Single Moms Raising Autistic Sons

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Sunday, December 18, 2005

A Visit with Griffin

3:00 p.m. I just got back from eating lunch with Griffin at a local restaurant . Kathleen and her husband, Carl met me there with Griffin. They had just come from church and I from home. I was supposed to meet them at the church at 11:00 but when I woke up this morning I felt like I hadn't slept for days and my entire body was hurting worse than before. I stayed at home and rested, occasionally checking my e-mail, and reading blogs. Anyhow back to the restaurant and seeing my Griffin boy. Griffin had a big smile on his face as I greeted him and he said "hi mom mom". Tears of joy streamed down my face and I laughed gleefully as I hugged him ever so tightly. He took my hand and we walked into the restaurant where Kathleen put his booster seat beside me. Griffin sat there eating his waffles with syrup, drinking his milk, and every now and then saying "hi mom mom". I softly kissed his sweet face and told him how proud I was of him for sitting there eating like a big boy.

I actually ate more than I had anticipated because before getting there I had no appetite so those of you who ask me if I am eating the answer is yes I have. Eating at home, well that's a different story. I only eat when it is absolutely necessary since food just doesn't have much appeal to me right now. Griffin used his spoon really well, something that we have been working on at home. The visit was short, or so it seemed, and the time had come for me to tearfully say "good bye" to Griffin. This time he definitely showed emotions and even though it was a good thing that he was it still broke my heart. He said as he turned towards Kathleen, "bye bye Kathleen" over and over again. Kathleen told him, "no, you are going home with Kathleen". I hugged him and kissed him as though I would never see him again. I told him that I loved him and that I would see him again soon as I fought back the tears. My heart felt as though it was being ripped out of my chest as she put him in his car seat and then I kissed him one more time. I finally told him that I would see him tomorrow and that I would call him tonight to say good night. Tomorrow? It seems so far away. I still can't believe that he just not here with me.

I am tired, very tired and I must rest now even though I had much rather send out e-mail. Guess that I will just have to do that later. I must be strong for us. I must persevere for my precious Griffin. "I love you Griffin" more than life itself.


Suzanne said...

Just checking in on you. Hugs to you. I'm glad that you're getting the rest you need, and I hope that the rest of the day and tonight go quickly so that you can see your beautiful Griffin soon.

Kristina Chew said...

I know how you feel--not to have one's child with one, however exhausted, strung out, fatigued beyond fatigured, would mean the center of my universe had been ripped out and cast off. One thing is for sure with this life in Autismland, we all need to take care of ourselves--it's like when you are on an airplane and the flight attendant reminds you to put on your oxygen mask first, and then help "someone who needs a little extra help."

You're gonna make it, you are already.

Jenn said...

Stay strong Lora - You will get through this, and be stronger and better equipped to give Griffin the best possible care. You both deserve that. I'm glad you were able to see him, and spend some time together. He knows how much you love him - for sure!

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

This too shall pass.. though right now it feels like you're walking across a highway of glass. It breaks my heart to read about how very much you love each other... it's truly a blessing that you have such a strong spiritual connection to each other. When you are well again, your relationship will be stronger than ever.

Kiralea Powell said...

Reading your latest post, i once again got tears in my eyes. They were tears of mixed emotions. Upon saying this they were because of your commitment, passion and love you have for your son and brings emotions out of me that i can understand the love we feel for our special children. i hope you got the much needed rest and remember tomorrow will be a brand new day, seeing Griffin and smothering him with all your attention, hugs and kisses. Take care and travel easy my friend and hope you are feeling better tomorow. Hugs to you and Griffin from myself and jordan.

Felicity said...

Hang in there--we're all thinking of you and sending love and support your way.

Laura said...

I am seconding what Felicity said. Hang in there. It is tough, but you will get through this.