that I wondered about........when will he be potty trained, will he ever learn to understand danger, will he ever be independent, would he even miss me if something ever happened to me, will he ever fall in love, will he have children , will he ever live alone and drive a car? My mind just kept going over and over all these questions until finally it occured to me........I was making a major mistake, one that could not be undone.

I was wasting that beautiful and precious moment on worrying about questions that I had no answers for. I was immersed in the past/future and completely forgot about the present. Here is my beautiful child Griffin lying there as if he were a gift , one who was sent to me to convey a message , "Live in the moment, Lora! Don't waste it on worries just look at your child and love everything about him." I knew that I would never get this time ever again, that it could pass and I wouldn't have appreciated it. I snuggled up next to him, gently kissed his cheek and told him how much I loved him. I just let the worries disappear,I listened to his heartbeat and felt the warmth of his breath on my skin as I drifted off to sleep.

What special moment do you remember?


Deb said...

Hello --I found your blog through Rebekah's Page ---and just spent some time reading all your entries from this most recent, all the way back to Sept. 24th.

First of all - I have to say that you are a most eloquent communicator and was surprised to read one entry which said you had trouble communicating due to your disabilities. I really enjoyed reading all your thoughts and I now have a spot in my heart that is reserved just for Griffin! What a beautiful little boy he is! --and I believe that God has big plans for his life. Perhaps because of his great love of words, he'll be an author --taking everyone who reads his works on a wonderful journey through the pages of his books! Whatever he chooses to do in this life - I am confident that he will do well. The obvious support that you afford him is admirable. He can't help but succeed when he has such a great Mom standing behind him!

I enjoyed "meeting" you and Griffin and reading and learning about autism. I'll be back to read more!

God bless you!

Tina said...

Hello Lora,
What a beautiful photo of Griffin. I love your post, it brought tears to my eyes, it is so beautifully written and says so much. Thank you for sharing it with us:)


Jenn said...

I agree - very lovely post - and a good reminder to live in the present.
I had a "now" moment last night - When Matthew wouldn't (or couldn't) sleep - it takes forever some nights to get him settled and sleeping, and it was nearing 11pm and he was still climbing out of bed and wandering down the hall. I caught him and directed him back to bed and he asked for the "tightest hug" which means he needs a deep pressure squeeze. I spent the next 3 minutes squeezing him so tightly, I nearly lost my breath, but it seemed to settle him.
I really enjoyed those "tightest" squeezes though. It was just a really cuddly now moment.

Eileen said...

Very Beautiful! Both Griffin and your writing. A wonderful gift indeed.

Kristina Chew said...

I feel like this every night when Charlie is asleep and I carry all 70 plus pounds of him out of his bed and into the bathroom. (He takes Zoloft and it makes him incontinent.) I carry him back into his bed and pull the blankets over and look at him--the same baby I saw 8 1/2 years ago.

This post made me really sigh, and remember.

mommyguilt said...

Oh, Lora, my eyes are just all flooded and ready to spill over in fountains...I have those moments with SmallBoy, too...sometimes when I'm tucking him in, sometimes when I'm holding him through a bad asthma bout: breathing deeply myself while holding him tightly to me, hoping that through my "relaxation", that he'll breathe easier. Most often, though, I have them on the days they come home from being with Ex...those Sundays are just wonderful and I thank God that I was chosen to be his mommy and not someone else.

Ex-in-the-City said...

I just found your blog through Blog Gems. Thanks for reminding me how important it is to stay in the moment. I needed that. I always need that.

Jennifer C said...

That made me think of my beautiful little girl and how precious every moment is. Thank you I am smiling now!

K- floortime lite mama said...

what a lovely post
having my son has really taught me to live in the present too

K- floortime lite mama said...

oh and I am here from blog gems

@jencull (jen) said...

So easy to forget, but so important to do, thanks for the reminder and for joining in blog gems. Jen